Chapter 38: The Devil You Know...

I now have an editor, so you all shouldn’t need to put up with my typos and poor/dyslexic editing skills anymore. :)

Kendra sat alone in the dark on Ralgar and Anthiel’s couch, still trying to process what had happened earlier that day with Ethan. She was almost sure that he had been mere moments from compelling her to have sex with him. She swallowed hard and tried to control her stomach’s reaction to that. Ethan hadn’t met her eye since it had happened, and she wasn’t sure she wanted him to.

Then again, a part of her did.

She had heard of ‘abject lust’ before, but had never felt it herself; not with how detached and disciplined the Aldmiri had trained her to be. But what she’d felt over her bond with Ethan ... That was something else. She shuddered every time she recalled it, and she couldn’t tell if it was a good shudder or a bad shudder.

Her stomach lurched.

She drank down the last of the anti-nausea tea that Mirella had so kindly offered to make, but it only helped a little. And then there was the fact that Ethan had jumped between her and that mage to protect her.

Why?

He almost seemed to treat her like one of his wives. She had seen countless dragons defend their hoards before, even to the death. There was no doubt that Ethan felt that way about his wives and would die to protect them.

But her?

After what she’d done?

And yet she couldn’t deny her eyes. He had looked exactly like a dragon who was ready to die defending his hoard; like Ethan ready to die defending his wives ... and it had been for her. Obviously it must have something to do with their bond, but she still couldn’t wrap her head around it.

The previous day she’d been wondering if the Argo’s crew would fight for her. Now she knew they would. Or at least Ethan would, and she was sure his wives would follow his lead.

They were willing to fight for her.

She felt her throat get a bit tight and swallowed hard. She blinked several times as some extra liquid in her eyes threatened to make her vision blurry.

They were willing to fight for her.

She swallowed hard and blinked several times trying to clear her eyes. She had literally never had that before. Even her former squad mates only fought for her because she was useful to them; an asset. But it wasn’t like that with Ethan and his wives. They were willing to fight for her. Not for what she could do for them, just for her as a person.

She didn’t know what to do with that.

In fact, she--

She was shaken from her reverie by movement outside the door. There was the sound of scuffling and someone bumped into the door. Moments later, it opened. Ethan’s disguise gem form came through the door, supporting Selene on one side while Beth and Alana were supporting her on the other side. The Brazilian woman’s head was lolling slightly.

“S’up here? Back in the back place where the--” She hiccupped, then belched. Kendra could almost smell the whiskey on her breath from where she was sitting.

Ethan looked at her, and then averted his eyes. “Could we set her on the couch?”

Kendra got up and the movement appeared to draw the drunk woman’s eyes. “Ken-ra. How doin’ you?”

The dragon huntress rolled her eyes. “What happened? She doesn’t seem the type to indulge in the sauce.”

Ethan, Alana, and Beth lowered the caramel-haired beauty down onto the couch, where she appeared to pass out almost instantly. Even drunk-as-a-skunk and passed out from alcohol, she still looked amazing; far better than Kendra herself felt like she looked on a good day.

It wasn’t fair.

“I have no idea why she drank so much.” Alana turned to her. “I don’t think any of us realized how much she was drinking until...” She blushed.

“What?” The raven-haired woman asked.

“Selene is really beautiful, but her voice is ... less so.” Beth explained wryly.

Kendra chuckled, then frowned. What had made her drink so much? Ethan and Alana were stone-cold sober, and Beth clearly wasn’t even tipsy, but Selene...

Hmm.

Interesting.

“Hey, take the bed tonight.” The raven-haired woman finally said. “Neither Selene nor I enjoyed waking up and having to avoid a peep-show.”

“Are you sure? Because--” Ethan started to say, though he still didn’t meet her eye.

“Trust me.” She interrupted. “I’d rather not go through that again.”

“Okay.” He nodded.

There was an awkward pause, then Alana and Beth looked at each other before the former spoke. “We’re going to bed.” Both women said goodnight Kendra, then kissed Ethan, then headed towards the guest bedroom.

That was followed by an awkward silence.

Very awkward.

“Um, Kendra.” Ethan said after several seconds.

“I forgive you.” She replied.

He glanced at her. “What?”

“You were going to apologize right? For earlier?”

He nodded.

“Then I forgive you.” She said. “I tried to kill you Ethan, more than once. I put you and your wives in danger too, and you forgave me. How could I not do the same for you? Especially since nothing actually happened.”

“It almost did though.” He replied quietly.

“Yes, but it didn’t. I almost killed you a few times, but didn’t. Trust me, we’re square; more than square. You’re so far ahead that I’ll never catch up.” She tried to keep a note of bitterness out of her voice on that last statement. She hated how much she owed him.

He took a deep breath and let it out slowly as he ran his hand over the top of his head, exactly where his hair would be if he was human. “Can I be honest?”

“Please.”

“My dragon side is getting stronger, and I’m not...” He closed his eyes and shook his head slowly. “I mean, if you keep traveling with us; if we get the Argo back and you stay on board, then at some point...” He trailed off, seemingly not able to finish the sentence.

Kendra’s mouth replied before her brain had a chance to process. “That’s a risk I’m willing to take.”

Wait, what?

It was?

But even as she thought it, she knew it was true; it was a risk she was willing to take. She wasn’t willing to part with her friends -- her home -- even if that was the cost. Some part of her brain, some tiny, long-neglected part of her brain reminded her of the abject lust that had poured over their bond. It teased that she might actually like paying that particular cost.

Her stomach roiled.

However, that same part of her brain reminded her that if she did go to bed with Ethan, she could have that indescribable feeling of waking up with someone else there.

“Are you sure?” Ethan asked. “I can’t always control my dragon side, and even less so lately. That meditating thing you showed me helped, but it’s a Band-Aid, not a solution.”

Kendra guessed what ‘Band-Aid’ meant from the context and nodded. “I’m sure.”

He cocked his head to one side and looked at her with his mouth slightly open.

“You might want to catch up with your wives.” She suggested after several seconds of awkward silence. “I’m sure they’re missing you, Beth especially.”

He stared at her for several long seconds before nodding his head slowly. “Yeah ... yeah, okay. Good night Kendra.”

“Good night Ethan.” She replied, and even tried giving him an encouraging smile. Okay, it was a small smile and not terribly genuine, but she hoped it got the point across.

He gave her a pained half-smile back, and then headed towards the bedroom. He was gone for less than a minute before he returned with a large folded blanket, which he held out to her. “For Selene, since I’m guessing she’ll sleep it off out here.”

Kendra took the blanket and nodded. “Probably.”

There was a slightly awkward silence for several seconds as the two of them looked at each other.

“What?” She finally asked.

“You’re a pretty amazing woman Kendra, has anyone ever told you that?”

Suddenly, she felt a warm feeling spread across her body, like sitting by a fire with a warm blanket or having cup of hot tea with a friend.

“Thank you.” She said as the warm feeling spread to her cheeks. “I don’t think anyone has ever ... or at least no one who really knew who I was.”

“Well, you are.” He made a thoughtful sound, then nodded. “You definitely are. Well, good night.”

“Night.” She whispered back.

For the tiniest split second, she almost wanted to follow him. She couldn’t get the image of him jumping between herself and the mage out of her head. He had definitely guarded her, defended her; fought for her. Plus, he thought that she was ‘a pretty amazing woman’. That warm feeling seemed to intensify a little bit, and she felt a tiny smile start to creep onto her face.

She sat down on the couch next to the Brazilian woman. The blanket was large enough for both of them, so she leaned back and covered herself with it too.

Ethan thought that she was an amazing woman?

For some strange reason, the warm feeling seemed to get a bit warmer around her pelvic region.

“Ugh.” Selene moaned as her head did its best to pound itself into oblivion. Fuck, she hadn’t drunk that much in ... in ... maybe ever? It felt like she was at a rock concert and someone had duct-taped her head to one of the speakers.

“You’re awake.” A feminine voice thundered at normal conversation volume. Kendra maybe?

“Not so loud.” The Brazilian beauty groaned, covering her ears.

“You gonna be okay?” The dragon huntress whispered. She was still a bit loud, but tolerably so.

“No, I got blind drunk because life is fucking awesome.” She groaned as she pulled the blanket over her head.

“Sorry, anything I can do to help?”

“Pull out some of that magic shit for this hangover.” She mumbled.

“Sorry, magic isn’t a cure-all.” The raven-haired woman replied. “You’ll need to recover the old-fashioned way.”

“Well that sucks ginormous donkey balls; this God-forsaken world doesn’t even have coffee.” The Brazilian woman tucked her legs up and curled into the fetal position. She just wanted to sleep. She wanted this miserable day to end.

“I’ll see if Mirella has anything that might help.” Kendra offered, and then Selene felt her get off the couch.

She didn’t move.

“Here, try this.” Mirella’s caring voice said from nearby a while later.

Selene’s nosed filled with the scent of something vaguely tea-like that thankfully didn’t make her want to puke, which was a minor miracle. It took her almost a whole minute to go from lying down under the covers to sitting up enough to drink. Mirella extended the small teacup towards her and she took it.

“Thank you.” She mumbled.

“Don’t thank me yet; you haven’t tasted it.” Her high elf host replied. “It will help with the hangover, but you won’t enjoy it, despite the smell. I apologize in advance.”

She took a sip and instantly had to fight her gag reflex.

She almost spat it back out.

“If you drink the whole cup and have some water, you’ll be much better within the hour.” Mirella encouraged. “I’m really sorry about the taste though.”

“Can I chug it?” Selene asked.

The other woman nodded, so she did ... Then nearly emptied the non-existent contents of her stomach. Her mouth tasted like a combination of charred toast and how your mouth feels after licking rubber.

She shuddered.

Not long after, Ethan and his wives left their room. All of them looked a little ... frustrated? No that wasn’t right. Concerned? She wasn’t sure. Clearly none of them had gotten laid that morning and it showed.

“Good morning, would you like breakfast?” Mirella asked them.

Ethan looked at Beth.

“I probably should eat something.” The blonde said glumly.

“Are you okay?” Their high elf host asked.

“Yeah, I just...” Beth’s shoulders slumped. “I need to talk to my dad this morning and I don’t think it will go well.”

“I’ll say a prayer to Illuminar that it does.” Mirella gave her a smile that was understanding, pained, and comforting. “When?”

“Probably right after breakfast.” The blonde replied.

“Good.” Selene thought out loud.

Ethan looked at her.

“I mean, there are people who need our help, and we can’t help them without an airship to get there.” She said, thinking of the miners who were having problems with orcs.

Beth sighed and then nodded. “Yeah, so after breakfast it is...”

Rachel sat at the kitchen table after breakfast with Alana, Taloni, Kendra, and Selene after Ethan and Beth had left, mostly in discussion about how the conversation was likely to go. The redhead enjoyed talking with them of course, but wished the topic was more pleasant.

“I really hope he changes his mind.” The Fey said with a flutter of her wings, but she had a mournful look on her face and her tone conveyed skepticism. “Bee has been through a lot and we’ve gotten so close; I would love to see her happy again.”

“Do you really think that’ll happen?” Rachel asked.

“I don’t know, but I hope.” Taloni replied, though again her tone was skeptical.

“Me too, I’m just not sure how likely it is.” Alana said. “It’s possible he could go the other direction and cause real problems for us. I’m not saying I think he will, but it’s possible.”

“I think it’s more likely it’ll be somewhere in between.” Rachel offered. “Hopefully he’ll stop fighting us, but I doubt things will go back to the way they were between Beth and her father in a single conversation.”

“Fair point.” The wood elf said as she looked at her.

Yet again, Rachel couldn’t help but notice that Alana had the most beautiful eyes. Their rich hazel color was captivating and the depth of affection behind them was ... was ... well, as Ethan’s mother might say: it ‘made her heart happy’. The wood elf was beautiful inside and out, and that thought put the redhead in mind of her birthmark; the one they both shared.

She had successfully managed to block out thinking about hers for years before marrying Ethan. Well, not counting during the walk to see Graflex the dwarf in Arcanum a bit over a month ago; 40 days prior if her memory served her. She still had no clue where the birthmark had come from. Her father didn’t have one, and her mother’s side didn’t have it either, not for at least ten generations prior to Rachel.

She’d even asked Lady Ekthros once before she knew what a snake the woman was. That’s how she found out the devious woman was an arch mage, and had gone to great lengths to keep that fact hidden. Few in the court even knew that she could do magic, and only her father’s inner circle -- and not even all of them -- knew that she was an arch mage. Sadly, she hadn’t known anything about Rachel’s birthmark either.

At least Ethan didn’t mind.

She found it hard to believe that he wasn’t turned off by such an obvious flaw, but apparently he wasn’t.

“Rachel?” The most beautiful voice in the Ten Kingdoms broke into her thoughts.

“Hmm?” The redhead shook her head to clear it as she came back to the moment.

“I was asking if you think the fact that her father is a Lord might make him more or less willing to change his mind.” Alana asked.

“Honestly, I think it makes him less likely.” The teen mage replied. “Lords are used to getting their own way, and he’s probably no different. Look at what happened with Selene yesterday.”

Everyone turned to the caramel haired beauty, who hadn’t taken part in the conversation yet. The Brazilian woman had her eyes closed and seemed to be trying to tune out the world. Rachel didn’t blame her if her hangover was as bad as it seemed.

Still, the redhead thought something else was going on with her. She seemed abnormally quiet, and then there was the reason she had gotten so drunk in the first place; whatever the reason actually was.

“And you’re sure you want to talk to him alone?” Ethan asked as he and Beth walked down the cobblestone streets towards Lord Borden’s manor house.

The blonde nodded, though she was looking more at the ground than at him or where they were going. “Yeah. He’s going to fixate on you if you’re there. Besides...” She glanced at him with sad eyes and sighed. “He’s my father, and if I ever want to have a relationship with him, I think I need to talk to him one-on-one.”

Ethan couldn’t help but remember the flighty, slightly selfish, immature teen that Beth had been only a couple of months ago, and contrasted that with the young woman walking beside him now. She’d grown so much in such a short time and he found a smile creeping onto his face despite the situation.

“What?” She asked after glancing at him again.

“I’m really proud of the woman you’ve become.” He said as the smile spread across his face without conscious effort.

“Thank you.” She smiled back and seemed to stand up just a little bit straighter.

“You can do this Beth.” He continued. “I know it won’t be easy, but you can do it. Consider all the things you’ve done in the past few months. You’ve gone through more things than anyone else on the Argo and come out stronger for it. I mean, after angels, demons, Dragos, and Elvin monarchs, you can handle talking to a lord; even your father.”

“Huh.” She cocked her head to one side. “You know, you’re right. I have done a lot, and maybe I’m...”

“You’re...?” He prompted.

“Maybe ... maybe I’ve been thinking about this backwards.” She made a thoughtful frown, then looked up. “We’re here.”

He looked up also and realized that they had indeed reached Lord Borden’s manor house.

He looked at her. “You ready?”

She shook her head. “No, I’m scared.” She looked up at him with quiet resolve in her eyes. “But I’m going to do it anyway because courage isn’t the absence of fear; it’s being afraid and doing the right thing anyway.”

He smiled. “I love you, you know that?”

“I do, and I love you too.” She glanced at the house. “I should talk to him alone, but...” She bit her lip. “Don’t go too far okay? I’ll feel better knowing you’re outside.”

“There’s not a force in the world that could pry me away.”

“Thank you.” She smiled, then looked at the front door and sighed. “Okay, I guess it’s time.”

Selene didn’t feel like her head was duct-taped to a rock concert speaker anymore, but she certainly had felt better. Mirella’s tea, lots of water, and some breakfast had helped, but she still felt like someone had decided to practice their meat tenderizing skills on her brain.

She was sitting in the kitchen as Ethan’s wives and Kendra continued talking about Beth and the upcoming conversation with her father. They were chatting like old friends, even Kendra, though she was a bit quieter. They all seemed to fit so incredibly well together and she was sitting there as an outsider. Almost literally, since she had chosen to sit at the end of the table to minimize the walking distance from the couch, and the women were sitting nearer the middle.

She could’ve joined in, and she knew they would welcome her. However, they had such a vast body of shared knowledge about this world which she lacked, so she ended up feeling like a kindergartener in a room full of college students; trying desperately to just follow the conversation, much less take part.

“Selene?” A gentle voice said from behind her.

The Brazilian woman turned to see Mirella standing there looking sympathetic. “I was planning to do some gardening this morning and could use some help. The sun might do you some good.”

She glanced at Ethan’s wives plus Kendra, who were debating the finer points of how growing up in Gralden might affect the conversation.

“Thanks, I’d love to.”

The elven woman led her to the back door of the house and out into a small fenced-in yard with a flower garden in one corner. The high elf had a small hand-trowel, a one-handed garden fork, and a silk pouch in one hand, and she led Selene over to a patch of earth in the garden that was almost conspicuously bare.

“Planting seeds?” Selene asked.

The elf nodded. “I’ve been meaning to for weeks, but kept getting the feeling that I should wait for some reason.” She looked at Selene. “Now I think I know why.”

“Oh?”

Mirella smiled. “What’s wrong?”

The Brazilian woman hestiated. “I’m uh...” She looked around at the area and noticed the warm air which felt like summer to her, possibly late summer. “Isn’t it a little late in the year to be planting flowers?”

“Most flowers yes, but not these.” She knelt down by the bare patch of earth and began using the garden fork to break up the earth. “These are mirella seeds, and they won’t sprout until after a winter with a good hard freeze.”

“Mirella seeds? Like your name?”

The high elf nodded. “I was named for them. Perhaps not coincidentally, they’re my favorite.”

“Why do you need a winter with a good hard freeze before they will sprout?”

“Let me show you.” The elf pulled one of the seeds from the silk pouch and handed it to her. It was a half-inch sphere and was a bit ... squishy. She gave it a little squeeze and it yielded under her fingers, a bit like a water balloon. It could yield so much that she could almost press her fingers together, but the skin felt incredibly tough; it would probably be nearly impossible to get through without a really sharp knife.

“You need a hard freeze to break the outer skin, so the true seeds inside can sprout.” Mirella explained. “The freezing in winter produces the force necessary to make something beautiful grow from something harsh like winter.”

Suddenly, Selene wasn’t so sure they were talking about flowers anymore. The elf had a slightly pained, sympathetic look in her eye, though she had a genuine smile on her face too.

“I assume you’ve had a hard ‘winter’?” She asked.

The elf nodded, but didn’t elaborate.

There was a slightly awkward silence for a moment before Selene broke it. “How can I help?”

Mirella offered her the garden fork. “I’ll dig up the earth and then you can break up the clumps with the garden fork.”

The two women set to work, and the caramel-haired beauty found herself enjoying it immensely. Given her frustrations the last couple of weeks, it felt slightly satisfying to take them out on the dirt clumps. She hacked them apart with methodical precision, which felt good; cathartic. She felt even better because she was being useful.

“You know, it’s funny.” The Brazilian woman said after a minute. “I feel more useful now than I have since I joined the Argo’s crew.”

“Really?” The high elf asked as she worked to excavate a particularly hard clump of dirt. “I heard you helped with some legal advice for Ethan before he talked to Alana’s father, grandfather, and The King.”

“Yeah, that’s true.” She conceded. “Still, I’ve felt like I’m mostly in the way other than that.”

“That’s ... that’s not fun.” Mirella gave her an understanding smile. “From what I hear though, Alana might be able to hear her relatives speak her name because of your advice.”

“That would be cool.” Selene nodded, and the elf’s comment on names jogged her memory. “Can I ask a question that might be rude, but I don’t know if it is rude because I really don’t know the Ten Kingdoms very well.”

“I might not answer, but feel free to ask.”

“Well, I’ve noticed that all elves seem to have a descriptive title attached to their names.” Selene said as she speared another clump of hard earth. “Like, Anthiel cloud-song, or Alana dragon-bride, or Halvaer house-head. I noticed that your husband didn’t introduce you with a descriptive title like that, and I was wondering why.”

The high elf gave her pained smile. “He was being kind.”

“Oh?”

Mirella scrutinized her for several seconds before nodding like she’d made a decision. She looked down at the earth for several seconds before speaking again. “I do have a ‘descriptive name’ as you call it, but he didn’t use it because he was being kind to me, because of what it is.”

“Oh?”

“It’s ... well, there really isn’t a good way to say it in the common tongue. It’s only two words in elvish, and my formal greeting would roughly translate to ‘Mirella Kiarien, called ‘cautionary-tale-with-a-happy-ending’.”

Selene stopped what she was doing and looked at the elf, her mouth falling open. “What? That’s your name, err, title?”

The high elf nodded.

“That seems rather...” She fished around for the politest way she could think of to put it. “ ... demeaning.”

“It’s accurate.” She replied quietly. “And it’s actually better than what it was before. Before it didn’t have a happy ending.”

“Oh.” Was all Selene could think to say.

“I um...” The elf looked at her with a pained smile. “I wasn’t very ... wise after my parents died. I ended up being ... uh, I ended up with a man who made me...” She took a deep, calming breath. “Well, he forced me and afterwards said that no one would want me because I wasn’t a virgin anymore. I believed him and stayed with him even though he wouldn’t ... he wouldn’t marry me or bond with me.”

Mirella swallowed hard.

“Hey, it’s okay.” Selene interjected. “You don’t need to talk about it if you don’t want to.”

Mirella took another deep, calming breath, then looked at her. “I know I don’t have to, but...” She paused and blinked several times, her eyes looking a bit watery. “That’s why Ralgar doesn’t use my title when he introduces me.”

“But wait, I thought elves wouldn’t speak your name at all if that happened?”

Mirella shook her head. “That’s wood elves, not high elves.”

“Oh, okay.” Selene replied because she couldn’t think of anything else to say.

They sat there for several seconds before Mirella took up her one-handed gardening trowel and halfheartedly started digging up dirt again. “That man, he wasn’t very kind and...” She winced slightly. “Well, I got good at using magic to heal bruises.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Anthiel saved me.” Mirella continued. “She put the fear of Illuminar in him when she realized what was happening, and she didn’t even know me back then. I was just the girl who begged on the corner.”

“Begged?”

Mirella nodded, bit her lip, and wouldn’t look at her as she spoke quietly. “That man wouldn’t let me do anything else.”

“Oh.” Again, Selene couldn’t think of anything else to say.

“Anthiel made sure I was taken care of for a long time.” Mirella continued. “She arranged housing for me, she hired me to re-do all her landscaping when she found out I like gardening because I needed the money, even though it already looked perfect.” The mahogany haired elf blinked several times as her eyes got watery again, but this time there was a smile in them. “But more than that, she was my friend.”

“Anthiel is pretty great.” Selene nodded, her opinion of the Argo’s pilot skyrocketing even though it was pretty high already.

“She is.” Mirella nodded. “She invited me over to her home for dinner regularly, which is how I met Ralgar. He was so different than ... than that man.” She shuddered. “Ralgar was strong but kind, and he challenged me to be better but never berated me. It was nice.” Her lips seemingly unconsciously pulled into a contended smile. “It is nice.”

“Yeah, I could see that.”

The high elf got choked up and smiled wider as her eyes got watery. “And now I’m married to Anthiel’s husband and she arranged it. She literally arranged for her husband -- an admiral in Lord Borden’s military -- to marry someone who was once a beggar on the street.”

Mirella closed her eyes and looked up, seemingly letting the sun soak into her fair skin as she smiled. She looked so blissfully happy in that moment that Selene couldn’t help but smile too.

“Anyway, I say all that because Ralgar has been teaching me something.” She looked at Selene. “He’s been teaching me that I have worth and value, even though I usually don’t see it. That I’m worth more than I think I am.”

“You are.” The Brazilian woman nodded in agreement.

Mirella looked at Selene pointedly. “And if that’s true of a beggar off the street, then how much more it is true of a woman who graduated her world’s university with a master of degrees, and became a constable for her nation by the age of twenty three?”

Selene blinked.

She couldn’t help but smile at the slight miswording, but maybe the elf had a point, and she certainly seemed to know how Selene herself had been feeling.

“How did you know?” Selene asked.

“I’ve been there; I’ve felt unseen and worthless before.” The high elf replied with a kind smile. “I see your expressions, the slump of your shoulders, and the look in your eyes as you watched Ethan’s wives while you have been with us.”

“I guess I wasn’t as subtle as I thought I was.” She grimaced wryly.

“I don’t think anyone else noticed. I don’t know you very well Selene, but I can see that you care about helping others. If Illuminar brought you into Ethan’s life, I’m sure it was for a reason. Trust Him, and that you are exactly where you should be.”

“I um, I don’t really believe in God at all, much less Illuminar.”