Chapter 5

“Intern, you return in one piece,” Jack said, eying the man as he stepped onto the pool deck. “This is good news. Thank you, Gee-em, for escorting him back to me. While I’ve got you here, Gee-em, do you know which sister is coming this evening to examine Intern?”

“First Mother is in a mood today and father is hiding somewhere, leaving his children to deal with her,” Gee-em said. “Berks, who is Shire today should get the honor, but Hatha is the one prepping the Divining Way. The back forty went to shit today and the shire is responsible when that happens, which is probably why first mother is pissed off and father is nowhere to be found. I think Berks as Shire stepped in the horse apples. I guess Hatha is the Way tonight. As for me, I scored a half-keg of dwarven mead at the market today, and I’m taking my brothers away from the showdown at the OK corral this evening.”

“Sounds like a good plan,” Jack said to Gee-em, wishing him well. He looked at Intern, “Did you follow a word he said?”

Intern shook his head. Jack noticed the deep circles under his intern eyes and made an executive decision. “Staff dinner is in an hour and half in the employee dining room next to the kitchen. You will see a side hallway. Go to your room, shower, and take a nap. Set your alarm because you need to be at dinner on time. Before you come down, clean up your room. You will have at least one guest tonight. Questions?”

“Guest?”

“Yes, someone will come to your room after dinner to test your affinity for the magic. Burpee-Do and his wife, Slurpee-Do, will send one of their daughters who has been preparing the test this afternoon. It should not hurt. If your guest suggests something, anything, the proper answer is ‘yes, thank you.’ Everything she says and does is part of the test. The good news is, there is nothing for which you can study. We’re good?”

Intern looked one step away from a breakdown.

“Cheer up,” Jack said. “You survived the unicorns.”

“Nasty little bastards,” Intern said. “The stench alone is enough to send a person running. No one mentioned a smell of putrefied pig guts roasting slowly over a smoky fire in the fairytales. They barely come up to your knees, but their horns are at a perfect height to spear your balls. They tried. The little demons want to emasculate any male who comes near and mount any female who is available.”

“Ah, nomenclature,” Jack said. “Demons are a real thing here, albeit rare ones. Unicorns are nasty little buggers, but they are not demons. While demons may be shrewd and wily, they are always willing to pay for a round of drinks before fleecing you for every cent you own. Keep them separate; comparing unicorns to demons is a grave insult, an irreparable one, I’m afraid.”

“Good to know,” Intern said, acting like he did not want to contemplate demons or unicorns. “I think Mawdlyn wanted to watch me lose my breakfast. She took a perverse pleasure in my near-skewering.”

“Only if it meant she could screw your brains out afterwards,” Jack said. “She hoped to excite you. Orc women are typically single track until they get their fill of cock. Once they’re satiated, they are these amazingly adept empathic creatures, like a social worker and an insurance executive all rolled up into one coherent package; sugar mommas who solve your problems. Mawdlyn had a recent trauma though, and she needs to heal before I let her near your gonads lest she inadvertently cause you damage. We human males are not as hardy as an Orc male. The females do enjoy the variety though.”

Intern looked like he wanted to cry.

“Go shower, Intern. Heaven forbids you show up for dinner with a whiff of unicorn on you.”

After shepherding the intern to the door, Jack snuck over to the group who were listening to the lecture by a visiting expert on the biodiversity of the Twilight Lands. The late afternoon sun warmed the area nicely while a slight breeze from the west kept the usual humidity at bay. The human woman was dressed as if she was on safari, complete with the wide brim hat hanging down her back. Estra, a mountain elf who had extended her rotation at the resort instead of returning to the Gen clan, sat on a stool next to the lecturer.

Estra looked bored, Jack decided, which was not good public relations. He shuffled to one side, catching the elf’s attention. He was going to signal her to smile, but her eyes opened wide, and a grin split her face. The human lecturer scanned the crowd to discover what made the elf perk up. When she alighted upon Jack, a momentary frown crossed her face. Jack did not know what the frown meant since he did not even know the human’s name. He dismissed her judgment as a non-concern.

She had touched a button though, one that had percolated through his midnight reflections more than once. The magic folk employees from the Twilight Lands were respectful and engaging. When he made a mistake, they corrected him and accepted his apology in stride. They invited him to share their beds and he never felt he was taking something from them they were not already offering. They shared their food, their company, their conversations, and their respect; he hoped he had reciprocated in kind. The human employees were another matter. To their perceptions, they were toiling in a combat zone where their lives were on the line every day. They believed that Jack owed them for what he put them through with each encounter and activity. The Twilight Lands were an alien place, and its denizens were alien as well.

Even Assyrtiko had his bouts of hesitancy. Granted, his wife had a final, full-blown breakdown over a minor gesture of concerned but misguided employees, but the response did not match the event. All in all, the general manager made a good show of speaking with any of the denizens, even with the shamans of the various tribes, but Jack noticed there was a slight remove. Was he the only one to feel at home in these lands?

As Jack finished his ruminations, he noticed the group was politely applauding as they rose from their chairs. A few of them came forward to share their thoughts or to ask questions of the expert. Estra took up a position next to the expert, ready to handle any requests the lecturer had. Although the literature claimed that mountain elves had “inscrutable faces,” Jack had no problem identifying when someone said something that Estra thought was stupid, ignorant, or as was usually the case, condescending. She was doing better at hiding it than previous weeks, but the conversation about cutting some slack for ignorant humans would have to be repeated.

As the last guest finished her question, Estra took the lecturer’s hand and pulled her over to Jack. The human woman had the face of all-knowing judgment on her face again. Jack kept his face neutral.

“Jack,” Estra said, “You must meet Katarina Nebo-something. She is one of your experts on us folk and she has many things to say.”

“Estra, your exuberance never ceases to delight,” Jack said to the elf before he turned to the woman entrapped in the elf’s two-handed grip. “Welcome to the Twilight Lands Resort and Spa, Katarina. I’m Jack, the assistant manager and magic folk wrangler for the facility. How are you enjoying your stay?”