Chapter 20: The Storm

I’ve had my run-ins with various sea gods. Most notably, Poseidon tried to kill me several times and settled for just making my life miserable. Tawhirimatea and his brothers didn’t even know I was there when they pitched me across the Pacific to Australia. And did I ever tell you about how I ran afoul of Guabancex? No, I think I got sidetracked. When I built my little boat, I didn’t know how long I had been away from the natural world, but I thought that land was most likely in the west. So, I set a gentle breeze to blowing and was making good time out into the open water.

And that is when I met Juracán and Guabancex. I’d heard of this pair from my acquaintance with the natives, but had never been face-to-face with either. Juracán was the god of chaos and he was upset with what was happening to the people of his islands. When Juracán got upset, Guabancex got angry. If you knew them like I came to know them, you’d realize that Guabancex was always angry. The upset of the god of chaos was a good excuse for her to cut loose and express her ire.

About the time I had made it out beyond the sight of land, the skies clouded over and the wind began to shift, wiping away my gentle breeze. Guabancex decided to visit a rain of death on the Europeans of the Caribbean. This was accompanied by Juracán’s chaos and there was no one spared the terror she brought.

Including me.

If you are ambivalent to my talk about gods and goddesses, it all boils down to this. I set out in my little boat just ahead of the hurricane and was caught up in the chaos.

If I had not constructed my boat with the help of magic spells I found among the Phoenician writings I’d collected, it would have been smashed to pieces when the first wave broke over me. There was nothing I could do but hold fast to my craft and let the goddess have her way. I was driven forward and back, sometimes above the water and sometimes beneath. I believe I was caught up in the wind, and the water of the sea flew with me.

When my craft was flung upon a shore, I fell from it and hit the wet sand. I frantically scrabbled to reach higher land as floods followed a storm of this force and I could see them coming. The last I saw of my little boat, it was still sailing on the wind of the storm and may be in the sky yet today.

WHEN THE storm finally broke, I was exhausted and soaked to the bone. I sought shelter and found none. I found high ground and set about building myself a small hut where I could huddle inside with my satchel and dry out. I didn’t dare just crawl into the infinity room because a wind so violent could tear up my hut and grab the satchel like it had my boat. I had to protect the infinity room.

Some days later, the sun appeared and the gods had mercy on the earth. The waters receded and I found myself walking again, trying to find what I didn’t know I sought. When I finally found a cave where I thought we would be undisturbed, I put look-away spells all around me and opened a gateway into the infinity room.

I was thankful to see my women and to see that my world had survived the storm I had endured. They were blissfully unaware that a storm had blown me around for many days. Their total oblivion to the world outside was refreshing to me and I swore once again to protect them from harm.

And I got laid. One thing about which there was never a question was that when I entered the infinity room, I had eager partners for all forms of sexual activity. Zhi was among the first to meet me this time and the intensity of her devotion was overwhelming. I held her in my arms and loved her over and over again.

ACCORDING TO my charts, the storm had blown me west and slightly north. I decided to follow the coastline south, a safe distance from the angry goddess. I thought.

“I apologize for the unnecessarily rough journey over the sea,” the man walking beside me said.

Man walking beside me??? When had this occurred?

“Greetings,” I said politely. “I’m Bob. May I ask what spirit is addressing me?”

“Of course. And spirit is a good word for me. I am Kukulcán, the god of these people.” I looked at him more closely and saw that beneath his feathered headdress, he had slit eyes, a pointed nose, and a forked tongue that flicked in and out to taste the air.

“I am honored by your presence, God Kukulcán,” I said.

“Well, I’m only half here,” he laughed. With that he passed an arm completely through me. “Here in spirit alone, I’m afraid.”

“Am I to assume you were behind the storm that brought me to these shores?” I asked.

“Oh, no. That was all Guabancex and her minions. She doesn’t really need an excuse. She is always angry. I simply asked her to give your boat a push in my direction. You were headed this way anyway. She never does anything gently.”

“You speak elegantly in my language. How may I serve you?” I asked.

“Like you, Bob, I am a traveler. I have crossed the seas and the continents and have met many of the deities who are, even now, withdrawing from their lands as the new gods and religions push them out of the hearts of their people. I have already begun my transition to a different plateau. But I fear for my people now that the Europeans are upon them. In many of the pantheons I encountered, the name of Bob was referenced as a builder of temples and friend of gods. Therefore, when you arrived in our part of the world, we watched to see how you would behave toward our people. We saw a priest—which frightened many of us—but we witnessed you save one of the island people from the European attempting to force her. Your true self was then revealed, hiding in the mountains for nearly a century.”

“Was it so long? I was too disgusted with the European men to remain in their company any longer for fear that I would kill them all. Things were very different when I awoke from my nap.”

“Please, Bob. Save my people. There are only a few faithful among them and now that the Europeans have spread their disease and their death and their god, there are even fewer. Your legendary infinity room is a hope for our people to have eternal reward. It is a spell that none of us have been successful in creating. I assure you that if you take these few with you, you will earn the eternal gratitude of the gods. And we will richly reward you,” he said.

“Honored god of these western people, I will undertake this service. But no reward is needed. I do this for the sake of the people and will take all who are pure at heart.”

“Bravo, Bob. We accept your service. It is your lack of greed that separates you from the followers of this strange new religion. And for that alone, we shall reward you. Here is what I propose we do.”

AND WITH that, the god Kukulcán told me of his plan and I agreed to go on a search for the faithful in his name. Our first stop was at his great temple, so far kept secret from the Spaniards, but soon to fall. I was impressed with the ziggurat and examined it closely before Kukulcán prodded me to ascend to the top of the temple.

“Help me! This is not the will of the gods! This is the barbarism of this greedy priest. Do not let him go through with his perverse plan, hatched with the Spaniards to deceive you. I belong to Kukulcán and not to the bloodthirsty knife of a priest,” a young woman screamed. I approached unnoticed as she was led, struggling between two warriors to an altar where a priest dressed in feathered finery—a poor mockery of the garb of the god—awaited with a sacrificial knife.

“Tie her to the stone. Let her protests be sweet music to the gods who thrive on the fear of mere worms like us. Let the power of Kukulcán come upon me and take the lifeblood of this virgin sacrifice!” With that, he moved toward the stone and the frightened girl.

“Stop!” I commanded as I entered the circle of worshipers. “Lay not a hand on the maiden. She is blessed by Kukulcán and is not to be touched by your unclean ritual.”

“Who are you to stop the sacrifice to our god?” The priest demanded. “Seize him!” Two warriors moved to trap me between them, but I twisted their arms around and flipped them down the steps of the pyramid where they lay motionless at the bottom.

Then the form of Kukulcán came upon me and I gave him use of my voice, which rang out from the top of the pyramid.

“I am Kukulcán, the feathered serpent, who commands the heavens and has visited the sun. This false priest is no one and has sold the people to the Europeans. Follow him and be led in chains across the sea. Choose me and I will lead you to a promised land where your blood will never again flow to assuage a thirsty god or a greedy priest.”

Seeing the visage before him, the priest dropped his blade and ran from the temple, stumbling down the steps as fast as he could go. His remaining guards and several of the people who had gathered to witness the sacrifice followed him. I stepped to the stone altar and loosed the bonds of the virgin sacrifice. She flung herself at my feet and kissed them.

“I am yours, oh mighty serpent. Take me and possess me.”

It was the first time I’d heard those words that I didn’t jump to accept the offering. But this was offered under the false assumption that I was her god.

“I have appointed my servant Bob to lead the faithful to their eternal home. Follow him and you shall have abundance. And in that distant future, you will remember me only as a story to tell your children’s children. Be blessed, my people.”

With that, Kukulcán withdrew from me and his visage fell from me. The people looked on in awe as several knelt before me.

“If you will follow the words of Kukulcán with a pure heart, stay with me. If you are unsure, depart from me and go to join your priest,” I said. Only half a dozen left and about fifty remained, now all on their knees. I seated myself on the altar. “Okay. I’m the demon Bob, emissary of the great Kukulcán. What I have is a gateway to a different world where you can live a long and peaceful life. You will find good work to do and plentiful food and drink. Unfortunately, that priest has gone to gather more soldiers, so we have no time to waste. If you want to go, line up and walk through this portal.” I opened a gateway and two of my women stood in the entry, looking like angels welcoming the faithful.

The woman at my feet stood from her kneeling position and walked to the gateway. She hesitated and then stepped boldly forward. The women welcomed her and she faded from sight. There was some confusion among the people at that point and I turned to the women in the gateway.

“Send her back and let her tell them it is okay to follow,” I said.

“Come ye faithful to Kukulcán,” the young woman announced when she came out of the gateway. “It is as we have been told: a beautiful and bountiful land prepared for us.”

She stood beside me as the people—men and women—walked to the gateway and entered. Some held hands and some straightened themselves to make the entrance alone. Two more fled before they got to the gate. At last, all had gone through except the girl.

“It’s time to go,” I said, pointing at the gate.

“I will stay by your side and guide you away from this place. I know a path the warriors will not follow.”

I nodded and closed the gate. From the temple, I could see out to where a small company of warriors and a dozen Spanish Conquistadors approached from the north. The woman took my hand and led me down the south stairs and into the jungle.