Chapter 7

John managed to avoid any awkward conversations with his family for most of the rest of the day, but his mother finally broached the subject once the little kids were all in bed. “I heard you got matched with a circuit girl today,” she said with a measure of pride.

“Yeah.”

“Well?” She pressed. “Did you and she get along well?”

“It was okay,” he said, clearly not wanting to talk about it.

“Well good for you,” his mother told him.

“Where was she from?” His youngest sister Tessie asked.

“I don’t know,” John said.

“Well what was she dressed like?” Lucy said, taking over the questioning. “Was she dressed like a Walmer slut? Or a Marley priss? Venture bitch? Woolton pig-fucker?

“She was wearing pants,” John volunteered.

All three of his sisters broke into laughter.

John hesitantly asked: “So ... what makes a guy good?”

Lucy was the first to answer. “Well, step number one: be handsome,” she told him. “Step number two: well, there’s no point in worrying about step number two, is there?”

“Lucy!” Their mother chastised.

Edith continued: “Step number two is to press your body close to hers, hold her tight, and drill her like a steam engine for hours and hours!” Her body became animated as she continued, “Oh! Mmm! Yes! YES!” Lucy joined Edith’s mock climaxes.

John walked out the door to take a walk in the moonless night. He heard his mother through the first several paces: “Girls that was horrible! You know he doesn’t have anyone else he can ask...”

At least Tessie hadn’t made fun of him. He’d always been closest to her. With only four years between them, she was the only one of his sisters who’d ever seemed like a fellow child to him, growing up.

Several times the next day, John considered asking people for advice. Each time, he decided that it would go badly, like it had with his family.

The desire he felt for women was tainted, too. He had crossed a threshold, he’d been with a woman: he should have a new confidence. Instead he felt shame. Working on Miss Lane’s fence, he still got an erection watching her. But when he imagined doing things to her, it inevitably led to feelings of inadequacy.

At home, Edith pulled him away from the house for a private conversation. “John, I’m sorry I teased you yesterday,” she told him.

“It’s okay,” he said gloomily.

Her face got serious as she prepared to bring up the real reason for the talk. “Mom and I have been talking,” she said. “I think it’s time the kids and I move out.”

John wasn’t exactly surprised. Edith was twenty-seven. She was the mother to the two oldest children of the house, Evan and Kiki, and to one more toddler, Susie.

“So you want me...,” John began.

“I don’t want you to come with me,” Edith blurted. “I don’t want you to be my kids’ prime uncle. It’s not fair to you. Mom agrees. You deserve more time to grow up before taking on that kind of responsibility. You’ll be more ready when Lucy moves out.”

John’s frown curled just a little bit toward a smile. “Lucy isn’t going to want me,” he asserted.

“Tessie, then,” Edith countered.

“So who then?” John asked.

“I’ve been talking to Tony Carver,” she explained. “You know him, right? He’s got two brothers and one sister. We’re going to adopt him as my kids’ prime uncle.”

“Okay,” John said. “You’ll come visit, right?”

“Of course!” She said, mussing his hair. “And you can come see us all the time. Evan will insist.”