Chapter 17: Christmas Chaos

Kisa watched from the corner of Leppalúði’s cave as the elves returned from their task. The giant was engrossed in another episode of Friends, so wasn’t paying any attention when the elves entered from the warehouse cave. They crossed the living quarters and one of them dropped a bright pink blanket onto the floor near where she was hiding.

Obeying orders, the elves continued on their way and disappeared into the holding chamber. Kisa picked up the blanket and wrapped it around her shoulders, then made sure her tail wasn’t sticking out. Satisfied that her height would complete the illusion, she moved across the room toward the tunnel to the warehouse and pulled the blanket over her head like a hood.

“Hello?” she called, raising her voice an octave in an attempt to sound like a child.

Leppalúði stood so fast he broke his couch. His eyes were wide in shock at Kisa’s sudden appearance, and a string of drool formed along his slack lower lip.

“A monster!” Kisa let out a shriek and ran for the exit. Behind her, she could hear Leppalúði running as fast as he could, but Kisa was faster. She sprinted up the tunnel and toward the elevator, but her destination was actually the stairs. Leppalúði was huffing and puffing by the time he made it to the elevator, but Kisa was already most of the way down. She was hoping he would take the elevator and buy her extra time.

In the warehouse, the spotlight was already on and focused on a distant pallet. There a similar pink blanket was tucked between a pair of boxes, as if a child was hiding between them. It looked like the elves had gotten everything set up as she had asked. The only reason she hadn’t helped was because she wanted to keep her eyes on the giant.

Kisa ducked out of sight from the stairs and tossed her blanket into a dark corner. Leppalúði, who had decided on the stairs and had gotten impatient, jumped over the railing and slammed into the floor. His long fingernails scratched grooves into the stone as he rose to his full height.

“Gonna rip, gonna tear,” he muttered, then sniffed at the air. “I smell you, morsel!”

As planned, a toy baby started to cry. Kisa had asked the elves to plant one there and make sure the batteries worked. She didn’t know if it was motion activated or just cried at random. It honestly didn’t matter, because it had come on when she needed it to.

Hearing the soft cry of a child, Leppalúði went absolutely still, his eyes focused on that small patch of pink out in the middle of the warehouse. He crouched down and moved forward, ignoring all the warning signs that this was an obvious trap.

When he disappeared into the darkness, Kisa moved to the dais. She could see Leppalúði’s vague silhouette on occasion. It was clear the giant thought he was being sneaky. The pallet was set fairly far out, so she had to wait a bit to make certain he took the bait.

Once Leppalúði stepped into the spotlight, Kisa tried to think of something witty to shout. However, time was of the essence, so she simply clicked off the light and started flipping the pages of the warehouse book back and forth.

Leppalúði howled in pain and fury as the warehouse shuffled itself. Kisa waited until he sounded very far away before shutting the book. Satisfied that he would be out of the way for a long time, she pulled just enough of the crystal out of her pocket to navigate back to the stairs and ascended. Behind her, a distant voice cried out in anger. By the time she made it up the stairs, Leppalúði had gone silent, no longer a threat.

Once back in the holding chamber, she informed her elves that the Krampus needed to move all of the children right away to the safest place they could find. This was the part of her plan that she was the most worried about. If the elves had any sort of magical connection to the Krampus, they would know immediately that she was full of shit.

The elves, to her surprise, simply moved to the holding pen with the kids and picked a couple up before setting them back down. They stared at her for several moments before she finally responded.

“Is there a problem?” she asked.

There was a long moment of silence, and then someone spoke from deep inside the holding cells.

“Safety is a relative term,” an elf said, pushing his way through the huddled masses. By the time the speaker got to the edge of the cage, Kisa recognized him as Alabaster.

“You’re alive!” Kisa put her hands on the bars.

“So are you.” He licked his lips, then rubbed at the dark circles under his eyes. “I’m honestly surprised to see you’re still around.”

“You’re not under the Krampus’ influence?” She moved toward the door of the cage and fiddled with the locking mechanism.

“Not quite. I was created before Nicholas died and the Krampus was born.” He opened his mouth to reveal sharp teeth. “So his legacy does not run in my blood. But he sure tried. When he couldn’t convert me, he handed me off to Leppalúði and said I could be eaten.”

“How did you escape?” she asked.

Alabaster sighed. “I slipped free of my chains and hid. That idiot couldn’t count, so he ate someone else in my stead. It’s ... not something I’m proud of.”

Kisa put her hand on the elf’s shoulder. “That’s on him, not you. I need your help. I trapped Leppalúði in the warehouse and want the elves to move the children to a safer location.”

Alabaster scowled. “Honestly, I don’t know that anywhere in the North Pole is safe anymore. The children are time-locked, so they can’t be harmed anyway.”

“But still, what if they wake up? What’s to stop Leppalúði or Grýla from taking the kids away and stashing them where we can’t find them?”

When Alabaster shrugged, Kisa grabbed him by his overalls and shook him. The elf let out a squeak and swatted her hands away.

“Fine, fine, I get it. Get your hands off of me!” He pushed her, but only succeeded in falling backward himself. “Damned cat.”

“I’m doing this with or without your help,” Kisa declared, baring her teeth. “But I want you to know that if you don’t, then you were wrong before, about being under the Krampus’ influence. Doing nothing when you had the chance to step up is just as bad as helping him.”

“Ugh, you’re almost as much trouble as that blasted goblin,” Alabaster muttered, then chuckled dryly. “But you’re right. We can at least take the children somewhere else. This will help the elves, too. That asshole won’t be able to snack on them if he can’t find them.”

Kisa grimaced at the reminder of Grýla eating the elves. She wondered how many of Alabaster’s brethren were eaten right in front of him. There was a weariness in his eyes that she didn’t like, but she couldn’t worry about his future mental health right now.

“Are there any others like you?” she asked. “With their minds still intact?”

He shook his head. “Not that I’m aware of. The Krampus was in a hurry because of something you all did topside. I think that’s the only reason I’m here. Come. Let’s at least free everyone. They’re amicable to whatever orders you give them as long as you ... well, you know.”

Kisa nodded in understanding. “Where are we heading?”

Alabaster screwed up his face for a moment. “We do have a train station near the edge of the North Pole. Only used it for a couple of years, so the building is abandoned now. We could store the kids inside the train and the elves can have the station.”

“A train station, seriously?”

Alabaster shrugged. “If you think that’s strange, you should see what Mrs. Claus starts wearing this time of year.”

What a weird little dude, Kisa thought, then turned to a nearby elf. “Okay, new orders from the Krampus. The giants are no longer to be trusted and the children are no longer safe in this location. We are to move them quickly and quietly to the train station. Please repeat these orders verbatim to the elves nearest you before acting. Do you understand?”

The elf, a young woman with a candy cane button pinned to her dress, nodded and turned to face the elf behind her. In a monotonous voice, she repeated the instructions to a pair of elves who then repeated the process. The holding pens became a cacophony of sound as the elves gave their orders and then acted on them.

It was like watching an ant colony. The elves moved to where the time locked children were kept, and picked them up and began marching toward the open mouth of the cave.

“If your name is associated with cookies, you are to take the lead and warn the line of danger,” Alabaster shouted. A group of about fifteen elves broke away from where the children were being held and moved ahead of the others. “We’re going to take the long route, out by the Yeti’s hut!”

“You guys have a yeti? Why can’t we get him to help?”

Alabaster shook his head. “Santa kicked him out decades ago because his behavior was abominable. Guy was a real dick to everyone.”

“Are you fucking with me?” Kisa asked, which caused a couple elves to flinch and drop their children. She covered her mouth and scowled at Alabaster.

“I kid you not,” he told her, then moved toward the front of the line. The elves who had dropped their kids picked them back up and continued. Kisa watched them trudge toward the exit, her thoughts silently whirring. The elves had barely acknowledged being eaten, but a swear was enough to get through to them. What did that even mean?

Maybe they weren’t as far gone as she feared. Though they looked as if all the color had been sucked out of them, maybe they could be brought back, too. What was the opposite of swearing?

“Leppalúði!” Grýla’s powerful voice resonated throughout the cave, and Kisa turned her attention to one of the many openings in the earthen walls. A large hand appeared, thick fingers clutching tightly to the stone. With a massive heave, Grýla pulled her massive bulk into the central cavern, her eyes locked on the line of elves. Kisa was fairly positive that the giant didn’t used to be this big.

“I need you to get your lazy ass topside! That stupid bitch Jack is ... what is this?” she hissed, her gaze wandering across the elves. They ignored her, sticking to the task that had been assigned.

“Shit.” Alabaster looked at Kisa, then the elves. “This is bad.”

“WHAT IS THIS?” Grýla lurched forward and swatted the elves. Time-locked children scattered unharmed across the room, but the elves tumbled and fell, some of them going still.

“HEY!” Kisa stepped past Alabaster and stood on a rock to be better seen. “What the hell do you think you’re doing, you rancor lookin’ piece of shit?”

Alabaster sprinted away from Kisa as fast as he could. Grýla paused, her head swinging slowly so that she could focus on Kisa.

“What kind of food are you?” she asked, tapping her fat fingers on the floor. She was hunched over as if her spine could no longer support her massive bulk.

“The spicy kind.” Kisa picked up a loose stone and threw it. It was a poor throw, and missed Grýla entirely.

The giant shoved her fingers into the ground, the rock softening at her touch. She casually lifted up a stone the size of Kisa’s body and hurled it.

The catgirl felt the premonition way in advance, and not only dodged the first rock but the unseen second one that followed. The large rocks shattered against the stone wall behind her, causing some of the glowing crystals overhead to crack and fall.

“Fast food,” Grýla grunted. “I hate things that move fast.”

Kisa bolted away from her current position as a hand made of stone tried to close around her ankles. She hopped and leapt across the cavern floor, hoping to lead Grýla somewhere else, but the giant wasn’t budging. Instead, Grýla turned her attention back to the elves who were still carrying her food supply away.

“Shit,” Kisa muttered. Clearly Grýla was much smarter than Leppalúði.

Grýla slammed a fist into the ground. Golden light zig-zagged along the stone, and the line of elves froze in place as smaller stone hands grabbed their ankles.

“Snack for later,” she declared, then shifted her bulk toward Kisa. “Leppalúði! What are you doing?”

“He ran off with some other giant bitch,” Kisa yelled, trying to goad Grýla into action. “Said he was tired of sticking his dick in ugly!”

Grýla rolled her eyes dramatically. “He knows better. If he ever even attempted to leave, I’d eat his ass.”

“That ... doesn’t sound like you think it does.” Kisa picked up another rock and threw it. This one actually hit Grýla, but didn’t do any damage.

“Nuisance,” Grýla declared, then lumbered over to an elf in a candy cane onesie. She jabbed the elf in her belly, causing the poor thing to drop her child and double over in pain.

“Don’t you dare,” Kisa hissed through her teeth.

“You are little more than a pest,” Grýla replied, then pinched the stone hand holding the elf in place. When it shattered, the giant grabbed the elf by the ankles. “And I’m oh, so hungry.”

Kisa dashed across the cavern so quickly that she ended up running on all fours. Grýla dropped the elf in surprise and raised her meaty fists to protect her face as Kisa leapt onto the giant’s shoulders and clawed at her face.

“You leave them alone!” She batted at Grýla’s head until the giant dropped her guard, revealing a bloodshot eye. Kisa jammed her thumb into it, pushing all of her weight into the strike.

Grýla laughed. Kisa didn’t understand why until she realized that her finger felt like it was being jammed into a stone. She pressed the point of her claw into Grýla’s pupil, and was surprised when it didn’t yield in the slightest.

“Stupid food,” Grýla muttered. The giant snatched at Kisa as she tried to scramble away.

“Idiot!” Kisa yelled, but she was cursing herself. The giant had lured her into a trap of her own!

Every time Kisa started to get away, Grýla would manage to grab a leg or tail and pull her back in. Kisa was quick, but not fast enough to evade the giant. Powerful hands clamped down on her waist, bringing her to Grýla’s cavernous maw.

Kisa, in a blind panic, put her hands and feet on the giant’s top and bottom lip in an attempt to keep from being eaten.

The cavern filled with the pinging sound of metal banging metal. The giant flinched, then shifted her bulk in the direction of the sound. Kisa was stunned to see a green figure standing by one of the pits, the one that had a vent directly to the furnace.

Standing with a red and white striped hammer in each hand was Tink. The goblin smacked the heads of the hammers together, the resounding clink echoing off of the cavern walls. She was wearing a ridiculous Christmas outfit, which looked similar to some of the lingerie from Mrs. Claus’ wardrobe.

“Stupid giant look like big bag of assholes,” Tink declared, continuing to ping her hammers together. Kisa noticed that Grýla winced a little with each ear-piercing ring. “Bag of assholes with small brain.”

“What is this? A booger?” Grýla distracted by the metallic racket, lowered Kisa. “Are you a booger?”

“Tink is not booger, you’ll see. Tink pound walking asshole into pile of rocks,” the goblin declared, walking forward. She was covered in oil, soot, and a fine layer of glitter. The goggles on her head were already whirring as different lenses clicked into place. “Knock shit out of stupid giant, flush it all down toilet.”

“Tink, run!” Kisa tried to pull herself free, but Grýla’s grip was too tight. “Don’t come any closer!”

Grýla licked her lips, then looked at Kisa. She opened her mouth and shoved Kisa’s head in her mouth.

There was a horrifying crack, and Grýla dropped Kisa on the ground. The giant was clutching at her eye and crying out in pain. Tink, who was running at full speed, shoved past Kisa and used her hammer to strike Grýla in the side of one of her knees.

“Move,” Tink cried, then rolled to safety as Grýla’s massive bulk tipped forward. Kisa gave the giant a wide berth, and was horrified to see that one of Grýla’s eyes had been puncture by the claw of a hammer.

“MY EYE!” Grýla cried, just as Tink jumped on her back and struck her in the temple with her remaining hammer.

Shards of gravel sprayed the ground as the giant groaned and toppled over. Kisa could see the widening cracks in the knee Tink had struck.

The goblin yanked the hammer free of Grýla’s eye and leapt away. Grýla tried to grab her, but missed. Tink slid to a stop next to Kisa.

“Tink hear racket, sense kitty cat nearby.” She twirled her hammers. “Tink always know where best friend is. See stupid fuck face, made of hard rock. All rock have flaw.”

Kisa responded by hugging the goblin so hard she squeaked.

“Enough!” Tink growled. “No hugs during big trouble!” She shoved Kisa back as stone hands sprouted from the floor and grabbed at their feet.

Grýla was reduced to crawling, throwing rocks when she could. Tink managed to give Kisa a hammer, and the two of them took turns freeing trapped elves while the other dodged rocks. The giant shouted at them in frustration, unable to do more than pester them.

“Enough!” Grýla cried in frustration, then rolled onto her back and extended her hands to the ceiling. The glowing crystals above hummed as the ground trembled, and then chunks of stone fell free from the ceiling.

“No, stop!” Kisa cried.

Golden light filled the chamber as a spectral figure phased through the wall. Ribbons of red and green coalesced around the body of Christmas Present, who scowled at the giant.

“Hey!” Tink cried. “Big hole over there, straight to furnace!”

Christmas Present seemed to take this information in stride as she soared over the chamber and grabbed Grýla by the foot. With a grunt, she lifted the giant into the air, and hovered over to the massive opening in the floor.

“Wait!” Tink cried, now staring at the hole. Her lenses flicked back and forth for several tense moments, then she gave the spirit a thumbs up.

Christmas Present dropped Grýla into the hole. The giant screamed for several very long moments, and then a gout of flame burst from the furnace, licking at the ceiling. Tink cheered, then let out an oomph when Kisa hugged her from behind.

“You have no idea how happy I am to see you,” she cried, tears flowing freely. Tink turned and hugged her back. Kisa sniffed, then made a face.

“Oh, Tink, you stink!” She eyed the goblin’s outfit. “And what are you wearing?”

The goblin laughed.

“Tink old outfit catch on fire. Take break for new outfit, find cute one that almost fits! Work super hard again, fix vents for good. Tink big sweaty now,” she announced, then lifted her arm and sniffed at her armpit.

“Maybe too sweaty,” she added. “But furnace fixed! Santa owe Tink big.”

“We all do,” Christmas Present said, kneeling next to the two of them. “But for now, we need to get everyone to safety. The fighting on the surface is really bad. Do you know where the elves are heading?”

Kisa nodded, then held up her hammer and struck a pose. If Mike got to do shit like this, then so did she. “As a matter of fact, I do. Help me get them all free. We’ve got a train to catch.”

Mike was perhaps twenty steps down the spiral staircase when he heard the wooden door above explode. Splinters showered him after bouncing off the walls, and he felt his magic surge deep inside him.

When his precognition triggered that danger was a breath away, he jumped forward, legs pinwheeling underneath him. Lightning crawled along his arms and legs, forming into thick tendrils that stabilized his rapid descent. At one point, he nearly spilled head over heels, but a pair of electric limbs sprouted from his waist and caught him before he could take a potentially lethal tumble.

“What’s the matter, Caretaker?” The Krampus laughed from up above. “Have you finally run out of tricks?”

Mike didn’t respond, his legs pumping as fast as he could move them. He was now taking the steps six or seven at a time, occasionally bouncing off the curved walls with his legs. His magic flowed through him, guiding his arms and legs as blue and gold lightning lit the way ahead of him. By the time he got to the bottom, he was breathing harder than he could ever remember, and wondered if his lungs were about to burst. Spinning on his heels, he clenched his fists and opened his mouth so wide his jaw cracked.

The Krampus appeared on the stairs, his face fixed in a manic grin. That smile faltered when Mike unleashed a horrendous scream that shook dirt loose from the stones around them. The Krampus actually retreated, eyes and ears forming all along his body as he struggled to hold one shape.

The acoustics of the stairwell ensured that there was nowhere safe, so the Krampus reappeared and threw himself free. Once on the floor, he fought to rise, his limbs distorted.

Mike unleashed another banshee’s cry, constantly backing up into Santa’s old workshop. The Krampus was shouting something, but Mike couldn’t hear it. His own ears were ringing, yet he didn’t dare let up. He almost tripped a few times, but he managed to make it next to the North Pole.

He unleashed one more scream, then coughed into his hand. Blood spattered on his palms.

The Krampus rose, now standing nearly twelve feet tall.

“And now, Caretaker, you’re out of tricks.” The Krampus sneered, then snatched Mike’s foot and yanked him into the air. “It’s time to claim what is rightfully mine!”

“About that.” Mike turned his attention to the North Pole. There was a tiny sliver of golden light at the very bottom, likely all that was left of Christmas. The light it cast threw ominous shadows all around the room, manifestations that danced. The moment the Krampus seized control, it would all be over. “I’m never out of tricks.”

Mike concentrated electrical energy in his hands and sent it in a beam toward the North Pole.

“NO!” The Krampus dropped Mike and leapt forward just as Mike’s magic made contact. Mike wasn’t entirely certain how the rules for this sort of thing worked, but the magic was part of him. He concentrated his will on the North Pole, wrapping it around the cylindrical surface like a ribbon. The air sizzled like hot bacon in a pan, and then his magic popped out of existence, the room now quiet.

Silence reigned eternal, or at least it felt that way. The Krampus was frozen in mid-air, his body stretched tight as his muscles distorted in an effort to reach the Pole. Mike stood and brushed the dirt off his pants and coat, then frowned. His movements didn’t make any noise whatsoever.

Of course they don’t. A young boy came out from behind the North Pole. He wore a simple robe, as if he had stepped out of a 14th century church service. He held an hourglass full of golden sand that cast out light like a lantern. The sand was flowing back and forth as if it couldn’t decide where to go. There was more than just a passing resemblance to the ghost of Christmas Past, but the child appeared to be human.

Not quite. The boy’s lips didn’t move, but it was definitely him speaking. Or thinking. Whatever.

“Who are you?” Mike asked.

This time, the boy’s lips moved, but no sound came out. His lips blurred to prevent Mike from reading them.

“I’m sure you never get tired of that,” Mike muttered. “Great Game has its rules.”

The boy shrugged, then walked over to the Krampus. He easily could have been a child on a trip to the museum, studying a dinosaur skeleton or a sculpture. There was just a hint of fascination, but the interest faded and the boy looked at Mike now.

You are the one who broke my spirit. There was no anger or malice in the statement. Mike could see that the boy’s pupils were so wide that they took up nearly his entire eye.

“You’re gonna have to be more specific. Are we talking Christmas Past, Present, or Future?”

Yes, the boy replied. They are all the same entity, just at different frequencies.

Mike wasn’t quite sure how to parse that particular piece of information. He also noticed that the boy looked a bit older now and had the start of stubble on his chin. “Yeah, well ... I guess I’m sorry about some of that.”

No matter. The young man waved off Mike’s apology. These things happened quite some time ago, and have yet to happen. It’s hard to be angry when everything is in a state of superposition.

Mike frowned. He wasn’t even sure what that meant and worried that the explanation would be even worse.

“So I didn’t necessarily want to do this, but I sort of took control of the North Pole, if you know what I mean.” Mike jerked his thumb at the Krampus. “I think I accidentally killed the human part of him off, which means this place should be up for grabs.”

It is. The man blinked at him and scratched his chin. The robes had stretched to accommodate his new height.

“Great, so can I institute a ‘No Assholes’ rule? Boot this guy out? Make him swim around in the Arctic ocean until he gets tired and sinks?”

If you were the one in charge, perhaps. The man moved to the North Pole and stared at the golden light at the bottom. Keep in mind that if you had taken over, this last piece of belief would have vanished already. The holiday known as Christmas would belong to you. So you have claimed nothing.

“But I thought ... didn’t I take over? I thought that’s why we’re talking?” Mike made a face and moved next to the North Pole. He slapped his hand on the surface. “Finders, keep—”

A wave of light blasted him off his feet and sent him sprawling. The impact hurt his pride more than anything else. When he looked up, the middle-aged man stared at him in amusement.

“What gives?” he asked. “And what’s with the getting older thing? That seriously freaks me out!”

This place was designed by the Architect, the man replied, looking around. With my help, specifically. I am not truly of this realm anymore, and may only interact with the help of the mortal soul who claims me.

“Yeah, that would be me ... right?”

The man shook his head. Wisps of grey had formed in his beard and along the side of his head. It is not my right to grant permission, nor is it yours to demand it. The being in charge of such matters is still quite alive, and standing right next to you.

Mike turned to look at the Krampus in horror. “But ... I pulled Santa out, so ... I don’t understand!”

The guardian of this place still exists. The First Elf and Saint Nicholas created a loophole in the rules by combining a human soul with the body of the guardian. Though you may have defeated the prior owner by removing his soul, technically the guardian remains. If you wish to claim this place, you must either have the guardian’s permission, or you must defeat him.

“Oh, fuck me ... wait! Does this mean that the Krampus can’t claim this place either?” Hope welled up in Mike’s chest.

The old man nodded. Indeed it does. The loophole that prevents you from taking it also prevents him from doing so. Try as he might, he shall have no reign over this place without a mortal soul to assist him. That has ever been the rule, and it shall remain that way until the end of time.

Mike looked at the Krampus, then back at the old man who was now stooped with age, his beard nearly to the floor.

“You know, most people don’t end conversations with temporal theatrics,” Mike said with a frown.

I am not a person. With that, the old man crumbled into dust. Time resumed and the Krampus completed his leap across the room.

“Mine! It’s all mine!” He shouted in glee, wrapping several new limbs around the pole. It almost looked like the Krampus was humping the damned thing. Mike moved toward the door of the chamber, then cursed inwardly when he heard the Krampus go completely silent.

There was a tearing sound, like cloth being pulled apart, and then the Krampus was blocking the stairwell. He grabbed Mike by the arms and lifted him until they were eye level with each other.

“What have you done to the North Pole?” asked the Krampus, his eyes wild. “I have lost my claim and cannot redo it!”

Mike summoned his magic and ran an electrical current through the Krampus. The eldritch being gritted his teeth and rode through the pain, clenched teeth dangerously close to Mike’s face.

“Human souls only, asswad,” Mike spat, then tried to kick the Krampus in the balls. He missed, then got hurled to the ground.

“What?” The Krampus blinked in surprise, then turned to look at the North Pole. “WHAT?!?”

The creature went into a rage and started smashing furniture. Mike crawled toward the exit, hoping to get away this time, but was grabbed by the ankle and dragged back toward the North Pole.

“Explain!” The Krampus demanded, picking Mike up and pressing his face against the North Pole. Mike made a point of thinking really hard that this wasn’t an attempt to claim it. Last thing he wanted was to get blown apart in a misunderstanding.

“You should know this,” Mike mumbled, his face squished so much his words were barely legible. “Great Game ring a bell? It has rules, asshole.”

“FUCK!” The Krampus smashed Mike into the North Pole hard enough to knock the wind out of him. “I was so CLOSE!”

“Close only ... counts in horseshoes and ... hand grenades,” Mike wheezed. His magic churned inside him like a thunderstorm, and he felt like his gut might burst. He placed both hands against the pole and pushed himself away.