Chapter 6

It is so easy to say, “We’ll just tell them what happened.” The actual doing of that was much more complicated. And that’s because “what happened” wasn’t conventional or uncomplicated. It had a myriad of little details in it that would be difficult to explain. And when “the truth” of something isn’t welcomed, justification for one’s actions is demanded. The “why” and “how” of it would have to be explained, and not just explained, but spelled out in a way that would (hopefully) result in vindication. Or at least some kind of acceptance.

How, for example, does one explain that Erica decided to offer my son her nipple in an effort to get him to take the bottle? Her mother might understand that, especially if her mother had also passed along that tip to her when she was raising Erica. Assuming Judith had even needed to do that. Had she breast fed her daughter from the get-go? And even if Judith understood it, would Erica’s father? Not so much. And that was just the tip of the iceberg that the family-Jardeen was about to crash into. How did it happen that I saw this nipple-sharing tradition? And that it turned out to be just fine and dandy with Erica that I did? I was still married at the time. True, things didn’t get more intimate than that until after Melody walked out, but clearly I was a cad while I was still married.

What parents want their little girl to be involved with a cad? Not to mention that she got knocked up by this cad.

There were too many little moments when things shifted to make any kind of coherent telling of how it happened. That’s what this entire narrative has tried to do, but it wasn’t written out at the time I met Judith and Frank Jardeen.

Still, we couldn’t just do nothing. Erica’s abdomen was still flat. Her breasts were larger than when she’d left home, but that might not even be noticeable to her parents. How much worse would it be if their baby girl showed up out of the blue with a swollen belly?

As far as Erica and I were concerned, there was no possibility that she and I would part company. It never even came to mind. We were happy; poor, but happy. She was deeply invested in Jordie’s life and, at some point, once she got used to the idea of being pregnant, would embrace the expansion of her maternal role. That was just who she was. She’d always wanted to have children some day. It had just happened in a way she hadn’t anticipated. And sooner, of course. Much sooner.

As for me? I was delighted when Melody found out she was pregnant. She wasn’t. But I was. And even now, a part of me was elated that Erica and I had started another life. That was just who I was. I had always wanted a family. And even though it was unconventional, the family I had now was better than the one I’d had with Jordie’s mother.

As has been stated before, Erica was a practical girl. She was one to rip the Band-aid off rapidly. And she wanted to get this sorted out before she had to start classes. That would happen in a little over ten days. And that meant we had to visit a small town in southwestern Missouri before then.

She called, to tell them she was coming home. She said, “I’m bringing my boyfriend with me.”

Even two feet away I could hear her mother say, “What boyfriend?!”

“I’ll explain it when we get there,” said Erica. “Mom?” There was a pause while her mother responded. “I’m very happy, Mom. I’m extremely happy. I’m happier than I’ve ever been, okay?”

The drive took four hours, which was why she hadn’t gotten to go home a lot after she went off to college. I took my laptop, with a couple of projects on it. If I ended up ostracized and unwelcome at the Jardeen home, and had to check into a motel somewhere, I’d try to get some work done. Erica said I could stay with them, but she wasn’t in charge of that and I told her that.

“If you stay in a motel, then I will, too,” she said, almost belligerently. “Besides, Jordie doesn’t need to be in some sterile motel room. If they won’t listen we’ll just leave and come back home.”

Her classification of my house as “home” made me feel better. At the same time, I didn’t want there to be a schism between her and her parents. That needed to be avoided at all costs, if possible.

When we pulled up into the driveway, her mother came outside and stood on the porch, waiting. She’d told the folks at church that she needed to take half a day off. Her dad was still at work.

“Oh my!” her mother sighed, when she got a good look at me. I could see her mental calculator adding up the number of years older I probably was than her daughter.

Erica hugged her mother and then stood back.

“This is Bob,” she said, simply.

“Bob,” said her mother. It looked like she had something in her mouth that she was trying to figure out what was. She blinked, and then looked at Erica, suddenly alert. “Isn’t Bob the name of your ... employer?”

“Bob is my employer,” Erica said. “Well, he was. That’s changed since his wife left him. Now I sort of live there.”

“Live there? Oh dear,” sighed Judith. “I knew something was wrong, but I didn’t know it was this wrong!”

“It’s not wrong, Mother!” said Erica. “I’ll try to explain it, but not out here on the porch. Can we come in?”

Instead of waiting for an answer, Erica suddenly turned on her heel and went back to the car. She got in it and pulled Jordie out of his car seat. He’d been sleeping and was eager to be up and around. He hugged Erica and she brought him to the porch. He turned to see what new, interesting things he might see.

“This is Jordie,” she said. “He might be a little shy, but when he warms up to you he’ll want you to hold him.”

“Jordie,” said Judith. She leaned to look into his eyes. He recoiled, but only a little. “I’ve heard a lot about you, Jordie,” said Judith, speaking in that voice mothers use when talking to a baby - anybody’s baby. She pulled back, probably from the instinct of knowing Jordie was a little nervous and then looked at me.

“Come in,” she said, her voice neutral.

“Thank you,” I said. “I’ve been looking forward to meeting you.”

“Of course you have,” she said, as her eyes glittered.

Judith had coffee made and offered it to us. We sat at the kitchen table and Erica retained possession of Jordie. I saw her mother’s eyes assess the casual, intimate way she held the eight-month-old boy, and the way he responded to her. I was used to that, but I saw it through new eyes as her mother viewed it for the first time. Erica acted like Jordie was hers, rather than some charge she was temporarily responsible for. She’d fed him in the car, about two hours previously, so he shouldn’t have been hungry yet. Regardless, he still leaned to try to get to a nipple. His hands pawed at the swell of her breast and he gurgled.

Erica ripped the Band-aid off again, a little slower this time.

“When I first started working for them, I took care of Jordie while Melody worked away from home and Bob worked in his home office. I liked them both. And I fell in love with Jordie.”

She paused to kiss him on his nose and he laughed.

“Melody didn’t want to be a mother. That’s why she hired me in the first place,” said Erica. “She wanted to work and, it turns out, she wanted to spend time with a man at work. I didn’t know anything about that until she abruptly walked out on Bob and Jordie one morning. She just ate breakfast, got up, said she wasn’t coming home anymore, and then left. She didn’t even kiss Jordie goodbye.”

I thought that was a little harsh, but I kept my mouth shut.

“I felt sorry for Bob,” she said.

“You must have felt very sorry for him,” muttered her mother.

“I felt very sorry for Bob,” said Erica, unfazed. “I liked him. He was a good father. Before this I usually went back to the dorm or library around five or six in the evening, when Melody got home from work. Bob is some kind of computer wizard and works in his office at the house. I knew he’d need more help with Jordie, so I offered to start staying longer each day.”

Judith looked at me.

“And you thought this was a good idea.” Her voice didn’t make it sound like it was a question.

“He didn’t think anything,” said Erica, answering for me. “His wife had just left him. He was distraught. He was in no shape to take care of a baby by himself.”

“I thought you said he was a good father,” observed Judith.

“He is! He was, then, too. He didn’t hide all day in his office. He came out and helped me take care of his son. We talked. We were already friends. When she walked out, we got closer. Neither of us intended for that to happen. It just did.”

“So you were ‘friends’ before his wife left,” said Judith, censure in her voice.

“Not like that, Mother!” snapped Erica. “Give me some credit. I didn’t get between him and his wife. She was having an affair for weeks, maybe even months before she walked out. She might have been doing that before I even went to work for them! The point is, I liked Jordie and I liked his father. And I grew to love Jordie, and I grew to love his father, too. Do you think this was all some flippant school girl crush? Shit just happened, Mom, and when shit happens, you have to deal with it!”

“You didn’t use that kind of language before you met him,” said Judith, her voice stiff.

“Are you going to concentrate on my language, or the fact that I’ve fallen in love?” yelled Erica.

“Calm down,” I said, as Jordie reacted to the anger Erica was feeling. He reached for me as his face clouded up and I took him. I stood him on my lap and distracted him by using his hands to slap my face on both sides.

“Sorry,” said Erica. “I didn’t intend to get angry.”

“You didn’t intend to do several things,” said Judith.

Erica stood up.

“One of the things I didn’t intend to do was get pregnant, Mother, but I’m pregnant, too! So now you have the whole story. If you want us to leave, we’ll just go back home!”

Judith’s reaction to this little bomb wasn’t at all what I expected.

“Sit down,” she said, using her “I’m your mother” voice. “Nobody’s going anywhere.”

Erica sat. She looked tense. I tried to get Jordie to play sit down/stand up but he was craning his neck to see what all the excitement was about.

“I have some questions,” Judith said, softly. “Can we go talk for a while?”

“Not without Bob,” said Erica. “We’re together, now, Mom. He’s part of my equation, now.”

“We’re not joined at the hip,” I said, casually. “Jordie and I will explore. Go talk to your mother.”

I could see she wanted to argue, but she didn’t.

“If he gets hungry, bring him to me,” she said.

“He can give his own son a bottle,” chided Judith.

“I’m nursing him, now,” said Erica. “We induced lactation and now we only supplement with a bottle.”

Judith blinked.

“We have a lot to talk about,” she said.

“I love him, Mom!” moaned Erica. She sounded like she was afraid this “talk” was going to end up in mother telling daughter what to do.

“You said that, Honey,” replied Judith. “I understand that part. I’d just like to hear how it came about. That’s all.”

“Okay,” said Erica, whose voice had a little sulkiness in it.

“We’ll be fine,” I said. “I might get the stroller out and take him for a walk.”

“The park is that way,” said Erica, pointing.

I watched as my girlfriend and her mother disappeared deeper into the house. I looked at my watch. It was half past three. I had about an hour and a half before I’d have to face a man named Frank Jardeen.

I didn’t expect it to go nearly as well as what I’d just seen.

I didn’t count on Judith’s role in what followed. Of course I didn’t know her then, and I had no idea what was going on in the room they had closeted themselves in. Erica couldn’t really explain it to me later, but that wasn’t surprising. As complicated as the situation was, their discussion had to be convoluted, too; probably labyrinthine, in fact. What made it possible for real communication to take place was that Judith did know her daughter, and recognized that Erica was deeply invested in this relationship, whether it was good for her or not. If it turned out it wasn’t good for her, then Erica would need her mother.

I did take Jordie for a stroll and we didn’t get back for an hour. I admit I might have strung things out. Pushing him along in his stroller wasn’t stressful. Going back to the house was.

He was hungry when we got back. We’d brought a couple of bottles and some formula, and the women were still sequestered, somewhere. Erica’s instruction for me to come get her if he got hungry notwithstanding, I didn’t feel like wandering around the house opening doors. We hadn’t brought the swing, so I sat him down on the kitchen floor while I heated some water in the microwave and dumped the formula into it.

He wasn’t interested in the bottle. He’d gotten used to the real deal.

Erica must have heard him fussing because she suddenly appeared and said, “Give him to me. I’ll feed him.” We heard the squeal of automotive brakes and I saw Erica look over her shoulder.

“Dad’s home,” she said. “Can you talk to him while I take care of Jordie?”

In the dimness behind her I saw Judith standing there.

“Yes,” said the woman.

So there I was, standing in a strange kitchen, holding a bottle in my hand, when Frank Jardeen walked into the house. Judith intercepted him as he looked at me.

“You can meet him later,” she said, tersely. “I need to talk to you.”

“What’s wrong?” asked the man. He was perceptive.

“Nobody said anything’s wrong,” said Judith. “We’re going to talk. That’s all.”

“Where’s Erica?” he asked.

“She’s busy,” said Judith. “Now are you going to come talk to me or do I have to start yelling?”

He looked guarded, but he was a husband, and the tone of his wife’s voice was something he recognized.

He ignored me and went with his wife.

As I was to find out later, Erica and her mother had talked in her parents’ bedroom. That’s where Erica took Jordie to feed him. Judith took Frank to the guest bedroom (Erica’s old room), which was the first bedroom down the hallway that led away from the living room. I went to the car and got my laptop, for lack of anything else to do. I sat on the couch in the living room and looked at some code. I didn’t change anything, because I wasn’t really in “work” mode.

I didn’t eavesdrop, but I could hear the murmur of voices. The only thing I heard clearly was, “Frank! She’s in there breastfeeding that child as we speak!”

Five o’clock arrived and so did Erica, holding Jordie. He was happy again. For him, nothing had changed.

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