The rest of the girls at college knew him as a playboy. Me? I just knew he was an asshole.

Cameron Miracle. It was fucking miracle he didn’t come to the university every day with a black eye. He was a douche, no two ways about it. Every girl he ever met seemed to think so; at least, once he had their way with them. Until then, it was like they were his property; he’d do whatever he wanted with them, and while with them ... and they wouldn’t care. They’d follow him around like a lost puppy until he was bored with them, then look for the next girl.

It was almost mind-boggling. The guy may have been a successful playboy, but exactly how he managed to get away with it was beyond my comprehension. Cameron was one of those boys, the type with a smug demeanor and a cocky expression who knew he could get away with anything. He was one of those new-age hipsters that claimed he was a minimalist or a Buddhist or whatever was trendy. Clearly, he was just a hedonist: a douchebag that would pick the hottest (and sometimes youngest, yikes) girl in the room, and do his best to seduce them. It didn’t matter if they got bad vibes from him, it didn’t matter if they were in a relationship. Sometimes his own friends would warn the girls about him, he was that much of a living red flag. But somehow, nothing ever got in his way. Nobody ever told him to stop. And it showed.

His mother worked for the university in some kind of low-paying job, so even his tuition was free. He had blonde hair, done up in one of those stupid, flopping-to-one-side haircuts that some people seemed to go nuts for. Particularly girls. But not this one.

I thought he would never know my name. I wasn’t particularly involved, so I figured I would be able to dodge his gaze. Unfortunately, at a certain point he became fixated upon me. His crooked, focused grin and penetrating eyes were upon me whenever we happened to lock eyes. It didn’t help that my two best friends were none the wiser.

“Jacqueline!” Maddie, one of my best friends, whispered, looking back from him to me as we ate lunch together at the cafeteria. “He was looking right at you!”

“Does he have a thing for you?” Heather, my other friend, asked innocently. We were a good trio, even though I operated as the brains of the group.

I just rolled my eyes in response. “Who fucking cares?” I asked with a little more heat to my voice than I intended. “It’s Cameron. Let him stare. We all know what he wants.”

“I heard he prefers Cam now. He hates it when people call him Cameron,” Maddie replied uneasily.

I looked at her and broke out into a smile. “Sounds like you gave me more of a reason to call him Cameron,” I told her. “You two seriously don’t ... you know? You heard what he did to poor Georgina at the party.”

“I gotta admit, he’s pretty cute...” Heather trailed off.

“What?” I asked.

Maddie giggled. “I’m gonna come down on Heather’s side here. Like, yeah, we’ve heard the rumors. He’s a douche. We get it. Or at least I get it.”

“No no, I get it too,” Heather soothed.

“But he is good-looking,” Maddie finished.

I stared at the two. “Oh, so okay, just because he’s cute, that’s an excuse to treat every girl he’s ever known like shit?!” I asked incredulously.

“No, it doesn’t,” Maddie admitted uneasily.

“Just because he looks good?” I added authoritatively. “What are we, in fucking high school?”

“We’re not saying he’s, like, infallible or anything...” Heather gingerly added.

“You sure thought it was worth pointing out that he was cute,” I retorted angrily.

“Alright, fine, I’ll keep my fucking thoughts to myself,” Maddie bitterly replied. “Did you have a bad experience with him or something?”

I sighed. “No,” I admitted. “Sorry. I just don’t want either of you going after him. I just know he’s bad news. We used to get bad news boys all the time in high school. I guess I’m just angry. I thought we’d be mature enough not to let boys ... in. At this point. You know what I mean?”

“I never went to your high school,” Heather replied.

“Me neither. Where’d you go, anyway?” Maddie added.

“Weston. It’s in Connecticut,” I answered.

“I was local. Hazelwood High,” Maddie replied.

“That’s not that local,” Heather argued.

“Still in Massachusetts,” Maddie reasoned.

Heather shrugged indifferently as I continued. “Have either of you done anything with him?”

The two, strangely, looked at each other. For a minute, I thought I was being too harsh. At once, they both turned to me and shook their heads.

“I would take a chance on him though,” Maddie boldly admitted. “Is it a crime for wanting to go out with a boy because he’s cute?”

“Maddiiiiiie,” I groaned. Maddie was a good girl but she was a little shallow. “You’ve heard just as many rumors as I have. He fucking destroys girls.”

“I could-”

“I swear to God, if you tell me you could change him...” I threatened.

Maddie slunk back in her chair. In her stead, Heather cleared her throat. “I mean, so many girls have gone after him. That has to mean something.”

“It means we have a fucking long way to go,” I admitted sourly.

“Jacqueline, you kind of like to appear all high and mighty, don’t you?” Heather challenged.

I softened my look. Maybe I did, but I also hated confrontation. “Okay, okay, sorry. I just don’t like him. I kind of ... worry about either of you two being in his sights. I’m sure...” I swallowed. “I’m sure he’s kind of hot if you’re into his look or whatever, but I just don’t want either of you two to be his next ... conquest or something.”

Truth be told, I was more worried about myself. As much as Cameron had a reputation for being a douche, the one part of his reputation that scared me was the list of all of the girls that fell for him and got their hearts broken. He treated all of them like shit, sure, but that was missing the forest for the trees. There was never a story of anyone that told him no. No one that didn’t let themselves get sucked into his little game. And with his numbers, that was ... mathematically, at the very least unlikely. There was something else going on.

I knew that I was conventionally attractive, and if I didn’t, boys would remind me. It didn’t really help me that much in life as much as it drew trouble towards me. Despite my flowing brown hair and blue eyes, I had to adopt a naturally unfriendly face just to ward them off – “resting bitch face,” or so it was called. It wasn’t resting though; not only did it take great effort, but I was all too happy when I was around my friends to lose the face and break a smile. Around boys, I kept it up to deter them, and it seemed I found a boy, famous around the school for treating women like shit, who didn’t seem bothered by the face.

And he kept looking at it.

“Hey, is this seat taken?”

I glanced to my left and heard the first words he ever said directly to me. I stared at him, letting him know with my eyes just how unwelcome he was.

Maddie, the only friend I shared the class with, didn’t get the memo. “We’re not saving it for someone,” she remarked innocently. “Hi, Cam.”

“Hey...” he trailed off, giving her a slight smile and pointing at her. “I’m really sorry, I’m actually so bad with names. Did you ever give me yours?” He brushed his stupid floppy yellow hair out of his face.

“Oh, no, you didn’t! My name’s Maddie, Maddie Wyatt.” She outstretched her hand in front of my face.

I tried to blow the hand away, but Cameron, giving his little cocky grin, gladly touched and shook her hand. Grossly, the touching was its own little motion. I didn’t even need to look at Maddie to know it affected her. “It’s very nice to meet you,” he warmly said in his politician voice, then sat down.

I was both comforted and worried by the fact that he was clearly looking to get to me more than Maddie. As soon as he sat down I stared him straight in the face. “I know all about you, Cameron Miracle,” I practically growled. “And I’d really appreciate it if you left us alone, please.”

“Jacqueline!” Maddie exclaimed, as if I was the unwelcome guest.

To my annoyance, he only smiled. “Ah, so that’s how you heard my name, huh?” he replied simply. “Well, I’d be happy to lay some rumors to rest here and now, if you have any questions.”

Questions?! Was it half the girls in the school against one man? Yeah, what a fucking dilemma, who should I trust?! Please.

“I don’t know, I think it’s silly to immediately assume everything is true,” Maddie gently piped up.

I gave her a look of death as Cameron went on, “Oh come on, I’m sure there’s some truth to them, although, if I can say, it’s never my intent. I could learn to be a better person,” Cameron offered in an admittedly well-rehearsed self-reflective voice. “And maybe with your help I can become one.”

“Well, we can all become better people,” Maddie immediately replied. I was contemplating getting up and going to a new spot.

“Ah now, come on,” Cameron didn’t let up. “No excuses. Yes, in first year, I made a lot of mistakes, and I was a bit of a dick. I can’t ask for forgiveness, but I can try to become a better person. And I actually feel like I could learn a lot from you.” The moving finger pointed at me.

“Me?” I asked, the first thing I said to him that wasn’t dipped in poison.

“You seem to say what’s on your mind with no reservations, especially if it’s for the greater good. Do I have that right?” he asked.

My eyes narrowed. “No idea.”

“Yes, it’s true!” Maddie replied, her voice reflecting annoyance at me. “Jacqueline can get a little ... confident that some people are bad, but-”

Cameron held up a hand. “I offered up a lot of evidence to support that, and that’s my own fault.” His smile faded, and he looked sincerely at me. “It’s nice to meet you, Jacqueline. And I hope that I can prove to you that I’ve become a better person.” He held out a hand, wanting me to shake it.

I stared at it. “I hope you’ve become one,” I simply replied, getting up. “You two have fun. I’ll need to concentrate this lecture.” I didn’t bother looking behind me and looked for a free place in the auditorium to sit.

I’m sure to Maddie I looked like the bad guy, and I was going to get an earful later, but Cameron was talking as if what he did was in his distant past. The last girl I heard about him ruining was around a couple weeks ago, and that was the last one I heard about. I didn’t exactly ride the gossip train to hear about this stuff. The last thing I needed was to let him worm his way into my trust. I would be the first woman to tell him no.

“Honestly, yeah, the fact he tried to play that off like that’s some former version of him is a major red flag,” Heather admitted.

“Thank you! Holy shit,” I relished the small victory.

Maddie rolled her eyes and said nothing.

Heather continued. “Like, trying to show that he’s taken accountability and is willing to listen is such a double bluff move.”

“So what’s the difference between a guy that’s actually willing to learn and a guy that just says he is?” Maddie thought out loud.

“His actions,” I finished the thought, and Heather nodded along. “Words are great, especially when a guy knows how to use them, but they’re ... just words.” I closed my book so I could look Maddie in the eye. None of us took going to the school library too seriously anyway. “He lured sex out of a girl by pretending he wanted a relationship and then tossing her to the curb after she gave her virginity to him like three weeks ago. Three weeks. You got that fucking phone four weeks ago, and you keep telling us it feels like it’s still new, Maddie.”

Maddie looked uncomfortable. “What girl?”

“I didn’t recognize the name. Point is-”

“Maybe it’s not real,” Maddie offered. “Maybe the story was exaggerated.”

Heather looked at her. “Have you got a thing for him or something?”

“No, I just want to believe that people can be good! That’s not a crime!” Maddie protested.

I kept an even tone, remembering the last time. “It’s true, gossip is unreliable and it’s unlikely every story is a hundred percent true. But do you know what’s even more unlikely? Every story being exaggerated or wrong. There’s like, dozens of them.”

“Alright, alright,” Maddie conceded. “But if he turns around soon, I get to say I told you so.”

I laughed. “If fucking Cameron Miracle turns around soon, whatever ‘turning around’ even means, I’ll throw you a parade.”

Maddie blinked at me. “Turns it around,” she corrected herself after a pause. “Like, his act. Turns his act around.”

I nodded.

“You know,” Heather began in a singsong voice, “The best way to get boys to stop looking at you is get yourself a boyfrieeeend...”

“I shouldn’t need a boyfriend to get him to see reason,” I argued. “If the only reason he’d leave me alone is because I’ve got another boy, that’s actually more fucked up.”

“You just really want Jacqueline to finally get a boyfriend, don’t you?” Maddie giggled.

Heather nodded with a smile. “It’s your year, Jacq. You’ve got these mature college boys, like, all around you, and when you’re not putting on that pout, a lot of them probably get neck cramps from looking at you all the time.”

“Mmm. Pain. Good,” I mused, opening up my book again.

Maddie put a finger to her forehead and pointed another at me, doing a faux fortune-teller act. “I seeeee...” she began in some kind of accent. “You living with a dozen cats in your future!”

All three of us smiled at that, with Heather giving a light chuckle. “Hey, suits me,” I replied. “As long as I can invite you over sometimes to pet them. You’d like them, they’re soft.”

“Already planning for the future, are you?” Heather asked jokingly.

“We’re in college, who isn’t?” I asked.

“Thanks again,” I said with a kind, polite tone. “I had a fun time tonight.”

The boy smiled back at me shyly and chuckled. “Yeah, me too!” he replied enthusiastically. “Did you want to maybe plan for a second date...?”

I pretended to mull it over, then sighed. “Do you want the nice answer or the realistic one?”

“ ... Is the realistic one mean? Did I do something wrong?” he asked nervously.

“No, you’re okay,” I soothed him. “It’s a me thing, not a you thing.”

He donned a sheepish smile. “That’s what they all say.”

I didn’t like when boys said that. If a guy told me that every woman he meets gives them ‘the speech,’ that only let me know he was the type to warrant that speech often, which meant either he happened to always be around toxic people, or he was the problem. One could easily guess which one was more likely.

Still, I went along with it. “Don’t worry, I’m not saying I didn’t enjoy it. You’re a cool guy, and I’m sure you’d be a great fit for someone, but I’m not too sure if I’m into dating. I think I kind of rushed into it because my friends wanted me to, but ... I’m just not ready for it. I went out tonight to see if I felt any different, but ... I can’t lie to myself about my feelings. And that’s not on you at all, you’re a good guy.”

“Well ... I can wait for you! I mean, we can go as slow as you want,” he protested.

My polite smile faded. “It’s not about that, I just don’t feel right doing it at all.”

“What about it doesn’t feel right?” he asked.

“Um, I don’t really have the words for it...” I replied uneasily. “Why?”

“Oh, I’m just thinking, maybe there’s a way we can work around it, you know, get what we both want and stuff,” he replied with a shy smile.

“What I want is to be single and not tied down by a guy,” I replied a little stiffly. “Sorry.”

“Well, uh, maybe, if you wanted, you can still be single and we can do this more casually...” he offered suggestively.

“I’m not interested in that,” I told him flatly.

“Jeez, you’re really not giving me much to work with,” he replied with a chuckle, as if this whole situation was funny.

“I’m not trying to give you anything to work with,” I told him. “I’m explicitly telling you that I don’t want anything to do with a boy, and you don’t appear to be taking that well.”

He gave me a look like I slapped him across the face. “Um, jeez,” he mumbled. “That’s kind of presumptuous. I was just asking.”

I nodded. “After I told you I wasn’t interested. But now you know.”

“But like, I was just-”

I held up my hand to stop him. “I told you no. Can we please just go from there?” My tone approached pleading at this point.

His look darkened. “This is why I’m always worried about pouring my heart out to a girl, because then they just turn around and do this.”

I didn’t even have the energy to give him a look of incredulity. Instead I just rolled my eyes, turned around, and started to make the walk back home, ignoring the no doubt litany of things the boy had to say to me as I reached into my pocket and pulled out my headphones.

Three dates in five months, and two of them ended exactly like this. Boys were so insecure. Granted, the other guy took it really well. That should have been the standard and not the exception, but given the circumstances, I was grateful. We even hung out two times since. I would never hang out with this boy again in my life if I could help it. I didn’t get how guys didn’t get that. We were adults in college, for God’s sake. Sometimes I wished I was a lesbian or at least bi, that would have made things easier. But nope, I was straight as an arrow, which meant I was stuck in the nightmare world of having to find a boy to like.

As soon as I got back to my dorm, I texted Heather and Maddie to let them know the news – though they were probably expecting it – then sighed and flopped down on my bed.

Truth be told, I totally would have settled down with the right man. It was easier to tell my friends I didn’t need to date, rather than the complicated answer of, ‘while at times I feel ambivalent about having a life partner, I’d enjoy spending my college years romantically tied to a boy that communicates openly and demonstrates he knows and supports my goals and desires without feeling like he has a chokehold on me or owns me or something.’ Too many words.

People sucked sometimes. I was so glad that I paid a little extra to have my own dorm room. In here, I was in my sanctuary. No one could bother me, not without my consent. I had the power to let people in, or keep them out, and I would keep it that way.

I shifted over to laying on my side and eyed my wand, staring at it for a few seconds before understanding what I needed. I didn’t masturbate that often, but when I did, it was more because I was frustrated than anything. Like, ‘let me show the world what someone else missed out on by being a dumbass tonight.’

And ‘show the world’ was right. My wand vibrator wasn’t the quietest thing on the planet, to the extent where it was very possible that both of my neighboring dorms could hear the buzzing, if not also the moaning. I didn’t really learn how to be quiet, and that was a bad habit I kept in college.

I started slow, as I always did, turning the wand on and starting around my inner thighs, moving my hips around to complement the delicate motions. I always liked to tease my body with my wand, only letting myself barely feel the vibrations at first.

My chest rose and fell as my breaths got more shallow. I didn’t have the most impressive breasts in the world – I was the only one in my friend group that could go without a bra and not feel the consequences for the rest of the day – but I really liked the way my nipples looked, and the way they felt. I took my wand and moved them over my breasts, moaning out loud with no shame as I felt them brush against my hardening nipples. I loved that feeling. I was going to be so happy when I could find a guy that had a talented tongue.

I moved my wand back down to my thighs, allowing it to get closer and closer to my poor aching clit. It begged for release, and I was growing impatient. With the slightest touch, I moved my wand and arched my back. Closer ... closer...

Impact.

I moaned as soon as I felt the vibrations on my clit. Loudly. Carnally. My friends wouldn’t recognize the voice that came out of my mouth.

“Oh, fuck yes!”

I ground my clit against the wand, used at this point to how it felt. At first I still had to wear my panties when using the wand, the impact felt that strong. Now, my clit was strong. It could take much more, and I wanted to give it more. I wanted to push myself to the absolute sexual limit. At that moment, I swear, I would have done anything dirty.

I took out my phone and booted up my favorite porn. I felt so dirty watching porn, knowing it was supposed to be a thing girls didn’t do. A lot of it was dumbly made, and definitely not for girls, but something about that excited me too. I found something hot I ‘shouldn’t have.’ I liked that. I moved my hips back and forth to meet my magic wand, working its magic on my love button, watching some hung buff guy absolutely destroying a girl half his size. It was almost a shame I was taller than the average girl. I would have loved to be destroyed like that.

My orgasm came swiftly and powerfully, and as always, I did not hold back my cries as I felt energy surge from my pussy. I liked that word, pussy. It felt so degenerate, almost childish in its openly reductive nature. My needy little pussy.

I panted heavily, feeling myself coming down from my high. I couldn’t wait until I could get a guy that would eat my pussy, I bet that was going to feel amazing. I traced lines around my inner thighs again, feeling out if I wanted to go for round two. It would be far from the first time, and the porn video was only halfway through. Since everything was already prepared, it would be a shame to waste the opportunity. I closed my eyes and bit my lip, feeling the wand get closer to my clit again.

“You what?!” I exclaimed.

Maddie shrugged. “I hung out with Cam yesterday,” she repeated quietly. “It was kind of fun.”

I turned to Heather. “Did we not talk about, like, all the red flags he’s ever shown anyone ever, multiple times?” I asked.

Heather nodded grimly. “You need to be careful, Maddie,” she joined in. “He never just does this for girls because he likes their personalities and thinks they’re cool. He always wants something.”

Maddie paused, then moved her mouth around in thought. “I mean ... there are worse things.”

“Are you serious?” I barked.

“I’m just saying! I find him cute, he finds me cute, what’s the harm?” she defended herself.

“The harm-” I started, though Heather gestured that she wanted to try, so with great restraint, I stopped myself.

“You find him cute in a way where you want to spend more time with him and get to know him better,” Heather began. “Which is totally valid. Love that. But he finds you cute in, like, a fascination way. Like, he wants to have you until he gets bored. He might say he wants something real or whatever but that’s only to get what he wants. He’s never made the exception with any girl. He will dump you when you feel the strongest for him. He will cheat on you. He will turn around and say you said and did things to make him look better, things you never said and did. We all know it.” I nodded along the way with every word Heather said.

“I don’t get why this turned into a ‘fuck Cam’ party,” Maddie said with a pout.

“ ... When has it not been that?” I asked.

“We get he’s cute,” Heather explained.

“I don’t,” I cut in crabbily.

Heather shot me a look, then continued. “But he’s just not worth it. Admire him from afar if you have to do anything. Just don’t engage.”

Maddie sulked as the three of us finished our food. We didn’t talk about a lot more – mainly just classes and stuff. Annoyingly, and worryingly, Maddie was getting increasingly less interested in any topic other than Cameron. That was always part of the story; the girl becoming obsessed. I would be dead in the ground before I was going to let Cameron get to my friend too.

Clearly, though, his sights were set on her. Just as we talked about getting up, we heard his voice from across the cafeteria. “Hey, Maddie!” All three of us turned to see his crooked grin and waving hand. Maddie enthusiastically waved back. Heather and I exchanged worried glances.

No sooner than he had found us was he sitting down at the normally vacant fourth chair. Maddie was immediately transfixed, much to my displeasure. “Hi, Cam,” she sang as he sat down. “I really enjoyed our time together the other day. I was just telling the others about it.”

Cameron smiled and looked right at me. He caught my look and his smile didn’t wane. “Uh-oh, are we going to have a talk?” he teased. “Don’t worry; like I promised, I was nothing but respectful to her. You can ask her if you don’t believe me.”

“It’s true!” Maddie immediately backed him up enthusiastically. “We didn’t – he – I honestly think he’s changed, Jacq.”

“To be fair, it’s her right to not trust me immediately,” Cameron assured us all in his best politician voice. “But I want this behind me as much as anyone else.”

“That takes action, not words,” Heather added, the first thing she said since he sat down.

Cameron nodded solemnly. “I agree,” he replied. “And that takes time, doesn’t it? But hey, anyways, what class do you all have next?”

“I don’t recall us inviting you to talk to us,” I cut in. “If you really are hell-bent on this ‘actions not words’ crap, why do you just assume you can invade our space?”

“Ooh, ‘invade,’ good word,” he teased. “Well, if you don’t want me here, I can scram, but I did want to talk to Maddie here. We’ve been getting along pretty well.”

“As well as Georgina? Or Ash? Or Lena?” I pressed on. At this point, I’d heard all of their names multiple times.

His expression darkened in thought, the first negative emotion I’d really seen him display. “It kind of hurts that Lena’s included in that list,” he replied thoughtfully. “I could see I made mistakes with Ash and Georgina for sure. I’m a passionate guy and sometimes I can make dumb mistakes in the moment. But Lena was really uncool with me. She was, uh ... she did some things that were really uncalled for, and kind of slandered me afterwards.”

“What did she do?” Heather asked. Her body language was telling me she still didn’t trust him but her curiosity was still clearly piqued.

“I dunno if I want to get into it,” he bashfully replied. “I mean, I hate this drama going on about me, it doesn’t seem right to do it to someone else, you know?”

Maddie listened to him with wide-eyed wonder. “Did she hurt you?”

“Well, I mean, yeah,” he replied quietly, with a nervous smile. “People hurt each other all the time. I’m sure she’s grown as a person since.”

He kept looking at me for the majority of the time he spoke, like he wasn’t really even speaking to the other two. I guess he really wanted to plead his case to me and show me he was actually a better guy now, but it was definitely weird how much he was ignoring Maddie while he spoke. What was weirder still was that Maddie didn’t even care. He came here on the basis of saying hi to Maddie. And after thinking about it I realized, I didn’t see him looking once at her. Not once. Surely if Maddie was head-over-heels for the guy, that would at least hurt that she didn’t get his attention, even if she did believe his lies. No, especially if she believed his lies.

But she didn’t care, she just looked at him with some sickening combination of adoration and pure interest in his story. “We can keep a secret! I wanna hear about it,” she insisted.

“I can’t keep a secret,” I lied with a sour face. “Guess you shouldn’t spill the beans.”

“Then it’s decided,” Cameron replied with a smirk, gesturing at me as he glanced at Heather. “I’d rather you remember her good qualities anyway. She was an interesting person for sure. She, y’know, taught me things like palm-reading.”

That piqued the interest of Heather, lover of all things spiritual. “Can you still do it?”

Cameron extended both of his hands across the table. “May I?”

Heather gave a nervously excited glance my way. I just stared back at her. When she looked at Maddie, Maddie gave her an enthusiastic nod, so hesitantly, Heather extended her palm across the table. Cameron dragged a finger across her palm, making her nervously squirm in his chair, then studied the lines along her hands.

“Okay, yes ... hmm ... alright! See this line here? It means, uh ... I’m pretty sure it means you’ll come into money, suddenly,” he said hazily, trying to focus. “There’s a lot to remember here. This here is the head line. Now, because you have what’s called a ‘water hand,’ I can tell you that ... sorry, is this your dominant hand?”

I rolled my eyes and scooped up my bag. “I’ll see you all later,” I calmly said as I began to walk away.

“Well, hold on, do you want a turn?” Cameron interjected quickly, still holding Heather’s hand. With his free hand, he gestured to mine, like he wanted my hand to come closer.

“No thanks, I’m already late for class,” I replied dismissively.