Chapter 17

Anna drove. Iggy fidgeted.

“It feels weird, the two of us in the back seat while you’re driving,” I said.

“That’s how cabs work. And limos,” Anna said.

“So, you’re our chauffeur?” Iggy asked. She picked up the hem of her dress and dropped it for the nth time.

“Yeah, which means you don’t have to talk to me,” Anna said. “Talk to your date.”

“I’m gonna get in so much trouble when the school calls Mom,” Iggy blurted out.

“Worth it,” I said, grabbing her hand. She squeezed my fingers and smiled.

“It is worth it!” she laughed. “Miniputt?”

“Yeah,” I said, faking that I had much say in this impromptu date. “I’ll hold you from behind, show you how to swing the putter.”

“I’ll put you in the ground, noob!” Iggy smirked. “I’m going to crush you and your spirits!”

“Oh?” I said, smiling.

“Yeah,” Iggy said, she was wiggling her fingers in my hands and almost giggling. Her legs swung nervously; she repeatedly kicked the back of Anna’s seat. Anna took the third left and rolled up on the Sundae Shack.

“No,” I pulled Iggy’s hands back. “Wait a second.”

“What?” she frowned, but I ran out of my door, around the back of the car, and opened her door. She looked up at me, smiling and frowning all at once.

“You deserve romance,” I said. I reached for her hand and she eagerly gave it to me as I walked her out onto her feet. She looked down and scowled at her sneakers. She twisted out of my hand and knocked on Anna’s window.

“What?” our chauffeur asked.

“Give me your shoes,” Iggy said.

“But...”

“I’m wearing dirty sneakers with my date dress!” Iggy hissed. I put my hands on her hips.

“I don’t care about your shoes. You look incredible,” I said, leaning in to whisper in her ear. Anna got out and grabbed my elbow. Anna wasn’t wearing anything spectacular, just a pair of flat slippers. Guess she didn’t have cheerleader practice today. Iggy grabbed my other elbow. The girls hopped about, trading one shoe for the other, Iggy tossing her socks on the gear shift, and trying not to step down barefoot on the asphalt.

“I’m not putting your socks on,” Anna said, as she tied Iggy’s first sneaker.

“Your stink is a small price to pay for romance,” Iggy said. She hugged Anna and stepped down with both slippers. I was honestly surprised they had the same sized feet. Anna was a lot taller than Iggy. I didn’t dwell on it. I offered Iggy my arm and led her into the ice cream parlor.

“Lucas? Shouldn’t you be in school?” Vonnie asked from behind the counter. The place was mostly empty. I pointed to the far table. She nodded as I led Iggy over and followed my date into the booth bench.

“Ice cream for lunch,” Iggy elbowed me.

“I was actually looking forward to the sandwich Emi made me,” I said. “But I’m going to get chili fries.”

“Cool! I love chili fries. I should get some too and--”

“No, get something else for us to share,” I said.

“Oh, cool! Yeah, let’s do that,” Iggy nodded overly quickly. She took four big breaths and wiped her palms on her dress. “Oh shit.” She grabbed napkins from the aluminum dispenser.

“You’re nervous?”

“A real date!” she smiled. “Can you ... Can you look at my tits a bit more? You’re being too sweet. It’s not Lucas enough.”

“Yeah, I can do that,” I said with a big smile. I put my hand down on her leg. “But me being too Lucas is how all of our dates ended before though.”

“I want the big crumbly sundae with a spoon for Lucas!” Iggy shouted. I hadn’t even seen Vonnie walk over to take our order.

“Sounds good, and you said chili fries,” Vonnie said. “Do you guys want pops too?”

“Yeah,” I said, squeezing Iggy’s thigh. She grabbed my fingers and squeezed back. “Coke and diet coke, right Ig?”

“Right,” Iggy said. “A spoon for me too! I don’t just want Lucas to have--Oh, sorry, you’re not an idiot.”

“Thank you,” Vonnie said. She gave a ditsy curtsy. “No one seems to notice.”

She headed off with a smile and a wave. I looked at Iggy. I saw, over her shoulder, Anna sitting in the car playing on her phone. I poked Iggy and pointed.

“Oh!” Iggy frowned. “One sec.”

She climbed over me, I approved, just enjoying her butt pushing across my chest. Iggy ran up to the counter. Vonnie came out a second later.

“It’s not instantaneous,” Vonnie smiled. “I’ll bring it all over in a second.”

“Our friend drove us,” Iggy said. “She’s out in the green Accord.”

“Yeah?” Vonnie asked.

“Can you run her out a...” Iggy frowned, turned, and looked at me. “Anna hates strawberries right?”

“Blueberries,” I corrected.

“Cool, can you bring her out a veggie burger with bacon and a strawberry milkshake?” Iggy asked.

“Anna likes our hashbrowns more than our fries,” Vonnie said. “I’ll make that her side.”

“You know?” Iggy said.

“Yeah,” Vonnie said. “You girls were Ray’s best friends forever. I like paying attention.”

“But, we weren’t her friends for a long time,” Iggy said, frowning. “And Anna’s food tastes change all of the time ... That’s why I didn’t remember which berry she hates at the moment.”

I finally got up and walked over to Iggy. I put my hand on her hip and rubbed it. “Why wouldn’t Vonnie know?”

“Why would she?” Iggy asked. She frowned. “Ray calls your uncle Ryan, Uncle Ryan too.”

“Yeah,” Vonnie laughed.”Ryan’s never really been one for responsibility. Uncle Ryan’s always been the best he can do.”

“Huh...” Iggy said. “Can you make the chili fries with those hashbrowns?”

“Technically Mason makes them,” Vonnie said. “Sure. I’ll bring them over in a minute.”

“Thanks,” I said to Vonnie. She waved and headed into the back to tell her cook. I rubbed Iggy’s hip again until she looked at me.

“I think Ryan used the love potion on Vonnie a long time ago,” I said.

“You mean ... It really works?” Iggy said.

“I’m the one pushing for the romantic date now,” I said. “Right?”

“So...” Iggy smiled. “You found a way to get us together and you still want to do it the lovey-dovey way I used to ... I want?” She blossomed into a super-radiant smile. She grabbed my neck and kissed me. “You’re the literal best! Thank you!”

“Can I be honest?” I said. “I was planning for Tuesday. This is all an ambush for me too.”

“Well, yeah!” Iggy laughed until she snorted. “If the love potion works and you’re not gonna do Dawn and Anna until we have our date, there was no fucking way in hell we were waiting till Tuesday.” She laughed. “When’s your Mom get home?”

“We’re still doing miniputt,” I said, with a kiss.

“Cock blocker!” Iggy teased.

Vonnie came out from the back. She put down our fountain drinks in front of us. “Are you guys moving up to the counter? Most of the time teenagers grab the bench, it’s to make out.”

“Bench!” Iggy gleefully shouted and grabbed my hands and led me away. She tumbled in. I followed her. We started kissing like crazy and Vonnie brought over the drinks we had ignored. Iggy was on fire. Her hands dragged my hands to her breasts and then to her ass. She was practically humping my leg when Vonnie brought the chili hashbrowns over.

“It’s one thing to make out, kids,” Vonnie said. “It’s another thing to be a health code violation.”

I smacked Iggy’s lips one more time before I climbed off of her and sat up. Vonnie smiled. “I recommend dipping the chili fries in the ice cream. Though, fries are longer than these cubes.”

“Dipping the hot,” Iggy said, sitting up she ran her hand down the inside of the my thigh bumping my cock. She pressed right up against me with her chin on my shoulder. “Into the cool. That’s how our date’s gonna end?”

“No shit,” Vonnie scoffed. “He’s the kind of man his mother loves. I hope you and your friends can handle his appetite.”

“If not, Anna’s got a whole slut roster of cheerleaders to call to bat,” Iggy said.

I think she was more than telling the truth. I just frowned. The kind of man my mother loves. I wanted to be the kind of guy Iggy had fallen in love with. He was--

I was shocked when Iggy stabbed me in the lips with chili. On the third assault, I opened my mouth and ate them out of her fingers. She leaned in and kissed up the mess she had made.

“You OK?” she asked. Vonnie had left. A couple of to-go orders had come in and lined up at the register.

“I don’t want to be the kinda guy that Mom let have her,” I said. “I want to be the kind of guy you picked.”

“Yeah, me too,” Iggy said, chomping down some hashbrowns. She grabbed a thick spoonful of fudge, brownie, and ice cream to pile onto the first load. “I love that pervert.”

“Pervert?”

“Yeah,” Iggy laughed,. “Total horndog. He deserves the best.”

“And I got her,” I said, reaching over and squeezing Iggy’s shoulders.

“Aww! Sweet!” she said, blushing. “Now we didn’t order this junk food so as not to miss out on a fully hedonistic afternoon.”

“No, we did not,” I grinned. I grabbed Iggy’s wrist and pulled her spoon over and ate the sundae she had picked for herself.

“Now this is war,” she said.

We may have been a health hazard as we clambered over each other eating and stealing and eating and sharing and eating and kissing. We made a total mess but the food was amazing and the company was better. Iggy ended up on my lap, which was a struggle. I had to sit on the bench side saddle to fit her between my stomach and the table. She straddled my leg, her skirt riding up her ass. I leaned over her shoulder and bit down on the last plastic forkful of chili mess.

“I like your g-string.”

“Thanks, Emi bought it for me,” Iggy said. “It sticks in terribly. I’d rather go commando.”

“Sure,” I said.

She squealed as I hooked my finger under the floss, rubbing my knuckle across her butthole. I started pulling it down my leg. She clamped her knees tightly on my knee.

“I was kidding!” Iggy hissed. After all of that she looked up at Vonnie. Vonnie was leaning on the counter and smiling at us. “Oh my god, it’s like she’s OK with it. How is Ray not a slut?”

“Just because she’s OK with you, doesn’t mean she’s OK with Ray,” I pointed out.

Iggy elbowed my sternum. “I’m not a slut.” She giggled and lifted her butt and dragged my wrist down pulling her thong away.

“You’re not,” I agreed, any lower and she’d have knocked the wind out of me.

“Good, because I’m not a prude either,” Iggy said. “I just want to be a--” she had to shimmy her leg over my knee to let me drag her underwear down to her ankles. She sat down on the bench next to me. “--oh! Cold!” she hopped up as I bent down and lifted her thong over her toes.

“You want to be a cold?” I said, sliding her underwear in my pants pocket.

“I want to be a one-man nymphomaniac,” she said.

“I would like that,” I nodded happily.

“Cool, your place then?”

I frowned.

“What? Mom and Dad are at work, we could go to my place, I guess? Is your Mom home yet?”

I hadn’t gotten a text saying she had landed. There’s no way she wouldn’t have sent word.

“Not yet,” I said.

“Cool, honestly, I’d rather go to your bed,” she said. “Last night was awesome and I want to keep it going.”

“Miniputt.” I said.

“We don’t have to,” she said.

“Yeah, we do.” I grabbed her hand. “I gotta take you out and then home. No half-assing it.”

“Then let’s go put some balls in holes!” Iggy punched the air. Vonnie chuckled. The other patrons looked at Iggy with either disgust or lust. I double checked her skirt was down and led her by the hand out of the booth.

“I better go freshen up,” Iggy said. “And your hands are sticky too. Plus,” she kissed my cheek. “Your face is a mess.”

“We’re a pair,” I kissed her. “You take longer, let me go pay.”

“Sure,” Iggy said. She stopped four times to look and smile at me on her way to the bathroom doors.

“I don’t think I was ever that head over heels,” Vonnie said, as I walked up to the register.

“Really?” I asked. “What about Ray’s dad?”

“Ryan?” she scoffed.

I frowned. “Ryan’s Ray’s dad?”

“Oh,” Vonnie said. “Yeah, yeah he is. You didn’t know? You didn’t know!” She sighed. “That’s what was going on! Oh...” she frowned.

“What?” I asked.

Vonnie shook her head. “It’s nineteen twenty.” she said with a smile.

“And Anna’s,” I reminded her.

“Oh, she paid for hers,” Vonnie said.

“Goddammit!” I said. “I’ll set her straight.”

“Be kind about it,” Vonnie said. “She loves you too, and I think she’s terrified because of it.”

“What?” I asked.

“Well, she’s not Iggy, is she?” Vonnie said, handing me the debit pinpad. I typed in the tip, swatted it with my closed wallet, and said: “Thank you.”

I washed my hands, my face, peed, and did the washing again. Iggy was waiting, spinning back and forth on one of the red-topped stools. Her bare knees and skirt swishing back and forth across the mostly empty restaurant. But not totally empty. I ran over and stood between her and a couple of older enthralled men.

“Iggy!” I hissed, worriedly.

“What?” she asked, confused.

I flashed her the red g-string in my front pocket.

“I know,” she said. She looked down. “Oh. My knees are together.” They were now, but they hadn’t been when I walked over. She frowned and said. “No one saw.”

“Did they try to look?”

“Oh yeah!” Iggy giggled. “I stopped turning all the way back and forth after that white haired guy pointed me out to the bearded one.”

“Well,” I said, offering Iggy my hand. “Their show’s over.”

She let me pull her up. I squeezed her fingers as I led her out. Anna was in the seat of her car, we could hear the music, despite the rolled up windows, from the front door of the restaurant. Anna’s blonde hair thrashed about as she danced madly. She sang violently into the remaining quarter of her burger.

“Rock out!” Iggy laughed.

“She paid for that burger,” I said.

“What?” Iggy scowled. “That was your way of saying thank you for the drive.”

“I’m not mad at her about it,” I said.

“No, you’re frustrated you didn’t get to do something nice,” Iggy nodded. She started stomping across the asphalt to Anna’s car. She rapped hard on the driverside window. I rushed over, grabbed the hem of her Iggy’s skirt and pulled it down and over, blocking any view from the window.

“What?” Iggy and Anna said at the same time. Iggy over her shoulder to me. Anna looked Iggy in the ear. Anna turned the music down with her free hand.

“You said their show was over,” I said. I smiled at Anna and threw her Iggy’s g-string. Iggy erupted in giggles as Anna picked it up wide-eyed.

“We owe you dinner,” Iggy said. “And you’re not paying for it next time.”

“What?” Anna asked. She looked at the g-string and put it on the passenger seat with a pair of socks. “You guys ready for miniputt?”

“Are you OK just sitting out in your car?” I asked. “Seems cruel.”

“I could third wheel...” Anna said, rolling her eyes.

“Sure!” Iggy said.

“No.” I agreed with Anna.

“Exactly,” Anna said. “So let me enjoy missing pre-cal with some awesome music. Now get your underwearless girlfriend in the backseat of my car and let’s get this date going forward!”

I couldn’t argue with that. I held Iggy’s skirt down until she was in the car. I chased in after and we buckled our seatbelts. Anna started the ignition. She sniffed the air.

“You guys ate chili fries? That’s a lot of garlic and onions if you’re going to be kissing,” Anna said, shaking her head.

I looked at Iggy. She smirked. We kissed. Anna stopped the car and grabbed a sleeve of Dentyne gum out of the glove box. She tossed it back.

“Thanks Anna!” Iggy said, laughing. She popped out two of the last three gums and shoved them in my mouth. I slurped her fingers as she giggled. She started chewing the last one. “Is there a bag to throw the garbage in?”

“Just throw it on the front seat,” Anna said. “And you’re welcome.”

I chewed loudly and looked at Iggy. She smacked her lips back at me and wetly chewed. We grabbed each other and made out some more. When we pulled apart, a couple of minutes later, the distribution of our gum was different.

Iggy looked out her window and frowned. Anna was driving us uptown to the stripmall with the movie theatre.

“The other minigolf place does glow-in-the-dark kind,” Iggy said.

“It’s also gross, there’s nowhere to park, and costs four times as much,” Anna said. “Besides you don’t do mushrooms and drugs and stuff.”

“Why would I?” Iggy said. “It’s minigolf.”

“For all of the pretty colors,” I said, waving my hands in front of my face hippyishly.

“Have you ever done drugs, Anna?” Iggy asked.

“You should ask Emi,” Anna said, frowning.

“I know Emi’s done drugs,” Iggy said. “She likes pot. I don’t like pot.”

“When did you smoke pot?” I asked.

“At Emi’s sixteenth birthday,” Anna and Iggy answered. Anna continued, “You had a paranoid freakout.”

“Yeah, I didn’t like it,” Iggy said.

“Oh.” I wasn’t at Emi’s sixteenth birthday because Ryan had dragged me away from my girls that time too. I was gonna start saying no to him.

“Anyway,” Iggy said. “I don’t want to party like Emi, and your mom hates drugs so I’m not going to be the kind of girl Kate doesn’t want coming over.”

“She loves you both,” I said. “Emi and Dawn too. I don’t think you could fuck up.”

“Doesn’t mean I’m gonna risk it,” Iggy said.

“Yeah, I did mushrooms a couple of times,” Anna said. “It was fun, but I wouldn’t do them with those people again. Now, stop talking about me and talk to your date. Jeez, I’m just the chauffeur.”

“So, Iggy,” I said. “We’re finally doing it!”

“Yeah!” she cheered. “And we’re here! Loser has to be on the bottom.”

“If that was the case,” Anna said, turning her music up. “I’d be playing to lose.”

We got out of the car as Anna started enjoying herself. I felt less guilty just leaving her there as I had going to get food. Iggy and I grabbed hands, rented our clubs, got bright pink and yellow balls and headed in.

It was mostly empty. There were a handful of corporate looking people dicking around the seventeenth hole. We ignored them and walked up to the first.

“Ladies first,” I offered. Iggy smiled brightly and walked up to the tee, dropping her bright yellow ball down on the short rubber cup.

“Alright you ugly clown,” she said, looking down the green. “Don’t make me break your teeth. Hey!”

I had stepped up behind Iggy and grabbed her wrists as I looked down the fairway. “Alright, what you’re going to want to do is--”

“I know how to do it!” Iggy said. “Don’t let go!” She giggled when I started to. “Just don’t talk like I’m incompetent.” She wiggled her butt back and felt my erection. “We should get 18 holes-in-ones as quickly as we can.”

“I don’t think we’re that good.”

“So long as we play quick,” she rubbed her butt back at me again. “Because I. Am. Horny.”

She hit the ball, it rolled to the left and bounced back halfway to the start.

“Passion is just romance plus a little frustration,” I said.

“Yeah, well,” Iggy rolled her head back and looked up at me upside down. “We’ve got four years of frustration.

“That much passion’s gonna break my bed,” I agreed. She nodded. She spun around me, and grabbed my wrists.

“OK, what you wanna do is keep your shoulders square and follow through.”

“So you can tell me how to do it?” I smiled. It was funny because she couldn’t see over my shoulders or through my torso.

“Of course!” Iggy grinned. I took a swing. The ball rocketed forward and went through the big gaps in the clowns teeth, arced along the back green and swirled into the cup. I had never gotten a hole-in-one before. I started cheering, twisted around, and grabbed her up and kissed her. Her legs flailed backwards.