Chapter 5

“Edna Million in a drop-dead suit. Dutch Pink in a downtown dream.
Two-dollar pistol but the gun won’t shoot. I’m in the corner on the pouring rain.
Sixteen men on a dead man’s chest, and now me drinkin’ from a broken cup.
Two pairs of pants and a mohair vest. I’m full of bourbon, I can’t stand up.”
-Tom Waits, “Jockey Full of Bourbon”

“Hey, Boy!” Julie Equals said into the phone.

“Hey, Girl.” Troy Equals said back. “How’s the showing going?”

“It ended well. We’re heading for the airport. We’ll be on the next flight there. What’s going on?”

“International incident.” Troy replied. “A priceless jewel’s been stolen and Helen has to get it back in the next few days. She and Mander are out right now, shaking down San Finzione’s underworld for info. I’m in the library; she’s got me working on something else.”

“Oh, I NEVER get to come along for that part!” Julie regretted. “The shakedown stuff, I mean. I can see you in a library at home. Do you think she needs us?”

“I think so. She’s got the criminal thing covered, and I’m taking care of the ‘help the Uongoian people’ stuff. But something tells me she’s going to need all of us for this.”

“Well, it’s a ten-hour flight from Seattle to San Finzione. I can always go up to the cockpit and command the pilots to fly faster.”

“We’ve discussed why you shouldn’t do that, Mistress. But yes, get here quickly. She’s not the only one who needs you and Susan.”

“And what’s my Math Boy going to do while we fly?”

“Well, there’s only so much the castle’s library has on the subject. I mean, Helen’s got two bookshelves of translation dictionaries, but I think I might have to go out to one of the city’s libraries to research something as specific as this.”

“And bring us back another hot librarian?” Julie asked. “We’ve already got one of those.”

“I think I’m still going to be too busy for that. I’ve only got a couple of days to prepare a lecture on a subject I’m still reading about that I’ve then got to break down simply enough so Helen can translate everything into Swahili.”

“I’m sure Helena’s got you doing it for a good cause. Ok, we’re going to board. Love you, Master.”

“Love you, Mistress.”

Troy hung up and looked back to the stack of books he’d gathered. San Finzione had an emerald mining industry long ago, which was why it was the royal color. The mine dried up and was now the San Finzione Caverns, and the library had a decent amount of information on the country’s brief history as an emerald producer. He’d be able to tell the President where this country went wrong with it, at least.

Troy checked the time to make certain that there were no tour groups between the library and Helen’s study. If he were feeling a bit more carefree, he’d go to the garage and take Helen’s silver Aston-Martin DB-V out into the city. Troy was a James Bond fan and knew Helen bought the car just for him to use. With an official visit going on, there was enough scrutiny on Castle Finzione that Troy decided to take the secret exit and walk down La Collina instead. He strolled from the library and across the Grand Ballroom to reach the Study.

When Troy entered the Study, he noticed that the door was slightly open and had a feeling that someone had been there recently. He then reasoned that if Helen and Mander were going somewhere dangerous, she would have stopped in here to retrieve the purse she keeps her gun in from the safe. Troy went over to the wall with the secret door that led out of the castle. He pressed the stone that would open the door and looked down.

Just before he left the Study, Troy noticed that one of the couches wasn’t in its usual position as indicated by the indentations on the carpet. He moved it back into the spot before proceeding down the long tunnel that would emerge in the basement of an empty house down the hill. Unseen by him, something stuck to the back of the couch fell off behind it. As the motion detecting lights lit his way, Troy considered that the two of them might have taken this door out as well.

He knew that Helen was going to meet with some dangerous people. He hoped that she was able to get the information she needed with a minimum of fuss.

The patrons of the restaurant stopped eating and watched two men come tumbling down the street-level stairs and through the door. A few moments after them, Nigel Mander walked down the stairs and unnecessarily held the already-open door for Contessa Helena de San Finzione. She stepped over the two men and entered the restaurant.

“Everyone enjoy your meals.” La Contessa commanded the room. “Our business isn’t with any of you.” She grabbed a passing waiter. “We’re here to see the owner.”

He pointed through the kitchen to a door in the back marked “Privato.” Helen nodded and nudged Mander, pointing it out. Two men sat at a table in front of the door, bulges under their jackets.

“Are all the Italian restaurants here mob-owned?” Mander asked her.

“In San Finzione, we just call Italian restaurants ‘restaurants.’ And no, not all of them are mobbed up. The Generalissimo’s brother runs their family’s old establishment. It serves Spanish food.”

“But I’m guessing from these guys and those two that this one is?”

“Oh, yeah. Have some more fun.”

Mander walked toward the kitchen. Helen quickened her step to take the lead and saw the two men rise to their feet, starting to go for the insides of their jackets. When they saw the small woman emerge from behind the large man, they stopped and parted for their Contessa to pass. Mander frowned in disappointment. Helen opened the Privato door and stepped inside.

“Don’t move!” Helen immediately commanded the room in Italian. She surveyed the surroundings, looking over the four men hunched over a card table with a large mirror placed over it. She looked at the one with the straw up his nose. “Fabrizio Silvestri, your Contessa summons you!”

“Gentlemen,” The man with the straw up his nose said to the others seated at the table without looking up because Helen hadn’t commanded him that he could yet. “There is no cause for alarm. Perhaps you are unaware that there is a law in my country that La Contessa is welcome everywhere. If this were not a social call, she would have sent her Ultimados in first and we would all be dead now. Since she has only brought her giant, I imagine she just has some questions. If you’ll all remain calm, this will be over soon, and then we can get back to business.” He snorted a little, trying to get some of the coke up his nose.

“Sorry to catch you mid-sniff, Fabrizio.” Helen said as she took a chair and produced a cigarette. Mander stepped forward and lit the cigarette for her. She gave a thankful nod to him. “And you can move now. Just you.”

Fabrizio took the straw out of his nose and stood from the table. He smoothed out the white 1970s leisure suit he wore and walked over to his desk. One of the men at the table noticed that he couldn’t get up.

“Wow, cool, man!” Was all he wasn’t too high to say.

“You know,” Helen ignored him and continued their conversation. “We have an Armani store in town, Fabrizio. Others in the drug game are past ‘Saturday Night Fever’ and have moved on to at least ‘Miami Vice’ by now.”

“Hey, when you mama say ‘Fabrizio, you look like a young John Travolta,’ you run with it. Very well, Contessa. I am summoned. I trust you had no difficulties entering the establishment.” He set an ash tray on the corner of the desk for Helen before taking a seat behind it.

“The goons on your door are a lot smarter than the thugs out in the street.” Helen told him. “Mander had to teach a couple of them some respect.” Helen flicked her cigarette into the ashtray.

Fabrizio nudged his head toward the three still-unmoving guests at his card table.

“They brought the ones outside. I’m guessing you got close to one of their cars. I shall talk with them about how highly we prize manners in San Finzione when they are out of the ospidale.” He snorted. “I can have cocoa brought for you if you wish. We keep some on hand in case La Contessa wants to visit.”

“Not today, thanks. So, I don’t know what The Street knows yet ... hang on, these guys are new in town?”

“Si. I am entertaining some friends from the Old Country.”

“Tell me if any of you know anything about the theft of the Star of Uongo.” She commanded them. None of the three men said anything. She turned back to Fabrizio. “Ok. So, if the Street hasn’t told you, you just now heard that there was a jewel heist in San Finzione last night. Someone pulled off a major score and got away with a priceless diamond. That diamond was meant as a gift for me, and my birthday’s in a few days, so I want my fucking diamond.”

“And La Contessa should have it! I have heard nothing about this.” Fabrizio said with a few snorts as he tried to get some of the crystals caught in his nose hairs into his system. “Stolen jewels are not what I do.”

“No, they’re not.” Helen agreed. “But I figure whoever pulled off a score like this is probably looking to celebrate about now. They move fast, so they party fast, too. And what’s an afterparty for a job like this without cocaine? And everybody knows that when you’re looking to score coke in San Finzione; the good stuff and enough of it to party, you come to Fabrizio Silvestri.”

“Depends how old they are. Per La Contessa’s wishes, none of my people would ever sell to kids. But the younger crowd? They want the METH and the MOLLY! Bah! For poison from a lab, you go to the Street. But for the real thing? For Nature’s good honest coca? Si, you come to Fabrizio.” He cocked his head to the left. “It would be my honor if LA CONTESSA wished to do some business with Fabrizio.”

“We’ve discussed this. I promised Vincenzo.”

“Forever does he reign in our hearts.” San Finzione’s coke lord replied. “Very well. I suppose La Contessa would then like me to keep an eye out for ... how many of them are there?”

“Three that we know about. Might be more.”

“Three and some friends, then. So, let’s say they’ll want to be extravagant and will be looking for an ounce or more. I shall tell my people to watch for any new customers seeking that kind of quantity.” He thought a moment. “I have regulars who buy that much. It could be one of them.”

Helen took a puff of her cigarette before answering.

“We’re looking for out-of-towners but keep an ear open.”

“As my Contessa commands.” Fabrizio replied. He looked over at his still-frozen guests. “I think they’ve figured out not to try anything.”

Helen agreed and commanded the men that they could move again. After a few moments of being stunned at what just happened, they turned their attention back to the lines on the mirror that they’d been staring at longingly all this time.

“Excellent.” Helen said, putting out her cigarette. “Anything on diamonds or those kinds of customers, I want to know about. Now, I need to get the word out to a couple more people. There’s a fence we’ve got to go see after this, and that conversation won’t be nearly as pleasant as this one has been.”

Fabrizio smiled. He stood up, bowed, and walked to the door to hold it open for her.

“Any conversation with La Contessa is a pleasant one. My dealers will be in contact with me and I will be in contact with you.”

Helen got up and walked out the door. Mander followed. Fabrizio closed it and went back to his desk to make some phone calls.

“Hey, Fabrizio.” One of the men asked. “Who was the lady with Mr. Clean?”

He stared at the closed door while he brought the phone up to his ear.

“A woman who’s going to get her fucking diamond back.”

Aboard his yacht, Franz Hauber snorted a line off of Alice Mei’s right tit. He then licked it clean.

“Shouldn’t we have gone along to the castle?” She asked him. “They might have needed us.”

“And have us all get picked out of the crowd?” Franz asked back. “Oscar’s work is good, but why take that chance?”

“It’s so annoying!” Alice complained. “All that spirit gum and the wig changes. I’m a scientist, dammit. Why do I have to wear a disguise? Who knows me in this country?”

“Luc Allaine will.” Franz told her. “Trust me, fraulein. He’s good.”

“I would never trust you, Franz.” She reached down and took hold of him. “Mmm ... I’ll fuck you some more, though.”

He climbed on top of her. Then Franz’s phone rang. He rolled off and answered it. Alice moaned in frustration and reached for the plastic bag on the nightstand that was largely powder sticking to the sides now.