Chapter 14

I crossed my arms. The hood of my sweater slung forward into my vision. I didn’t say a word. I was sitting in Uncle Ryan’s car. He drummed his fingers on the steering wheel. He seemed completely unfazed by my grumpiness.

I should’ve been with Iggy. I wasn’t going to waste a word on him.

“Seatbelt, buddy?” He said after forty seconds or so. I grunted, grabbed the belt, stabbed it into the catch, and crossed my arms again.

“Good,” he said, reversing out of the driveway. “I was thinking Italian. Berto’s does this amazing fettuccine with clams. And you can still get a slice of pizza if you don’t want real food.”

“Whatever,” I grumbled, regretting the word immediately. I wasn’t going to talk. I had to be here. Not with Iggy. I raised my knee, would’ve crossed my legs to hide the hormonal thoughts of Iggy that collided with my mind. Ryan drove a smaller car than mom’s SUV.

“Your mom’s missing you, itching to come home,” he said, with a smirk. “I’ve no doubt you’ve had a great time these last couple of days ... House to yourself ... No supervision ... Not one but four girlfriends? That’s what I would’ve wanted for my 18th birthday. Hell birthday weekend! You probably want things to go on like this forever, but you’ll be happy to see Kate again tomorrow.”

“The weekend’s not over,” I spat out. I cursed myself, silently again. Why couldn’t I just shut up? Angry Anna could shut up for days. I couldn’t manage a minute and a half?

“No, it’s not,” he agreed. “I get it. I’d be grumpy too. But I had to pick some time for this talk. Saturday night wasn’t right for it. Saturday night’s date night.”

I didn’t answer. Sunday afternoon was supposed to be date afternoon.

“Actually the pizza at Berto’s is definitely not the best in town. Do you like Venice better? I wouldn’t get seafood there, but...” He clicked his tongue and thought. “You know what? Fuck it you’re an adult, state let’s you drink one or two if I’m with you. I know where we’re going.”

I mulled in silence. Ryan took a few looks at me with a frown on his face but he drove out of town. We rumbled down a highway and I watched the trees zip by until we came up on a wooden ranch looking place. I’d never been out this way.

“This isn’t Italian,” I said. Dammit! Again? Jesus.

“Nah, it’s more of an upscale kinda place,” he said. “Don’t worry, the food’s actually good, it’s not just distractingly hot waitresses and dick-measuring rich decor hiding tiny portions of frou-frou garbage. It’s where I take new acquisitions. And for business.”

“Whatever,” I said, fine. I gave up.

“There’s a dress code. Toss the hoodie, I’ve got a couple of suitcases in the back. There should be a real sport jacket that fits you.”

“I’m not wearing a tie,” I said.

“I’m not asking you to. Besides, your undershirt doesn’t have a collar,” Ryan said. “It doesn’t have some anime logo on it, does it?”

I shook my head.

“Then there we have it.” He popped the trunk.

“This is the worst,” I said, but I scrambled out of my hoodie and pulled down the black t-shirt I wore underneath. He unzipped a leather bag and handed me a bluish suit jacket. I shrugged into it. We were about the same height but he had bigger shoulders. I looked like a scarecrow.

“Great!” He said. “Now cheer up. Do you like duck?”

I shrugged.

“It’s fatty, but delicious,” he said. “But if you’re like your mom and not adventurous, they got a great steak. You at least don’t eat it well done like Kate do you?”

“She doesn’t really buy steaks,” I said. And if we go out for food together, there’s a 80% chance it’s all day breakfast. Steak and eggs is a thing, I guess. Neither of us had ever ordered it. I slogged up to the restaurant next to Uncle Ryan.

“Then I get to treat you to an important truth!” Ryan beamed. I hadn’t seen him like this before, I frowned. “Medium rare, buddy. Personally I like it rare, but not every restaurant has the same benchmark. I find medium rare is never too much, but rare can be just a bit too little.”

“I was going to finally go out with Iggy tonight,” I said, not caring about steak and stopping before the stairs up to the front door.

“And?” he said. “Haven’t you two been dating since you were fourteen? Plus you just had like 48 hours of debauchery.”

“Not successfully.” My ears burned and I looked away. I was talking about the dating, not the debauchery. He frowned.

“Really?” he said. “You’ve had the chemical and access since Friday? What did your mother do to you? Backbone kid. Backbone’s all it takes.”

“What?” I asked. “What the fuck are you talking about?”

“What do you know about your dad?” he said, slowly.

“He fucked off to southeast Asian after knocking mom up,” I said.

“That happened,” Ryan said, looking embarrassed. He took a deep breath. “Look, I need to talk to you about your birthright. The chemical.”

“The True Love Potion?” I asked, twisting the words to make it sound fake. It didn’t take much.

“That’s Kate being ... your mom,” he said. “C’mon, I’ll tell you about it over a steak and a drink. OK?”

“Fine,” I said. He waited until I caught up and he wrapped his arm around my shoulders. “You grew up, kid. You grew the fuck up.”

“Yeah, tends to happen,” I muttered.

He sighed. “Your dad was ... Your dad was prone to mistakes.”

“Thanks,” I said, darkly.

“Not you, kiddo,” he said.

I walked into the door he held open for me. A very attractive twenty-something with short brown hair and dark lipstick to match her red dress shirt walked up. She smiled at me and then illuminated when she looked over my shoulder to see Ryan. She looked beyond him, forcing herself to make sure no one else was coming. She dashed past me and hugged him.

“He-ey!” she said, swooning happily. “I didn’t know you meant today after your new girl last night! Wow! I missed you!”

“Hi Janine,” he said. “This here’s, Lucas. Lucas, this is Janine.”

“His girlfriend!” she said, taking up my hand and stage whispering.

“One of many,” Ryan quickly corrected her. Janine didn’t miss a beat at that. I frowned. But, he knew about the chemical. I stayed quiet. “And I didn’t mean today, Janine. Lucas is family. I have responsibilities.”

“Phooey to responsibilities but family’s always welcome,” Janine said, grinning. “C’mon, I’ll give you the best seats in the house.”

“Your section?” I asked. She was very pretty. A half-black girl, eye to eye with me in her short heels, thick hair framed her bright eyes and dick-sucking-lips. I really got what Emi was trying to point out all of those times. Janine was curvy and wiggled as she flowed gracefully. She just oozed sex and confidence.

“If you don’t want the booth, Ryan. I can be your server,” Janine said. “For you and your family.”

She was ready, willing, and anything but eager. She looked at me. I guess I looked young. I puffed up my shoulders and her smile was completely patronizing.

“No, the balcony booth is preferred,” Ryan said. “C’mon Lucas. Janine led the way.”

One of many girlfriends. True Love Potion. Janine had been too ready. She seemed happy enough. Would the girls be that happy? Dammit, I didn’t want Emi smiling like that for Theo or Ryan because I wanted to entertain a guy friend. I wasn’t feeling hungry at all.

The restaurant was gorgeous. Everything was dark stained wood, matte black, or gold trimmed. The lights were on, but dim. Every table was tucked away and private. There were a couple of attractive women at the bar. They frowned, uglily at Ryan. He didn’t notice them.

“Do you want me to grab your regular? Or you can wait for Daniel,” Janine smiled. She walked away with a look from Lucas.

“You have a lot of girlfriends?”

“I don’t have any,” Ryan said. “I’ve got a lot of women who are always excited to see me.”

“You make it sound lonely,” I said.

“It’s not, most days,” he said. “Plus I got Kate. I got you.”

“True,” I said. “Because I’m not excited to see you at all.”

“Isabel, huh?” Ryan nodded. “She’s a good pick. You’ve got good taste. But that’s only genetic.”

“So, Pure Love Potion?” I steered the conversation. This is why I had to be away from Iggy today. If I couldn’t manage tanking the dinner by silently sulking, I should at least get answers. He took his time, unfolding his napkin and laying it on his lap.

“Right into it?” he said, after his little ceremony. I dragged my napkin off the table and followed suit. I didn’t wait until I was finished to answer.

“Right into it,” I said.

“It’s been around for just shy twenty years now,” Ryan said. “Your mom wasn’t the first. Just the first to get pregnant.”

“Wait!” I growled. “My dad... drugged my mom!” I looked around, snarling. When I sent my whisper harshly at him, he steeled his face. I wasn’t saying anything worse to him that he wasn’t saying to himself.

“We’re not going to talk about it like that,” Ryan said. “It’s not quite a drug. There’s no high. It relaxes the mind. Takes the instinctive fight out of someone. It’s all about being agreeable.”

“What?”

“Look, it was an accident,” Ryan said. “We were in the lab. Working on our different PhD work. Sort of. We were also manufacturing party drugs.”

“We? You and my dad?”

“The whole lab,” he said. “Not your mom, but her roommate. Yvonne.”

“Ray’s mom?” I asked.

“Yeah, yeah. Yeah...” He sighed. “Look anyway, we thought it was you know, like designer ecstasy or something.”

“Mom hates drugs,” I said. “She only ever kicked someone out of our house once. Emi smelled like pot. She smoked it way before she came over.”

“I never liked pot either.” Ryan said. “It’s not important. We were dumb kids, 22 and younger. We stumbled on something. Hell ... I think I’m the only one who finished college because of it.”

“So, mom got love potioned and it cost her her college degree?” I asked.

“Yeah, it did,” Ryan said. “When I came back to town. There was a mess. I tried to clean it up. I got your mom, and you, out of your grandparents house. Helped her through cosmetician school. She ran with it. She was always smart.”

“If it wasn’t for my dad thinking with his dick and giving Mom drugs, she’d’ve been what?”

“I think she was in pre-med or pre-law,” Ryan said. “I don’t remember.”

“That’s big! That’s--”

“Ask her: what would she have wanted to do with her life? Be a doctor, a lawyer, or your mom?” Ryan said. “There’s no way that’s a hard decision for her.”

“And mom’s not even straight,” I said. He looked at me confused. “She’s dating Vonnie.”

“That’s true,” Ryan said. “That was just easier. If she was really gay. Ray’d really be your sister, or something.”

“What?”

“You don’t need a dive into your mom’s sex life,” he said. “Hey Daniel.”

“This is the weirdest conversation I have ever interrupted.” I looked over, surprised to see the tall smiling man in the chef’s coat.

“This is Lucas,” Ryan said. “We’re doing the twelve ounce New Yorkers, medium rare, and whiskey sours.”

“He twenty-one?”

“I’ll vouch for him,” Ryan said. “Just the one drink. Only water after.”

“OK,” Daniel said. “And for the side?”

“Fries are go--”

“You’re the chef, treat this kid to a real steak, they way it should be,” Lucas said.

“You’re the man,” Daniel said. He left.

“Kid, that love potion works,” Ryan said. “It’s gonna change your life for the better, however you want it.”

“Maybe I want it real,” I said. “Maybe I don’t wanna be my dad and fuck off on Iggy like he did Mom.”

“You don’t want to do that,” Ryan agreed. “You don’t want to do that at all.”

“What?” I asked.

“It ain’t short term.” Ryan said. “Now it doesn’t mean it’ll work just like last night for the rest of their lives. A little touch up doesn’t hurt every year or two.”

“Jesus, have you ever used it on Mom?” I asked. I may have been holding the knife tightly in my hand.

“No,” he said, honestly. “I did use on a whole trainwreck of girls, decades ago.”

“And you stopped?” I was hopeful. “You gave it up.”

“Not on your life,” he shook his head. “I put it in your Mom’s hands.”

I frowned.

“You put her through beautician school! Oh my god!” I said. “Some of her shampoo bottles don’t smell like what’s on the label! Oh my god!”

“Calm down. Listen, your mother has a great eye for female beauty,” Ryan said. “I’d be an idiot to not let her do what she loves to do. Kate loves playing matchmaker. So, yeah, she’s set me up with some sure things.”

“Ugh,” I said, feeling gross. Realization hit me like a freight train. “Iggy goes to Mom’s! Anna and Emi too!” Dawn didn’t.

“Dude, I’m not looking to steal your girlfriend or go to prison. You’re still a kid, you can like girls. I prefer women.” Ryan said. “Besides, I’d never hurt you like that.”

“I ... I do believe you,” I said.

“Good,” Ryan said. “Because, I don’t think this should die with me. I’ve decided you’re the one who should profit. And I don’t want a bunch of people to die for you to get your inheritance. Plus, it’s a big deal. I don’t mind questions.”

“How many women have you done this to?” I asked, like a knife.

He frowned thoughtfully. “I lost count. No, I didn’t actually count for the first few years might be a better description. At least nine hundred? No more than fifteen hundred.”

“Jesus!” I said. I rethought my question. Was that the number of girls he did it too? Was he counting everyone after he had unloaded the chore onto Mom? I didn’t ask. He kept going.

“Yeah, and now it’s yours. You’re like me. You’re only gonna want a handful of friends in your life. The sex is just good, keeps you sharp, and meeting new people. Having the attention of beautiful women attracts the attention of beautiful women.” Ryan laughed. “Oh my god, listening to Kate go off on how your girlfriend ... girlfriends now, fight to keep other girls from telling you they’re interested...”

“So it sounds like I don’t need it,” I said, puffing up my chest.

“There’s far more to life than what you need,” he said. “There’s great food, and wait until Daniel brings out the steaks. Probably the best thing you’ll ever have eaten. There’s great company. Beautiful women. Travel. Adventure. The chemical’s not about need.”