Chapter 16

On Thursday, I wasn’t expelled. Neither was Kim. Considering Porter-Gaud’s policy on public displays of affection, we should have both considered that a major victory. Kim was floating and we were both pretty clingy at lunch. Any guilt I’d felt because of Sally was pretty much gone. She had her life and I had mine. It was incredibly difficult to finally relax in that truth, but having Kim as my new girlfriend certainly made it easier. I hoped Sally had that kind of luck.

At swim practice, Coach talked about the lineup for our next meet. He was all business with no mention of the previous meet or the swimmers who didn’t show. Whatever he’d said about it, he’d said the day before. What’s past was past. What was in the future is that I was a freestyle swimmer and I could train that way for the rest of the season. Next season might be different. Birch gave me a pep talk and a couple of guys who hadn’t already done so, congratulated me on setting a school freshman record and a state record for fourteen-year-olds, which I didn’t even know they had. In swimming, you put a couple of guys in the water for each event. Because of that it wouldn’t seem like I jumped past two guys since one of them would still swim. That is, until you got to the relays. For relays, you put your four fastest swimmers together and now, that included me. No pressure.

About half way through practice, I noticed we had a single fan in the stands. Sometimes a mom would get there early but watching swim practice is a lot like watching paint dry. My fan didn’t seem to mind. Kim didn’t wave or anything. She just smiled. That was nice. I might have tried a little harder. Who wouldn’t?

After practice, I called Mom from the athletic office and told her I was going to walk Kim home and she didn’t protest. I was a little surprised by that. The following week, I’d be back to lifting so I wanted to take advantage of that break. We walked together, talking about all kinds of things, from horseback riding to lifting to careers to sex. Talking about the shared memory of sex was probably more frustrating than anything because all we wanted to do was get naked again.

When we got to Kim’s house, her parents were home. They’d been out late the night before and then in early that morning to finish up their case. Since Kim and I had a new interest in law and especially estate planning we took the opportunity to ask them a lot of questions. We sat together in the Sun Room and Mr. McTighe answered most of our questions and then Mrs. McTighe clued in that we were a lot more interested than before. We told her about our career talk and they both seemed pleased. Her dad promised to give us a better run down when they both weren’t so tired.

We went to the den to look for her dad’s favorite note pad. There was a stack of them so it wasn’t too tough. We spent the next few minutes, thoroughly exploring first base with the occasional tap dance on second. We were gentle rather than hungry since we knew we couldn’t take it further.

When I got home, I told Mom I loved Kim and that I thought I’d come to a better understanding of my relationship with Sally.

“Can I let you in on a little secret?” she asked and I nodded. “Love isn’t something that happens to you. Love is a decision you make.”

To say I was stunned was an understatement. The more I thought about it, the more it rang true. I could decide to love someone. I could decide to love Kim if I wanted to. I wanted to. So, I asked Mom another question.

“I guess I’ve decided to love Kim so what do I do next?”

“First, act like it. Do the things you would do when you truly love someone. Second, keep doing them.”

“I think I already do that.”

“Well, there you go.”

“That’s it? It’s as easy as that?”

“Oh, no. I didn’t say it was easy. There will be days when she will do something that will make her very unlovable, but you still have to decide to love her that day. It’s not a one-time thing. You have to continuously make the decision to love her. I loved your dad and he made it tough sometimes. People get divorced because they get tired of making the difficult decision to love someone. I might be wrong, but I think that’s it.”

“Why didn’t you tell me that before?”

“You didn’t need to hear it before. You can still love Sally and Kim but I think you can only be in love with one of them. Seems like that’s Kim. And before you tell Kim you’ve decided to love her, you should probably realize that saying it like that isn’t going to be the most romantic thing in the world. You can decide. Just don’t tell her that. At least not when you want her to be all mushy at your revelation.”

That afternoon and evening was nothing more than running emotional and logic problems through in my head. By the time I put my head on my pillow, I was satisfied with my decisions.

Friday morning seemed really long. I wanted to tell Kim that I had decided to love her but Mom was right. That sounded really lame. I met her at the cafeteria. As we ate our lunches, I couldn’t help notice Kim was in a really good mood so I asked her about it.

She leaned forward, looked around then whispered to me, “It’s probably because I gave myself one last night,” she said and sat back straight again.

“Gave yourself ... Oh. Without me?”

“I was thinking about you. Does that count?”

“I guess so. I think about you.”

“Oh, my gosh. I didn’t even think about that,” she said with her eyes wide. “That’s crazy. You have to tell me what you think about.”

“Okay but not here. Okay, just this, home run.”

“Yeah. Me too. More like a grand slam.”

I leaned forward and whispered, “That would involve three more people on base. More like an orgy, don’t you think?”

“Okay. Just a home run. It was nice. I wouldn’t have known. I can’t get over how crazy that is.”

“I don’t think they cover that in Sex Ed.”

“Sex Ed is more like a plumbing class.”

“Yeah. Not very educational. Are you cheering today?”

“Basketball. We won’t be done until probably six. Don’t wait for me unless you want a ride home with the squad again.”

“Do you think that’s safe?” I asked, laughing. “Did you know that after the swim meet, one of the squad pinched my butt as everyone was leaving?”

She rolled her eyes. “No. Who?”

“I don’t know. It was crowded. Plus, it caught me by surprise.”

“I bet. Who do you think?”

I had no clue. “I’m pretty sure it was Giggles ... or Fling ... or Lori...”

“Stop. Okay. Dog gone it. What were they thinking?”

“Probably that your boyfriend is irresistible.”

“Well, yeah. It was probably Giggles. Should I say something?”

“I think it was a onetime thing. It was pretty funny, really. Surprising and funny. Are you mad?”

“Yeah. They all know better than that.”

“Don’t be. I like your friends and I thought it was funny.”

“Okay. It was funny one time. If it happens again, you better be angry.” She looked at me to make sure I would be angry if it happened again.

I had to fight back a smile. “If it happens again, I’ll be angry. Should I come out to the game? It will be late when it’s over. Do you think I could get a ride again?”

“Yeah, but I’m not sure I want you to. Grabby girls. No, now that I think about it, don’t. I’ll see you in the morning.” The bell rang, I gave her a quick kiss, stopped her to look in her eyes and tell her I loved her one more time. She smiled one of those light-up-your-world smiles, complete with adorable dimples, and we left.

I knocked out my weekend chores, showered and dressed in jeans and a T shirt, then debated what kind of shoes to wear. I had a pair of work boots that I rarely wore. I wore tennis shoes and brought the boots. They weren’t cowboy boots but it was the best I could do. Seemed safe.

Franklin already had Karen when he picked me up at a quarter to ten. He greeted Mom as she stood at the front door and then we were off. We were barely in the McTighe driveway when Kim came out. She was wearing jeans and a plaid shirt and cowboy boots. This was the Frontier Woman I was dating. I didn’t think real cowgirls wore jeans that tight, though. I could tell that Franklin was impressed. I think Karen could tell that he was impressed but she didn’t say anything.

I walked over to Karen while Franklin and Kim were talking. “You remember the night you came for dinner during the summer? I was kind of ... interested?”

“I might remember,” she answered, charitably.

“I didn’t hurt anything, did I?”

“No. I guess not.”

“As long as he doesn’t drool on Kim, I don’t mind ... too much.”

“I might,” she said and looked at me. “Damn, Jack. She is ridiculously good looking.”

“She takes my breath away.”

“I bet.”

“Karen, you look pretty good. Don’t sell yourself short.”

“Thank you, Jack. He’s just enjoying the view ... asshole,” she said and we both laughed.

It wasn’t far to the stable on Johns Island. We parked and went into the stable. There were twelve stalls but two were empty. It smelled like hay. I was expecting it to smell like manure but apparently, if your horse is well cared for, that gets taken care of every morning. Kim checked a sign-up board to see which horses had been reserved for us and then took us to the tack room. It was a storehouse for saddles and all the other stuff you need for your horse. Kim grabbed four brushes and a couple of tools I’d never seen before. I didn’t know what most of it was. I was in a different world. I tried to figure out what everything was but I was lost. This was Kim’s world.

She told us we’d groom our first horse together and then let the next two people try to groom their horses with a little bit of help. Franklin was the biggest of us and she pulled his horse, Fritz, out of the stall and secured him. I paid attention to the quick release knot she used. I’d have to watch her do that again in slow motion if I wanted to do that myself.

She gave us curry combs to clean up Fritz. The curry comb was good for removing dirt and old hair. We each had a chance, brushing him in circular motions. Then she let us work on him with a dandy brush, explaining the difference. We used completely different brushes for his face and mane, since his face was too sensitive for a dandy brush and his mane was too long for the other brushes.

The next step was to pick and clean his hooves. She stepped close to Fritz, rubbed his face and whispered to him. Then she faced away from his head, lifted his front leg and rested it on her bent knee. I watched how close she was to this huge animal but it didn’t seem scary or intimidating to her. I wondered if she’d brought Birch out. She demonstrated picking and brushing one hoof and then let us each do one of the other hooves. She made it look easy and we were horribly inept but she didn’t laugh. She corrected or demonstrated while we tried. Instead of feeling like losers, we felt encouraged.

I went last, and tried to do exactly what she had done. Every time I picked up his foot, he set it back down. Fritz probably weighed a thousand pounds and I figured about nine hundred of those were muscle.

“Be firm,” she said. “Don’t let him take charge because he will if you let him.” Easy for you to say!

I finally got his foot in place and I held it as firmly as I could and cleaned the hoof. I didn’t know what he’d gotten in there but it was a mess. I picked what I had to and brushed the rest out with a stiff little brush. I thought we were going riding and here I was cleaning feet.

When Kim was satisfied with our work on Fritz, we moved to my horse, Ghost, and I got started. Ghost was almost pure white and I guess he was beautiful, for a horse. Once I started working on Ghost and she was satisfied I knew what I was doing, she got Franklin and Karen working on Karen’s horse, Princess. Once they were working together, Kim groomed her own horse. The whole time I was grooming Ghost, he would turn to me and tug at my shirt with his mouth. Then, he’d bump me with the top of his head. It was a little disconcerting at first.

“Kim,” I hollered. “Ghost is messing with me.”

She looked to see what was going on and laughed. “He’s getting to know you. He won’t hurt you. He’s having fun. It’s a good thing.”

After she said that, I realized it did seem like he was playing. I started talking to him when he did that and then I started laughing at myself for talking to him. I kept talking anyway. Kim was done before we were and I wasn’t terribly surprised. When I was finished, I felt like I should get some sort of award or something. It was way more work than I’d expected. Ghost didn’t mind. It seemed like every time I looked at Kim, Ghost would nudge me or tug on my shirt.

“You’re jealous. Son of a gun. You’re jealous. That’s crazy, you know that? I’m not going anywhere. Sheesh. Give it a rest big guy. Dang.” That’s pretty much how my one-sided conversation with Ghost went. It was pretty funny and then it became fun.

She led us back to the tack room where we put our brushes and tools away. Every horse had their own little bag for their grooming goodies and a slot for it. We each got saddle pads. She showed us how to situate a saddle pad and told us it was to make the horse more comfortable by absorbing sweat and providing a cushion between the horse and the saddle. We made another trip for saddles. We watched and learned how to saddle Franklin’s horse first, and then each did our own. Kim came back and tightened the cinches and explained we’d have to re-tighten them after we’d ridden for a few minutes since they would loosen up when we rode. I was beginning to get anxious to ride. At the same time, I could see that Kim really cared for these horses and hers in particular. It was fun to watch and all so new to me.

I thought we’d just show up and get on horses and ride. Nobody ever did this stuff in the movies. I couldn’t think of a single time I’d seen John Wayne brush his horse. Huh. Back into the tack room, we picked out bridles for each of our horses. She explained that we’d have it easy because the bridles were horse specific and would have already been adjusted. Sizing a new bridle to a horse takes some time, effort and skill but we wouldn’t have to do that. Walking back to our horses, I tried to figure out how the contraption would go on. It was a good thing Kim was there to show me.

We learned how to put the bit in the horse’s mouth, then the crown and brow band. It was pretty strange working that close to the face of such a big animal. Ghost seemed content to let me stand eye to eye with him and work. I noticed Kim was talking to her horse the whole time too. I was getting into it. We led our horses out of the stable and into an arena. On the way, we passed the stall for Kim’s horse, and I saw her name on a wooden plaque above the door. Diva. Somehow, that seemed perfect. Kim gave us all kinds of tips and told us it would be a learn as you go kind of thing.

I was able to put my left foot in the stirrup and climb on and so could Franklin. Kim told Karen she could either let down the stirrup and readjust once she was on, or walk her horse to the fence and use it like a step stool. She did that. Ghost didn’t seem to mind that there was suddenly an extra weight on his back. I guess I was pretty inconsequential in that department. I never thought about it before but the view is different from on top of a horse. It was the payoff for all the grooming and stuff.

Once in the saddle, we followed her horse, single file, around the inside of the arena. It was a little unnerving to be twelve feet up in the air on a giant animal. Ghost didn’t seem to mind. We walked along at an easy pace, just getting used to the sensation and, I guess, letting our horses get used to us. I was glad Ghost and I had talked already. Ghost twitched and stepped a little to the side once and I had to come to grips with the idea that I was on top of a huge animal with a mind of his own. I continued to talk to him. I slowly discovered I could move around on the saddle and leaned forward and whispered in his ear like Kim had done. It didn’t seem as silly as it had at first.

We circled the arena a couple of times and she taught us about posture and position on the horse. Once we had a nice easy pace going, she let Franklin’s horse lead and she circled around to talk with each of us in turn.

When she got to me, I proudly announced that I was a cowboy. That ended about two seconds later when Fritz decided to take a shit on the arena floor right in front of me. He just kept walking the whole time and Ghost couldn’t have cared less.

“Well, that’s pretty gross,” I said.

Kim laughed and asked, “What do you think you were cleaning out of Ghost’s hooves?” I became a little less of a cowboy.

She taught us how to get the horse to trot, turn and stop and we got to ride our horses in circles, figure eights or whatever we felt like. It was fun to learn to interact with Ghost. He pretty much did what I wanted, which was seriously cool. A couple of times I had to nudge him again or pull on the reins differently to get him to do what I wanted. Sometimes he’d look back at me like he was wondering if I knew what I was doing.

“You’re in charge. Not Ghost. He’ll be in charge, if you let him. Be firm and don’t get upset, cowboy,” she said and laughed. She was having fun. I was too, but she was in her element and I liked that. I liked it a lot. If this kind of thing was what had turned Birch off, he had missed out in a major way. My gain.

With each new part of the lesson, it was just a little bit scary and then sort of exciting and finally fun. Ghost did what I wanted him to and that was the coolest thing in the world. Every now and then, Kim would speed up and turn Diva next to one of our horses and give correction. I thought she was a pretty good teacher. I was going to tell her but she was all business and it could wait.

Once we knew how to walk, trot, turn and stop our horse, she opened the gate and we went for a trail ride. It was a pretty ride with forest of oaks and magnolias on one side, cypress trees and a marsh on the other. Franklin and Karen seemed to be having a good time. I don’t know how long we’d been riding along twisting trails when Kim announced that it was time to turn back. None of us were ready to be done but she insisted, telling us our inner thighs would complain the next day if we didn’t.

We got back to the stables and I asked Kim how much we had learned in the grand scheme of things. She kind of smiled at that. “Follow me and I’ll show you,” she said and we rode behind her to a different outdoor arena. She rode into the arena, leaving us outside to watch. She closed the gate and left us outside, lined up along the rails.

“I’m going to show you and then you can give it a try and see how much you still need to learn.”

“Show me, Baby.” Walk, trot, canter, turn. I could do all that, I thought.

She cinched the string on her hat tight, leaned forward, said something to Diva made a snick, snick sound while kicking him in the sides and they were off. She tore across the arena, circling a barrel on one side and then doing a figure eight around another. Her horse turned so sharp and she leaned into the turn, practically brushing her shoulder on the barrel. After two circuits of that, she pointed Diva toward a low jump and then a higher one. She made one more turn around a barrel and raced back to us. I thought there was no way she could stop in time but she turned and pulled up next to us on the inside of the rail. Dust flew and Diva shook her head.

“You’re almost there,” she said and we laughed.

“We all get to do that next time, right?” I asked.

“Sure. You can give it your best right now if you like.”

I leaned forward and whispered to Ghost, then sat up again. “Ghost doesn’t really feel like it right now.”

Kim smiled, Karen and Franklin laughed and we all knew she’d spent hundreds of hours in the saddle and had undoubtedly been riding for years. As we rode back to the stables, I started singing Happy Trails and Karen joined in. Franklin had obviously not watched enough Roy Rogers growing up and didn’t know the words. Kim shook her head in disbelief. We removed our gear and groomed our horses a second time. Kim made a notation on the checkout board and that was it. We were ready to go. I didn’t really want to and that surprised me.