Chapter 56: I Just Want You to be Happy

May 20, 2002, Chicago, Illinois

🎤 Steve

“What am I supposed to do with this?” Dave asked, holding up a form as he stood at the door to my office on Monday morning.

“What is that?” I asked.

“An internship application for Hope Schobert, with your endorsement.”

“Handle it the way you would any other application,” I replied. “You know I won’t interfere.”

“Penny, can we have the room, please?” Dave asked.

“Sure,” she replied. “I’ll go check out whatever goodies they have in the Annex!”

“I’m glad we subsidize gym memberships,” I chuckled. “But I think I might need to subsidize insulin, too!”

She left, Dave changed into soft-soled shoes, and came over to my desk and sat in the guest chair between Penny’s workstation and mine.

“You know that your endorsement is the gold standard.”

“Yes, and if you have a better candidate, offer the internship to that candidate. Dave, I’m not sleeping with her, if that’s your concern. She has a steady boyfriend.”

Dave rolled his eyes, “I’m past that at this point. But you know the way this goes — she has her internship as a Sophomore, which basically locks me into her as an intern until she graduates, and then we hire her. Basically, I feel compelled.”

“You feel compelled, Dave; I’m not compelling you. What I am saying is what I wrote in my endorsement of her application — she’s the most talented future software engineer I’ve seen since Penny. And that’s the absolute truth. If you received this endorsement from anyone else, what would you do?”

“Have you interview them to make sure it was accurate. Which, if I may, is part of the problem. How do I verify your assessments?”

“I hired you twice,” I replied. “What does that tell you?”

“Nothing good!” Dave replied with a grin. “I have the impression she attends your rap sessions.”

“Which we call Philosophy Club now. I’m guessing Bob flagged that to you?”

“Yes, of course, but I suspected as well.”

“Let me handle Bob,” I replied. “My question for you is this — if you were in charge, what would you recommend? Oh, wait, you ARE in charge of your team! It’s your call, Dave.”

“I’ll offer her the internship for the Fall.”

“I’ll wait for Bob to come to see me!”

Dave left, and a few minutes later, Penny returned, munching on a Krispy Kreme doughnut.

“I meant to ask,” Penny said, “what happened to the coins that were tossed on Saturday?”

“The kids gathered them and gave them to Imam Iqbal for alms. I added a check to supplement that.”

Penny made a show of licking the doughnut glaze from her fingers.

“Remind you of anything?” she asked.

“Diabetes!” I replied.

“You are just no fun!” Penny groused.

“Behave, Penelope. You’re starting to push the edge of the envelope again.”

“No fun,” she grumbled, sitting down at her workstation.

We were interrupted almost immediately by Liz coming to the door.

“Jocelyn just called. She heard from a contact in the Justice Department that the younger Braun was arrested at Miami International Airport,” she declared.

“Where was he heading?”

“Unknown. It may have been regular business, or he might have been trying to flee.”

“That’s the end, then,” I said. “Make sure Cindi knows. I assume you let Stephanie know first?”

“Yes. I’ll go see Cindi now.”

She left, and I picked up the phone and dialed Samantha’s direct line to let her know we were in the endgame, and that we’d likely need the financing within sixty days. She promised to have the money available as soon as we needed it, and after I thanked her, we hung up.

🎤 Stephie

“What?” I asked Dad, hands on my hips, when he asked me to come to his study before dinner.

“Lose the attitude with me, young lady,” Dad said firmly. “I have not done a single thing to you, and have at your request, ‘left you the fuck alone’.”

He did have a point, though I knew he sided with Nicholas against me.

“Fine,” I replied flatly.

“Ashley decided she wants to hang out with Mikael, Katt, and Kristina, so she’s going to stay in Östersund when we go there. I had an idea that you might enjoy hanging out with Tina Hoff, Nils, and Anna. They’ll be in Stockholm for two days, but then go back to Östersund. If you went with them, you wouldn’t have to worry about being around Nicholas for more than two days. Ashley doesn’t want to go to Russia, and if you wanted to stay with Anna and her parents instead of going to Russia, that would be OK. Nicholas isn’t going with Jesse, so he’d be there the whole time.”

ANYTHING that meant getting away from Nicholas was good. I wished he could have moved out, but it wasn’t possible. Even if he’d stayed at Jesse’s, it would have been better, but then Jesse couldn’t ‘entertain’, which seemed to be his top priority. He had as many girls willing to fuck him as Dad did, and that was just crazy. What really annoyed me, besides Nicholas, was that Birgit wanted to fuck Dad, and I was sure he would do it because he did everything she wanted.

“You’re just trying to get rid of me,” I replied.

“No, I’m not. You are welcome to stay with us the entire time and go to Russia with us. I was trying to find a way to make your trip more enjoyable given you and Nicholas are on the outs.”

Because Nicholas was being a BOY. And the only difference between ‘BOY’ and ‘MAN’ was what Liz said — body mass and money. But I knew if I said anything like that to Dad, I’d get a lecture about how Nicholas hadn’t done anything wrong. Well, he wasn’t treating me like his fiancée or his wife, which he should have if he really loved me! Maybe Dad was right, and I’d met Tina and I liked her. I knew she was a good friend of Dad’s, and had been since he lived in Sweden, but I didn’t think that was a problem. Nicholas could jump in Lake Michigan for all I cared!

“Maybe that’s a good idea,” I said.

“You could take the train back from Östersund if you wanted. It’s overnight, in a sleeper car. You’d have other girls or women in a four-berth sleeper.”

“That would be cool!” I agreed.

“OK. I’ll set it up with Tina. Would you like some cuddles?”

“I suppose so,” I said.

“It’s up to you,” Dad said. “Only you can decide if you want them.”

I actually did, though not like Birgit. I preferred to sit next to Dad and lean on him with his arm around me. Lying on the chaise was OK when I was little, but not anymore.

“On the couch, please,” I said.

We went out to the great room, and I cuddled next to Dad and he put his arm around me.

“I just want you to be happy, Little Bunny Rabbit,” Dad said.

I was sure he did, but he didn’t understand the problem, which was strange because he let girls run his entire life, including the house, the finances, and his business. If anyone could understand why I was so annoyed with Nicholas, it should be him.

“I don’t think you understand me,” I said.

“Maybe not,” Dad replied. “But I’m here if I can do anything to help.”

“OK,” I agreed.

🎤 Steve

“She’s still in a mood,” I said to Kara, Jessica, and Suzanne after the kids had gone to bed. “She really does need to get away from Nicholas. Unfortunately, there’s no easy way to do that at the moment.”

“What about asking Jesse?” Suzanne suggested.

“That would seriously cramp Jesse’s style,” I replied with a grin. “I don’t really know any details, but he appears to be entertaining quite often.”

All three of my wives laughed.

“Like father, like son!” Kara exclaimed.

“He’ll devote himself to one girl at some point,” I replied. “He’s just living the dream of a star High School athlete with access to quite a few willing girls.”

“Did Stephie agree to spend time with Anna, Tina, and Nils?” Kara asked.

“She did. And I got in touch with Bethany as well, and Nicholas will fly home with them on August 1st, instead of flying home with us. That was an easy change to make with the travel agent.”

“Are we having a party for them to welcome them home?” Jessica asked.

“I discussed that with Bethany and they’d like a week to get settled before we do anything, so we’ll have it on August 10th. I’ll let everyone know. The Swedes are going home the same day we fly back to Chicago, and the firefighters are throwing a bash for them while we’re away.”

“The moonlighter who’s covering for me signed his contract today,” Jessica added. “So that’s all set.”

“And my Stanford research trip is confirmed as well,” Kara said. “I’ll leave on June 9th and my return flight is on the 30th.”

“I’ll be in San Francisco from the 16th through the 22nd. We should have breakfast or dinner so I can meet your research partners.”

“That’s right, you’re seeing your Hawaiian girl.”

“Yes. Oh, and before I forget, Dave told me he’s going to offer Hope an internship for the Fall. She’s already signed up for our Summer internship program, via Beth’s Women in Technology program.”

“That’s not limited to her students at UofI?” Kara asked.

“No. Any female tech student can apply, and with my recommendation, Beth approved. She’s expanding the program in the Fall to include electrical engineering. She’s in discussions with Melissa to create a program at M & M.”

“Do you have male interns at NIKA?” Jessica asked.

“Yes. For the Fall it worked out as two male and one female. The Summer program is obviously all female because it’s Beth’s program. I’d say it’s successful, as both Kassidy and Iris are earning honors in the UofI CS program.”

“Speaking of them, have you heard from Leigh?”

“Yes. They’re settled in their house and she’s using the correspondence courses to continue working on her business degree. Kirk is settled into his new billet and they’re both enjoying Japan so far.”

“Another one of your success stories!” Kara declared. “Successful young woman married off to a Navy man!”

“Anything to improve the morale of the troops!” I declared.

My wives laughed at that, and then, at Kara’s suggestion, we headed up to bed.

May 25, 2002, Chicago, Illinois

“Thanks for agreeing to meet me this morning,” I said to Rachel Kealty when we met at the diner early on Saturday.

“It’s not like I had anything else to do! I saw the notice for the tournament; is that why?”

“Normally I’m an official, but this weekend I have other plans, so I’m not able to do that. Because of the wedding last week, I missed my usual class with my personal students, and I hate missing two weeks in a row, so that’s another reason to not be at the tournament today.”

“Your students don’t compete?”

“Only Miyu competes, and you know why she can’t.”

“I do.”

“Did you come to any conclusions this week?”

“I think we can safely discard the Catholic Church as a foundation.”

“Did you have a proposed alternative?”

“Well, if the Church of All Worlds existed...” Rachel said with a slight smile.

“You’ve read Heinlein?”

“I’ve had a lot of time to read. Television never really interested me.”

“What else did you read besides Stranger in a Strange Land?”

“The usual dystopian novels — Brave New World, Animal Farm, Nineteen-Eighty Four, and Atlas Shrugged. I also enjoy Asimov and Philip K. Dick. I didn’t limit myself, though, so I’ve read all the Harry Potter books, all the Agatha Christie books, all the Tom Clancy books, and a number of books by a Swedish author, Henning Mankell.”

“You’re joking! Henning Mankell?”

“Why do you say that?”

“I read him, but in Swedish. I spent a year there as an exchange student in High School, and I’ll be going back this Summer. That reminds me — I’ll miss several weekends over the Summer, and I’ll be in Europe for a few weeks in July.”

“OK.”

“I do need to mention that there actually was, and maybe still is, a neopagan group called Church of All Worlds that operated starting in the early 60s. I don’t know too many details about it, other than it was based on Heinlein’s book. May I ask what it was about that fictional organization that attracts you?”

“I was being a bit flippant,” Rachel replied. “I was positive you would know the reference.”

“More than that,” I replied. “I grok what Heinlein is saying, and I’ve incorporated some of the wisdom of the Church of All Worlds into my own syncretic spirituality.”

“I’m curious.”

“I’d rather set that aside for the moment and discuss what you think you need.”

“You think I might accept whatever you suggest?”

“I think it’s possible, yes. Just as a drowning man clings to anything that might keep him afloat.”

“The problem is that I haven’t read any expressly spiritual or religious texts, so I’m not even sure about the options. I never went to any church except Catholic, and couldn’t even tell you what any other religions believe.”

I considered simply explaining what I believed, but I decided it was better to continue on the exploration line at this point in our conversation.

“It actually doesn’t matter what other religions believe. I strongly suspect you used a cafeteria approach to being Catholic — you accepted some, if not most, of their dogma, but questioned or outright rejected parts of it. And I’m saying that was even before you met the nameless young man.”

“I accidentally gave his first name a few weeks ago, and I’m reasonably sure you could find out who he was simply by asking Samantha Spurgeon.”

I nodded, “As soon as you said the name, I knew who it was. I’ve met him once, but we’re not friends or anything of the sort. Am I right about your approach to Catholicism?”

“Yes. My sisters and I all rejected the idea of the complete ban on birth control. To us, banning it for managing the spacing between children was enough reason to reject the teaching.”

“Did you agree with the Augustinian view on sex? Or, perhaps more properly, the Manichaean view of sex, which influenced Augustine?”

“Which view?”

“Hostility towards sex and the body, mainly borne of a view that the inner core of man was darkness, as opposed to divine. Luther and Calvin didn’t develop their views of man out of whole cloth; they’re firmly rooted in Augustinian thought, which is rooted in Manichaeism. It’s completely foreign to the Orthodox churches, who never went down the Augustinian path.”

“I suspect your views more closely align with the East? And with the Church of All Worlds?”

“Sex is a natural, normal human activity, but like any other human activity, can be harmful if not approached correctly. That said, there is no one correct approach, and each individual’s sexuality is unique to them. What is OK for me might not be OK for anyone else, and vice versa. Sexual compatibility is a result of shared physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual needs. That’s not to say that every sexual encounter has to have all those components, but true sexual compatibility, for the long term, most likely needs all of them.”

“What you called ‘true intimacy’?” Rachel asked.

“Yes, though not all people who are truly intimate are sexually compatible. I think it’s obvious that one can engage in sex for pure pleasure without intimacy as well. In their lives, most people never achieve true intimacy because they don’t seek it, but instead substitute sex for intimacy. That’s the general attitude of society, so it’s not surprising.”

“I think that’s probably the place to start, don’t you? With true intimacy?”

“Yes.”

“How?”

“It begins with baring your soul,” I replied.

“And ends with baring my body?” Rachel asked with a silly smile. “Figuratively, at least?”

“In the sense of removing the monastic habit? Yes.”

“Is there a reason why you’re basically ignoring my invitation?”

“We could, right now, go to my house and do that, but it would be empty and meaningless.”

“Would it be empty and meaningless if it broke the spell, so to speak?”

“Maybe that’s what happens, but in all probability, it would leave you even MORE adrift than you are now, because you have no foundation on which to build. In my opinion, the last thing you need right now is ‘empty’ sex, especially in light of the impression you’ve given me that you’ve never gone beyond kissing and holding hands. Having sex for the first time can be a momentous, life-changing experience.”

“You’re that good?” she smirked.

I laughed, “The only possible answer to that question in this context is ‘yes!’. But that’s not what I was referring to. I was referring to the spiritual, emotional, and psychological effects. Normally, I’d simply accept a woman’s word, but in this case, I know too much about you to ignore the warning signs. I’m not saying it will never happen, I’m just saying I don’t think you’re in a state of heart, body, mind, and soul to take that step.”

“So, where do we begin?”

“At the beginning — tell me about yourself, from your first memories until the day you quit your job with Spurgeon Capital.”

“There’s not much to tell, really.”

“Sure there is. Your first memories, your first day of school, your first friend, your first kiss, getting your driving license, and a host of other things that made you who you were before that day you quit your job. Actually, now that I think about it, maybe a thought experiment I’ve done in the past will help. Imagine you have an empty box before you. I want you to think of twelve items, no more, no less, which represent your life before Jonathan to put into the box.”

“I’m not sure what you’re getting at.”

“Let me tell you my twelve, at least as they were when I first did this experiment. I selected, in no particular order — a karate black belt; a white queen from a Staunton chess set; a hockey skate; a floppy disk; a lug nut; a cherry blossom; a Naval officer’s cap; a nickel encased in Lucite; a chemistry book; a sambuca glass; my ‘trio’ ring; and a copy of the ABBA single Knowing Me, Knowing You.”

“The karate belt is obvious, and I suppose the floppy disk is because of your company. But the rest?”