Chapter 3

For two weeks I carefully tiptoed into Kyle’s life. The women all seemed too caught up in their lives and dramas to concern themselves with any faux pas I might have made. Marie wanted my attention for company and her needs, not to be derailed worrying about any inconsistencies in my behavior as Kyle. She was not self-centered, just focused on herself, her needs, and commitments as the school year wound down.

Jeanne seemed to know something was not quite right, but as her nephew was standing right in front of her, she couldn’t put her finger on what that might be. I would occasionally catch her looking at me in more than a casual way, but with two teenage girls to cope with, any changes in behavior on my part were not particularly noteworthy to her.

“When your father decided to propose to Marilyn, he spent weeks building up enough courage to approach daddy,” Marie was sitting in the living room with me and Jeanne talking about Kyle’s parents. The girls were at the mall with a group of other like-minded girls. It was the Saturday afternoon following my speech. We hadn’t delved into the emotional scabs torn off when I bared Kyle’s soul to a room full of teenagers, yet, but I could tell it was coming.

Marie was trying to lighten the mood around the house. Ever since my presentation, the five of us had carefully refrained from talking about how Kyle could suffer nearly suicidal depression without his aunts noticing. The girls were too wrapped in the day-to-day drama of high school boys and

Jeanne and Marie tried to suffocate me with hugs and kisses once we were away from the school and back in Kyle’s (now my) house. The shock of having Kyle’s overwhelming sadness laid bare, and the guilt of having ignored it, combined to cause equal hurt and shame in equal measures for the two women.

Not to lose steam when telling a good story, Jeanne took up where Marie left off. “Your dad was so scared of our dad. He finally worked up enough courage to knock on the door and ask Daddy to take a walk with him.

“They were gone a good while and when they returned, Daddy took Mom and Marilyn into the bedroom and closed the door. About two minutes later Marilyn came charging outside like the devil himself was chasing her and threw herself into Kurt’s arms. She was crying, kissing him, laughing, hugging, and crying All over again, but it took a few minutes before she could catch her breath enough to inform Kurt that Daddy agreed.” Marie was silent for a bit after sharing the news about Kyle’s parents. I imagined she was reliving happier times in her head.

We talked until Jeanne announced that the girls needed to get home and get some studying done. They were both signed up to take first aid courses and were spending time each evening hitting the course books, trying to get a leg up before classes started in earnest. “Kyle, we will see you tomorrow for dinner. GOT IT” Jeanne pointedly gave me my marching orders as she shepherded the girls out to her car.

When I got back into the living room, Marie was curled up on the couch with a cup of hot tea, looking for all the world like she had something on me and was about to spring the trap. I’ve seen that look before and knew there was no way of avoiding whatever was driving her, so I gave in gracefully, settled myself on the far end of the couch, grabbed my cold tea, and waited for the sky to fall.

It didn’t take long.

“Kyle...” Marie said his name as if she was tasting it in her mouth. She didn’t chew my name. She seemed to experience my name on the way from her vocal cords to her teeth. The effect on me was unsettling.

“ ... Kyle, I was so ... not surprised but, frightened and at the same time incredibly sad when you shared your story at school. The moment you started to talk about the silence and the pain, I cried right along with Jeanne and half the senior class.

“For me, it was like being given permission to hurt.

“You gave me permission to hurt for our family and to cry for me ... but then I realized that I was crying for you, too. Can you ever forgive me for not noticing?

“I can’t believe I never knew how hurt you were inside. How did you manage to keep it all bottled up inside? Don’t you see how dangerous that was? You are all I have left of Marilyn. How could I have been so caught up in my sorrow that I missed how terrible it was for you???”

“I’m so sorry, honey ... please forgive me...”

“Now,” she said, emphatically, “tell me everything. Start at the beginning and don’t you dare leave anything out.”

We talked for a long time. Kyle’s memories, stored in my head came in very handy, as I walked Marie through the days following the crash. Marie was a skillful listener when she wanted to be and only spoke to encourage me to keep going or clarify some little detail. As we talked, I was aware of Marie moving closer and closer to me, closing the distance between us Kyle’s story closed the gap between her understanding of her nephew and the facts she missed because of the depth of her grief.

“I need a cold drink,” Marie declared, hopping up and heading for the fridge. “Can I bring you anything?”

“There is a Super Big Gulp on the top shelf with unsweet tea. Could you add a little ice and bring it with you?” Marie nodded and grabbed my tea before closing the fridge door.

We sat quietly enjoying our drinks. The silence was comfortable without either of us needing to fill it with useless chatter. After a few minutes, Marie tilted her head over to the side and said, “You have learned to be content by yourself, haven’t you?” Before I could answer she went on. “I think the reason we all missed your depression was that you seem so at ease alone. There were no outward symptoms to tip us off that something was very wrong. If there were, they were so subtle that we couldn’t see them.