Chapter 3: Raped and Broken

I sat, waiting in front of the laptop, for his call. He had sent me an email about work and since I’d lost my job, I’d pretty much burned through most of it or robbed of it. Without some fast, I wouldn’t be able to pay rent. Not that I cared too much about that. Money helped me get things that made me feel or go places where I could find men who could make me feel. I knew I was spiraling, but it didn’t matter anymore. Only the rush, never long enough, did. That’s what I was after more than the money. I knew his job would make me feel. Finally, five minutes late, the screen flashed as he contacted me on Skype. He didn’t want to call anymore, he wanted to see me. See what had happened since we last talked a week ago. I was a mess and he knew I would be. I hurt so fucking bad all over but I knew I was beautiful. Finally beautiful.

His shadowed image appeared on the screen. In the corner I could see my own battered form.

“Damn cunt, are you going to be ok?” he said. I didn’t mistake his question for concern. I knew he simply had committed to me doing a job for him and wanted me to be up for it. I told him I was and he told me to turn on the lights in the bedroom and to spin around slowly for him. I did, growing wetter by the minute. I knew he was recording all this. Beyond the previous injuries and marks, I had added to my collection. My lips were swollen bad, split and busted. My nose was busted and just a tiny bit crooked now. My eye was now swollen shut. I’d had bad headaches for the past 3 days.

My body on the other hand, was painted in a swirling mass of black and blues and yellows. My back had several fist sized bruises and hand prints, along with some very thin criss-crossed scars that were still healing, my sides were much the same. My ass had several burns, including one on my sphincter that still hurt badly even from just moving. Where it wasn’t burned, it was bruised. I then showed him my front, light bruising to my neck, several Band-Aids on my tits, a couple more burns and cuts on them than before. My belly was bruised extremely bad and still hurt. I then showed him my legs. Besides some bruises and burns there, they were mostly fine. But my inner thighs were bruised badly and my cunt, it hurt. I felt so alive because of that hurt. There was a burn on my clit, swollen and angry. Above my cunt was lightly carved “Whore” and my lips were swollen and dark.

“I’m alive” is all I told him, wincing as I sat back down.

“For how much longer cunt at this rate?” he asked, and then hand waved it away. “Never mind that. I want all the details but first, in one week, you’re to go to the address I’m sending you. Memorize and then delete the email. They’ll pay you there, five grand. But don’t do anything beyond getting drunk until then. Otherwise I don’t get my cut. Understand cunt?”

“Yes sir,” I answered, meekly. The money sounded wonderful, but I didn’t trust him to get me paid that much. I only trusted him to ensure that I felt something besides gray. I didn’t want to avoid feeling that long, my thoughts had lately grown very dark, but things had gotten dark and beyond my control no matter what I did.

“Ok, tell me about the guy from the bar. When did he visit you again?” he asked. Again, I heard the telltale sound of him unzipping his pants, the squirt of lotion or lump. The thwumping of him already starting to jerk off to my so-called life. I’d have laughed if I could feel that way anymore. I had gray and the ecstasy of pain. Nothing else.

“He didn’t come back for a few days. For myself, I was either home in pain, hurting myself, hitting myself, choking myself, or out at the bar. That night he was waiting for me, I had been at the bar. I’d let guys buy me drinks all night, blew a few guys, got some pills, and headed home about 2 am after some guy had reamed my ass behind the bar.”

“You’re pathetic, do you know that cunt?” he asked rhetorically. Despite him not really wanting an answer, I whimpered a small yes. “Did you even use protection? Or did you come back to your apt leaking cum out your ass?”

“No protection. I know I should have but...”

“The risk, you’re just a drug addict for use and pain,” he said, jerking harder as if he wanted to punctuate that statement with his cock.

“I guess. I don’t know,” I said, lying. I knew what I was, what I had been doing. I just couldn’t stop myself anymore, just a numb cunt watching a dark passenger drive me off a cliff. “So, yeah, I walked back a mess, cum leaking out of me, bruises mostly faded to an ugly yellow. But as soon as I stumbled in, he jumped me. No, jumped isn’t the right word. He grabbed me, hurling me to the ground. Then he kicked me, again and again. I rolled on my back and he kept kicking at my sides and when I protected them, he stomped on my stomach, again and again. I thought my guts were going to burst out and it hurt so bad I actually wanted to live, so it could go on forever. Then he reared back and kicked my head and everything went blank.” I went silent, remembering that darkness that had enveloped me. A complete absence of anything.

“That’s twice you’ve been knocked completely out in about a week cunt. How’s that brain? Damaged?” he asked, jerking off harder as he chuckled at his play on words. He wasn’t too far off however.

“I’ve had some issues, confusion, and dizziness. Headaches a lot,” I said. I wanted to cry at the damage I’d endured to my body, but I couldn’t. The pain was the only reason I felt anything. The constant drip drip that kept me moving to the next high and through the next bout of gray. “Anyway, I woke up strapped down on the kitchen table. My wrists and ankles were all tied down with some sort of Velcro strap shit. The light from the ceiling fan was blinding and I felt all sorts of wrong. In my head I mean. Thinking hurt more than my body did at that moment. He had stripped me and when he saw me waking up, he came over. I started screaming as he got close, because while I couldn’t focus too well, I knew what a soldering iron looked like.”

“You’re burning out fast, aren’t you cunt?” he asked. I noticed that he had jerked off faster when he heard about that.