Chapter 13

I woke up the next morning to find a couple of inches of snow on the ground. Our street had been driven on so much it looked plowed but Mom took me in anyway. Everything was white. I thought of that song, White Christmas, but that just reminded me what a sucky Christmas I’d had. I decided I didn’t like snow.

I got to school on time and everything went according to schedule, except the couple of inches of snow on the ground was all anyone wanted to talk about. I thought it was interesting but the novelty wore off pretty quickly for me. Some kids were practically giddy. Easily entertained, I thought. On top of that, it was cold. I wanted to put snow and Christmas out of my mind and counted the minutes until lunch and was the first one to the cafeteria. I waited by the door for Kim and we walked across the room together. We got looks all the way across the room. So much had happened since Friday night that I had almost forgotten about our now famous limo arrival.

Kim sat down and I took my seat across from her.

“Well, this isn’t very private. Why did you bring me here for lunch?” she asked, laughing

“Only place I could get a reservation on such short notice. I left your house last night at nine and now it’s noon. That’s what, fifteen hours. Those were some long hours, that’s all I’ve got to say.”

“You’re sweet. I missed you too.”

“How ridiculous is that? In a good way, I mean. I’m glad you missed me. I’d hate it if you didn’t.”

“Well, you wound me up pretty good, Romeo. Of course, I missed you.”

“I like winding you up. It’s my new favorite hobby.”

“That’s what I was afraid of. I can see how you ... never mind. Sorry.”

“Uh uh. You can’t do that. You have to finish.” She shook her head.

“Sorry. I wasn’t thinking,” she said and wouldn’t meet my eye.

“Whatever it was, it’s okay. You can tell me if you want or not. You can see how I, what?”

She took a deep breath. “I can see how hurt and wounded you might have been when Sally left. If you felt or feel for her anything like I feel for you right now, it had to hurt. I didn’t want to say that but, there, I did.”

“It’s okay. Yeah. It hurt pretty bad. It still does when I think about it sometimes but she’s got dates lined up and I’m happy for her and that makes it a lot better. I want her to be happy but it’s kind of for selfish reasons. I don’t think I could be as happy together with you if I didn’t know she had options. Does that make sense? But you’re right. It hurt.”

“I’m sorry I brought it up. You asked me if you were going too fast last night. Maybe I should ask you the same.”

“I get it. But it’s okay. Heartbreak is tough. I had no idea. None at all.”

“I won’t,” she said and it was really loaded. I thought we knew each other pretty well, mostly because of all our conversations back when Sally was my girl. But this was different. The truth was, we didn’t really know each other well enough for her to promise not to break my heart. I didn’t know how to respond. I took a deep breath and held it, then blew it out slowly.

“Thank you. I appreciate the sentiment.”

“I think it’s more than that. I won’t though. Dad always says to say what you mean and mean what you say. I mean it.”

I had no words. We finished eating and walked outside. It was bitterly cold but I didn’t mind too much. We hugged. She felt good but she wasn’t Sally and I suddenly missed Sally very much. I put my head on her shoulder so she wouldn’t see my face. She put her hands on my back and I looked up, over her shoulder. Snow. White Christmas kind of snow and something busted loose in me and I just started crying. I sniffed a couple of times and then the dam broke. I don’t know why I chose that moment but I just couldn’t stop. Maybe it was the snow. But it just washed over me and she held me. I had no pride at all. None. Not a shred of dignity and I didn’t care. I finally slowed down and stopped and I was totally embarrassed.

I stood up straight and looked at her. She looked so compassionate.

“My mascara ran, didn’t it?” I said, attempting humor.

“I like you a lot, Jack. I don’t ever want to hurt you. I know Sally didn’t. It just happened and it’s not her fault and I’ll bet she would say the same. But I’m here now. You know, dad was really impressed last night. He told me what you said. He said you told him the first, most important thing for him to know about you is that you would never hurt his daughter in any way. He was so, so impressed not only that you would say that but that you would think that was the most important thing for him to know about you.”

I nodded. “I feel like a big baby. It’s the damned snow. It just reminds me of what a sucky Christmas I had. The worst.”

“You loved her as deeply as you know how. I like that.”

“I still feel like an idiot. I’m sorry. I’m really sorry. You didn’t deserve that,” I said, wiping my face with my coat sleeve.

“Just being honest, right?”

“Just being stupid.”

“If that’s being stupid, I think I want some of it.”

“You want that?” I asked. I had a hard time believing she was still there.

“Very much. I didn’t think I would ever want something like that. It’s kind of scary.” The bell rang. “We should go in.”

We were just outside and I turned to get the door. She was ready to go in but I hesitated a moment. “Thanks. I’m dating you, crying over someone else and you’re just, like, being there, not pissed off at me.”

She gave me a small kiss and I opened the door for her. The cafeteria was empty and we were both going to be late for class. We crossed to the other side, watching two cafeteria workers cleaning. I stopped before opening the far door, took her by the shoulders and kissed her hard, then hugged her tight. She sighed when I did.

“I love that sound. It’s like the cure for everything.” She sighed again and it was pretty nice.

I opened the door and we went in. I tried to tackle the rest of my day without any of the drama I was feeling. I wasn’t thinking about the weather or that there was a forecast of snow again that night when I went to swim practice. All I knew was there was a meet scheduled for Tuesday afternoon and I had a slim hope that I could knock another second off my time and earn a chance to race. Apparently, other people had decided it was too cold to practice. When Coach Miller walked out on the pool deck with a heavy coat on, there were just four of us in the warm water. He looked at our bare footprints in the snow, following them to the pool. We had a water polo ball and were spread out, tossing it back and forth, laughing and enjoying the fact that there were only four of us and it was starting to snow again. The water seemed warm and we had been having fun with it. Snow didn’t seem to bother me as much as it had before.

Coach Miller looked at us with clipboard in hand and acted like this was all normal.

“Tomorrow’s lineup, freestyle, Pendleton, all distances, backstroke, Claire, all distances, breast stroke, Birch, all distances, butterfly,” he said looking up from his clipboard at me. “Pierce, all distances. Relay, Claire, Birch, Pierce and Pendleton.” He looked up at us, sort of half-smiled and half-groaned. “Get some rest. You’ve got a lot of swimming to do tomorrow.”

He went in and we all treaded water for a few minutes before anyone said anything. “I don’t know if he’s serious or not,” Birch said. “Nothing like this has ever happened before. I’ve never heard him say something he didn’t mean. If it’s really just the four of us tomorrow, we’ll probably get clobbered but we should give it our best and see if we can pull off a few wins. If the whole team shows up tomorrow and none of us get the chance to compete, we should just shut up and roll with it. Okay, guys?” We nodded agreement and went in for long, hot showers.

That afternoon I had a light workout. Mom too. It was cold, we didn’t have any heat in the gym and our sweats weren’t warm. On top of that, I wanted to be fresh the next day. I knocked out what little homework I had and then went to the kitchen as Mom was finishing up.

“I’m going to call Sally, but I want you to hear too.”

She agreed and kept working. I called Sally and told her about the afternoon and my little breakdown and how Kim was amazing. I just unloaded everything. I told her I just wanted her to know where I was and how much she meant to me but how I was dealing with it and that Kim was pretty amazing. She said she hoped to find someone as good. I told her about swim practice and the meet the next day. She didn’t know what to think of it either but she wished me luck. I heard her mom calling and she had to go.

“I hate you,” she said.

“I hate you, too,” I answered and hung up.

“What was that last bit about?”

“That’s us dealing with it.”

“Ah. Gotcha. Coach Miller really going to use just the four of you tomorrow?”

“I don’t know. It’s non-conference and doesn’t mean a lot but he doesn’t like to give away anything either.”

“What’s he going to do if the entire team shows up tomorrow?”

“I’ve been thinking about that and I don’t know. Birch didn’t either but he thinks Coach will stick with what he said. He told us the line-up. I kind of think he’ll stick with it.”

“That will be your first opportunity to compete for real. Up to now, you’ve been competing with the guys on your team and they’re pretty good. So, give it your best, whatever happens. Dinner in five.”

I picked up the phone and called Kim. Mom was working quietly so she could eavesdrop. She knew I wanted her to or I would have gone to the other room.

“Hi, Mrs. McTighe. Thanks so much for dinner the other night. It was great.”

“I’m glad you had a good time. Would you like to speak to Kim? Of course, you do. You didn’t call to talk to me. Just a moment.” She covered the phone and called.

“I like talking to you, too.”

“Oh, you really are a charmer, aren’t you? Here she is.”

“Hey.”

“Hey, Jack. How are you?”

“I’m good. I just wanted to say thanks for today. I called and told Sally about it and she said she didn’t think she could have done what you did. I don’t know if I could do that if things were reversed but probably not. Anyway, I just wanted to say thanks and that it was a pretty big deal to me.”

“I’ve been thinking about that. I think I did what I needed to do but if I had thought about it first, I probably wouldn’t have, either. Just being honest.”