I never had much in my life but I did have Jenny. She was my only love from age 5 when I was forced to begin my formal schooling, until last year when an asshole took her from me. We both grew up in the hills of Arkansas in families that had way too many kids and way too little money and food. Both our fathers said they were farmers but they mostly sat on their asses drinking and smoking up what little money they or our mommas could put their hands on. I don’t know of any time when anything in the shacks we called home was new. We wore second hand clothes that was either give to us or bought at the Goodwill store. Pop’s truck was broke down more than it ran.

If you looked at the homes we growed up in you would think they were abandoned buildings in a junk yard or dump. Even the hound dogs and scrawny chickens running ‘round were wild and starved looking. The old trucks, when they ran at all, rattled, coughed and clanged down the road, usually smoking like they was on fire. A time or two they were. When a truck died it was left to sit in the yard or where ever it died unless it was a cheap fix our Daddies could do themselves. If the truck died, we walked or bummed rides until Pop scrounged up the money to buy another wreck on its last legs. Hell, we were too damn poor to even get a ride at the Buy Here, Pay Here places!

I know you’ve seen kids like us or at least pictures of kids like us. Threadbare clothes smudged dirty faces, unruly hair and that hungry vacant look. We were always hungry and scrawny, our stomach noises sometimes loud enough to reach the front of the classroom when we were in school. It got so bad at times one or two of our early teachers would actually bring snacks and food from her home for us. Of course, we qualified for the free lunches at school and later on the free breakfasts. You best believe Jenny and I took full advantage of them too. We always ate seconds if we could get them and ate any food our few table mates left if we could talk them into giving it to us. We especially loved sandwich days. It amazed us that so many kids hated some of the food served and would throw it out. If the food was dry enough to carry we took anything our friends didn’t want with us when we left the lunch room. Sometimes we took so many left overs we had to scrounge a bag but we did it. The so called pizza, burgers and so forth that others said tasted like unflavored cardboard was like manna from heaven for us. If we could scrounge enough we even took it home for later but usually if we did that our family ate it for us so we usually tried to eat it before we got home. Sometimes we actually gained a pound or two during the school year.

I don’t know why but from the first day Jenny and I were a team. Being poor and not one of the Beautiful People made us the target of bullies. Jenny and I rode the same school bus and the first day of school we were already the butt of many jokes and cruel remarks. I followed her off the bus as I was taught—gentlemen let ladies go first. Hey, I said we were poor hill folk. I never said my momma didn’t try to teach me to be polite to ladies, and to me, even at that age, Jenny was a lady.

When Jenny left the bus that first morning and headed toward the school one of the older boys and some girls began making remarks about her threadbare dress and the patches on it. I could see the tears in her eyes as she tried to walk past them with what little dignity she could muster—even if we didn’t know what dignity was in those days. The boy grinned and stuck his leg out and tripped her. When Jenny fell one of the girls laughed and said, “Oh, look, the little ragamuffin is so clumsy she can’t even walk across the yard.”

I took two running steps and slammed into the boy that tripped Jenny. My head bounced off his face when I did that. After he fell to the dusty school yard, I watched him a minute to see what he would do. I was already familiar with our brand of rough and tumble fighting and, even as small and young as I was then, I intended to give it my best if he took it farther even though he was half a head taller than I was and about twenty pounds heavier. This time, the boy just lay in the dirt of the school yard and rubbed his bleeding nose. When he saw the blood he jumped to his feet and ran toward the building. I knelt down beside Jenny and helped her to her feet then tried to help her brush the dirt off her dress. I used my hanky to wipe the tears from her face then dab the blood from her scraped hand and knees. I let her keep it because her scratches were still seeping bright red blood.

About that time one of the teachers rushed up to the group of girls still standing watching us. He pulled me around and began dragging me toward the building as he said, “You little punk. We don’t allow fighting and bullying in this school. If you keep this up your days here are numbered. Now come on. It’s the Principals office for you.” I tried to tell him I didn’t start it, that I was only helping Jenny but he didn’t even listen or make a reply.

Jenny dutifully followed, still crying. When we reached the office she tried to come in with us but the teacher and staff wouldn’t let her. Even though this was the first day of school I received two swats of the paddle (this was not one of the namby pamby schools where they wasn’t supposed ta spank a kid) and sent on to class. I was being manly and didn’t cry but damn my ass hurt. I could feel the tears in the corner of my eye and the fire in my britches! The little shit that started the fracas was nowhere to be seen.

When I walked out into the hallway with the teacher that took me to the office, there was Jenny. She gave me her little smile then came up to me and took my hand. The playground monitor, the teacher that had taken me to the office, turned and walked down the hallway away from us. A different teacher said, “You two come with me. You’re already late for class. She took off down the hallway, moving almost too fast for us to keep up, as she led us to our class because we didn’t know the way. After we were handed off to the kindergarten teacher I heard our guide say, “You need to watch those two little animals. The first thing they did when they got off the bus was get into a fight with Dr. Stevens’s boy. They even had the gall to blame him for starting it.”

Well, that was a picture of our early life and a pretty good description of the rest of our school days. We were a group of two and had each other’s backs from then on. Oh, sure, we each had a few friends through the years but none of them was close. We didn’t have the money to do things in town and had no way to get back to town to attend the sporting events or school functions if we had the money to go. None of our so called friends ever stood up with us when the bullies came around either. These so called friends were children of more prosperous farmers or families that lived in town and had so much more money that we thought they were the ultra rich. When Samuel or one of the other bullies approached our so called friends disappeared instantly. I never did know if that was because they didn’t want to face the bullies with us or because they didn’t want to piss off the town’s elite.

Jenny and I only lived about a mile apart as the crow flies, but it was uphill both ways as the old saying goes. By road we had to travel a little over two miles to get to the other’s house. During the summer we spent a lot of time together at one house or another. We each had chores but many times we worked together doing them. Until she got older and began to grow boobies we would fish and swim in the nearby stream but after she started turning into a real girl Jenny became shy with me. We still spent as much of our free time together as we could but for some reason we quit skinny dipping and some of the other fun stuff we did when we was younguns.

The summer we graduated high school Jenny and I did what everyone expected and got married. We were so in love and so happy together it should have been illegal. Both of us tried to find work so we could set up housekeeping but we weren’t too lucky with that. I got a part time job in a local shade tree garage and Jenny waited tables in the small café seven hours a day. Hell, we barely made enough to put food on the table. We were living in my old bedroom at home and Pop made us pay him $150 a month rent plus buy our own food. I noticed though that everyone ate the food we bought and didn’t replace it none. We were always broke before next payday. Our ride was just like Pop’s. It was old, worn out and smoked like an old locomotive.

One hot August Saturday Jenny and I made up a bunch of sandwiches and took off for the ole swimming hole. If we were lucky none of the other kids from ‘round about would be there and we could have some alone time. When we got there we found a small group of the local kids but they left soon after we arrived. After we swam a while we made love then we just laid on the blanket and talked.

I said, “Jenny I been talkin’ ta Roger. He’s been in the Army now for three years and says he has it made. He makes almost $2,000 a month by himself! Lottie has a job working somewhere on post and makes almost another thou. I went to the recruiter and he says I can start for ‘bout $1,500 a month and after I get my early training you can come be with me almost anywhere they send me. Heck, Jenny, both of us put together right now don’t make what Lottie makes. I think I should join up but I won’t if you don’t want me to.”

Jenny looked at me and her eyes got real wet like she was agonna cry or sumpin but she didn’t. She just gave me that little smile she had and hugged me real tight. She pulled back and wiped her face with her fingers and said, “I don’t know Mack. That sure is a whole lot of money but what if they sent you overseas? You could get killed or hurt real bad. I don’t want to lose you.”

“Jenny,” I said. “It might be sort of dangerous but at least we could live pretty good and the recruiter said I could get $400,000 in life insurance for you if I died. You’d have more money than you could ever spend if that happened.”

Jenny hit me real hard and said, “I don’t want that money Mack. I want you. You’re all I’ve ever wanted since we first went to school and that’s a fact. If you think that’s what we need to do then I’m for it. You’re my husband honey and whither thou goest I will go just like the good book says.”

Well, we talked some more and I went back to the recruiter and I done signed up. That there basic trainin’ camp wasn’t hard atall. Some of them city slickers moaned and groaned like it was killin’ them but it was easy. Heck, we got to sleep every morning to 4:30 and mostly we was done by what they called 16:00 (that’s 4 in the afternoon for you civilians). Oh, sure, some of the time we had to go out into the woods and do soldier stuff but it was fun too. We got to shoot and blow things up and drive some of the neatest equipment you ever seen.

Well, I did have to go to what they called the sand box. Spent my year in Iraq and then I came back home to the good ole U. S. of A. When we got off the plane there was Jenny a smilin’ and laughin’ like I remembered her. I won’t talk about that night. It’s none of your business but we sure did tear up the sheets if ya know what I mean. I love that girl to death.

Well after what they call stand down, the unit got back to work except I didn’t get to stay in it. The army decided I needed to go to another fort. They sent us to Ft. Bliss, Texas. They sent a truck along and packed up all our things and paid for the moving. By then we had a pretty nice truck so I drove us out there and we moved into a real nice house on the post. Things were so fine. I was what they call a Specialist then, an E-4, and was making some really good money. My check was $2,216 a month before they took taxes out and then on top of that I got extra money for eating and a free house! Heck I was makin’ more than Jenny’s and my family’s made put together!

Well, we’d been there ‘bout three or four months when one weekend Jenny wanted to go into El Paso on a Saturday. I had the duty and said, “Why don’t you wait honey? We can go in next weekend.”

“No,” she said. “Couple of the other girls and I want to go see if we can buy some nice Christmas presents and we don’t need you men watching what we buy.”

Well, I could see I wasn’t gonna get anywhere with that so I just gave her a good kiss and said, “Ok, but you all be careful. We been told there’s a lot of bad men running around that town. They come across the border and raise all kinds of hell. You gotta promise me you’ll stay out of the bad parts of town.”

“Oh, I promise honey,” she said. “Doris is driving. She and her husband go there all the time and she knows where to go.”

Well, that morning I gave her a kiss and went off to duty. I had CQ (Charge of Quarters) from knock off Friday night until 0800 Monday morning. I made her promise to call me when she got there and when she left and when she got home. She was sorta upset with me checking on her as she called it but settled right down because she knew it was because I loved her and wanted to be sure she was safe. Besides we hadn’t owned our cell phones long and I sorta wanted to use them.

Well, her Saturday morning phone call came in just fine. They got to El Paso about 11:00 and went to shopping. They were going to shop awhile then after the big lunch rush was over they were going to a Mexican restaurant they heard was really good. We both loved that Tex Mex food. After lunch they planned to shop a while longer then have a nice supper before they come home. They planned to be home by about seven or so that night.

Well, I never heard nothing else from her. By almost eight that night I was getting some worried. I even tried to call her phone several times but she didn’t answer. About eight fifteen that evening, (20:15 for you military folks) I looked up when I heard the door open. I dropped the clip board I was reading from and jumped to attention. The Battalion Executive Officer and the Command Sergeant Major (CSM) was comin’ in the orderly room door. There was a chaplain followin’ along behind them.

The Major said, “Specialist Potter I have some bad news for you son. Your wife Jenny was killed in El Paso this afternoon. I’m sorry son. If there’s anything you need just let the Command Sergeant Major know. We’ll find someone to relieve you here and get things going for you to take care of your wife.”

I just sat there a minute. I didn’t know what to say. I felt tears running down my cheeks and someone was screaming and crying. Dammit I was hurting here why wouldn’t that asshole shut up! I felt a large hand on my shoulder and dimly heard the CSM say, “We understand Son. You need to calm down now. We’ve all got things that need to be done.”

That bastard kept yelling and screaming, then I felt a hard slap on my face. I didn’t think. I just jumped up and started looking for the asshole that hit me. When I moved that dude stopped screaming and I realized it had been me. My throat hurt and was raw. I collapsed onto my chair again. I felt my shoulders shake from my crying. This time I heard the CSM saying, “Son I know it hurts but you have to get control of this. Come on. Let’s get you home.”

We walked into our house and a buncha folks followed us in. I couldn’t believe it there was the bitches that got my Jenny killed. I ‘bout lost it again. They was all bruised and scraped up. Their husbands was with them and just stood watching me and looking guilty as sin.

Doris ran up to me and gave me a hug. She was crying and said, “Oh, Mack, I’m so sorry. They were going to rape us and its all my fault. I was taking us to get lunch and I turned down the wrong street. Well, I pulled into a warehouse parking lot to turn around when a bunch of Mexicans came out of the building yelling and carrying guns. They pulled the door open and jerked us all out of the car. They drug us into the warehouse and one of the guys drove our car inside too. They pulled us down on the floor right there and tried to rape us. While some of them were with us others were moving boxes and bags from an old truck to several vans and cars.

“Mack I think Jenny saved us. She kicked one of them in the balls and got away then hit the others holding Meghan and me. Between us we got away. Jenny ran to the car and jumped into it. She started it and we all got inside. She drove right through the door of the building and then through the fence onto the street. Those men shot at us but we got away. We were back on a busier street when Jenny sort of slumped against the steering wheel and drove across the sidewalk into a store building. Those men shot her when we were leaving Mack and she still drove us to safety. Oh, Mack, I’m so sorry! It’s all my fault. I don’t know how you can even stand to look at me now.”

Well, what could I do? I pulled Doris to my chest and hugged her until her husband pulled her away and held her. He said, “I’m sorry too Mack but I’m so thankful your Jenny was so brave and tough. If there’s ever anything I can do for you man, you just ask. I don’t care. Legal or not man. You want it, you got it if I can do it for you.”

Well, after that I listened to the other people telling what they knew. We watched the late news and they had a story on it about things. I saw my Jenny laying on the stretcher beside the wrecked car, then I watched them put her into the ambulance and then it drove off. The news woman said the girls barged into a drug deal one of the Mexican cartels was doing. Seems Jenny hit one of the trucks hard enough it couldn’t be moved and she ran over three of the assholes. Somehow the police got there and found some of the evidence. One of the dead men was known to be in a gang pushing the drugs. Of course they said the investigation was still going on. Don’t matter none. I lost my Jenny. Those assholes took her from me and like the good book says, “An eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth”, I was going to get me some of their asses.

Well, I can’t complain about how the army treated me. Before ya know it I was on my way home with my Jenny for the last time. We had one of those singing, cryin, drinkin funerals. My back got pounded ‘til it was sore and bruised. I got more hugs from women than you can shake a stick at. Most of ‘em I either didn’t know at all or didn’t know very well. Finally my two weeks was up and I went back to Bliss. Ha! T’werent nothin’ Blissful ‘bout it, ‘specially now my Jenny was gone.

‘Course soon’s I got back they told me I had to move outta our house since I weren’t married no more. Had ta move inta the barracks with other lower rankin’ soldiers. I had ‘bout a year left on my enlistment and I began savin’ ever penny I could.

I was real surprised when the Captain called me into his office shortly after I got back from burryin’ Jenny. He told me the army was going to promote me to Sergeant (E5). Well, I sure was surprised. Imagine that. A down home hill country bumpkin was an army Sergeant now. I guess I’ll have to try and talk better now so I sound like a Sergeant. I know how, I just sometimes forget and talk like I did growin’ up.

Well, what with the promotion and missin’ Jenny, I quit goin’ out with the fellers. I asked around and found some crusty old Sergeants to help me, and began learning all I could ‘bout fightin’. I spent almost all my free time at the field house exercisin’ or workin’ out with some of the unarmed combat fellers. I found a coupla fellers said they had some Ranger trainin’ and they helped me a lot—especially after I told them why I needed to know about things. They even took me out weekends and taught me secret shit, ya know?

One afternoon I was called into the Battalion Headquarters to see the Battalion Command Sergeant Major (CSM). He asked me how I was doing now after Jenny died and we talked about my grievin’ and about how he wanted me to stay in the army, that I was such a good soldier and such. I was wondering what he was up to when he leaned back in his chair and looked me in the eye like. He said, “Sergeant I’ve heard rumors about you and they worry me. I hear you’ve been spending all your free time in the field house and learning to fight. I also hear you go out into the boondocks a lot and practice patrolling and infiltration techniques on your own. I would hate to see you do something that would get you in trouble. Do I make myself clear?”

Well, I felt a little fear in the pit of my stomach when he said those things. If you’ve never had a Command Sergeant Major pissed at you then you probably don’t know the feeling but if you have, you know how I felt. My asshole puckered up some I want you to know. He looked me in the eyes and it was all I could do to look back at him like a man should. Finally, he said, “I have a couple of friends I want you to go see.”

He leaned back in his chair and put his feet on his desk then smiled. He looked at his watch and then smiled even bigger before he said, “You just have time to make it. I told them I’d have you there by 1400. Go to the Central Issue office and ask for Master Sergeant (MSG) Majors. He has something he wants you to do.”

Well, I figured I was in for it but what could I do? the CSM gave me an order so off I went. When I got there I knocked on the office door and entered when told to. There was an old MSG sitting behind a desk staring at me. His skin was tanned as it could be and leathery like if he spent all his time outside. He just looked at me and didn’t say nothin’. There was a man mountain sitting in a chair beside the desk watching me too. Man, he would make two or three of me and there weren’t none of it fat. That man was just plain big and his muscles had muscles. He was wearing Sergeant First Class (SFC) stripes and was blacker than the inside of a dark cave. He gave me the once over, then looked at me again before he turned to the MSG and said, “Kid don’t look too bad even if he is just a leg. He’s got some muscle already. Let’s talk to him for a while then if it seems like he’ll do we’ll run him through his paces to see if he has what it takes. If he can hack it, I say do it.”

Well, I really didn’t know then what was coming but I wasn’t sure I wanted to find out. I didn’t have much choice though so I just stood there like a good Sergeant waiting for them to tell me what was happening.

Well, they asked me about my job and why I didn’t run around with the other Sergeants and why I was spending most of my free time exercising and learning how to infiltrate and kill people quietly. I knew then I’d messed up and committed the most serious mistake of a clandestine planner (see I told ya I knew those big words and how to talk). I’d failed in my operations security (opsec). I looked at the two green beanies and felt my innards turn to mush then said, “Well Sergeant, I figured since I was a Sergeant now, I needed to know a lotta stuff so I can train my squad, ya know? Since my Jenny died I don’t have much else to do so I’m bettering myself.”

Those two mean looking bastards looked at me and almost died from laughing then MSG Majors said, “Relax, Kid. I think we know what you’re doing it for. You made one mistake though. You do your training too much in plain sight. Now, if something was to happen, say to some drug running assholes in town who do you think they would come to see first? You have to stop being so outspoken about those slimeballs and you need to do your training out of sight. You need to tell those has been rangers you’ve worked your anger off and don’t want to run around with them any longer. Do I make myself clear here son?”

Well crap. There goes that idea, I thought. I knew the CSM and these two would have their eyes on me all the time now so I said, “Yes Master Sergeant. You make yourself very clear. Is that all Master Sergeant?”

“No Sergeant, that is not all. From now until further notice, you are to report here, to us, every evening at knock off. We have some things for you to do. I expect those things will take up most of your weekends also. Is there going to be a problem with that Sergeant?”

Well, all I could say was no, no problem. Hell, seemed like I had been given some extra duty to straighten me up but I was a soldier at least until my time was up so I had it to do. The MSG told me, “We’ll see you here tomorrow. Dismissed.”

I went straight to the field house and met my buds. They weren’t very happy when I told them the CSM was onto us and I had been ordered to quit what we were doing. In fact, one of the group got in my face and said, “You idiot. Who did you tell what we were doing? Now the CSM is gonna be watching us like a hawk. You damn Leg Hillbilly’s are all alike. Can’t pour piss outta your boot with the instructions written on the sole. Fuck. Come on men. Let’s get outta here before we really get into trouble.”

(For those who don’t know, a Leg is an infantryman who isn’t jump qualified)

Well, the next evening I reported to the MSG like I was told to. He and SFC Jones were waiting on me with a Hummer. I was told, “Get in and keep your mouth shut.” As soon as I was in the Hummer it took off and headed out into the boonies. After about fifteen minutes we stopped in one of the training areas and MSG Majors threw a bag at me and said, “Get out and put these on. Meet us over there.” He pointed at a small storage building then they walked to it and stood glaring at me as I removed my ACU’s (Army Combat Uniform) and got into something that might have been an ACU at some time in ancient times. To my surprise, they fit.

I won’t go into the whole time I spent with those two Green Beanies but, let me tell you, what those Rangers were teaching me looked like preparation for some 5 year olds tea party compared to what I learned from those two men. That first day nearly killed me. We ran ten miles then did exercises for almost an hour. We did the same thing every day for the next two weeks before they began teaching me all sorts of nasty things. Not one time did either of those two look like they were even feeling the strain of what they put me through. Those were two damn tough men. I don’t care if the MSG was missing part of his leg or SFC Jones only had his index finger and thumb on his left hand. They flat outdid me every way it is possible to measure.

After we began the training MSG Majors gave me some of his books to study from at night. Then we actually went on maneuvers with some of the other units on post. I don’t know how he and the CSM cleared it with my boss but one day he called me into his office and said I was going to be on special detail off and on for the CSM and he’d tell me when and where to report.

After almost three months MSG Majors, SFC Jones and I were resting and having a beer one evening after we got back to the cantonment area when MSG Majors said, “I think you’ll do son. We’ve been pretty hard on you and you didn’t slack off once. You ever think about going into the Berets? You learn how to talk and learn a language and you’d do right well. Think about it. I know how you feel though. My brother’s wife got killed and he went off half cocked, killed the bastard who did it but he wasn’t careful. He’s still in prison for it. I asked him one time if it was worth it and he said he felt better and the asshole wouldn’t ever kill anyone else but he wished he had been more careful on how he got his revenge. We’ve taught you how to do it and how to be careful. All you have to do is remember what we’ve taught you and use your head. Maybe you’ll be lucky and pull it off. Maybe not. At least you have a chance and anyone who kills an innocent person and deals those drugs deserves to die.”

I started to open up and deny I had any intentions of doing something like that but the MSG raised his hand and continued, “Now, don’t tell me any lies. The CSM and us have already got the intelligence on you. We know what you’re planning and we know we can’t stop you. We just hope we’ve helped some. I don’t think you’ll see us again but we’ll keep our eyes on you. Don’t even think about doing something that will reflect badly on the Army son. We wouldn’t like that. We hear you’ve made plans to get out. You wait on that. You keep on doing what we’ve been doing here and you’ll be fine.”

MSG Majors pushed a box at me and continued, “Now, here is some stuff we found laying around post that might help some. Don’t you dare get caught with it but if you do, you damn sure better never let on where it came from. You tell them you light fingered it or something ya hear? You come out here from time to time and look over there and see if something fell off a truck or something. You might find something from time to time.”

Well, over the next several weeks, I had some of the fellers light finger some special stuff when we did training and I also found a few pretty nice surprises where the MSG told me to look. Not sayin’ no more, ya know? They just fudged a bit ‘bout how much stuff they used in their trainin’ an ratholed the extry fer me. Do you know how big a bang a little dab of C4 makes? After each field training exercise, I would collect the underutilized gov’ment assets and redistribute them as we say. Then I would take off on my runs evenings and when no one was watching I’d make for a place I knew to stash it.

Ever so often I’d take my stash off base and put it somewhere else. Hell, no one ever checks a car or truck leavin’ post ya know? I began spendin’ lotsa time in town messin’ ‘round. City fellers n officers woulda told ya I wuz gatherin’ intelligence. Me, I just thought of it as nosin’ ‘round. Surprisin’ what a feller can learn if people just think he’s just an ole drunk throwin’ his money ‘round.