Chapter 12

The next morning, as orange sunbeams illuminated the bed, I awoke to find Elaine curled up in my arms, her back pressed against my chest. Along with the wafting scent of her fruity shampoo and salty sweat, the room smelled of—raw, passionate, lovemaking. After extricating myself and taking a quick shower, I slipped from the bedroom to make breakfast. Though my plane wouldn’t leave until the afternoon, she had the early flight to Europe—to meet Boyd.

As I cooked, the shower started and a wave of sadness took me. So hard, my knees buckled and my hand slapped to the counter as I slurped my coffee. My mind was torn in half. More than anything, I wanted to keep Elaine. No! No, damn it—I didn’t want to keep her. But goddamn, I needed to find somebody like her. Except there was nobody like her. Of course there was—maybe. Perhaps she could ask Boyd to stay? As I shook my head, I gazed across the pool towards the graying skies. How fitting. No, Elaine needed to go to her husband.

And I must return to my shitty little home life.

When Elaine, hair in a lower ponytail, stepped from the bedroom in a comfortable-looking, dark purple velvet tracksuit and low-heeled pumps, her gaze drifted to me. The wheels of her suitcase thumped along the tile as she dragged it to the front door. One glance at her red-rimmed eyes and I thrust a mug of coffee into her shaking fingers.

“Thank you, Tommy.”

At her wavering voice, I could only nod and gesture at the table before turning away. A low sniffle escaped her. Air caught in my throat and my chest heaved. This sucked. Totally, completely sucked.

After I set down our plates, Elaine mumbled her thanks and stared at her plate, moving her food around with her fork. I mean, it wasn’t her husband’s magical cooking, but it was only scrambled eggs. A tear slipped down her cheek. Then another.

“Oh,” I managed to stutter before my chest seized as she lifted her head to look at me. My mug shook in my hands as she rolled her glossy red lips and sighed.

“She’s a lucky girl, Tommy.”

“Who?” As I cocked my head, I knitted my eyebrows.

“Your not-girlfriend.” She managed a half-smile before adding. “Karen.”

Even as my heart raced and I sought to lower my shaking mug to the table, I muttered. “Karen?”

“You talk in your sleep, Tommy.”

While I struggled for words, for air, and for some magical answer to why such intense pain tormented my soul, I flicked my gaze everywhere else, before at last returning to her.

“It’s alright, Tommy.” Elaine nodded and pried her grin a bit wider, though she left her fork, abandoned, on her plate. “I have Boyd. It’s only fair.”

As I opened my lips to deny—to retort—to babble some excuse, Elaine held up her hand.

“Just one thing. One piece of advice, Tommy. When you see her next. Your Karen. You hug her like you did me that first time. Hold her so tight her ribs shake. And keep her in your arms until her heartbeat matches yours. Trust me, it will. She’ll be yours, forever.”

Once again, I was about to rebut. She wasn’t my Karen. She was Sean’s. And I’d no clue if I’d ever see her again. Heck, neither she nor Sean had phoned before I left. Since I didn’t carry my pager overseas—I couldn’t afford international service back then—I’d no idea if they’d called while I was down there.

Besides, even if they called, they’d only be clients, and I wanted Elaine. She wasn’t crying because of Karen. She’d been sobbing because of—me. Because of us. And that’s what I wanted to understand before she returned to her husband. And before they decided that, I’d never see her again.

Except, I never got the chance.

Outside, gravel crunched under tires and muted island music vibrated through the front door.

Head hung low and tense shoulders lower, I followed Elaine out, tugging her suitcase. After I placed it in the trunk and stood before her, she paused before nodding, leaning in and placing her soft lips against mine. One final kiss.

No matter what they’d said to each other before he left, Boyd would put his foot down. He had to. She’d tell him everything, confirming his suspicions. We must’ve done and felt so much more than they’d discussed. And that would be the end of this—whatever this had been. When Elaine stepped back, I surged forward, arms out to grasp her, but she slipped away before I could hug her tight one last time.

Because, as her gaze lingered on me for a split second before tugging the door closed, if I had, it wouldn’t have been the last time, and Elaine would’ve missed her flight. As she dabbed at her eyes, she forced a grin. She waved until she disappeared from sight up the road in a cloud of white coral and limestone dust.

After standing in the gravel for—no fucking idea how long—I trudged inside to clean the dishes before meandering through the villa. After pouring some rum, I took a sip, then dumped it back in the bottle. It reminded me of—everything. To this day, I still can’t drink rum without recalling the days and nights at that villa and the nearby village.

With a sigh, I ran my fingers over the back of the couch where Boyd had slept every night but his final one. I managed a tight half-grin as I found the spot on the concrete where I’d devoured Elaine beside the pool. At last, after dressing, I leaned against the counter in the kitchenette, where Boyd had created the most wondrous meals.

As rain spattered onto the deck and a chilly breeze fluttered the sheer curtains by the doors, the place felt so empty. And I was so lonely. As goosebumps erupted across my skin with the initial downpour of chilling raindrops, it struck me—hard. Despite everything I’d accomplished in my life, in this stupid career, I was so very much alone.