I don’t know the exact date, but from what I overhear from the women who use me, it is the year 8346.

Most of my memories of the past 3600 years are inconsequential, just countless women who have used me over the centuries.

My earliest memories are of the 2024 election, when Biden lost to Trump by nearly 95% of the popular vote and 100% of the electoral vote. Everyone was stunned, myself included. How did that racist, white supremacist get elected again?!?!

On his first day in office, he declared martial law and canceled the US Constitution. He then had the CEOs of CNN, The New York Times, Facebook, Google, Twitter, and You Tube, rounded up and burned alive at the stake on the Mall in Washington DC.

The second thing he did was to call for a Federal audit of the 2020 election. Not surprisingly, his cronies conducting the audit declared that the election was fraudulent and rigged by the Chinese Communist Party.

Nuclear war broke out between China and the rest of the world. The war only lasted for a few hours. But sadly for the people of China –– it is always the innocent people who suffer –– the entire country was turned into a nuclear wasteland. A few American cities were also nuked by China, but the US got away relatively intact.

After the war, Trump rounded up almost every college professor and burned them all at the stake, too.

Trump also reinstated his racist policies, like, for example, banning the teaching of Critical Race Theory.

Then, to everyone’s horror, he repealed the 15th and the 19th amendments, and then declared that only white male land owners could vote.

He even called in the military whenever a peaceful protest by people of color occurred to arrest the protesters, even though alt-right riots were allowed to occur without intervention.

He did all this in his first month in the White House.

Despite his horrible economic policies, the runaway inflation that he saddled President Biden with stopped almost immediately.

Surprisingly, COVID mysteriously disappeared, and no new variants surfaced again. This stumped medical experts, but everyone was grateful for this bit of good luck.

Then a miracle occurred. A group of pharma companies announced treatments to halt aging, and even reverse it. I’m no expert, but I understand it had something to do with something called Telomeres, oxygen saturation therapy, and growth hormones. One good thing I can say about Trump (please don’t cancel me for admitting that) is that he made the treatments available to everyone at low cost.

That’s when the revolution happened. The people started fighting back against the racists, the white supremacists, the homophobes, and the misogynists. Despite my opposition to gun violence, I took up arms against the right-wingers, myself.

When the dust had settled, we were back on the right side of history again. A new Constitution was being written from scratch. People of color were put back in power in Washington, especially women of color. They immediately declared an end to white supremacy and male privilege. In an act of turnabout, police were rounding up right-wingers, racists, and white supremacists.

Then the police knocked on my door. I admit I was guilty of being a white male, but I was on the side of justice, so I knew I had nothing to fear. It was only right that they interrogate all whites and all males to root out evil. I didn’t object to doing the right thing, even if it was an inconvenience.

While in police custody, they administered a lie detector test while under sodium pentothal. I don’t remember what they asked or how I answered, but that was followed by a general anesthetic which they said was for my own safety.

When I woke up, my head was in a small room staring up at the ceiling from about chair level. I immediately recognized it as a small restroom with a sink off to one side above my head. I couldn’t feel my body and my jaw was permanently held open somehow and I couldn’t close it. Even worse, I wasn’t breathing. I tried to scream, but without any breath going in or out, I couldn’t make a sound. The only movement I could do was blink and wiggle my tongue, lips, and eyebrows.

Hours passed. I didn’t die of suffocation even though I wasn’t breathing. I felt no urge to breathe, either.

Days passed. I didn’t die of dehydration or starvation even though I was given no food or water. But I never felt hungry or thirsty, either.

Even worse, I had seen no people at all during that time. None at all. No one came to check on me. I could hear what sounded like construction off in the distance, but no sign of anyone.

Then, one day, I heard voices. A door opened in the room beyond. Footsteps. Women’s voices.

Again, I tried to call out, but I could make no sound at all without having a breath.

A woman entered the room. A black woman. She glared down at me. I was looking up at her. She met my gaze for a split second and I could see the hatred in her eyes. She turned her back to me and pulled her slacks down, exposing her bare ass to me.

Then she sat on my face. A moment later, a stream of hot liquid began pouring from her twat into my mouth. Her pee had nowhere else to go but down my throat. I could do nothing to prevent it. I was powerless to stop it from flowing down my throat. She emptied her bladder in one continuous flow while I chugged it down.

When she stopped peeing and stood, she pressed a button on the wall. Hot air started rushing up my windpipe and out my nose and mouth. It wasn’t hot enough to burn my mouth, but it was hot enough that it hurt. It was too forceful to resist and I had no way to hold it back. She hovered her bottom over my face, allowing my hot breath to dry her off. It wasn’t like me exhaling. The hot air continued non-stop for almost a minute.

She washed her hands in the sink over my head and left without saying a word to me.

Some time later, another woman came into my stall. Another black woman. No need to go into the gory details again. She used me as her toilet just as the previous woman had.