Chapter 1

“Becky, you can send it my next appointment now, please,” I said into the intercom on my desk.

“Yes Sir,” Becky’s voice came from the small wood-grained metal box on my desk. A couple of moments later Becky opened the door and a woman walked into my office. I had my back turned at the moment, but I heard the door close. As I turned around, I was taken aback by the stunning woman that was now standing in my office.

Let me back up a moment here. My name is Peter Andrews, and I am a clinical psychologist specializing in marital and sexual relations problems. I am fifty-two years old and have had my own practice for about twelve years now. I worked previously with a couple of other doctors but decided to open my own practice and it has been quite successful.

Now the woman in my office, I will call her Judy, was quite attractive. She was about thirty years old I would guess, but she looked younger. She had a very nice, but nervous smile. In fact, at first glance, she looked quite nervous and unsure that she should be in my office at all.

“D-Doctor Andrews?” she said timidly.

“Yes I’m Doctor Andrews, please come in and have a seat, Miss...?” I said.

“It’s Mrs ... Mrs. Judy Miller,” she said.

“I see. Well, I find that my patients feel more comfortable when we talk as friends instead of doctor-patient so you can call me Peter. Now tell me, Judy, what can I do to help you?” I said.

“Well ... Peter ... I have a small problem. Well, actually it’s not so small, to be honest. It’s actually a pretty big problem,” she said. I could tell she was uncomfortable talking about it just yet. I was going to have to put her at ease and coax it out of her.

“Maybe it would help if we got to know a little bit about each other. That way you would feel more at ease with me and I wouldn’t seem like such a “doctor” kind of guy to you. I’ll start. I have lived here in the Houston area for about fifteen years now.

“I used to live in Minneapolis, but I got tired of the cold winters. I am originally from San Diego and was going to go back there, but the place just isn’t home anymore. However, I wanted someplace warm and a couple of doctor friends asked if I’d like to join their practice.

“So I did, but a few years later I decided to open my own practice. This way I am my own boss and I make my own rules and hours and workdays.

“Anyway, I’m divorced – I know it’s funny a marriage counselor that is divorced, but it wasn’t my decision. My ex-wife decided one day that she wanted something more than a budding psychologist could give her.

“I was just glad that we had decided to wait on having kids – it made the break up at least a little easier to take. That’s when I decided to change my specialty to marriage and family counseling, hopefully, to spare others from what I went through. It was also another reason for moving to Houston ... I figured a fresh start in another place would help me get my life back on track.

“I like to get outdoors when I can, especially to the beach. I love the ocean, which is another reason I came to Houston. I try to get to the beach as often as I can and have a little beach house down in Galveston.

“I’m probably the only doctor you will come across that doesn’t golf – I hate the game! Hitting a small white ball with a crooked stick and then chasing after it just to hit it again! I don’t get the game. But that’s okay, there are plenty that do so I leave the golf courses to them,” I said.

“So what about Judy Miller? Tell me a little about you and what brings you to my humble office,” I said.

“Well, there really isn’t much to tell. I’m thirty years old, married, with one beautiful little girl. My husband David is an insurance salesman and I have lived in Houston for most of my life. I’m a stay at home mom until my daughter gets a little older.

“Then I hope to find a secretarial job someplace. I was a secretary and receptionist before I got pregnant and, while I love being a mom, I can hardly wait to get back to the office setting,” she said.

“I see. So what brings you to my office, Judy? How can I help you today?” I asked her, hoping she was able to talk more now.

“Well doctor – I mean Peter,” she started. She paused a drew a deep breath. Whatever it was certainly had her troubled. “This is really hard to talk about. It’s our sex life. You see David is a wonderful man and a good provider but...” she stalled again.

“But what Judy?” I asked, trying to get her to the root of the problem.

“I have never had an orgasm!” she finally blurted out. She put her face in her hands, embarrassed at admitting this. “Oh God! I’m so embarrassed! I can’t believe I’m telling you about this!”

“Now Judy, there’s no need to be embarrassed. I’m here to help you, not judge you. You say you never had an orgasm? Not even when you were dating, or before your daughter was born?” I asked.

“No never. At first, I thought it just wasn’t the right guy ... maybe it wasn’t meant to be. But then even after I met and fell in love with David it still didn’t happen. I started thinking it was me – something must be wrong with me. I’ve been checked out by a couple of different doctors and there’s no medical reason why I can’t. I mean I have everything physically that I need.

“But I still can’t seem to have one. And doctor, I really want one! It’s driving me crazy and now it’s affecting our sex life – what there is of it – and our marriage. I don’t even want to have sex anymore. I mean if it’s only going to frustrate me, why bother? But I know David wants it, so I grudgingly go along with it. But we both know my heart isn’t in it,” she said.

“Yes, I can see that would be a problem. An unsatisfactory or unbalanced sex life has been the cause of a great many divorces and breakups. When one person is unhappy with the way things are going, it affects both of them and can lead to some very strained relationships,” I told her.

“Well, it has with us. David has taken to working longer hours at work. He says that he might as well work and earn money if there’s no reason to come home! I know he doesn’t mean it but, well you know the old saying, if Momma ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy! And it’s true. I’m afraid this problem I have is making everyone miserable!” she said.

“Indeed. So you say you’ve never had an orgasm ... when did you first notice this? When was the first time you had sex and didn’t finish?” I asked her.

“I guess it must have been back when I was in high school. A few of us got together and decided that the lake held more appeal than class did so we all went to the lake and he and I snuck off into the nearby woods and had sex. Or rather he had sex and I was his handy partner.

“He took my flower that day and I just thought that it was normal when under that kind of pressure – being a virgin – to not have an orgasm. But then afterward I never did either. I don’t know what it feels like to cum, doctor. I get plenty wet, I don’t have a problem there. But I really want to experience a true orgasm someday before I die. I want to feel the way I read about. I like to read erotic stories, and I read about how these women feel. I want to feel that way,” she said.

“Well, it certainly sounds like there is something getting in the way of your being able to orgasm, Judy. Now, all we need to do is find it and figure out what we can do to remedy it. Let’s go a little further back than your first time. A lot of these kinds of problems have roots in your early childhood. What was life like for Judy as a child?” I asked her.

“I don’t know ... it was pretty ordinary, I guess. I mean we weren’t dirt poor, but we weren’t rich either. My dad was a career military man, a colonel in the Army. So we moved around a lot when I was little.

“Then one day coming home from the base, he was killed in a bad traffic accident. We lived off base at the time. Dad didn’t like living so close to his work because they kept calling him in for little things. We were in Wiesbaden, Germany at the time and when he was killed, the military moved us back to the States.

“After that Mom and I tried to do the best we could. Mom began working to support us and that, in addition to Dad’s life insurance and military spouse pension gave us enough to live above the poverty line a little.

“I mean it wasn’t nearly as good as when Dad was with us, but at least I didn’t go hungry too often. I think Mom may have gone to bed hungry more than I did. I could never prove it but I think she gave me dinner when there was only enough for one of us.

“Anyway, I grew up and after I graduated high school I went to work as a receptionist at the small insurance office. That’s when things got better for Mom and I. With me working now, and Mom working, and Dad’s money, we were doing okay.

“I met David there at the office, he came on after me and was just getting started in his career. Mom still lives here in Houston and we live close by in case she needs help with anything.

“That’s about it – like I said a pretty normal childhood, doctor. I don’t see anything that would make me have a problem like this. Do you?” she asked.

“Well, Judy, there are a couple of points to your story that are worth noting. The first one is when you told me that you were a military brat and moved around a lot. This kind of transient life can sometimes make one feel disconnected and secluded.

“You aren’t able to have the long term friendships and closeness with your peers that other kids have. You move around and have to re-establish your friends and try to fit into the crowd all over again. This can eventually lead people sometimes to give up trying to make friends after awhile.

“The other thing I noticed is when you said your father died tragically. When a parent dies, especially suddenly and unexpectedly, it can have profound effects on a young person. These effects can be anything from deep despondency and a desire to go with them – suicide – to an almost nonchalant and even refusal to accept what has happened.

“Perhaps your father’s death has somehow affected your ability to feel closeness and intimacy with another man and so you cannot fully enjoy sex like you should. Tell, me Judy, how old were you when your father died?” I asked her.

“Let’s see ... I think I was about fourteen at the time. Do you really think that’s it, doctor? Do you think my father’s unexpected death has made it impossible for me to have normal sex and orgasm?” Judy asked me.

“It’s entirely possible Judy. The human mind is a very complicated and unpredictable thing. And human emotions vary widely as well. It might be that you have somehow transferred both of these factors, your moving around a lot and the death of your father, onto any man that you feel is getting too close to you.

“You are afraid of losing them. Afraid of either you or them moving away, or of them dying and leaving you alone that way. So you just don’t get attached fully. I mean I’m sure you love your husband, but perhaps you haven’t fully given yourself to him. It’s a self-protection mechanism we have. We don’t get close, so we don’t get hurt. I have seen it before many times.” I said.

“I guess that makes sense. But what do I do about it? How am I supposed to get past this if I am unable to let anyone get close to me? What am I going to do doctor?” Judy said, nearly crying. It was plain that this problem was eating at her very much.

“Well Judy, I do think I can help you. I think we should consider scheduling a few sessions so we can talk more about this, and I will do my best to get you over whatever it is that seems to be stopping you from enjoying sex fully,” I said.

“Whatever you think is best doctor. All I know is that if I don’t have an orgasm soon I am going to join the monastery and become a nun!” she said, sounding exasperated.

“Oh, I don’t think anything that extreme is needed! Let’s see, how does next Wednesday work for you say around 3:00? We could start then if that’s fine for you and then maybe schedule a session once a week to start then backing off to once every couple weeks if things progress like I think they will,” I suggested.

“That sounds fine. Like I said doctor, I am willing to do anything at this point in order to fix me. This is not a life, and it’s not fair to my family either. So whatever we have to do to get past this problem I have, I will do,” she said.

“Okay, for starters, then. I want you to stop thinking of yourself as a broken toy. You don’t need ‘fixing’ Judy. You aren’t some child’s toy that can be mended with a little glue. You are a person ... a person with an issue that we can work on getting you over. But we will do that. If you are as committed as you seem to be, I will work with you until we have resolved this. Okay?” I said.

Judy smiled and placed her hand over mine. “Okay, doctor. Thank you,” she said.

“You are quite welcome ... and it’s Peter, okay?” I told her.

“Okay ... Peter,” she said. Then she got up and left my office.

Judy did start seeing me once a week as we agreed on. The first couple of sessions were just casual getting to know more about each other type of meetings, I wanted her to feel more comfortable being in the office before I started delving into the issue at hand. But then we started talking about her problem and what I felt might be the root of it.