Meeting my Old Roommateg
reenday0418

“Honey, I’m home.”

“You’re late; how’s your old roommate?”

“Yea, she’s ... well, Lacey talked a lot, confused me, tried to make me ... Tim, can we talk?”

“Of course, Amy. Where did you go tonight?”

“Uh, Scarecrows. The evening started all right, I drank one beer and ate some wings, and we talked about what we’d done the last eleven years. I told her we’ve been happily married for ten years, have three children, and go on date nights, and do you know what she did? She laughed at me. She says I’m delusional if I think that’s happiness. She’d just divorced her third husband and said she cleaned him out like the first two she married. Then she smirked and said she had seven figures in her bank account and was looking for number four.”

I patted the sofa next to me, and she sat down and snuggled tightly against me.

“How did you answer that?”

“I told her that we’ve been together since I moved next door to you in the fourth grade, and we were inseparable until the night before we got married, and our parents insisted we sleep separately. She snickered and asked how many men I have test driven?”

“How many was that?

Her eyes bulged out, and she pinched my ear, growling, “Only one, doofus, just you.”

“So then I told her when I knew you were the one; my senior project on my dead laptop.”

“Ah, and you forgot about the cloud backup.”

“And while I downloaded it to your laptop, I discovered a folder on your desktop titled “Amy” containing pictures you took of me since you were twelve and got that Nikon camera.”

“I was a little embarrassed you found it, and I didn’t say anything for about a minute, and then I let everything out, my thoughts, my feelings and...”

“ ... all I heard was “I love you, Amy,” and then I jumped on top of you and...”

“ ... started kissing me all over my face until my mom walked by my door and stopped, and you looked at her and said...”

“ ... hi Mom, Timmy loves me, and she smiled, closed the door, and said, ‘I know, dear.’”

“So, Lacey, the girl I thought was my BGFF, called me a fool and said, ‘Tim only married you to have his kids, babysit, keep house, and cook while he fucks around. You need some variety, a real man to stretch your cunt out.’ Before I could slap her, two guys came up and asked us to dance. I said, no, thank you, and Lacey said we’d love to.”

“You were going to slap her?”

“She insulted my husband, and that’s a no-no. Now don’t interrupt, or I’ll hurt you. Anyway, this guy grabbed my hand, and we started dancing, a fast dance, and when it was over, a slow dance started, and he put his hand on my ass and started kissing me on the neck. I kneed him in the balls, grabbed my purse, and stalked out of Scarecrows. Lacey caught me in the parking lot, and I screamed at her, called her a three-time loser who cheated on all her husbands and her boyfriend at college, and couldn’t have kids because gonorrhea damaged her ovaries. I made that up because I was pissed off at her. She slapped me, and I grabbed her hair and punched her in the stomach.”