Chapter 1

The story I’m about to tell you is true, but before you rush to judge me or my mother, remember that not every relationship is textbook perfect and we all don’t live in the idyllic “Leave It To Beaver” world. Life can be complicated and sometimes it takes unique and unusual ways to get through it. This is how we make it work.

Let me start out by saying that I love my mother very much and she is an amazing, incredible woman. She is beautiful, intelligent, kind, and passionate. She would be an excellent catch for any man lucky enough to win her. Unfortunately, no one has.

It wasn’t for lack of trying, Lord knows she has had plenty of opportunities. But Mom suffers from two very difficult to manage conditions – a near-nymphomaniacal need for sex, and the absolute worst luck in finding a man that could fill that need.

Mom got married to her first husband too young. It was near the end of the Vietnam War and she was about to graduate high school. Her high school sweetheart, a guy she had been dating and “going steady” with all through high school was about to graduate with her. But he had also signed up for the military, wanting to volunteer so he could get the MOS (job) he wanted instead of being drafted and getting assigned to whatever they needed at the time.

And so, terrified that her man might (God forbid) get killed or captured, she decided to marry him before he left for the military. So they went to see the local Justice of the Peace who very understandably performed the ceremony. It wasn’t the big fancy wedding she’d always dreamed of but time was of the essence here.

Mom told me that Jim, her then-husband, was in Vietnam for about six months, halfway through his tour there, when he was killed. And due to the manner of his death, there wasn’t even a body to bury, just his dog tags and a flag were all she was given to remember him.

Mom was understandably devastated. Her whole world has come crashing down on her the day the two soldiers showed up at her door. And as she tells it she didn’t go anywhere or do anything except work and home and to the grocery store when necessary for months. She didn’t feel like having company over and certainly didn’t feel like social gatherings of any sort.

Finally, her girlfriends badgered her into going out with them one night just to get her out of the house. She relented if only to shut them up and that night she met Roger.

Something about this man broke through the wall she had created for herself and she actually enjoyed talking with him. So much so that they started dating ... after all it had been nearly a year since Jim had died. Her mourning period was long since past.

Mom was not looking for marriage just yet, but she and Roger did hit it off well, I guess. Mom had always been very passionate and losing Jim and the long hiatus did something to her. She became almost obsessed with sex! She couldn’t get enough of it and her unquenchable thirst for cock would become her undoing. Roger soon learned he couldn’t hope to keep up with her and to keep from being drained completely dry he broke it off with her after just a few months.

But the torch had been lit and so Mom went on a bender – a string of short but doomed relationships and one-night stands, trying to find someone who could give her the love and sex that she needed so badly.

Then one day while sitting at a bar nursing a drink and trying to drown another failed try at love, a man walked in. His name was Roger and he would become my father.

Roger was different from any other man she’d known. For starters, he didn’t fawn all over her, trying to win her approval as the other men did. In fact, Mom said she had to approach him!

And I guess his cool, calm mannerism attracted Mom, she was now the one doing the wooing and pursuing him! And she did, doing anything and everything she could think of to catch his eye. She thought back at what the guys did to win her approval and turned the tables on that. She used her “womanly charms” on him, she flaunted herself almost to the point of whoring herself out to get him to pay attention to her.

Finally, just as she was about to give up and move on to easier prey, he gave her what she wanted!

Mom had found what she had been looking for for so long. Roger was everything she wanted – he was handsome, he had a good income (he was a lawyer at a local law office) and he was great in bed to boot. Mom was in her glory!

Roger went slowly at first, not pressuring Mom into anything. She had told him of her past and about Jim and he knew that he would have to win her trust and show her he was here for the long haul. He was good to her and treated her better than any guy had ever treated her, the way she should be treated. Mom loved him more than anyone she’d ever known. Life, it seemed, had turned around for her.

Then came that fateful day when Mom, who hadn’t been feeling quite herself lately, went to the doctor to see what kind of “bug” she’d caught. That’s when the doctor ran a few tests and then came into the exam room with the bombshell ... the “bug” she had caught was me!

Mom was mortified – she was pregnant! Just when things were going so well and she was having such a wonderful time with Roger. Damn, now it looked like all that would soon be gone! And what about Roger? They’d never talked about having kids or anything. Hell, they never talked of marriage! And now she was going to have a baby!

Mom told me that after she left the doctor’s office that day she drove around for several hours, thinking about how to tell Roger and what would happen when she did. Would he be happy or would he be mad? Would he leave her to raise the baby alone? Would he make her get rid of it, choosing either him or the baby? So many thoughts ran through her head, so many fears took hold of her heart.

Eventually, Mom realized she needed to head for home. She wasn’t looking forward to breaking the news to Roger, but this wasn’t exactly something she could keep hidden for long! And he had told her on more than one occasion that trust was paramount in their relationship. She would have to call him on that and see if those were just words or if he meant it.

Fortunately for both Mom and I, Roger was more accepting of the idea than Mom gave him credit for. He sat down with her and they talked about what having a baby would entail. It would change things to be sure, but not so much so that she couldn’t be his girl anymore. “We will just have to take things as they come and as you get bigger and closer to your due date, we’ll have to make accommodations. And I will be right here beside you all the way, honey.”

Mom was over the moon with happiness. She decided then and there to do anything and everything she could to make him just as happy as he made her. It didn’t matter what he asked of her, she would do it without question or complaint.

Roger was good to Mom and made sure she made every doctor’s appointment and got her prenatal vitamins and anything else she needed. He made sure she ate good healthy food and even acquiesced to some of her pregnancy cravings!

As soon as they could, they learned that I was to be a boy and from that day, Roger started equipping what would be my room with baby furniture and supplies. He had my room painted and even though I wasn’t even due for a few months, he went through the whole house “baby-proofing” everything. The way Mom talked he was more excited about the idea of a baby than she was!

Finally, the time had come for the baby to come into the world. Mom told me about that day many times, always happily. Mom was lying in her hospital bed getting ready to have the baby. The contractions hadn’t started getting too bad yes so she was comfortable. Suddenly Roger said he had to go do something and left the room. He came back a little while later but not alone – he had the hospital chaplain and two nurses with him.

“Joanne, I know we haven’t really talked about this and I know about your marriage to Jim and everything. But I don’t want this baby, our baby, to be born without our being married. I don’t want a bastard child.” and with that, he knelt down on the floor beside Mom’s bed on one knee and proposed. Mom started crying so hard she could only nod but it was enough. So with Mom crying and the two nurses crying along with her, the hospital chaplain married them. And after about five hours of labor, I came into the world on June 10th, 1979.

After a couple of days in the hospital just to make sure everything was all right, Mr. and Mrs. Roger Barnette brought home their new little bundle of joy. And our family was complete ... for a little while, at least.

It was the end of June 1985 when the accident happened. I had just turned six a few days ago and we were all looking forward to the fourth of July. Roger had taken some time off and we were all planning on going to Myrtle Beach for a week of fun and sun.

Roger had run to the grocery store to pick up a few things for dinner. I was in the living room watching television when there was a knock on the door. Mom went to answer it ... I remember her wiping her hands on her apron before she grabbed the door handle. She opened the door and two police officers were standing there, one man and one woman.