Chapter 11: Future Problems

Mike was lying in the fountain, his head nestled between Naia’s breasts as he watched the technicolor clouds of the Dreamscape drift overhead. The nymph lovingly toyed with his hair as he commanded the clouds to change shape above them, transforming them into nonsensical creatures that chased each other in circles.

“Does your head feel better?” she asked.

“Getting there.” His eyes flicked to the large crack that still dominated one section of the sky. Shortly after proclaiming to Jack Frost that he was the man who was going to save Christmas, his entire head had exploded with pain. Yuki had managed to catch him on the way down, but everything went dark. When he next opened his eyes, he was in the Dreamscape.

Thinking he had just lost consciousness, he tried to wake up. Usually this was an easy feat, but a series of giant cracks in the sky had pulsed with a terrible light, driving him back to the ground in pain. The cracks were fading over time, and he intended to leave once they were gone. “I don’t know why more spas don’t offer this as a service. People would pay good money to relax in a hot spring with a perfect pair of breasts like yours.”

“I’m sure someone out there does it for a living. You just don’t get out much.”

He laughed, then groaned when the crack widened. “Why does it have to hurt in here?” he groaned.

“Your first experience with soul magic was akin to running a marathon, silly.” Numerous hands rubbed his body, helping him relax. “I pushed you much farther than you should have been able to go, and you accidentally absorbed some of that golden light. I was able to keep it from frying your brain, so the headache is a consolation prize.”

“Thanks for that.” He reached a hand up and patted her breast affectionately. “I don’t know what would have happened to Yuki, but it wasn’t good.”

“She probably would have ended up like the snow bitch.” Lily said from nearby. She was lying on a banana-shaped floaty. In the Dreamscape, Naia’s fountain was often the size of a wave pool, likely for reasons Freud would happily have spent hours dissecting. “With swiss-cheese for a brain.”

“That’s not very nice,” Naia said.

“And?” Lily turned her attention toward Mike, lowering her sunglasses for dramatic effect. “Bitch brought an army, had a psychotic break, and is now playing the part of Stroke Victim Elsa on Santa’s couch.”

Even though he was asleep, this piece of Lily was able to hear what was happening around him through his ears if she sat somewhere quiet and concentrated hard enough. It had taken her quite a bit of time, but eventually she reported that half of Jack’s body was paralyzed, and she had been placed in an armchair by the fire. The ice monsters were still outside, but most of them had spread through the village to do whatever it was ice monsters did. To his relief, Yuki and Holly were watching over him while also keeping wary eyes on Jack.

Speaking of Yuki...

Mike looked over toward the house. A sullen kitsune sat there with her knees pulled up to her chest, staring at him from between her legs.

“You still good?” he asked her.

Yuki’s soul flipped him the bird, which caused a small bird to fly away from her that shouted “fuck you!” before it disappeared in the sky.

“She’ll adjust,” Naia said, rubbing his shoulders. “The part of her soul that she gave you was heavily damaged. It’s almost like she knew this was a safe place for it to heal.”

“As long as she’s house-trained, whatever.” Lily sipped on a fruity cocktail drink that she summoned from the ether. “Oh, and not that anyone asked me, but fucking that elf girl while messing with someone’s soul? Totally gave me a chub.”

Mike snapped his fingers, causing Lily’s banana to disappear. The succubus fell into the water, spilling her drink and disappearing beneath the surface. Naia laughed, then moved out of the way when Lily’s arms burst up from the water to grab Mike around the waist.

He was pulled beneath the surface, but wasn’t worried. It was his Dreamscape, and he could tell Lily was just playing with him. He wrestled with her under the water for a minute, her suddenly naked flesh against his. When she kissed him, he relaxed, only to grunt and break away when she pinched his nipple too hard.

“Bitch,” he muttered above the water. “That stings.”

“Ah, did I hurt your feelings?” Lily splashed him, and he reciprocated. Since it was the Dreamscape, Lily smacked the water hard, causing it to form into a giant dick. Much like a whale breaching the ocean, the massive member fell sideways, crushing Mike beneath its weight. He was going to reciprocate, but his head started pounding again.

“Okay, that’s enough. He needs rest.” Naia’s voice came from everywhere at once as a whirlpool formed, sucking Lily below the surface as Mike popped to the top. Moments later, Lily’s bikini floated to the top.

“Is she okay?” Mike asked.

“Unless she’s allergic to saltwater, she’ll be fine.” Naia rubbed his forehead. “And don’t worry about hurting her feelings. “She installed an intricate water slide under the fountain, she gets flushed on purpose at least once a week.”

“How intricate?”

“More than half an hour long. Has at least three loop-de-loops. Tink helped her install animatronics.”

“Dare I ask?”

“Just dinosaurs.”

“Sounds tame.”

“They’re all fucking.”

“There we go.” He laughed, then winced when it turned into painful thunder.

“Oh, lover. What am I going to do with you?” Naia held him tight against her body. Even though his arrival had been abrupt, his Dreamscape was always a good place to go to recalibrate. It didn’t have quite the extreme time bending properties it did if the real world Lily were here, but he was still capable of stretching a few minutes into an hour if he needed to.

Some of the others dropped by to keep him company. Though each woman was technically a part of his soul, they all had their autonomy and did the things they would largely do in the real world, which meant he didn’t always see them. The Dreamscape was basically his own personal version of heaven.

Eventually Ratu joined them, her elaborate kimono spreading out on the water like a giant lily pad.

“There you are.” Mike reached out for her and caught the tips of her fingers. With a small tug, Ratu floated in his direction. “What have you been up to?”

“Exploring the edges of this place. I find it fascinating that your soul is locked into a location without true spatial qualifications. If you dig deep enough, you reach water instead of bedrock or sand. After years of exploration, I can say that your soul truly is an island on the astral sea.” Ratu looked up at the clouds, then frowned at the dull crack in the sky. “What is that?” she asked.

Mike explained the events leading up to his current state. Ratu remained silent except to ask a few clarifying questions. Once finished, she contemplated for a minute, then turned to look at him.

“You do realize the impossible confluence of events necessary to get you to where you are, correct?”

“I think you mean improbable. If it was impossible, I wouldn’t be knee deep in all this shit that Santa started.”

“Bah.” Ratu waved her hand dismissively at him. “I don’t refer to what’s going on in the North Pole. You manipulated someone’s soul today, Caretaker.”

“Well ... it’s just an extension of Naia’s powers, so I didn’t think it was a big deal.”

The naga snorted, then rolled on her side to look at him. “That’s where you’re wrong. You see, Naia’s ability to manipulate souls is intrinsic to her nature, and she did not gift it to you.”

“No? I figured that was all her.” Mike tilted his head backward to see Naia’s face. “Right?”

She shook her head. “Remember that I’m just an offshoot, a snapshot from the moment we first swapped. A nymph can grant many gifts, but the ability to do soul magic is not one of them. I know as much as you do about your current abilities.”

“You seemed pretty nonchalant about it,” he said.

“And?” She playfully tweaked his nose. “Where do we draw the line at being surprised? When you went to the Underworld? Fought the Jersey Devil? Banged one of Santa’s elves?”

“That’s fair,” he admitted. “Speaking of Holly, I haven’t seen her in here.”

“Oh, she’s here.” Naia grinned. “She snuck off with Tink a while ago to see her hammer collection.”

“Sounds like a euphemism for something,” he muttered.

“Back to what I was saying,” Ratu said. “You have the ability to touch and manipulate spirits, which I imagine is due to Cecilia’s presence. Magic is typically a separate entity altogether, so I assume that ability may come from me. When I break down objects for enchanting, I can pull several of these threads and weave them somewhere else. So you are using some variation of my own ability to do a similar task with magical beings.”

“That sounds kind of dangerous, actually.”

“Indeed.” Ratu fixed him with a serious look. “The immediate ramifications would put you in quite a bit of danger should it become public knowledge.”

“How so?” he asked, but realized immediately what she referred to. Ratu had the ability to isolate magical properties in an object and transfer them to another, thus combining enchantments. The soul swaps he performed with the others had already granted him fantastic abilities of his own, but what if he could simply rip the desired traits from one person and implant them in another? Could he theoretically rip away Jack’s ability to use ice magic and put it in himself? Would it destroy Jack in the process?

If people found out he was capable of wandering the Earth and sucking magical creatures dry of their abilities, he would absolutely become public enemy number one. The society would be small fry compared to people like the Order, or even other cryptids wandering about. It wasn’t just about magic, either. He could be damaging souls. What sort of ramifications would that have for the afterlife?

“Holy shit,” he muttered. This single bit of knowledge could put him at risk from everyone who knew about magic.

“I see you understand.” Ratu rolled onto her back and looked at the sky. “That crack isn’t just from manipulating Yuki’s soul. What you’ve been doing with your magic is spiritually draining, but from what you told me about that golden light, you have contaminated your spirit with some form of divinity. We’re probably watching it integrate with your soul.”

“I didn’t mean to. I was just trying to keep Yuki from melting or whatever.”

“Your intentions were pure, and that’s what matters most. If you had decided to grab that light for yourself, then I imagine we might already see signs of corruption. You tapped into something you shouldn’t have. If not for your already altered state, it probably would have killed you.”

“Oh.” Mike looked at his fingers, remembering that blast of lightning he had struck Grýla with. It had been instinctive, and not something he should have been able to accomplish. Even here in the Dreamscape, his hand ached. “What is divinity?”

“I’m a bit of an expert on that, actually. I was actually a minor deity for a while.” Ratu smiled, suddenly lost in memories. “I had become one of the river gods in my area, and people would pay me tribute in the form of celebration, prayers, and some of the best fish you’ll ever taste.”

“Sounds nice,” he said. “What happened?”

Ratu’s face tightened. “It’s not something I like to talk about. Anyway, you’ve experienced divinity before in your encounters with Titania. When a being becomes powerful enough, they can tap into different sources of power. Divinity is one of these.”

“Different like how you tend to use big fireballs while Yuki uses ice?”

Ratu nodded. “Kind of. Our magic is elemental in nature, and we are manipulating variables that already exist. Divinity is something else. It doesn’t have the same rules as the magic you understand. For instance, I could not use elemental fire to build a boat, nor could Yuki use ice to warm a house. Divinity is the magic of miracles, and has some very stringent requirements to attain.”

“Such as?”

“Worship is both the easiest and the hardest. For the bigger names, it’s become self-sustaining. For smaller beings like me, it can be easily lost or taken away by losing believers. Blessed by the gods is a pathway, but a very tricky one, because they can always change their mind later if you become too powerful. Becoming a fundamental force of nature will do it. For example, if Jack had become the absolute epitome of cold, she would be eligible for ascension. But godhood isn’t just raw power, it isn’t that simple. On the other hand, any sufficiently advanced form of magic could be mistaken for divinity. This truth, by the way, is how we end up with false gods.”

“Huh.” Mike looked at his fingers again. “So I’m contaminated by divinity? What does that mean?”

“I don’t know. I’m just a fragment of your soul, I can’t exactly pop outside for a look around, so ... hmm.” Ratu stroked her chin, suddenly deep in thought. “Anyway, it would behoove you to speak to my real world counterpart when the chance presents itself. You’re toying with powerful yet delicate forces, and I would prefer you avoid blowing your own face off with them. After all...” the naga moved toward him, her arms sliding around his body. “It is a rather pretty face.”

“No.” Naia manifested nearby, her hand in the shape of a gun. She pointed it at Ratu and blasted her with a stream of cold, high-pressure water. “Bad snake, not until he’s better!”

“Ugh, fine.” Ratu licked her lips with a forked tongue. “Come find me next time you’re napping, Caretaker.”

“I’ll do my best.” He watched Ratu walk away from the fountain with mixed feelings. A dalliance with the naga sounded like fun, but he really needed that crack in the sky to go away so he could wake up. Even though Jack was disabled, he had no idea how long her condition would last.

However, Ratu had been a treasure trove of information, and he summoned that golden glow into his fingers once again. It made a sweet bass sound that was very much like a heartbeat. It had never occurred to him before that he had a veritable library of information in his head at all times, accessible anytime he was asleep. The pulsating light in his hand sent out a couple of electric streamers that danced along his forearm.

“Please don’t turn me into a cum fountain,” he said, dismissing the magic. Orgasms were fun, but the idea of having one powered by divine magic was a little terrifying. Not only had it left him exhausted, but the mess had been a bitch to clean.

The air filled with the sound of static. MIke turned toward the house to see Kisa emerge from the back door, her body outlined in heavy dark lines. She brushed herself off, then took a wary look around.

“Are you taking a nap?” she asked. “Or did you go somewhere nice without me?”

“Got knocked out, kinda,” he replied.

“Is everything okay?” Her face turned serious. “Do we need to come back?”

“We’re fine. You need to watch out for a seriously pissed off giant named Grýla and an army of ice monsters. Oh, and we captured Jack.”

Kisa stared hard at him for a few moments. “Yuki did come back, right?”

Reminded of their earlier conversation, he nodded. “Yep. She’s officially in charge again, and keeping me out of trouble.”

“I can’t even with you some days,” Kisa muttered. “Anyway, we’re still wandering the vents, but having bad luck finding a suitable exit. Some of these buildings are in sad shape, and I’m not about to go wandering through the snow.” She tilted her head to one side then swatted away something Mike couldn’t see. “No, I won’t show him my tits and say they’re from you, leave me alone.”

“Tell Tink to behave,” Mike said. “We need that furnace up and running soon, it’s getting cold.” Now that he had Santa’s coat, he wasn’t too worried about himself, but what about the elves? Holly might joke that she wouldn’t mind hiding under his jacket, but that wasn’t a solution for the rest of the elves.

“She knows. We had to take a break, we’ve been keeping a pretty fast pace trying to find a vent big enough for me to leave. Stay out of trouble, I’ll check in with you later.”

“Bye.” He waved at Kisa just as she faded from view, then let out a sigh of relief. Even though no progress had been made in finding the elves, he was happy to know that they were okay.

He spent a bit longer with Naia, then wandered out to the beach to stretch his legs. Zel met up with him, and the two of them chatted for a while. It was weird that they had a child together, but this version of her had never been pregnant and was forced to learn about their son second-hand. She didn’t seem bothered by it. At the end of the day, she was still just a part of his soul.

Out in the waves, a dark figure appeared. It was Lily in an inflatable donut. Mike bid Zel farewell and waited for the succubus to make it to the beach. She walked out of the water, a breeze kicking up blue and gold sand that stuck to her legs in patches.

“Surprised you’re still here, Romeo.” She was completely naked except for her black leather boots. “Thought you’d have woken up by now.”

“Soon enough.” He nodded in the direction of the crack, which was almost gone. “So I hear you’ve got a water slide?”

“Girls just wanna have fun.” She brushed some sand off of her inner thigh, then blew him a kiss. “After all, there’s only so much of you to go around, and when you’re awake, the orgies and pillow fights in here get a little boring. Besides, I’ve got a T-Rex doing things to a velociraptor that would make you blush.”

“You certainly have my attention. What other weird stuff are you guys building in my head?”

“Well, you know how some people say you only use about ten percent of your brain?” Lily moved close to him, her bare breasts in his face. The scent of cinnamon washed over him, and he licked his lips in anticipation.

“Yeah?”

“Those people are idiots.” She was even closer now, her hand on his crotch. “That’s not how brains work.”

The way she was rubbing him through his pants, he was definitely using less than ten percent of his brain right now. The ocean around the island went still, and even the breeze paused as Lily rubbed his stiffening cock.

“Where were we going with this?” he asked, having forgotten the original question.

“This place isn’t your brain, Romeo. It’s your magic, and your soul. It’s got more cracks than a sidewalk, and I’m all about ensuring that every crack is filled.” She pressed against him, her breasts expanding to fill his view.

“Is ... it seems like everyone is a little extra ... aggressive, today.” Not that he was going to complain, but there was certainly a change in the air. It wasn’t limited to the Dreamscape either, but he couldn’t tell how much of that was Holly being a horny elf, or if something else was going on.

“We’re just parts of your soul. When things change here, it’s because things changed out there. So you should probably ask yourself ... what’s different about you?” She grabbed the front of his pants and ripped them off. They flickered out of existence as she knelt down and sucked his cock into her mouth. He moaned, his hands finding the horns on her head and holding them as she blew him for a minute.

“Oh, that feels so good.” He let out a little groan as Lily spat him out and then stroked his cock with both hands.

“Speaking of cracks, that one in the sky is gone.” Lily jerked a thumb over her shoulder. Mike looked and saw the sky had a faint aura around where the last crack had been, like a fading bruise in the sky.

“Oh.” He looked down at her, then back up at the sky again. Doing a quick bit of mental math, he wondered if she could get him off in the Dreamscape before he woke up.

“Looks like it’s time to nut up, Romeo. Give them hell for me.” With a laugh, Lily flicked him in the balls, making the decision for him. The Dreamscape vanished as his eyes popped open, both her laugh and the phantom pain in his testicles fading away.

“Gah!” Holly had been leaning over him when his eyes opened and fell backwards in fright. “Oh, Santa, you scared the sprinkles out of me!”

“Sorry about that.” He blinked his eyes a few times and coughed, his throat very dry. Holly offered him a mug of something, and he was surprised to discover it was ice water.

“Yuki had me melt some ice for you,” she said. “Thought you might appreciate something other than hot cocoa.”

“She was right.” He sucked the water down greedily, going fast enough that a bunch of it spilled onto his white coat. Interestingly enough, the water slid off the fabric and onto the floor without leaving any trace of moisture behind. “How long was I out?”

“A couple of hours.” Holly took the mug back and held out a sandwich. “I finally got around to making these, if you’re hungry.”

He took the sandwich from her and bit into a slice of heaven. It was thin sliced roast beef with caramelized onions and cheese on a brioche bun. Groaning in delight, he was almost halfway through the sandwich when he remembered Yuki.

“Has she eaten yet?” he asked.

Holly shook her head. “She had me move you a bit ago. Jack was semi-conscious for a bit, but she’s awake now. Well ... half awake.”

“Take me to her.” Mike stood with some effort, then rubbed at his face to get the circulation flowing. The North Pole was so dry his sinuses were starting to hurt.

He had been moved to a small office just off the main hub of the house, and he walked into the main room to see Yuki standing across from Jack, a pair of tarot cards in her hands.

“You’re up.” Yuki didn’t bother looking at Mike, her eyes on their prisoner.

“I am.” He moved to her side and held out the other half of his sandwich. “You should eat.”

“I’m not—”

“Yes you are.” He shoved the sandwich at her, and she took it. When she looked at him, she frowned.

“Your eyes are all bloodshot,” she said.

“Not surprising.” He moved away from Yuki and grabbed a rocking chair from over by the fireplace. He dragged it across the floor to sit down next to Jack, who was reclined in a chair and watching him out of one eye.

“I don’t think you should do that,” Yuki warned, but Mike waved her off.

“If she could have done something, she would have done it sooner.” It wasn’t just false bravado behind his words, but the fact that Jack emanated an aura of defeat. One side of her face now drooped, and there was pain in the one eye she had open. She shifted uncomfortably when she saw how close he sat, then looked away.

“If you’re going to kill me, just do it.” Her voice was haggard, her words slurred.

Mike watched her for a moment, then opened his senses to look at her soul. It was not only in turmoil, but looked like someone had tried to rip it apart. Only a few loose threads connected the two halves, and a red light pulsed through the entire structure. The same golden light that was embedded in Yuki’s spirit was here as well, but the rings it had formed had sliced cleanly through entire sections of Jack’s soul. The longer he studied it, the more it looked like the light had tried to form a symbol, but it fuzzed out any time he tried to study it.

“I don’t see any need for that,” he told her, taking her by the hand. She yanked it away and glared at him.

“I don’t want your pity.” Her lip trembled as a tear formed in her eye.

“Good. Because I’m not offering pity.” He patted Jack on the leg. “But I do have some questions, if you don’t mind.”

Jack looked away, her face twisting up.

“Look, Jack, we can do this the easy way or the hard way.” He stood and moved across the room to pick up a pillow from one of the other couches, along with a blanket. “If you choose the easy way, you tell me what I want to know, and then we figure out what happens next.”

“And the hard way?” Jack’s tone was chilly, and the room grew colder. When he turned around, he saw that her skin was pale, but her breath was now visible as the temperature dropped.

Mike moved closer, the pillow clutched tightly in his hands. He moved behind her, pushing her helpless body forward and shoving the pillow down next to her hip. When he grabbed her by the shoulders, she tensed up and frost crawled up his arms, but the coat protected him.

“It’s a lot like the easy way, only you’re stubborn and we never move on to trying to figure out how to fix you. Does that feel better?”

“I ... what did you do?”

Mike moved in front of Jack and draped the blanket over her. “You were slouching to one side. I imagine your back was starting to hurt. Do you eat or drink? We have plenty of hot cocoa and cookies.”

“You ... what?” Jack blinked a few times, then groaned. “My head, it hurts so bad.”

“I bet.” He looked over at Holly. “Let’s start with cocoa, but she needs a straw.”

Holly looked dubious, but obeyed. The elf disappeared into the kitchen for a minute, then returned with a mug and a straw colored like a candy cane. He took it from Holly, then looked over his shoulder at Yuki, who had been strangely silent.

The kitsune was asleep in an armchair, a stray onion still clinging to her lips and a piece of sandwich clutched in one hand.

“Trade me.” He handed Holly the mug, and walked over to find a blanket for Yuki. When he covered her, she let out a whimper, but then went still. When he looked at her soul, he saw that the golden light was busy trying to shine through the rest of Yuki’s magic, but was still tucked in nice and neat.

When he returned to Jack, it was to see that she was trying to sip cocoa through the straw with Holly’s help. The elf was using a monogrammed hand towel to wipe chocolate off of Jack’s chin before it could freeze. He moved his chair closer to Jack and looked at her.

“So let’s start with an easy question. To the best of your knowledge, are you currently dying?”

Jack looked startled at the question, then shook her head.

“Okay, a good start.” There was a thud on the roof, and he looked up. “Okay, second question. Any way to call off your snow goons?”

Jack pondered this for several seconds, then pushed the straw out of her mouth with her tongue.

“I don’t think so,” she replied with a thick drawl. “Can’t feel them anymore.”

“Any idea why?”

Half of Jack’s lip curled into a sneer. “Divinity. Some of it went into them, and now they are ... unique. They no longer obey me.”

“Okay, we can circle back to that problem later.” He let out a deep breath and studied Jack. He could see a tiny storm forming just beneath the surface of her soul. It was easy to understand what that meant, he didn’t blame her for being angry or afraid. In her position, he would be, too.

Maybe it was her vulnerability, or the way she stared at him like a wounded animal, but something about Jack resonated with him. Even though she was in league with the Krampus, he felt that there was something more there to be explored.

“What is the Krampus planning?” he asked. “Other than just being a general bas ... bad guy.”

Holly smiled at him in appreciation. Despite using her as a sexual battery earlier, she still required PG language.

“I’m not ... entirely certain.” Jack winced, looking away from him.

“Hey, are you okay?” He moved closer, ready to help her in any way he could. After a couple of moments, Jack turned to face him, doubt in her eye.

“Here.” He took the mug from Holly and held the straw to Jack’s lips. “We can get you water, too, just say the word.”

“I don’t understand.” Jack stared at the straw like it was a blade held to her face. “Why show me kindness? I was coming here to kill you.”

He looked over at Yuki, who snored contently in her seat. The sight summoned a big smile to his face.

“To be fair, I get that a lot.” He moved the straw closer to her lips, and she reluctantly parted them, then sipped some more of the warm concoction. “I’ve met some of my best friends that way.”

Jack let out a sigh and leaned away from the mug. “I’m starting to think this is all a bad dream.”

“It isn’t. I’m practically an expert on dreams these days.” He set the mug down and moved to adjust the blanket. Leaning over Jack, he could feel the cold aura that she radiated, a chill that somehow made it through his coat. He was tucking the blanket behind one shoulder when her other eye popped open, the iris cracked like a piece of glass. That dilated pupil shifted upward to focus on him, and his mind was assailed by images of bountiful valleys. Miles of lush landscape were revealed to him, broken up by the remains of thousands of dead warriors, their skeletons rotting in bent and broken armor. Harp music played in his head, and now he stood on a cliff overlooking the ocean. In front of him was a voloptuous woman with long tresses of golden hair who looked back once before throwing herself toward the tumultuous waters below.

Mike snapped back to reality as ice bloomed through his entire body. The once limp half of Jack’s body lunged at him, a dagger of ice clutched tight in her hand. There was a moment where time distorted, his brain processing her movement in slow motion. He pushed her wrist to the side, zapping her with electricity. The dagger slid out of her hand and shattered on the floor.