Chapter 2

“Amy!”

My peaceful dream destroyed, I woke to screaming. Startled, I rose quickly. The sheet falling from my naked body uncovered my Leo’s chest.

“Amy!”

“Oh ... My ... God...”

In retrospect, my abruptly sitting upright in my bed and then staring blankly at my mother like a deer illuminated by a car’s headlights-- naked but for the thin cotton sheet covering my lower extremities-- was probably just making the situation worse. Well ... If it were actually possible to make the current situation worse.

Thinking quickly, I laid back down and pulled the sheet over my head. “Leonardo Benard! What are you doing in here?”

Oh no, mom was invoking my big brother’s middle name. This was bad. Duh, of course it was bad. Maybe not as bad as it would have been if she had walked in before we both fell asleep-- interrupting one of the many lovely orgasms Leo had given me last night-- but it was plenty bad nonetheless.

But Leo-- although as disoriented as I was by the surprise-- spoke the very words that I had been thinking.

“Mom, why aren’t you with dad in Saint Thomas?”

Good plan, Leo, redirect her attention. Not that it’s going to work mind you. But really, what precisely could either of us say or do right at that particular moment in time?

“Leo, what are you doing in your sister’s-- No, no...”

I realized that mom had been just as disoriented as I was. Being both literally and figuratively in the dark before flipping the light switch on. Those three 60-watt bulbs provided both illumination and clarity. I quickly deduced that it was the figurative illumination that was blinding her as she realized what it was that she was observing, causing her present stutter.

“Leonardo Benard! You get out of that bed this instant!”

I had been contemplating remaining under the sheet until the oxygen supply was depleted, hoping but not truly believing that the silky 320 count cotton would asphyxiate me or at least render me totally unconscious so that I would be physically unable to answer mom’s questions. Right ... Like I would really be able to answer mom’s questions even in a fully conscious state.

“Leo Benard, go to your room.”

“Mom, look ... I know this is a shock...”

I was doubly relieved, Leo was awake enough to respond, and he wasn’t getting out of bed. Under the sheets I threw my arms around him, wordlessly saying to him, “don’t leave me.”

“A shock? Really? A shock ... You two...”

As I laid my head on Leo’s abdomen I felt his flaccid penis in my armpit. Hey I thought, that’s the one place we hadn’t put it last night.

“I love you mom. I didn’t think you would walk in on...”

“Damned right you didn’t think Leo...”

As mom spoke I was trying to gauge her anger level from her words. It was hard. Mom never swore, so ‘damn’ was a really big deal, but on the other hand she had dropped down to just ‘Leo.’

“I thought you were going to Saint Thomas with dad.”

“Don’t change the subject Leo. Now go to your room.”

“I love you mom. But I can’t.”

“Why not? Oh my God you’re...”

“Sorry. I can’t leave Amy in here alone to face the music. Nobody, not even you and dad get to reproach her. I love Amy, so please ... Mom ... Just speak to me.” As he spoke these words he ran his fingers through my hair, gently massaging my scalp the way I so love. “Anyone, everyone, even you guys have to come through me to get to her.”

“You’re ... You’re naked under there, aren’t you Leo?”

“Yes mom. But that isn’t why I can’t or rather I won’t get out of this bed.”

“How could you? Leo ... Amy ... How...”

“I love Amy. We are all...”

“You two ... Are in here, in bed ... Naked...”

“Yes mom, I love Amy. We are all...”

“Having sex with your sister?”

“Yes...”

“YES?”

“Have I ever lied to you?”

“You know Leo, this would be a REALLY good time to start.”

“We are all adults here.”

“She IS your SISTER.”

“Yes, and she is perfect.”

“Your sister, Leo.”

“So ... Then ... You know exactly how wonderful she is.”

“How could you ... How long ... Wait, wait, don’t tell me. I don’t want to know. I really don’t.”

“Mom, Amy is absolutely perfect. You know that. So please, please, don’t be mad at her. Blame me if you need to blame someone, punish me if you need to punish someone, I take full responsibility.”

As he spoke those words I gained enough courage to poke my head up from under the sheets. As I did Leo wrapped his arms around me and kissed the top of my head where minutes before his fingers had been. Given the circumstances, it may not have been the smartest move he could have made, but if it were possible it made me love my big brother even more.

“I love Amy, I didn’t plan on...”

“We didn’t plan on having you find out this way.” I said, finally finding my voice. “We just didn’t know how to...”

“We have talked about it.”

“How to or when to...”

“Never, that’s when you should have told me. That is EXACTLY when I would have liked for you to tell me this, never. I need some time, and a drink, or maybe five to process this. Which I am certain is what your father is going to do ... Oh my God. How exactly am I supposed to tell him this?”

“Mom,” I said.

“No. We can talk more in the morning, that is assuming that I am still alive in the morning. If I’m not call your Aunt Silvia, she can handle my funeral.”

Finally, a good sign ... Mom’s anger has subsided enough to allow her to return to familiar territory, control by way of guilt.

I pushed back into Leo as she left my room, closing the door. I could hear her voice from the hallway and master bedroom. The words were unintelligible. I felt tremendous guilt. Not for loving Leo. Not for fucking my big brother. Not even for being so complacent and managing to get caught. Getting caught might even have been a Godsend. Imagine having to hide your love or your lover from others that you love indefinitely. To be forced to live a lie, that would be much worse.

No, what I felt tremendous guilt for was what I just put mom through, and what I was going to be putting her through with dad.

The next morning was tense. Leo and I spoke but did not get out of our bed. Technically it was my bed. But since we had been discovered together in it I thought of it as being “our bed.” Eventually mom knocked on the closed bedroom door.

“Could you both get dressed and come downstairs?”

“You know mom, if I am to die today, I would just prefer to do it here in my room, in my bed, with Leo holding me.”

“Amy, don’t be so melodramatic, I am only upset because I love you and I know that this is not right for you. Not for either of you.” Then she left.

I saw the crack immediately, she was handing it to us. Why? Maybe ... It made sense. I knew mom’s argument, the ‘Cliff’s Notes’ version was: “what will people-- meaning all those other people that we all know and interact with-- think.” That was mom’s cross to bear, not mine. To be obsessed with what her and dad’s so-called friends thought. But she seemed to be saying that we could present a logical argument and prevail. Well, we were their only children and they had much invested in us.

I was shaky getting dressed, but Leo was my rock. Always holding me up, at times literally. Once I was ‘presentable’ we walked down the hallway to his room so that he could get dressed. As he opened his closet door I dropped to my knees and took my lover’s penis in my hands.

“Amy...”

“Shhhh, if I am to die, or if we are to be cast out when we go to offer ourselves up for judgement momentarily ... Leo my love ... I just want this to be my final act on this earth. If I die then I want to die with your spunk in my mouth.”

I am certain that at that moment Leo was thinking that dad was so right in saying that I had a penchant for the melodramatic. But I am even more certain that my big brother was way too smart to say it. He loved me. Oh ... And if he had argued the point I just might have changed my mind.