Chapter 5

Saturday, January 8th, 2022
Colorado Springs, Colorado

[Hey man. Wake up buddy.]

I opened my eyes and immediately squeezed them shut again as the sunlight made me suffer for doing it so quickly.

I sent, [What’s up?]

[Jan snuck out of here about ten minutes ago, and since the headboard of the bed is on this side of the room, I can see her forgetting to drink her coffee at the breakfast bar.]

He sent a stream of her sitting there looking disheveled. She was stretching out a very long sleep shirt with one knee propped up under it with her foot on the stool too and her back leaning against the bar. It was obvious from the way she was chewing on her fingernails that she was worried about something as she spaced out looking toward the window.

I sent, [Crap, that looks a lot like buyer’s remorse to me. At least she’s not wearing our shirt from last night and pining over what might be. Thanks for waking me up, no sense letting that get a full head of steam.]

I got out of bed and pulled on my underwear from last night. Walking out there nude would probably be a tactical mistake, considering her apparent mood. She had left the door open so I was quickly able to see her from across the room, still lost in her head. I leaned against the door jam and said, “Good morning,” and gave her a smile.

She jumped a little but smiled back. “Good morning to you. There’s coffee if you want some.”

I headed toward the coffee maker on the counter. I grabbed a mug from the mug tree right next to it and poured myself a cup. I looked at her again as I took the first sip and then sat on the stool beside her.

“That’s good coffee. Thanks. Do you want to talk about what has you looking so worried this morning? I’m betting it’s not climate change.”

She replied, “Good bet. Though I’m sure that the topic deserves attention, I was thinking about you and how likely you are to screw up my life.”

I said, “Okay,” and took another sip of coffee while I tried to process that one. Jan did the same.

I debated stalling for another sip, but instead, I said, “I do appreciate a concise summary like that. Truly I do, but I think I’m going to need to hear about a few more of the stops you made with that train of thought if I’m going to be able to add anything worthwhile to the conversation.”

Jan smiled at me and said, “Oh no, I won’t put you through that. I scare myself sometimes when I try to follow a train of my thoughts. I’ll try to just hit a few highlights for you. I was thinking about how appealing a guy with your looks, humor, intelligence, and general kindness is. Then I started thinking about the fact that you are on vacation, and what the future might look like. That’s about where I was when you came out for coffee, plus or minus a few daydreams and nightmares.”

I focused on the coffee cup in my hands and said, “Thank you for thinking of me that way, Jan, but I think you are missing a few of my less redeeming qualities in your evaluation. Let’s look at this with open eyes, okay? We didn’t dig into it much yesterday, but this most recent “Jerry Springer” story that I flew out here for isn’t the only screwed up one of those I’ve ever had. In fact, I have an absolutely miserable track record for serious relationships. To say I have trust issues is putting it mildly.”

I turned to look her in the eye, and continued, “Now, I’m not trying to push you away here, but I’m not going to string you along either. When you add in how much I travel, honestly I have no business being in a real relationship with anyone. The truth is, “Friend with Benefits” is about the best relationship I can hope for, and that’s not going to change for me any time soon. I’m not a good choice for your daydreams Jan.”

She frowned at me and said, “Now hold on just a minute there Bucko. There is not a damn thing wrong with you being in my daydreams. I’m a big girl and I can protect myself just fine. You already are a friend, and that’s not something I see changing any time soon. Now as far as the benefits go, do I look like an idiot? I’ll take ‘em when I can get ‘em. Speaking of which, I lost track of what round we were on, but I want another one in the shower this morning. Are you interested?”

I said, “Do I look like an idiot?”

Jan and I had a lot of fun in the shower, then we both got dressed. I chose to wear the casual outfit I had only worn briefly around the mall yesterday. Jan chose jeans and a t-shirt with a light sweater over it. The sweater reminded me that I needed a coat, and probably a windbreaker or something lighter too.

Jan asked, “How do scrambled eggs and toast sound for breakfast? I think it’s about all I can offer this morning without a trip to the grocery store.”

I said, “That sounds great,” and I joined her in the kitchen. Over breakfast, we talked about plans for the day.

Jan said, “I think Meghan was serious about wanting to be part of Phase 2 of the shopping challenge. I bet she gets off at 1 o’clock today, so why don’t we plan on getting together with her soon after that.”

I told her, “That works for me. Did you want to do some grocery shopping this morning?”

She said, “I should. Today is normally my chores and shopping day. But I don’t want to waste your day doing that.”

I shook my head, “Nah, I don’t want to disrupt your routine like that. It would screw up your whole week. Let’s work together to knock out your chores instead. This place looks pretty clean, did you have a major dusting in mind?”

Jan said, “No, nothing like that. Just vacuuming, laundry, groceries, and maybe washing the windows if I get crazy about things.”

I said, “Well, why don’t you start a load while I break out the vacuum, then we can head out to the grocery store.”

She said, “Sold, the vacuum is behind those folding doors with the washer and dryer. I’ll get the laundry going. Do you want me to wash your nice clothes with mine?”

I headed to the folding doors and said, “Yes please,” as I got the vacuum out. It had an obvious canister that looked full so the first step was emptying it. It was packed with dirt and hair but emptied easily into her kitchen garbage can. I put it back together and started working over the living room carpet.

Jan got the laundry going and sat down at the table to work on a piece of paper. I shut off the vacuum when I finished the living room, planning to hit her bedroom next, when Jan said, “Paul, come join me for a minute.”

I sat across from her and she said, “I was working on the grocery list when it occurred to me that I didn’t know how much to plan for. If you would like, you are welcome to stay here with me instead of in the room at the hotel. I don’t know if you can get a refund for the days you already paid for, but you certainly don’t have to extend your stay there if you end up being in town for longer than you originally planned.”

I said, “Are you sure? You really don’t know me very well Jan. We only met yesterday.”

She said, “Look, I was serious earlier. You really are already my friend in my book, and I wouldn’t mind having easy access to those benefits we were talking about. If you aren’t comfortable staying here while you are in town, that’s cool. But I wanted you to know that you are welcome here. There is a daybed in the other bedroom/office that you could use if you prefer, but I hope it’s not immodest of me to say that my bed is probably a better choice.”

I smiled and replied, “That’s a choice you can be sure I’ll agree with. Thank you for the generous offer, I’ll happily accept. Hey, is there a place I can pick up a burner phone on the way to the grocery store?”

She raised an eyebrow and said, “Burner phone?”

I said, “What? That’s what they call them on the cop shows. You know, a pay-as-you-go, disposable phone. They are all the rage with drug dealers and cheating spouses I hear. I’ve seen them at Walmart and Best Buy a few times. I honestly don’t know if the airline is ever going to come through with my luggage, and I’m going to need a phone sooner or later.”

Jan said, “Hmm I might have a better option for you. A year or two ago I switched cell phone providers and they offered a free new iPhone for new users. I decided to keep my old iPhone 11 in case I needed a backup or replacement someday. It’s in good condition and it has just been collecting dust in a drawer so you are welcome to borrow it. We can add it to my plan pretty cheaply and easily.”

I said, “Okay, but only if you agree to let me pay for the added costs, plus all of next month’s charges for both phones too.”

Jan looked stubborn and said, “Well, so much for the cheaper option. I was hoping to save you some money here Paul.”

I replied, “I know that, and I appreciate it, but you are doing me a favor and what you are offering is a better end result for me. Not to mention that it will still probably be cheaper for me overall. Look, I’m not one of those, “I always have to pay for everything” people. Really, I’m not. But I do insist on paying my own way wherever I can, it’s an important part of who I am. I promise I won’t try to pay you rent while I am here. I’m just staying over at a friend’s place for a while after all. But I will want to chip in for gas, food, etc. at a minimum. Is that going to be a problem?”

Jan said, “No, it won’t be a problem, and I think I understand your desire to pay your own way, to some extent anyway. Did you have a particular reason for it being so important to you?”

I leaned back in the chair for a minute, and said, “My father and I didn’t get along well in my teens. It seems like every day he felt the need to use the words: “while you are under my roof” at least once. I guess that plays the largest part in it.”

Her features softened as she asked, “Are things better now?”

I shook my head, “No, he passed away a few months after I left. Drunken car accident. He’s lucky he didn’t kill anyone else actually. Stupid son of a bitch. Sorry about that, it still sneaks up on me once in a while.” I wiped a tear off my cheek and headed to the bathroom.

[Jesus. Where do you come up with this shit from? Dad lives in Albany last I heard.]

I splashed water on my face and sent, [I don’t know, I’m just trying to think like Paul. I go with what feels right. Was it too much?]

[She was looking pretty shook up as you walked away. Were you trying to make her cry or something?]

I looked into the mirror and shook my head slightly. [No, I just thought it would be a good explanation for my need to pay my own way and worked it into the backstory for Paul. I like Jan. I’d like to have her as a friend for a long time. So if Paul is going to be around her, even if it’s only occasionally, he is going to need to have a past with some kind of depth. I figure if we need to pretend to be him for a while, the least we can do is make him interesting.]

He sent, [Well, I’m glad it’s you driving that end of things. I don’t think I could pull that shit out of my ass the way you do. I might be able to help you keep your bullshit straight down the road though. But do us both a favor and let’s not get too carried away with it.]

I nodded and wiped my hands and face off on the towel next to the sink. Jan was at the table still, focused on the grocery list. As I sat, Jan put down her pencil, reached for my hand, and said, “I’m sorry I dug up a painful memory for you.”

I grinned and told her, “It’s okay. Manly men like me can handle the hard questions. Have you got some meat I can grill over an open flame to prove myself with? Maybe I can get in a fight with a neighbor or something?”