My Wife Is a Houseplant
Copyright© 2021 by B.B. Rattan
Chapter 1
Science Fiction Sex Story: Chapter 1 - Bizarro erotica about a man who loves his peace lily—and it loves him back.
Caution: This Science Fiction Sex Story contains strong sexual content, including Ma/Fa Consensual Romantic Heterosexual Fiction Horror Humor Science Fiction Aliens non-anthro Cream Pie Masturbation Safe Sex
As I laid on the couch, staring out the window, I couldn’t help feeling completely at peace. The sun was shining. Wind rustled tree leaves outside. It was a beautiful day, and I was grateful to be alive and enjoying it. I noticed the sun gently coming in through the window and lighting up the peace lily in the corner of my living room. Everything was just too beautiful not to get a little aroused at the pure joy of life. I felt my cock stir in my jeans and thought, Why not?
I stared at the sunshine highlighting the green of the peace lily’s leaves as I unzipped the jeans and pulled out my cock. It was the perfect relaxing activity to cap off an already relaxing Sunday morning. I jerked off lazily on the couch, letting the sensations build until I could feel an orgasm coming on. At that point, I stood up and walked over to the potted plant. I’d been ejaculating into plant soil since I was a kid. It was an easy way to hide the results of masturbation. Usually, the leaves hid the evidence until the soil absorbed it all—as long as I aimed it into the soil—plus, I figured the nutrients in the cum were good for the plants.
Of course, that required getting my dick pretty close to the plant, but I’d gotten used to the cool caress of green stems. I stuck my dick deep into the shadows under the peace lily’s leaves and felt my balls tighten as the orgasm rolled upward and out of my body. The cum shot into the shadowed depths to be cleaned up by my houseplant. As I pulled my cock out from the stems, I felt one of the leaves caress my cock. Some of the cum still hung dripping from the end of my cock, so I grabbed that leaf and used the underside of it to wipe off the dripping cum. It was the perfect setup. No clean up, and no one ever knew what was in the pot. I sighed and laid back down on the couch, closing my eyes.
The next morning, I got up for work and walked into the living room. Maybe it was my imagination, but the peace lily really did look bigger and healthier today. The stems stood up straight and strong, and the leaves looked especially green. I knew some people would think what I did was weird, but it really did seem to be mutually beneficial.
When I got home from work that evening, I felt fired up from a good day and couldn’t even wait to get into a more relaxed mood. I took off my shoes and pants and went straight over to the plant. My cock was already pointing upward. “I know you’re just a plant, but you have made my life so much better. You keep me relaxed.” I’d heard that it was good to talk to your houseplants.
I started jerking off into the plant pot, and the leaves kept brushing against the back of my hand. That gave me an idea. I grabbed onto one of the broad, smooth leaves and wrapped it around my penis like a tamale, and I jerked off with the plant’s leaf encompassing my cock. It was a whole new level. I couldn’t believe I’d never thought of this before. The plant’s cool leaf put a layer between myself and my hand. It was almost like I wasn’t jerking off at all. I started thrusting my hips forward into the leaf, holding my hand in place. I wasn’t just jerking off into the soil. I was having sex with my houseplant. That phrase echoed in my mind. I’m having sex with my houseplant. Am I some kind of freak?
I couldn’t think of it that way. It felt too good, and all I could concentrate on was how quickly the orgasm was building up inside me. I thrust my hips forward one more time, and cum shot out of me, but thrusting as I was, I hadn’t been able to aim the shot like usual, and my cum splattered against the wall behind the peace lily. “Shit.”
I let go of the leaf and whipped off my shirt, using it to wipe up the wall. The funny thing is, I swear the plant looked droopy after that. Maybe it had become dependent on my cum for nutrition. I felt ashamed at that thought. Houseplants aren’t supposed to live on cum. There’s no way that’s natural. Is it?
I mean, animals probably came in plants in nature ... No, no. Animals had sex. They didn’t go around masturbating and releasing their seed all over the place. No. I was pretty sure humans were the champs when it came to masturbation. This wasn’t right. I needed to stop coming in my peace lily. That was it. It wasn’t good for the plant.
The next day I came home from work in a good mood. Then I looked over at my desolate plant, its leaves hanging limply, and my good feelings vanished. I sat down in front of the TV and didn’t get horny even once. I was a disgusting human being, and I knew it. The next morning, I tucked a fertilizer stick into the soil and watered the peace lily. I resolved not to get sexy with my houseplant anymore.
But it was so hard to masturbate with nowhere to put my cum. I was accustomed to jerking off on the couch, and that seemed inconvenient without the plant to suck up the cum. I tried a couple of techniques I’d heard other guys used. I covered my dick in a sock. My sock was rough and scratchy. It was nothing like the cool, smooth leaves. It only made me think about the plant more. I finished—once—but it was more like a punishment orgasm to torture myself. I cried afterward.
Another time, I got a towel ready beside me, and when I came, I pointed my cock up toward my own belly. I was horrified as I watched the cum shoot out onto me. It seemed unnecessary. I immediately grabbed the towel and started wiping the mess up, like I figured a normal man might do. The cum just stuck in the hair on my torso, and it felt like I was just rubbing the mess around rather than getting clean. It was awful.
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