Chapter 6: Just The Facts, Miss

January 26, 2002, Chicago, Illinois

🎤 Birgit

The detective sat down and opened a notebook. He asked my name, my birthday, what school I went to, which dōjō I was a member of, and what rank I held.

"I'm a 1st Dan in Taekwondo," he said. "I started when I joined the Navy. When did you start?"

"When I was five."

"And you'll be a 1st Dan soon?"

"Maybe this Summer, but possibly not until I turn 15. Our Sensei is pretty tough."

"So is mine."

"I think it's good, though. Do you like your instructor?"

"Yes," the detective said. "But we're getting a bit off track here. So, please, just the facts, Miss."

Mom, Dad, and Trish all broke up laughing. I was sure it had to do with the old TV show, but I wasn't as interested in those as my brothers were. He asked a few more questions about school and karate, then asked who I had been with the night before. I gave him a sheet that had all the girls' names and their phone numbers, almost all of which were what Dad called 'POTS' lines.

"OK. I'd like you to take me through what happened last night, starting when you got to Water Tower Place. There were no adults with you, right?"

"Not walking with us, no, but Mom and Dad and some of their friends were in the movie theatre."

I knew when talking to the government, I had only one mom and technically, Mom wasn't his wife, but it was easier just to not say anything about it, and Dad hadn't called her his wife when he introduced her.

"OK, go on," he said.

I described what happened, saying that a 'creepy, older guy' had come up to our group and started hitting on me, and obviously wanted to have sex with me. The detective took lots of notes and asked a few questions, but mostly let me talk.

"OK. I think I have what I need," he said. "You're a brave young lady, and I'm glad your parents enrolled you in self-defense courses."

"Does this guy have a record?" Dad asked.

"I'm not at liberty to discuss that right now," the detective said. "You can ask that question of the State's Attorney when he or she calls you. There's a good chance this will be a felony charge, which means taking it to a Grand Jury, though they might do a 'probable cause' hearing instead. I'm not the one who decides, but they'd probably do this in a Grand Jury to keep the proceedings secret to protect Birgit's privacy."

"I'll testify," I declared.

The detective smiled, "Then, I suspect, he's going to prison. Finally."

"What do you think?" I asked Dad once the detective left.

"I think they've probably arrested him for things like this and the girls weren't willing to testify, or their parents didn't want them to."

"You mean asking young girls to have sex?"

"It's 'solicitation of a minor'," Dad said. "And that's a felony."

"And if the girl asks YOU?" I giggled.

"The government would still blame me, because they've decided girls under seventeen, at least in this state, can't consent to sex."

"Oh, please! It's none of their fucking business if I want to fuck or who I want to fuck!"

"They've made it their business," Dad said. "Just remember that for when you decide it's right for you. The guy could get in very serious trouble, including going to jail."

"That's dumb! I'd get on the witness stand and I say I wanted to do it, that I knew what I was doing, and that it's all BS!"

"And the judge would tell the jury to disregard that because no matter what you say, the law says you can't say it because you aren't competent to say it."

I rolled my eyes, "Give me a break! That's what jury nullification is about!"

Dad laughed, "Yes, but the jury will likely be made up of parents like Carol or Carla, not like your mom and me!"

"Ugh! What happens now?"

"They'll talk to your friends, then turn all the evidence over to the State's Attorney."

"Could he get out on bail?"

"Probably, if he has enough money to cover it. But he won't know where you live, or even your name. They'll refer to you as 'BA' in the reports that are public, because you're a minor."

"You should be prepared for some of the parents to decide their daughters can't go into the city without an adult along," Mom said.

"This is SO dumb," I protested. "Are you going to say that?"

"No," Mom replied. "You did a very good job in handling it, and I think you're mature enough to be out by yourself."

"And Vermont?"

"Pumpkin," Dad warned firmly. "We're past that."

"Sorry," I replied. "Is it OK to go? I want to call Rachel."

"Sure," Dad replied.

I got up and left and went up to my room to make the call.

🎤 Steve

"Thank you for not responding to her bait," I said.

Kara laughed softly, "I saw your eyes, so I knew you were going to reprimand her. And she dropped it immediately."

"What was it? Five hours from the conversation you had, and she was already trying to push your buttons?"

"As you said, it comes with the territory," Kara replied. "But she backed off right away."

"She just needs to assert her independence," I said. "I just need to help her keep that in check."

"Mail's here!" Suzanne exclaimed, coming into the kitchen. "Steve, there's a package for you, the rest is bills or junk mail."

She handed me a flat, square box about eight inches on each side, and perhaps half-an-inch tall.

"The return address is the Jaegers," I said, opening the box.

I found a '45' in a plain paper sleeve and a small square piece of paper, folded in half. I unfolded the paper and read it aloud.

"Uh-oh," Kara giggled. "What's the song?"

I removed the '45' from the sleeve and laughed.

"She's carefully crossed out the name of the songs with a Sharpie! It's something by Prince and it says on the sleeve to play the 'B' side."

"I suggest playing it on the turntable in the bedroom," Kara said with a smirk.

"I'd say that's wise," I chuckled.

"Do you have any idea what the songs might be?"

"The date is '88, so it could be anything from before then. My money is on Little Red Corvette."

Suzanne and Kara both laughed.

"But you don't need Trojans, and no jockeys have been there before you!" Kara exclaimed.

"Darling Nikki, maybe," Suzanne suggested.

"That would make sense," I replied. "That's the song that made Tipper Gore lose her mind, and led to the Zappa testimony we've discussed. Darling Nikki was the first song on their Index."

"'Index'?" Kara asked.

"A reference to the list of things banned by the Roman Catholic Church."

"What else was on that list?" Suzanne asked.

"I don't remember them all, but Sugar Walls by Sheena Easton was on the list. You can imagine why?"

"Pussy?" Kara asked, giggling.

"Of course! She Bop by Cyndi Lauper, which is obvious."

"Can't have girls ringing the devil's doorbell, now can we?" Kara asked, having an absolute giggle fit.

"The other one I remember is AC/DC's Let Me Put My Love into You."

"That's not suggestive AT ALL," Suzanne smirked. "What about Tonight's the Night?"

"No, that wasn't on the list, but maybe Tipper was a fan of Rod Stewart! By the way, in addition to Zappa, Dee Snider of Twisted Sister testified as well, though he wasn't nearly as effective as Zappa. They actually played music videos for Hot for Teacher by Van Halen, and We're Not Gonna Take It by Twisted Sister. Now that I think about it, We're Not Gonna Take It was on the list, too, for violence."

"They could put just about every 60s or 70s love song on that list!" Kara said, recovering from her giggle fit. "I mean, every one of them was basically about sex!"

"They called Elvis 'innocent', which boggles the mind, because he was basically the Antichrist for the same crowd. They tried to present heavy metal as a religion of violence and sex. John Denver, who was also there, compared the proposed labels to Nazi book burnings, which was a bit over the top, but given my view of the slippery slope of censorship, I can't argue TOO much with that characterization. Zappa, as we've discussed, brought a nuke to Nerf gun fight!"

We went into the master bedroom and Suzanne shut the door while I put the '45' on the turntable, flipped the selector to the correct speed, turned on the power, and cued the song. Kara gasped, Suzanne shook her head, and I just laughed.

"Oh! My! God!" Kara gasped. "I don't even know what to say!"

"That she knows EXACTLY what she wants!" I declared. "I'm sure you remember what she said to me on the dance floor!"

"That she doesn't shave!" Kara smirked. "Where the heck did she find this single?"

"I have ten bucks that say Henry or Abbie, most likely Henry. That store is one of the few places you might find this single. Who suggested it, well, that could be either of them."

"I've never heard that song!" Suzanne exclaimed.

"Me, either," I admitted. "I didn't even know it was in his discography!"

"Do you think Kurt or Kathy know about this?"

"Kurt wants plausible deniability; Kathy, I could actually see being the source of it, but my money is still on Abbie."

"What are you going to do?" Suzanne asked.

"What do you THINK he's going to do," Kara giggled. "I just wish I could watch!"

January 27, 2002, Chicago, Illinois

"Holly and I have to install a sauna when we buy our first house," Jackson declared as he, Suzanne, Natalie, and I relaxed in the steam.

"Well, given you'll be at M & M and Holly will be at Spurgeon, that should be no more than a year from now. Holly will be able to take advantage of the guaranteed mortgage plan at Spurgeon, and your combined salaries will make that easy to manage."

"She'll be making twice what I do, and that doesn't even count her bonus!"

"Poor baby!" Natalie teased. "Does that make your dick shrivel up and your balls recede?"

"No," Jackson said with a laugh. "That was NOT a complaint, just a comment about the insane amounts of money available at Spurgeon! As for the other thing, Holly has NO complaints, and hers is the only opinion which matters!"

"Steve," Natalie asked, "is it OK to make an observation about something I've been thinking about for a while?"

"Always. And the Inner Circle is privy to nearly everything."

Jackson laughed, "Except your sex CV, and I'll pass!"

"WE have no complaints!" Suzanne interjected. "What were you thinking, Nat?"

"You both know Steve's history, so I think you'll understand an insight into his personality. Steve was conditioned by his mom to shoulder the blame for basically anything and everything. And that conditioning makes him feel responsible for basically every person in his universe, and, to some extent, people who simply wander into it, even if briefly. If you think about it, he's considerate, almost to a fault, with VERY few exceptions."

"Authority figures," Suzanne replied. "Especially government and its agents — police, FBI, IRS, DCFS, and all the other agencies with which he's had run-ins."

"And plenty with which he hasn't!" Jackson added. "But I see your point, and I think it's a legitimate insight. In some ways, he cares too much, but I don't think any of us, or his wives or kids, would want to see that change. In effect, his response to his mom's bullshit was to become our best friend, and a man who would die for us. So, while I wouldn't wish his teenage years on anyone, we've all benefitted from it. Though, on second thought, I'd take Melanie and Jennifer in my life at fourteen!"

Suzanne and Natalie both laughed, and I smiled and nodded. Of course, there was a LOT of drama, serious depression, and suicidal ideation, and even an attempt, but I knew what Jackson meant — unlimited sex with basically any girl I wanted.

"And it fits with exactly the way he runs his company. He's loyal to his employees and would never do anything to harm them, or that wasn't in their best interest."

"Until they turn on him, or violate his notions of honor, respect, and loyalty," Suzanne said.

"The idiot in North Carolina," Jackson confirmed. "But that proves the point — Steve won't stand for abuse of anyone he cares about. And he stands up to the abusers, and, in effect, makes them pay for their sins one way or another. But he also believes in redemption and second chances. But third chances are only given in the rarest of circumstances."

"What about the guy in North Carolina?" Natalie asked.

Jackson smiled, "His second chance was when Steve flew down. He blew that when he used the term 'ragheads' to refer to Muslims. An apology, on the other hand, might have swayed Steve to relent."

"No, I don't think so," Suzanne said. "He'd still have terminated him because he crossed an uncrossable line and hurt people Steve cared about. That said, I agree there wouldn't have been a criminal complaint. And, down the road, with sufficient penance, the guy could have redeemed himself."

"The First Church of Steve!" Natalie exclaimed. "Salvation is found in the quest for wisdom, caring for others, and correcting your mistakes."

"Which is the core of the Abrahamic faiths and most Eastern religions," I said, finally speaking up. "When you boil everything down, they are about self-improvement, caring for your neighbor, and seeking enlightenment. Oh, sure, the trappings are VERY different, but as I've noted there are many commonalities between Russian Orthodoxy and Buddhism. Take away the anthropomorphism of God, and the similarities are even more pronounced."

"Love God, and love your neighbor as yourself," Suzanne said, "Though, in Steve's version, it's 'wisdom', not God."

"The main church of the Byzantine Empire was the Hagia Sophia," I said. "The Church of the Holy Wisdom — the «logos», or 'Word' of God, referenced in John 1. The feast day of the church was the Feast of the Incarnation, signifying the union of man and God. Setting aside the Christian theological baggage, that is what we seek — union with the wisdom of the universe."

"Well," Natalie smirked, "Steve is VERY good at loving his neighbor!"

"FEMALE neighbors!" Jackson chuckled. "At least the way you meant it with that comment!"

"I, like all the women close to him, would pay good money to see THAT!" Suzanne laughed.

"COUNT ME OUT!" Jackson exclaimed.

"Don't worry," I chuckled, "there is more chance I'd vote for George Bush than do THAT!"

The other three laughed.

"Is it OK to switch topics?" Natalie asked.

"Sure," I agreed.

"I'm taking a course which is, in effect, how to be an historian, and we're talking about evaluating sources. I'm curious; how would you go about it?"

"Well, I'd start with the notion that skepticism, among other things, requires you to ask who has the greatest motivation to lie or fudge the truth. And second, I'd say that the correct interpretation is almost always a synthesis of sources, not a single source. So, look at all the sources, do your best to determine the biases and motivations of the author, and then work out a solution that fits the majority of the presented facts, assuming you believe they are trustworthy. And THAT is a purely subjective call, and why it's impossible to write an unbiased history.

"Another challenge you have are 'pious myths' which are intended to convey truth, not be true. Think Washington and the cherry tree as a perfect example. Now, there's nothing impossible about the story, nor about Washington saying 'I cannot tell a lie', but in my mind, it's pure hagiography. And that's fine, so long as you understand the truth it was meant to convey — that Washington was a completely trustworthy man. I'd compare that to Christian hagiographies which are meant to convey spiritual truths, not be true."

"Have you read The Twelve Caesars?"

"De Vita Caesareum?" I asked with a grin.

"You read it in Latin?" Natalie asked.

Jackson laughed, "He's just showing off! I know he doesn't speak Latin!"

"True," I chuckled. "That book presents an interesting conundrum — it makes use of rumor and hearsay, omits some significant events, but is considered highly authoritative about some things, such as the physical descriptions of the Caesars, their families, and their habits, much of which is not found elsewhere. For example, most of what we know about Gaius Caesar Augustus Germanicus comes from Suetonius."