Chapter 53: A Not Unreasonable Analysis

May 7, 2002, Chicago, Illinois

🎤 Steve

“You are NOT going to believe this!” I said to Jessica on Tuesday evening. “Someone filed suit against the National Match!”

“No way!” she exclaimed.

“According to an article I just read online, three physicians — Paul Jung, Luis Llerena, and Denise Greene — filed a class-action lawsuit in federal court in DC today. They allege that the Match violates antitrust laws, which you know I agree it does, though they apparently don’t make what I think is the better claim — that it violates the 13th Amendment’s ban on indentured servitude.”

“Do you know the specifics?”

“No. Just the summary. I couldn’t find a copy of the complaint. I’d have to use PACER to get it, I suspect. I can ask one of our lawyer friends to pull it via their systems. I’m sure there’s going to be some interest.”

“You think?” Jessica asked, shaking her head.

“Anyway, according to the article, they’re challenging the National Match, the sharing of salary information by Residency and Fellowship programs, and the rules of the Accreditation Council for Graduate Medical Education. They basically allege a conspiracy to depress salaries and increase hours of Residents, involving every teaching hospital in the country.”

“What’s your take?” Suzanne asked.

“They’re right, but they’ll lose. Heck, I suspect the law is even on their side, but they’ll still lose.”

“Why?”

“I’ll answer,” Jessica said quickly. “Because it would completely upend the system and nobody is going to sign up for that. The old system was a complete mess and was completely dysfunctional.”

“What was the old system?” Suzanne inquired.

“Similar to job applications for normal jobs. The problem was that there was no disincentive to accepting the first offer you received to ensure you had a Residency, then ditching it when a better one came along. That created a cascading mess as individuals accepted, then declined, as better matches opened for them. The current system uses a computer algorithm to determine the best possible outcome.”

“Which is fine,” I said, “if salaries, benefits, and working conditions were negotiable. They aren’t. You can’t even really decline, because you don’t know where you Match until after the Scramble, which is done after you’re told you Matched but before you know where you Matched. So by the time you’re told, every Residency program in the country has filled their spots.”

“What do they want?” Jessica asked.

“Damages and an injunction, which are the typically requested remedies. The article didn’t say how much they wanted, and they don’t have to actually specify that in the initial filing. I’m going to surmise that they claim that wages were depressed by some amount, say, $10,000 per year, and multiply that by the average length of a Residency program, then triple it under antitrust law remedies. Call it somewhere between $5,000,000,000 and $8,000,000,000, of which the attorneys would get a third.”

“Score one for the lawyers!” Suzanne smirked.

“That’s obscene and you know it!” I declared.

“Of course it is,” she agreed.

“What injunctive relief could they get?” Suzanne asked.

“For one thing, and this is a no-brainer, the deletion of the database that contains all the salary information and an end to that collusion. Beyond that, about the only thing they could ask for is a return to the system before the Match. And, honestly, if that’s what they angle for, you’ll see Congress pass an exemption for the NRMP from antitrust laws.”

“What would happen then?” Kara asked.

“The suit would be dismissed. They’ve made Sherman Act claims and if Congress modifies the Sherman Act, the case has to be dismissed because there is no live controversy and no remedy the Court could offer.”

“Damages?”

“If the program is declared to be legal, even after the fact, there are, generally speaking, no damages to be had.”

“How long will this take to be resolved?” Jessica asked.

“I’d say a couple of years. The first move will be motions to dismiss by all the defendants. I suspect some will win dismissal, and some won’t. Then discovery, including depositions and production of evidence, then a trial, then a decision. Call it three years, though Congress will absolutely step in as soon as it looks like the hospitals and NRMP will lose.”

“How long?”

“Call it eighteen months, give or take,” I replied. “I’d guess the motions to dismiss would be argued six months from now, roughly. That’s when we’ll know how much of this is going forward. One other important point about remedies, and I’m sure Jess knows this — the Match was the result of demands by medical students to fix the problems she described. It was a chaotic mess and did not serve students well. That makes any remedy the students request potentially problematic.”

“So, in the end, it’s much ado about nothing?” Kara asked.

“It’s always about ‘nothing’ for you, Kara!” I teased.

“You agree with Hamlet that it’s nice to lie between a girl’s legs!” Kara countered.

“And he enjoys his head in your lap to discuss ‘COUNTry’ matters!” Suzanne exclaimed.

“I LOVE when he does that!” Jessica exclaimed.

“I shall endeavor to attend to nothing after the kids go to bed!”

May 8, 2002, Chicago, Illinois

🎤 Jesse

“I asked my dad about visiting Japan next year,” I said when Akiko and I went to the shower after spending almost two hours in bed on Wednesday afternoon.

“What did he say?”

“That it would be good for me, which means he’ll pay for it if I want to do it.”

“Do you want to?” she asked.

“I do, but I’m not sure we have the same idea about the future.”

Akiko smiled, “Do you know with certainty what the future will bring?”

“No.”

“Then let the future worry about the future and live each day for itself. Not knowing how things will turn out is a foolish reason to decide not to do something you want to do!”

“But what if it might hurt someone?”

“And what if not doing it might hurt them? There is an English poem which says ’it is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all’. I think that’s true. Remember, I asked for nothing from you except your companionship. And you’ve given that to me. As the American song says, ’Whatever will be, will be; the future’s not ours to see’. Do you know the question that answers?”

“There are several, I think, but I don’t recall the lyrics.”

“There are several. One of the questions is ’When I grew up and fell in love, I asked my sweetheart what lies ahead’. If you come to visit, the future is wide open; if you don’t, it is closed. Well, at least as far as we are concerned. You don’t plan to marry until after university, right?”

“I’d say it’s highly unlikely I’d marry before then.”

“And the same is true for me. Do you know who you will marry?”

“No.”

“And neither do I. Perhaps we marry each other, perhaps not. Visiting keeps the possibilities alive.”

“There are so many difficulties.”

Akiko laughed, “My big, strong, American hockey player is afraid of difficulty? I did not take him for a coward who would hide in the face of difficulty!”

“But...” I started.

Akiko put her finger to my lips, “Let’s worry about the obstacles when we come to them. Visiting me is not a commitment to marry! It’s simply part of our journey, and neither of us knows our destiny. Come visit me at home, Jesse-san. Let me show you my world as I’ve seen yours. Only then can we decide if we can be together.”

“I’ll talk to my dad about it.”

Akiko smiled, “I will very much enjoy sharing my futon with you all night!”

“And your parents will be OK with that?”

“I will speak to my mother, but yes, they will. We don’t have foolish notions about virginity like so many girls here do!”

Akiko and I washed each other, dried each other, and then we dressed. We changed the sheets on her bed, and I put the used rubbers and their torn packaging into a bag, which I’d toss in the trash at home so as not to leave any evidence behind. Akiko walked me to the door, gave me a nice kiss, then I headed home.

🎤 Steve

“What happened?” I asked Albert, who was watching CNN when I arrived home.

“A plane crash in China. According to the news, the pilot reported the plane was on fire and then it disappeared from radar. The Chinese government ordered an investigation.”

“How many casualties?”

“Around a hundred passengers and nine crew. They reported hearing signals from the flight data recorders, but haven’t found them yet. How come you didn’t know? Doesn’t Aunt Elyse usually tell you about plane crashes?”

“She does, but she’s been busy, and so have I. Where did the plane crash?”

“Bohai Bay, near Dalian. It had taken off from Beijing and crashed about an hour later. It was a direct flight from Beijing to Dalian, and most everyone on board was Chinese.”

“Thanks for the update!”

“You’re welcome!”

“Any other big news?”

“No.”

May 10, 2002, Chicago, Illinois

🎤 Steve

Just after 2:00pm, Liz came into my office.

“Arthur Braun was indicted on eight counts, and arrested,” she said. “I don’t have all the details, but there are three counts of violating the Economic Espionage Act of 1996, two counts of wire fraud, one count of criminal conspiracy relating to Clay beating up his girlfriend, and two counts of money laundering. Just the violations of the Economic Espionage Act could get him thirty years.”

“Damn!” Penny exclaimed.

“What she said!” I agreed. “Thirty years?”

“And fines of up to $5,000,000 per count. Restitution can be ordered as well. I’m positive you know what comes next.”

“Braun the Younger is indicted once they show Daddy shared the trade secrets with him,” I replied with a satisfied grin.

“That was your plan all along, wasn’t it?”

“It was one of several possibilities, but it doesn’t matter, really. Cindi has been aggressively targeting users of ‘Simply Legal’ and has been successful; so have our other competitors. Now that outside funds are cut off, Braun the Younger is hung out to dry. If he’s indicted, the company goes straight into receivership or the assets are frozen. Either way, we swoop in and buy it. I have the financing lined up, so all we have to do is wait for things to play out.”

“The US Attorney timed it perfectly. The perp walk will make the 6:00pm news in Cincinnati, and Braun will have to cool his heels in the federal lockup over the weekend before he can see a judge.”

“Will he get recog?” I asked.

“Maybe.”

“Recog?” Penny inquired.

“Released on his own recognizance,” Liz answered. “Most people accused of non-violent federal crimes aren’t detained, and in many cases, aren’t required to post bond. The question that matters most here is going to be if Braun is a flight risk. If he is, then conditions might be imposed, including significant bond, house arrest, or some other restrictions. If the risk is deemed severe, he could be detained until trial. I doubt that will happen. Most likely they’ll ask for some kind of bond, secured by his assets.”

“No indictment for Volstead?” I asked.

“No. Deborah’s contact at the US Attorney’s office said his proffer means Braun is gift wrapped, complete with a ribbon and bow. Volstead offered complete and unlimited cooperation.”

“Smart man,” I said. “I hope the Marshals have someone watching Braun’s kid. I could see him trying to get to someplace that doesn’t extradite.”

“I have no idea. But that plays right into your hands, too.”

“In the immortal words of Lieutenant Colonel John ‘Hannibal’ Smith, ‘I love it when a plan comes together!’.”

“Tell me you didn’t watch that show, please!” Liz groaned.

I chuckled, “Only show I’ve ever seen where they can fire several thousand rounds of ammo in a few minutes and nobody even gets a scratch! I saw a few episodes back in the day, but Jesse and I have watched the entire series on DVD! Did you know there’s a Battlestar Galactica reference in the The A-Team?”

“No,” Liz replied, rolling her eyes.

“Dirk Benedict, who played ‘Faceman’ on The A-Team, is in the back lot of a movie studio. An actor dressed as a Cylon walks by and Benedict, who played Starbuck in Galactica, does a double-take.”

“This episode of ‘today in useless trivia’ brought to you by the letter C!” Liz teased.

“Don’t you have work to do?” I asked with faux annoyance.

Liz winked and left my office. I wasn’t surprised when Cindi rushed in ten minutes later.

“Knowles and Jackson, I have you now!” she exclaimed giddily.

“If you have a dumb terminal in your office where the screen updates after the modem disconnects, I think we should all be VERY worried!”

She laughed, “The only way to win is to crush your enemies, drive them before for you, and listen to the lamentation of their women!”

“A Wargames and Conan mashup,” I chuckled.

“Darmok works!”

“Keep the pressure on!”

“Time to step on the gas!” Cindi said happily.

“If for no other reason than to ensure you’re the highest-paid employee at NIKA!”

“And worth every penny!” Cindi declared.

“True,” I grinned. “It would take multiple Pennys to equal you!”

“Only her chest!” Penny growled.

“Take it up with whatever deity shorted you!” Cindi teased.

“Don’t you have work to do?” Penny asked, sounding exactly as I had with Liz just a short time earlier.

Cindi left, and I got hit by a Nerf ball.

“I bet you anything you care to wager I was better!” Penny declared.

“A question I will never answer,” I replied.

“That’s OK,” Penny replied. “I know you don’t want to hurt Cindi’s feelings.”

“You just keep on believing that, Penelope.”

She smirked, leaned over, kissed my cheek, and we got back to work.

May 11, 2002, Naperville, Illinois

🎤 Michael

“Hi, Dad! Thanks for coming to the competition!”

“Hi, Michael. There was no way I was going to miss it. Jesse, Albert, and Birgit are in the stands. I couldn’t convince Ashley and Stephie to come along.”

“I talked to Ashley, and she said robots were the only thing dumber than boys!”

“She said the same thing to me!” Dad replied. “I just wanted to say ‘good luck’. I’ll go sit with your mom and Eduardo. Is Matthew here?”

“Yes. He’s talking with Maggie.”

“Her parents actually let her out of the house?” Dad asked.

“After Mom talked to her mom.”

“OK. I’ll see you after you win!”

He left, and I hoped he was right. I walked over to where Andi, Manuel, and Joe were standing with Mr. Perez.

“I’m glad to see your dad here,” Mr. Perez said.

“He had to skip teaching his karate class this morning to make it, but he promised he’d be here and he is. My brothers and one of my sisters are here. The other ones think robots are ‘dumb’.”

“My little sister says the same thing,” Manuel said. “I told her I’ll laugh all the way to the bank when I get a job in robotics and make six figures!”

“That’s still a few years away,” Mr. Perez said. “How about we focus on winning today?!”

We all agreed and about ten minutes later, the competition began with the ‘egg move’. Our robot had to pick up three eggs, one at a time, from one bowl and put them in another, without cracking them. In practice, we’d been able to do three eggs in succession around ninety percent of the time, with constant minor tweaks so that the last three test runs had been completely successful.

Of the eight teams from schools in the western suburbs, only three, including our team, managed to move all the eggs. We finished second on time, but only by eight seconds behind Aurora East, which put us in a great position to compete for tournament champion.

We reconfigured our robot for the obstacle course by lowering the arm support and retracting the arm. We weren’t allowed to remove any parts, but we could adjust as much as we wanted, and the changes we made gave us more stability. Our robot was built on the principle of being able to clear all obstacles, then for speed. The time penalties for failing to clear an obstacle were, in our opinion, not worth trying to go too fast. The time penalties for having to free a stuck bot were even higher, which again meant slow and steady would give us a good chance to win.

As usual, Manuel was our driver, and Andi and I acted as spotters, while Joe kept an eye on the sensors from the robot which would warn us if it was about to tip or any of the drive motors were overheating. When it was our turn, Andi and I placed the bot at the start/finish line, ensuring it was as close to the line as possible without breaking the photoelectric sensor that would start the timer.

The first obstacle was the ‘mountain’, which meant climbing six feet on a smooth, inclined plane to a plateau, then navigating down the other side, which was uneven to simulate rocky ground. Our treads made it easy, and once the bot reached the bottom, it went through a long stretch of marbles, a stretch of sand, a stretch of mud, and then a set of winding inclined planes to about seven feet, along a plank, and then down another set of winding planes into a pool of water, and then, a long stretch of ice which had been wetted down, and finally through an oil slick. We passed all the obstacles with no penalties, which put us in first place with three teams, including Aurora East, to go.

“You almost drove off that plank,” Andi said to Manuel. “Good job saving it.”

“Good spotting!” he replied.

“We’re likely going to be in first place,” Joe said. “But our worst event is the race. We’re not built for speed.”

“True,” Andi agreed, “But the speed bots don’t do as well on the obstacle course.”

“Get the bot cleaned up,” Mr. Perez said. “Make sure all the oil and sand are scrubbed from the treads and lubricate the bearings in the drive wheels.”

Andi and I set about cleaning the bot under the watchful eye of a judge who ensured we didn’t change any parts which would have incurred a penalty. Joe double-checked the motors and changed the batteries, which was allowed, and once everyone was satisfied, Andi and I closed it up and waited for the final event, which was a five-lap race around the indoor track.

“So long as we finish at least third and no more than twenty-six seconds behind, we’ll win!” Manuel said, coming back from the scorer’s table. “Aurora East has to finish at least second, and at least eleven seconds ahead of us. Saint Charles has to win and beat us by twenty-seven seconds to finish first. I think we’ll outrun Aurora East, but that Saint Charles bot is really fast. I think I can stay close enough, but if we get blocked by anyone once we don’t have to stay in our lanes, we’re in real trouble.”