Chapter 20

“You’re the new P.A.?” Jack asked as he stepped into the general manager’s office suite.

“Yes, I am,” the fairy said with a deep bow. “Spiritus Coles at your service.” He whipped out a cornflower blue handkerchief from the chest pocket of his black-on-black houndstooth sports coat and snapped it as a salute.

“Well, welcome to the resort,” Jack said. “Have you been informed what happened to your predecessor?”

“In detail, sir,” the fairy said. “I can assure you that such circumstances will not arise during my tenure. Stooping to swap a blowjob for a merit raise is beneath contempt.”

“The dragon did not bite her head off over a proffered blowjob, Mr. Coles,” Jack said. “She was dumb as a doorknocker and about as subtle. She was reprimanded more than once and never gained a clue.”

Spiritus visibly swallowed. “She did have a previous reputation for being a bit ... clueless. However, her family is highly connected and has the wherewithal to back it up, if you know what I mean.”

“I do. My question for you is, do you have the necessary credentials to do this job or are you another family donation to the cause?”

“If we are being direct, sir, I was sent because I do not have an elevated status and can easily be replaced should the dragon, um, you know.” He ran his finger across his neck.

“Can you do the job of a P.A. and can you leave the drama outside the property?”

“Certainly, on both counts,” Spiritus said.

“This is the morning you prove yourself, Mr. Coles,” Jack said. “Spin is going to give you a list of people for a meeting in the general manager’s office in one hour. Before the staff meeting, we will have a United Nations colonel here. You are going to greet him at the front door. I want to know who he talks to, what he looks at, and what he says, no matter how inconsequential.

“You are to help Spin Oza to get the bodies in the room after you escort the colonel out of the building. Then your task is to keep everybody else out and as far away as possible. If I get the slightest whiff of a hobbit this morning, you are going to have the quickest tenure in the history of this resort. Understand the tasks?”

“Thoroughly, sir,” the fairy said. “I will do my utmost to ensure your privacy.”

“Good luck, Mr. Coles, I sincerely wish you every success.”

“One question, sir, what is a United Nations colonel? The fairy asked, looking pained.

Jack scratched the day’s bread growth on his jaw. “I’ll let Spin fill you in on that complicated subject. If I find time today to bring you up to speed, I will do so. If not, I’ll have to leave your onboarding to Danica. In another day, Mr. Assyrtiko will return to take the reins and he will train you as he sees fit.”

“You’re the shaman, how can another human be over you?” Spiritus asked.

“Humans do not necessarily make sense, Mr. Coles. Trust me, all of us want Mr. Assyrtiko sitting behind the desk in the next room and none more than me. Let’s get on with this day.”

Jack continued into the office alone, leaving the two employees to figure out how to get who where and when. He rifled through the executive desk looking for candy bars and found none. He scanned the shelves looking for suspicious boxes and hidden nooks where one might stash emergency sweets. Behind a pair of African wooden masks, he discovered small chocolate eggs wrapped in Christmas themed foil. A box for magazines with a label declaring “Marketing” contained a bag of mini-chocolates, including dark chocolate and rice crisps. The gummy worms at the bottom had obviously been forgotten by the looks of decomposition. He threw the finds in the P.A.’s waste bin.

By the time he had finished a second sweep of the room, the new P.A. was knocking on the doorframe with the colonel behind him. Jack stepped forward to greet the colonel, giving a slight nod to the fairy. The fairy gave no acknowledgement, retreating immediately to his desk. With a brisk welcome, Jack shut the door and bade the colonel to have a seat. Rather than sit in his boss’s chair, Jack pulled up a matching guest’s chair, sitting almost knee to knee with the colonel. The colonel doffed his hat and gently laid it on the coffee table.

“I understand you were sick yesterday,” the colonel began. “You look healthy today.”

“Humans working in the Twilight Lands have challenges that we don’t see in the human world,” Jack said. “I was not sick as much as recovering from dragon magic, which can take a toll on any creature. I am tip-top today. I hope you are well.”

“I’m not sleeping much since the border incident,” the colonel said. “We’ve had non-stop shifts scouring the areas between the resort and the border.”

“You have not located the terrorists,” Jack said more than asked.

“Thanks to your unicorns, we’ve been able to track them on and off,” Colonel Konambaye said. “Mean little motherfuckers, but they remind me of wild horses in the desert digging for water. They stabbed one of the targets and drew blood, but they shot the animal with what we believe is an AK47, Czech manufacture.”

“The kishi have not been able to run them down?” Jack asked.

“Those hyena things are just as likely to attack my men as the men we are tracking,” the colonel said. “They are of limited value at this time because of that issue. I’ve seen plenty of hyena in my day, even on my farm, but these creatures are nightmare fuel.”