Chapter 13

It took quite a bit to shut up Anna and Emi. Dawn glared at me from the door. Ray bounced on my bed, leaning back on her hands and smiled if I looked at her. I shook my head and dialed.

“Lucas! Don’t let Emi dress you! Anna! Anna only!” Iggy exploded with giggles and excitement as she picked up. I wasn’t even certain it had rang.

“Iggy--”

“Oh my god! Is a dress too much? I know you like my ass in jeans, jerk,” Iggy laughed. “You need to say that every time I wear jeans, you know? Even when it embarrasses me. Oh my god! I gotta shave my legs!”

I sighed.

‘How’s it going?” Emi asked. I frowned at the anger in her voice.

“Not quickly,” I said. I redialed Iggy.

This time the phone did ring before she picked up.

“I bought our tickets online already. Is a Pixar movie too kiddie for a date? I don’t know. I know you don’t like horror and--

“IGGY!” I shouted.

“LUCAS!” she squealed, giggling.

“My mom called. Uncle Ryan’s taking me out to dinner, and I can’t get out of it,” I said.

“What? No. What? Oh...” Iggy’s disappointment rolled in my stomach like a serrated knife.

“I don’t want to spend a minute with him when I could be spending a second with you,” I said.

“You wanna play hookie?” she said hopefully.

“Want to? Of course!”

“Why couldn’t I like a bad boy?” Iggy growled.

“Because I would’ve killed him,” I said, without humor. Iggy laughed excitedly. “Would you like to go for ice cream after school tomorrow?”

“Yes...” she said, morosely. “But I’ve got my brown belt exam tomorrow.”

“What?”

“For judo! Me and ... that boy I told you about,” she said smirkingly. It took me a second to remember she was talking about a 10 year old. 12?

“He’s already getting his brown belt?” I frowned.

“He’s going from yellow to green,” Iggy said. “Tuesday!”

“I don’t want to wait until Tuesday,” I said.

“Tuesday?!” Dawn made the date a swear with her frustrated squeal. She clapped her hands over her mouth as she turned red. Anna and Emi pouted. Ray wiggled her toes at me. She stuck out her tongue.

“I didn’t want to wait until we were 15 but your boy brain and my girl brain are natural enemies. Here we are at 18. Tuesday.” Iggy said. “What now?”

“I don’t know, Dawn, Ray, Emi, and Anna are here,” I said. “Would you like to come over?”

“No,” Iggy said. “I want to do it right. If I come over right now and you’re all sweet and the girls are all needly, I’m not going to last until Tuesday.”

“OK, I can understand that--”

“It’s Lucas! His uncle’s taking him away and he’s canceling our date! No Mom! Maybe you should get a better boyfriend! Sorry Dad!” Iggy growled and sighed, lifting her phone back to her cheek. She spoke at a whisper: “Don’t ... Don’t F our friends, please?”

“I won’t,” I said. I looked around, knowing that ‘won’t’ was all on me. Anna’s face flared red. “I--I think the hot tub salts, the love potion, is responsible for this.”

Iggy snorted laughing. “Yeah, your Mom’s a witch!”

“Dawn and Emi think--”

“You know what I like about you?” Iggy said. “You were always too obsessed with me to realize other girls liked you.”

“That’s ... That’s a terrible thing to like,” I said.

‘Well, a teenaged girl is insecure,” Iggy said, and giggled. “I know you love them too.”

“I love you, Iggy,” I said, hard as I could.

“Yeah, I love you too,” Iggy said, all smiles. How come you can hear smiles? “You love Emi, I’m not stupid. Don’t do them.”

“What about the love potion?” I asked.

“It’s a really fun game,” Iggy said. “Which I trust you with because if you thought you were going to hurt someone, you’d stop it. Still, be more careful than you usually are, OK? We might hurt Dawn if this goes the wrong way.”

“What if it really does work?” I asked Iggy.

“Like hypothetically?” Iggy asked.

“Sure,” I said.

“Then please pick girls wisely! I love me, I’m great and you’ve got great taste liking me too,” she was giggling again.

“Well your ass does look great in jeans,” I said.

“See! He learns!” Iggy clicked her teeth thinking. “Then Dawn and Anna, and we’d just be assholes if we left Emi out. Then there’s Ray! Oh my god, thank you so much for getting her and Anna to make up! Ray’s so good to have back and--

“Oh my god! Oh my god! Oh my god!” Iggy interrupted herself.

“What?” I frowned.

“Anna forgave Ray! The potion is real!” Iggy gasped.

“So you do get it, I was worried that--”

This wasn’t giggling. This was five alarm full belly laughs with a snort to finish. “Gotcha! Oh my god, I can’t believe you think there’s a love potion. If it was a real potion, it’d knock us out so you could Prince Charming our Snow White corpses,” Iggy laughed. “Oh, if I’m ever in a coma, I give you full prior consent to molest me awake.”

“Can I get that in writing?”

“Sure!” Iggy laughed. She lost her momentum and frowned. “Sucks about today.”

“Sucks big time,” I agreed.

“I love you,” Iggy said, brightly. “I’m so glad we say that so often now!”

“I love you too,” I said as well. “And I’m sorry.”

“I know you are,” Iggy laughed. “Put me on speaker?”

I nodded and did so. “OK Iggy, they can all hear you.”

“Just because the battle’s been postponed doesn’t mean his soldier doesn’t need to be trained,” Iggy said, affecting a gruffer more authoritative voice. “Emi, you’re going to make sure no one goes too far.”

“Emi?” Dawn gasped. “Are you fucking crazy? Oh shit, sorry for cursing. Shit, I said oh shit and...”

Dawn trailed off and Anna rubbed her shoulder.

“I accept this job, General Iggy,” Emi said, saluting. “Gotta wait until Tuesday then?”

“That’s how the cookie crumbles,” Iggy said.

“Cookies! Oh shit!” Anna ran off to the kitchen.

“Bye Iggy,” I said.

“Bye everyone,” Iggy said. “Don’t go too much further than I would go!” Her voice dropped to a whisper. “I want pictures! Evidence! Bye!”

Iggy hung up.

I took a real breath for the first time since I had dialed Iggy. My heart was pounding in my brain. I was pissed. Ray flinched. Emi walked right up into my face.

“You couldn’t tell your uncle to piss off?!” she growled.

“I couldn’t tell my mom,” I said. Emi softened a little but she wasn’t happy.

“I can’t believe you did this,” Emi said. “C’mon Dawn, let’s eat all of Anna’s cookies to keep them away from Lucas.”

“I think this was your plan all along, Emi,” Dawn said, losing her smile as she turned to me. “It’s not fair.”

I was left alone and naked in my room with Ray. She scrunched her lips and squinted her eyes at me. I tilted my head.

“I get it ... Family,” she shrugged. “I’d have picked sex over hanging out with Uncle Ryan anyday though.”

“Yeah, I can’t imagine a worse way to spend the day,” I said.

“At the moment,” Ray scoffed. “Because you’re thinking about Iggy. I could give you a dozen right now. You wake me out of a coma, I could probably rattle off at least three.”

“Yes, I guess I’m not in a coma,” I said, smiling a little.

“Oh a coma! Another worse way to spend a day,” Ray said. “Iggy didn’t seem as upset as Dawn.”

“Or Emi,” I said, thoughtfully.

“The word I was focusing on was seem, not Dawn,” Ray said. “Iggy’s probably screaming and cursing and kicking right now. Dawn’s here, she knows she couldn’t keep up the act until she heads home. Iggy just made it through a phone call.”

“You’re really making this day worse,” I said.

“Cool,” Ray said. “We could make out? Would that be better?”

“Let’s start with cookies,” I said. Ray shrugged and I followed her wiggle out of my room to the kitchen. Anna was the only one of us wearing clothes. She had on a drab heavy apron and thick oven mitts. Her ass wiggled out from behind her as she eased the cookie sheet out of the oven.

“You didn’t burn them,” I said.

“Thanks for the vote of confidence,” Anna sneered. She stuck out her tongue as she slid the cookies out onto the stove, closed the oven, and slapped Emi’s hand. “You burn your fingers, we can’t train Lucas.”

“Don’t burn your mouths either,” I said, trying to joke. Emi flashed me an angry look.

“Alright girls, I know this is between me and Iggy, but obviously it affects all of us.” I took a deep breath. “I’m sorry I got your hopes up. I know how much you’ve all supported me and Iggy and it means the world to me. I wish, for my sake, I could’ve made the date with Iggy tonight.”

“I don’t care about you and Iggy,” Dawn said. “I mean, shit. I care about you. I care about Iggy. But, you promised that after your date we could hot tub the rest of Iggy’s jealousy away so there’d be room for Dawn and Lucas. Emi and Lucas. Anna and ... Ray.”

“I don’t think I’m ready for Anna and Ray,” Ray said, chuckling until she frowned.

“Well I am.” Anna slapped her hands on her hips. It was entirely to pick the other team from Ray. Dawn, Emi, and I all looked at Anna. She thought for a second. “I’m going to put the cookies on a cooling rack. Still in the bottom corner cupboard?”

“I have no idea,” I said.

“Yeah, right where you got the cookie sheet,” Emi pointed.

“Look, is anyone really angry with me?” I asked. “I want to make it better.”

“No,” Dawn said. “I’ll make it better.”

I lit up like a Christmas tree.

“Not like that, you pervert.” Dawn stuck her tongue out at me. “I think I’m going to go down the street to Iggy’s.”

“Are you sure she’s going to want to see anyone?” Anna asked. “You heard her on the phone.”

“She was about to crack,” I said. I had heard it too. Even Ray had and she hadn’t hung around with us for over four years.

“Yeah, she needs a friend,” Dawn said.

“Just Dawn?” I asked, watching her walk to my room to change her clothes. The other three girls hovered beside me.

“Needs a friend,” Emi said. “Too many of us and she won’t dish like she does when it’s just one on one. She likes it intimate.”

That shut me up. Shut us all up. Dawn came back and Anna handed her a half dozen cookies in a tupperware container. I hugged Dawn. She kissed me lightly on the lips. I waved to her leaving and then realized I was standing naked at the front door, which I quickly shut. I turned around.

Ray and Emi were laughing uncontrollably. Anna was untying her apron. “Cookies Lucas?”

“Damned right,” I said. I walked over and hopped up. Chocolate chip, super gooey, still really hot. Anna poured me a glass of milk. Ray and Emi asked for glasses too.

“You know where they’re at,” Anna smirked, pouring herself a glass and sitting across from me at the table.

“You’re a terrible housewife,” Emi said.

“Thanks for baking the cookies, Anna,” Ray said. “I don’t really do this with Mom. Which is weird because she taught Kate who taught you two.”

“Us four,” Emi said. “Iggy’s terrible at it though and Dawn got into comic books so she wouldn’t have to be a girl in the kitchen.”

“She actually likes comic books though,” I said.

“She likes you,” Anna said, around a full mouth.

“And comic books,” I said. “I’ve talked to her about them. Ask her about Nightwing and Oracle, she’ll talk your ear off, referencing artists and storylines and ... You don’t fake that level of geek.”

“Yeah, Dawn doesn’t fake anything,” Emi agreed. She sat next to me after dragging her chair until it touched mine. She rubbed her thigh up and down against my leg. I looked down. Her legs were beautiful.

“Feels like you need to shave,” I said.

“Romantic,” Emi stuck her tongue out at me. “You need to, um...” she sniffed my hair, “shampoo.”

“It’s a date,” I said. Emi blushed. Emi. Blushed. She dunked her cookie and looked across the table at Anna and Ray. “Ray ... Your boobs got huge.”

“Thanks,” Ray grumbled. She did no cookie dunking. Travesty.

“I mean, they were always big, but wow, I didn’t think ... BOOM! You know?” Emi said.

“I know,” I nodded.

“Ugh,” Ray slumped her shoulders and glared at us. “Your ass is big.”

“It’s bouncy,” Emi said, bouncing. “It’s not yours though.”

Ray slumped further.

“I love your ass, Ray!” I said.

“I’d fuck it,” Anna said.