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WARNING: THIS IS JUST A STORY! DO NOT DO THIS! YOU CAN KILL SOMEONE!

Paul picked up his phone and called April.

“Hello,” she said.

“Hi April,” said Paul. “I just called to say I really enjoyed our first date last Saturday.”

“Thanks, Paul,” said April. “I enjoyed it, too.”

“That’s great!” he said. “I was wondering if you want to do something again next Saturday.”

“Oh, I don’t know,” she said. “My girlfriends have something planned for Saturday. Maybe some other time, okay?”

“Oh? That’s okay, April,” he said. “Some other time, then. Bye.”

Paul got over April. He knew better than to call her back and beg for a second date, but she called him Saturday afternoon.

“Hello,” said Paul.

“Hi Paul!” said April.

“Sup?” he said.

“You doing anything today?” she said.

“No,” he said. “Why?”

“Come on over to my place!” she said.

“Okay!” he said, excited to get a second date with April. “But what are we doing?”

“You’ll see,” she said. “Just come over!”

“Okay,” he said. “Dress up, or casual?”

“Doesn’t matter,” she said. “Come naked if you want. Just come over right now!”

“I’ll be there in a few,” he said.

Paul quickly showered, put on fresh clothes, and drove over to April’s apartment.

He knocked on her door and she let him in.

“So, what are we doing?” he said.

“Come on,” she said and grabbed her purse and her phone.

“But where are we going?” he said.

“Diane’s house,” she said.

“Who’s Diane?” said Paul.

“You ask too many questions,” said April. “Come with me. I’ll drive.”

Paul shrugged and followed April down to her car and they drove across town to a neighborhood of nice single-family homes. She parked in the driveway where there were a bunch of other cars parked in front of the garage door.

“Hi, April!” said four other women as April and Paul entered. April introduced Paul to her friends: Diane, Gail, Janet, and Sue.

“He’s cute!” said Diane, causing Paul to blush.

“Yeah,” said Janet. “His face looks comfy.”

“What???” said Paul.

“Ignore her,” said April. “So where are we doing it?”

“Downstairs,” said Diane.

Paul followed the five women down to a finished basement turned into a large family/game/recreation room with a big screen TV on one end, a kitchenette on the other end, and a foosball table in the middle surrounded by a big comfy wrap-around sofa.

“You!” said Diane pointing to Paul and then to a strange wooden contraption with a bunch of arm rests and unbuckled leather straps. “Strip and get in position!”

“Huh?” said Paul.

April pulled Paul aside and whispered. “Take off your clothes and lie down in that with your head in the headrest on that end.”

“Why?” said Paul.

“Because I said so,” said April.

“But you want me to get naked in front of all these girls?” he said.

“C’mon, Paul!” said April. “Don’t be shy! It’ll be fun! Then we can go out later, just you and me. Okay?”

“I ... guess so...” said Paul. His face turned red as he undressed while the women watched.

He paused when he got down to his briefs.

Diane said, “All the way, Paul!”

“Show us the goods!” said Sue.

Paul hesitated a moment then dropped his briefs.

“Ooh!” said Janet, staring at his erection. “He’s looking forward to playing our game!”

“What game?” whispered Paul to April.

“Lie down in there,” said April.

Paul stared at the contraption. It was a wooden frame made of wooden struts about six inches high, about two feet wide, and about six feet long. It was adorned with leather belts and buckles and had a PVC pipe sticking out of a bracket in the middle with a 45 degree angle connector mounted on top. The head end had a kind of pillory and a small padded V-shaped cradle about three inches higher than the rest of the surface.

“How?” he said.

“Lie down,” said Diane, “with your head on the end with the padded bit with your neck passing over the lower half circle and your arms and legs in the little cradles.”

Paul lay down on it as instructed. The women knelt all around him and buckled all the belts over his wrists, elbows, ankles, knees, waist, and chest. They then went back around and made them all extra tight so he couldn’t wiggle the slightest bit. Diane then lowered the upper half of the pillory over his neck that completely encircled his neck and also served as the straight back of what became a chair on one end with his face as the seat of the chair. At the same time, April placed a shallow tub under his butt and then slid that PVC pipe through the bracket with the angled bit over his penis.

His head was cradled in the V-shaped support and, even though it was padded, it was difficult to roll his head from side to side. He tried to squirm, but the only movement he was able to make was to wiggle his wrists and feet.

“Comfortable?” asked Diane.

“Not really,” he said. “I can’t move.”

“At least you can pee into that tub under your butt,” said April. “You can poop, too, if you really need to.”

Each of the belt buckles and the pillory had loops for two padlocks each.

April removed a set of miniature luggage padlocks, pre TSA design, from her handbag.

“May I?” she said.

“I don’t care,” said Diane. “I think it’s pretty inescapable already, but no harm, no foul.”

April locked her padlocks onto all the strap buckles and the hasp on the pillory.

“Why did you all put me in this thing?” he said.

“You didn’t tell him before you brought him here, April?” said Diane.

“I might have forgotten to do that,” said April.

The women all giggled, and then Diane said, “Okay. Lets all go get naked.”

The five women went upstairs, leaving Paul alone in their game room, strapped, shackled, and locked in their weird contraption. He tried to struggle to free himself, but the straps were buckled too tight and he couldn’t get any leverage.

They returned about a half hour later, all buck naked except for their handbags and each holding a large goblet of red wine.

“Okay girls,” said Diane. “Most of you know the rules, but I’ll repeat them for Gail. And a reminder is good for everyone since a lot of dead presidents are on the line.”

“I think Gail knows the rules,” said Janet.

“I’d like to hear them from Diane,” said Gail.

“Okay,” said Diane. “First, there’s a steel pot on the table over there. Each of us will put $200 into the pot. Winner take all. Everyone do that now.”

Each of the five women reached into their handbags and dropped a wad of cash into the large pot.

“I’m gonna count the money now,” said Diane, and reached in and started counting. A minute later, she counted to $1,000, and put the money back in the pot and put a lid on it.

Diane then picked up a smaller cooking pot with five folded up sticky notes in it. “Next, everybody pick a number. That’s the order we go in.”

They each picked a number from the pot.

“Tell us all your numbers,” said Diane. “In order.”

“I’m one,” said Janet.

“I’m two,” said Sue.

“I’m three,” said Diane.

“I’m four,” said April.

“I’m five,” said Gail.

“Good!” said Diane. “Starting with Janet, we take turns sitting on Paul’s face.”

“What?” said Paul.

“Hush, you,” said April.

“You can sit as long as you want,” said Diane. “But at least fifteen seconds. If you don’t sit at least 15 seconds, you’re out.”

“Can we pee in his mouth?” said Gail.

“No!” said Diane. “That’s disgusting!”

“My boyfriend lets me pee in his mouth!” said Gail. “And he swallows.”

“You’re lucky,” said Janet. “My boyfriend lets me pee in his mouth, but he won’t swallow.”

“Your boyfriends are both pervs!” said Sue.

“Ladies! Ladies!” said Diane. “Let’s move on. When one player gets off him, the next player has to sit within five seconds or she loses and is out of the rotation,” said Diane. “Lastly, if he passes out, whoever was sitting on him loses and is out of the rotation.”

“Hey!” said Paul. “Wait a second!”

“Be quiet, you!” said April and kicked the wooden frame he was lying on.

“When he passes out, we revive him and give him a few minutes to catch his breath. Then the remaining players who aren’t out start over until he passes out again. This continues until all but one player is out. The remaining player is the winner and goes home with the cash. The winner can give Paul a tip or share of the pot, but you don’t have to.”

“Sounds good,” said Gail.

“Doesn’t sound good to me,” said Paul.

“Hush,” said April.

“Good,” said Diane. “Who’s number one again?”

“Me!” said Janet.

“Okay,” said Diane. “When I clap my hands, you have five seconds to sit on him. No fair sitting on him partially so he can breathe. That’s cheating. His whole face must be covered by your bottom. Your feet must be flat on the floor out in front of you so your full weight is on his face. It’s up to everyone who is standing to check and make sure his face is completely covered so there’s no cheating. When Janet gets up off him, whoever is number two has five seconds to sit on him next, or be out. Then number three, and so on.”