Chapter 18

I grabbed Iggy, pushed her behind me and pulled the blankets up over our naked bodies. Mom smiled and closed my door over.

“Ryan! Get out of my house!” Mom singsonged.

“I didn’t pick you up from the airport to be kicked out of your house,” he said, angrily.

“But you gotta go!” Mom said, dialing down the happy and affecting a stern cadence. “Go! Go! Go!”

“You’re going to talk to me like that?! You don’t order me around--Lucas is home?” The thunder dropped out of Ryan’s voice. I couldn’t let go of my balled up fists. Iggy climbed up against my back and rubbed my chest.

“You have a date with Vonnie tomorrow,” Ryan said.

“Oh I do! That’ll be fun!” Mom said. “Oh, you’re gonna be there. OK? I’ll see you tomorrow. Now get! Get! Get!”

Mom was giggling when she walked back to my door. “I’m sorry I interrupted, sweetheart! If you guys want to have another round before we talk, I’ll be in the shower.”

She took one step down the hall and came back. “Don’t you dare sneak her out of the house behind my back.”

Mom went to her room.

“That was mortifying,” Iggy said. “But at least it wasn’t Mom. My mom. Or my dad. Mom’d be more mortifying, I think. Dad’d--”

I pulled out of her arms and twisted around to look at her face. She smiled at me and hugged me around the neck. It was just a little kiss, much more of a tight hug. I solidified against her thighs.

“We are going again?!” Iggy asked. “I’m really sore, but I can do it...”

“Iggy, I’m not going to hurt you,” I said.

“Blowjob!” she shouted excitedly. Her face went so red and oxygen deprived. She looked at the not quite closed door. She whispered. “Let me! Please!”

“You did say ‘please’,” I replied.

“Cool!” She threw off the blankets and spun around on the bed. She kicked my headboard. I grabbed her butt. She giggled and I pulled her across my chest. She fingered my cock.

“With that punch in my guts, I kinda expected a slaughterhouse down he-ee-yah!”

I had squeezed her butt cheeks and nuzzled her clit with my thumb. Iggy was tiny. If I pulled her pussy to my mouth, she’d have trouble reaching my cock. Also, I had cum inside her and was self-conscious about going anywhere near that with my tongue. I stuck to using my fingers and thumbs.

She was kicking the mattress like Thumper. Her skinny fingers were pumping my dick. I could hear her muttering. “Emi said to play with the balls.” Her second hand grabbed my sack. “Anna said just lick until you get up courage to suck.” Her tongue laved in clockwise semi-circles around my dick.

“Dawn said Jean Gray is the hottest but the zipper on Black Widow’s costume is better for a slut.” I squeezed Iggy’s lips and I worked her outside lightly. She moaned and shivered.

“Lucas said, ‘Hi boobs, how are your boobs today?’” Iggy giggled as she stroked my cock.

“Iggy said, ‘Can you think about anything besides sex?’” I started running her clit back and forth.

“Anna said, ‘I won’t have butt sex until I trust the guy like I trust Lucas.’” I really wanted to ask her about that one.

“Emi said, ‘Hi boobs, how are your boobs today?’” I pushed my finger into the shallows of Iggy’s cunt. I expect to be sprayed by a jet of our previous ejaculate. Her wetness and one drop of blood came back on my finger.

“Emi said, ‘Can you please just fuck Lucas tonight?! I want to hear about it!’” Iggy said, she was talking with her lips around the head of my cock.

“When did she say that?” I asked as I sawed another finger into her.

“Three years ago,” Iggy giggled and glomped back onto my dick. She said something else but it came out incomprehensible.

“I love you too!” I said, my heart pounding. I took a happy deep breath but her mouth came off of my dick.

“I love you too, you big dick!” Iggy laughed.

“You are what you eat, you big dick!” I said.

“Ugh ... I said, ‘I wish your mom wasn’t home.’” Iggy sat up and pulled some of her hair from her mouth. She tied it in a knot behind her head. “I’ve got my belt exam tonight. I’d really like to hand you off to Anna or Ray.”

“It’s not gonna suck itself,” I said, pushing her butt forward to get my access back.

“Sorry! Sorry!” Iggy said, on a giggle as she leaned down to get my dick in her mouth.

“I’m sure, if you told Anna to take care of me tonight, she’d find a way,” I said. I put two fingers into Iggy. She didn’t respond as much as she did to the thumb I had working her outside. I still liked pumping inside of her. I had just lost it! With Iggy! I--

Iggy struggled to breathe as I pumped her mouth full of cum. She pushed her whole self forward and I shot upward onto her tongue and then felt myself ooze across my dick and into the top of her mouth. She sputtered and remembered to breathe through her nose. I fingered her harder and she kicked the mattress wildly. She snorted out something wet on my leg and kicked her heel through my headboard.

“It’s OK to be rough but you need to lay down the ground rules before you get naked,” Mom’s voice slashed our sexual antics to a halt. “I’ll have tea in the living room. When you’re finished, get dressed and come out.”

Iggy was laughing full lungful panicked laughs. I rolled her off of me and she slapped her foot down on my face. She poked her toes up my nose as she covered her face and laughed harder. I wasn’t helping. One tongue across her foot and she exploded again.

“I’m sorry!” she said. Said it again a second time when she had stopped the laughter resurgence.”Oh my god!” she sat up, still covering her face. She caught my eyes and whispered. “I shot cum out my nose.”

“I shoot it out of my dick,” I said.

She dropped her hands and I saw the streaks she had erupted down to her chin. She foot-slapped my face one more time. “She said to get dressed and go straight out. But I’m getting a shower.”

“You want company?” I grinned.

“Yes, but go see your mom.” Iggy hopped off the bed, pirouetted with wide happy arms and then grabbed me in a great big hug. “I love you, boyfriend.”

“I love you, girlfriend,” I said.

“Yay!” She beamed and ran to the bottom drawer of my dresser. I frowned as she pulled out panties, jeans, and a t-shirt.

“When did you--”

“Oh, these are Dawn’s,” Iggy said. “Why I didn’t grab a bra.”

“You’re gonna be stepping on the pant legs,” I said.

“Yep!” Iggy said. She slung everything over her shoulder and crossed the hallway. “Hi Kate! I’m getting a shower!”

“OK Iggy!” Mom called out. I sighed.

I dried myself off with Kleenex and looked to see that Dawn had five outfits in my bottom drawer. I picked up her frilly panties and stared for a moment.

“Lucas?”

“Gonna put on pants, Mom!” I replied. I stepped out of the hallway fully dressed. Mom was on the couch wearing a short robe and nothing else. I frowned. She never let her hair stay damp like that if she could help it.

Mom was 37, having had me in her sophomore year of college, which meant for the last six years every male acquaintance and friend I’d ever had had talked about how hot my mom was. It wasn’t fair! Theo’s mom would now be over fifty. And she had looked like Theo.

Mom’s hair was a dark shade of red, like Dawn’s. She had had Raven black hair before her trip. She was tall and leggy, with great skin and amazing hair. Part of the advertisement she said. If she didn’t take care of herself then her clients wouldn’t trust them to take care of them. She smiled, her legs stretched out with her ankles crossed on the coffee table.

Not far from her ankles sat her favorite little teapot. A steel elephant whose handle was the tail and the spout was the trunk. It sat on a cork coaster next to two little cups and saucers for Iggy and me. She drank out of a big ugly ceramic mug I had made in sixth grade art class.

“There’s my big boy!” She put her cup down and beamed as she launched herself off the couch and grabbed me in a hug. I squeezed her back but she pushed herself off and grabbed my shoulders. “My big man now!” she whispered giddily. “I’m so proud of you.”

“I’m a little too happy now to realize I’m not proud of myself,” I said. “I’m glad you’re home. I’m glad you chased Uncle Ryan out.”

“Oh? What’s wrong?” she asked. She dropped on the couch, and patted next to her. I sat down and poured myself a cup of tea.

“I used the Love Potion,” I said.

“I’m so happy for you,” she grabbed me in a side hug and leaned her cheek on my shoulder. “And Vonnie brought over enough for Emi, Anna, and Dawn too!”

“Mom, I used it on girls. Girls I like!”

“Love,” Mom corrected. “And they love you.”

“I could’ve done all of this without it,” I said.

“Iggy, sure,” Mom said. “And for a few weeks it’d be fun, but when she’s off her falling in love, I’m finally having sex, high. You’re gonna be down to one, maybe two, times a week. With a week off every month for her period. A man can’t live like that.”

“Mom!” I said, shocked.

“And you’d have broken Dawn’s heart. Emi would get herself knocked up by a bad guy. Anna would ... Actually Anna would be fine, eventually. She’s a good sort,” Mom said, tilting her head.

“And Ray?”

Mom put her cup back down.

“What about Ray?” she asked.

“You seem angry.”

“Lucas Ryan Greentree!” My mom growled.

I blinked, Iggy was cuddling my left side wearing one of my Mom’s little robes and stroking my hair.

“Will it work for me? For all of us?” Iggy asked.

“You have to raise your voice on each name and he has to be paying attention to you, but I think it will work,” Mom said. “Now, shush, Iggy. Hi Vonnie. Bring your girl over.”

“What?” I asked, looking at Iggy. She kissed me.

“I know how your brain works,” she giggled, evilly. I flinched and laughed as she tickled me. I retaliated, flipping her down on her back and making her spasm and kick. She was naked underneath and I blushed. Guiltily, I looked up at Mom. Iggy launched her counterattack.

“You load him up with the chemical and still send Ray over? We talked about this. We handled this!”

I grabbed Iggy’s hands and tried to pin her. She scissor kicked my waist and slung me to the left. My tea crashed over us. It was cold? “Iggy stop!”

“What?” she asked.

“What’s going on with Mom?” I asked, whispered, worried.

“She’s calling Vonnie and Ray over,” Iggy said. “You know, because of the stuff.”

“Of course they love each other! They’re supposed to love each other! She’s a goth kid! It’s a phase, some teen girls are mopey. You were!”

“Mom’s angry?” I said.

“Frustrated,” Iggy said. “She just told us about how Anna and Ray’s fight was Vonnie’s idea.”

“She told us what?” I said.

“Oh my god! That’s amazing!” Iggy said. “You don’t remember!”

“I--What?” I said. I was legitimately scared when I climbed up and sat on my ankles. I put my hand on the side of the elephant, he was still warmer than warm. Not steaming like he had been, so it couldn’t have been too long. Fifteen minutes? Ten?

“Bring her over,” Mom said. “Now, Vonnie. Or I’m telling Ryan.”

Mom hung up. That last ultimatum rose the hackles on my neck. I stood up and crossed over to the kitchen table where she was running a tired hand through her hair. I got in her face.

“Ryan and Dad drugged you and that’s how I was born,” I said.

“Ryan is your father, sweetheart,” Mom said.

“But ... He always talked about my dad like he was someone else,” I said. “You made me call him Uncle Ryan!”

Mom grabbed me and hugged me. “No, I didn’t. He did. One man can’t be a dad to as many kids as he has. But he can be a cool uncle to a few. I didn’t want him leaving us and fucking his way through Thailand again. We were lucky he came back at all.”

I pushed her arms off of me. Iggy grabbed me in a hug before I could ball my fists. I would’ve punched the table or the wall. I’m still glad she stopped me.

“Ray’s my sister?” I said.

“Yeah, you’re the oldest boy, I think. It’s possible there were other girls who got knocked up at college and Ryan never bothered reconnecting with. Since then, all of the other boys have Dads, kinda. Like Anna’s little brothers.”

“What?”

“Oh yeah, fifteen years ago, Marcie was smoking, she’d just got her body back from having Anna and she was coming to the old salon Ryan had set up for me,” Mom said, smiling as she horrified me. “That’s when we started mixing the chemical into our house blend shampoos.”

“Mom! Listen to yourself!” I said.

“What, honey?”

“What if I had slipped Iggy some rohypnol, or GHB, or ... I don’t know, a fuck ton of alcohol?”

“You wouldn’t do that,” Iggy said.

“Exactly,” Mom nodded. “Those drugs separate the girl’s mind, love, and pleasure from her body and then some skeezy asshole is happy with just the body? I raised a better boy than that.”

“Yeah!” Iggy agreed, squeezing me tightly.

“But--”

“Honey,” Mom brushed my hair back, “I think four girls are a beautiful number for you. You’ll have a bright full home that I could never give you with Ryan and Vonnie. It’s all I ever wanted for you: love and family.”

I was finding it hard to breathe. I looked at her. “Why not with Vonnie, if Ray was my sister and you guys were dating--”

“Honey, I’m straight,” Mom said. “I’m glad we’re friends and share appetites, if not tastes. We can’t be together together. I would make Vonnie miserable.”

“But, Ray thinks, and you’re--”

“Yes, Ray’s right. Vonnie is in love with me and I love her, like family,” Mom said. “And it’s good for us to be available and paired up when Ryan’s feeling homesick or nihilistic. Without us, and without you and Ray, he’d be off getting himself killed with drugs and unprotected girls.”

“Maybe that’s what he deserves!” I spat, angrily.

“Would those girls deserve that?” Iggy asked, angrily.

I stopped. No. Mom was keeping other women from being dragged down, permanently, for Uncle Ryan. I couldn’t even think ‘Dad’ without a huge amount of cognitive effort. I didn’t want to. I wanted to tear his name out from between my Lucas and Mom’s Greentree.

“He loves you, he’s proud of you,” Mom hugged me again. “He wouldn’t trust anyone else with the chemical.”

“You called it a love potion,” I said. “In the card.”

“Oh, yes, it’s the nicest way to think of it.” She squeezed me again and pushed me into Iggy’s arms.

“I used it on Iggy,” I said. “I didn’t have to.”

“Oh quit bitching!” Iggy shouted. I turned at her. “Lucas Ryan Greentree!”

“Don’t use my middle name like that,” I said, feeling talked down to.

“You gotta start strong, Iggy,” Mom said. “You were good at the end, but the trick is to really catch his attention.

“What are you talking about?” I asked. Iggy grabbed my chin and yanked me towards her.

“Lucas Ryan Greentree!”

Ray was cuddled up on my left. Mom was dried off and wearing a frumpy brown sweater. Vonnie was still wearing her diner dress from work.

“--that’s why you had sex with Theo behind Anna’s back,” Mom said. Ray hugged me tighter and I hugged her back

“What?”

“Oh, when Iggy does it lasts twice as long,” Mom said, flicking her eyes to the clock on the stove. “Should I be jealous?”

“No, you’re his mother, that would be strange,” Vonnie said.

“You fucked up my friendships!” Ray had tears in her eyes. “Because Uncle Ryan is my dad!”

I remembered that as well. I almost wanted to push her away, but I hugged her harder. If she was family ... She was family, I had to love her and make her know that I do.

“Mom, where’s Iggy?”

“She had her little karate thing,” Mom smiled. “She certainly gave you a talking to.”

“Yeah,” I nodded. “About what?”

“To stop being a bitch,” Ray said, looking up at me. I almost kissed her. Why did I stop? Sister ... Right! Oh...

“I feel dizzy, or at least disoriented,” I said.

“That’s not surprising,” Mom said. “Iggy’s the perfect girl for a man like you.”

“I didn’t think men could be affected,” Vonnie said, head tilted.

“I was a very bad mother when he was little,” Mom said, dropping her head. “If Ryan hadn’t come back...”

“Right, it works on boys,” Vonnie said. “Do you think it’d work on trans-men?”

“Probably not if they take cross-sex hormones,” Mom said. “It’s hard to use on women who’ve had multiple sons.”

“Multiple straight sons,” Vonnie said. “It’s really quite remarkable.”

“What’s going on?” I asked.

“We’re trying to figure out what to do about you two,” Vonnie said. “I say IUD but your mom seems to think you’d be better off being sister and brother.”

“We’ve already done stuff,” I said. “And she’s been love potioned. I vote IUD.”

What? Why did I say that? So she was my sister, Iggy wasn’t going to be happy if I didn’t follow through with my girls.

“Oh my god!” Ray turned red.

“You guys should get in the hot tub again and sort it out,” Mom said. The front door opened as Anna, Dawn, and Emi hurried in. I was swarmed on the couch, Anna literally leaping over the back and grabbing my shoulders. She flipped, as I pitched my chest into my knees. Mom’s coffee table exploded under Anna.

“Oh my god!” I said. Mom was already kneeling and making sure Anna hadn’t hit her head or shocked her neck.

“I’m so sorry, Kate,” Anna said.

“It’s just a cheap piece of furniture,” Mom said. “I’ll happily get another one.”

Emi and Dawn were stopped on the couch. They had climbed over the armrests and were about to cuddle me and Ray into powder.

“I hurt my shoulder,” Anna said.

“Well, sounds like you need to follow Ray and Lucas out to the hot tub,” Mom brushed Anna’s hair from her face.

“Dawn!” Came before the smashing of a fist on the front door. Dawn shrieked. “Dad!”

“What’s going on?” Mom said, standing up.

“I’m 18, he can’t make me go back!” Dawn squealed.

“Dawn! Open this door, Lucas!”

When my name was said in anger. Mom was striding to the front door like a lioness at a gazelle. She swung in the door inward before Jesse could pound the door a third round.

“Kate! Bring Dawn to me, now.”

“She’s a guest in my house,” Mom said. “I’m not going to hand her over to a man she’s scared of.”

“I’ll get her myself--”

Mom was less than half his size but she stepped hard in front of him. “Lucas take Dawn--”

“To your bedroom and I’ll--”

“To the back patio,” Mom said, raising her voice. “And the other girls. Vonnie, get Dorothy’s number from Dawn and we’ll handle this like adults.”