Chapter 1

And this ain’t no place for weary kind
This ain’t no place to lose your mind
This ain’t no place to fall behind
Pick up your crazy heart and give it one more try.
T. Bone Burnett and Ryan Bingham

I felt like my world was coming apart.

The loss of my intimate relationship with Gianna a month earlier was devastating, but I’d seen that one coming. Even though we’d been together for a year and a half, we’d been subtly drifting apart since her graduation. She’d gotten closer to her boyfriend, Tim, and I went from being a third wheel to being exiled. When they graduated from college they decided to move to Utah and begin their life together, a life that wouldn’t include me.

In contrast, James completely blindsided me when he ended our relationship and I’d had no warning. How could someone be such an integral part of my life in one moment and then gone from it the next? Over the past year and a half I’d tried so hard not to fall in love with him. He’d told me he would never leave his wife and children, and I should’ve believed him. It was my fault, though, my own hubris that had led me to this precarious situation. There had been a quiet voice deep in the recesses of my brain that believed I could make him change his mind. It was the hope of an idea that I knew now would never be.

More than anything, I wanted the pain to stop and the heartbreak to end. My first instinct was to withdraw from my college courses, but that wasn’t an option. So, instead, I withdrew from life.

I didn’t go out, except to attend classes. I stopped seeing my friends and returning their phone calls and texts. I quit going to the gym to work out and I barely ate; my stomach was in knots most of the time and preparing a meal just seemed like too much work. The beautiful, luxurious apartment James had purchased for me felt like a prison.

I bought black-out drapes for the windows. I wanted to be alone, in the dark. The darkness made me feel safe. For a month, between studying, I brooded over the nature of things ... sitting alone, grieving over my empty, worthless life. Looking back on those dark days, I know now that I was in a deep depression. There were several times when I ... contemplated hurting myself, or worse. I was tempted to take a bottle of pills so I wouldn’t wake up, or sit in my hot bathtub and cut my wrists to put an end to the immense grief and pain. Somehow, I pushed those dark thoughts out of mind and willed myself to soldier on and find a way through the horrible grief I was experiencing.

It was 7:30 in the evening, and I’d completed my homework and was ready to go to bed. That was the one good thing about depression, I got a lot of sleep. I heard a knock on the door and I froze. I tiptoed over and looked through the peep-hole, then tried to sneak away. Unfortunately, my footsteps were heard.

“I know you’re in there, Mel ... open up.”

“No one’s home, go away.” I could hear her giggle through the door and a little smile broke across my face, my first smile in weeks. “I’m going to go to bed, Rachel ... let’s talk tomorrow.”

“If I come back tomorrow you’ll just try to avoid me again, so open up ... I’m not leaving until you do.” My shoulders slumped. It was obvious she wasn’t going to give up, and I grudgingly opened the door.

“You look like shit.”

I probably did. I wasn’t showering regularly and my hair was completely disheveled. “It’s nice to see you too,” I said sarcastically.

She pushed by me and walked into the kitchen. After I closed the door, I followed her and sat down on the living room couch. “I’m making coffee, you want some?”

“You’re going to be here long enough to have coffee?”

She smiled. “Don’t be a bitch.”

I looked down sheepishly. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay, I think you could use someone to talk to.”

“I just want to be left alone.”

“You’ve been alone for a month now; how well has that worked out for you?”

Rachel never did mince words. “Just make the damn coffee.”

A couple of minutes later she sat down next to me on the couch and handed me a steaming cup. “Just a little half-and-half, right?”

“Yeah.” It was nice that my old roommate still remembered how I took my coffee. We each took a sip.

“I know this is about James, so you might as well tell me what happened.”

I paused for a moment to collect my thoughts. “He dumped me ... no warning ... he just ended it.”

“No fight, nothing?”

“No.”

“Did he at least tell you why?”

A tear streamed down my cheek. “He told me he was in love with me and he couldn’t see me again.” I took another sip of my coffee. “It was like we were getting too close or something ... I don’t know.”

“You scared him, Mel.”

“It was only sex, we only saw each other once a month.”

She shot me a stern look. “That’s bullshit and you know it. You were in love with him and you got him to fall in love with you, too.”

Tears were streaming uncontrollably down my face and I didn’t attempt to wipe them away. “Why did he leave me, then, Rachel?”

“He’s married, Mel ... he has children ... you were breaking up his marriage.”

“I didn’t mean to, it wasn’t my intention to hurt him or his family.”

She put her hand on my thigh and gently squeezed. “But you did, honey; you can see that, right?”

I sobbed uncontrollably for the hundredth time that month. “I know ... yes.” She pulled me to her and held me for a few minutes until I was cried out.

“Do you want another cup of coffee?”

“Okay,” I said through some sniffles while trying to get my emotions back in check.

Once she returned with the coffee, her eyes scanned the room. “What about this apartment, is he going to kick you out?”

“No, he said I could live here as long as I wanted.”

“That’s very generous of him.”

“I guess.”

“He always spoiled you and I see that’s continuing even after he ended it.”

It was true that James had taken care of me financially since we’d met. He’d gotten me a car, paid off my maxed-out credit cards and my student loans, bought me clothes and jewelry, and given me a sizable allowance every month. When he ended our relationship he gave me a large amount of cash that he half-jokingly referred to as my severance package. I’d told Rachel about everything except the cash because for some reason I just didn’t feel comfortable sharing that information with her.

“I do feel very fortunate that he’s letting me live here.”

We took a sip of our coffee. “You need to get back out there, it’s been a month.”

“I don’t feel like doing anything.”

“I know you don’t, but it would be good for you.”

“I’m glad you came by, but it’s going to be a while before I feel like going out.”

“Why don’t you come out with me and Steve.”

Steve was Rachel’s boyfriend who’d moved into our condo with her after James purchased the apartment for me. “That sounds like a fun evening, being a third wheel with you and your boyfriend,” I said sarcastically.

“What if Steve brought one of his friends?”

My jaw dropped. “I wouldn’t be good for anyone right now.”

“I’m not talking about a relationship. I was thinking more along the lines of dinner and ... you know ... maybe a movie.”

I shot her a skeptical look. “And just who is this Romeo?”

“Just a guy Steve works with, one of his friends.”

“Oh, my God, he’s a cop?”

Her face split into a little grin. “You didn’t have to say that with such disdain.”

“You know I like Steve, it’s just...”

She rolled her eyes. “Oh, my God, Mel ... once again... It’s only dinner.”

“I ... I just don’t know.”

“I’m only trying to get you out of this apartment for a night.”

Rachel was even more stubborn than I was and it was obvious she wasn’t going to take no for an answer. Finally, I gave in and relented. “Okay.”

It was unseasonably mild for October and the temperature was still about 80 degrees. The warm weather allowed me to dress in a short jean skirt and a little pink lace top. Keeping with the casual theme, I chose to pair the outfit with brown gilded-leather Cocobelle sandals.

When I received Rachel’s text letting me know they were in the parking garage that was located on the bottom floor of the apartment building, my mind instantly flooded with a thousand excuses, anything that might get me out of this dreaded evening. Unfortunately, I knew there was no pretext that was going to work, or at least none that she would accept. Might as well get this over with.

“Don’t look so glum, this isn’t a form of torture,” she said while I got into the back seat of Steve’s SUV.

I forced the best smile I could muster. “I’m looking forward to this, really.”

“Yeah, right,” she said teasingly.

We made small talk, and I had to admit it was interesting listening to Steve talk about his week. There was so much to being a police officer, and I realized how little I knew about it. Also, the more we talked, the more I realized how excited they were for me to meet Steve’s friend. What was billed as a simple night out was feeling more and more like a setup.

About a half hour later we pulled into the parking lot of Famous Dave’s barbecue joint in Henderson. Again, I couldn’t help but think how much I didn’t want to be there. I was used to dining at swanky, five-star restaurants, not a lowbrow establishment like this. James would’ve never taken me to a place like this.

Then I realized how horribly bougie that sounded. I had no right to think that I was better than anyone else, or in any way to blame my best friend for the depressing, pathetic state of my life.

Steve pulled up beside a lifted Ford F-250 pickup. The three of us exited the SUV and a guy got out of the truck to meet us on the sidewalk, which gave me a few seconds to look him over. Great, another fucking Italian.

I had to admit he was kinda handsome, though. He was tall, maybe 6’2”, with short black hair and an olive-colored complexion. He looked to be a couple of years older than I was, and he was well over 200 pounds and solid. He was wearing tight jeans, a pressed white collared dress shirt, a nice sport coat, and what looked like some type of reptilian cowboy boots.

Rachel and Steve broke into big smiles when he approached us. Then Rachel turned to me. “Melanie, this is Vince.”

He looked so nervous and he actually extended his hand for me to shake it. That’s a first.

“It’s nice to meet you,” he said shyly.

“It’s nice to meet you too,” I said while shaking his hand.

“Okay, enough of that, love-birds. I’m hungry, let’s go eat,” Steve said.

Rachel shot her boyfriend an evil stink-eye and I tried to hide a little grin when I noticed an embarrassed look break over Vince’s face. While we made our way into the restaurant, Vince gently rested his hand on the small of my back as we walked. It was the first real human contact I’d had in a month, and I had to admit it felt kinda nice.

Vince opened the door for me, and I walked in and waited several seconds for Rachel and Steve to join us, which gave me an opportunity to check out my surroundings. There were booths around the walls of the large space and tables in the center of the room that all had red-and-white checkered picnic table-style tablecloths. It kind of reminded me of a sports bar because there were large TVs mounted to the walls that were showing different sporting events. There were a lot of pictures and posters on the walls, which gave the space a down-home country feel. It definitely wasn’t the Prime steakhouse at the Bellagio, but the space had a bucolic, rustic feel that I immediately liked.

When the hostess took us to our table, Rachel ensured I was sitting next to Vince and he chivalrously pulled my chair out for me. Even though she’d promised me an innocuous evening out, it was feeling more like a romantic-type double-date. After the waitress brought our drinks, the other couple was deep in conversation, which left a semi-awkward silence on our side of the table.

“So, you’re a cop?”

He shot me a little smirk. “I’m a police officer.”

“What’s your comfort level on fixing parking tickets?” I teased.

He broke into a little smile. “I didn’t know I was eating with a criminal.”

The waitress approached our table to take our order, which put a momentary hold on our conversation. Rachel and Steve decided to split a meal for two, I chose a chicken sandwich, and Vince ordered a slab of baby-back ribs.

“And what do you do besides park illegally?” he joked.

“I’m a student at UNLV.”

“What are you studying?”

“Accounting.”

“We could trade services, you could do my taxes and I could fix your tickets.”

I smiled. “I don’t have any parking tickets, but I’d still do your taxes.”

We made small talk for a few minutes, and occasionally Rachel or Steve would break into our conversation and the topic would turn to our classes or police work. Some of the things Vince and Steve talked about were a little scary. I quickly realized I’d lived a very sheltered life since I moved to Las Vegas and knew very little about the greater goings-on in the city I lived in. I also discovered Vince had joined the Marines after he graduated from high school.

When our food came, I couldn’t help but break into a little smile. The plate of ribs the waitress set in front of Vince was enormous and was slathered with a thick layer of barbecue sauce. Growing up, I remembered my father advising my older brothers to choose food that would be easy to eat and not make a mess when they took a girl out on a date. It was pretty easy to see that his father hadn’t given him the same good advice.

“What was it like being in the Marines?” I asked while taking a bite of my sandwich, which was actually really tasty.

His face got tense. “I really liked it until the war broke out and I was sent to Iraq.”

“Did you see any action over there?” I asked hesitantly.

“Yes.”

With a single word his whole demeanor changed. Like most men his age who chatted me up, he was shy and just a little unsure of himself. However, he was very adept at engaging me in pleasant, light conversation as we learned about each other, and already I was interested in him. But now that I’d questioned him on his military service, I could sense a darkness about him that lay right under the surface of his easy-going, jovial disposition.

Looking back, if I was truthful with myself, he reminded me of James. Even though my ex had never served in the military, he could go from cheerful and affable to brooding and sinister in a nanosecond. I hated to admit it, but after being with my ex for a year and a half it was a somewhat disturbing personality trait that I’d grown accustomed to and now actually missed since our relationship had ended.

I wasn’t sure how to respond to him so I gently rubbed his thigh. “I’m sorry,” I whispered.

There was a faraway look in his eyes. He wasn’t with me at the table anymore, he was somewhere else, far away, as his mind traveled back to his past. When he felt my touch, he came back to me.

“It’s okay, and it’s nothing we have to talk about.”

I got the feeling that he’d never talked to anyone about any of this. I was in no way a psychologist, but my thoughts traveled back to the Psych-101 course I’d taken my freshman year. He had a lot of trauma in his past that he’d obviously never dealt with. My grandfather was the same way. He was a World War II veteran who’d served in the Burma-China-India theatre against the Japanese, and my father had told me there were things he’d seen and done that he refused to share with anyone. Just like Vince, he’d held those dark secrets deep inside the recesses of his consciousness, in the case of my grandfather until the day he died, and I wondered if the handsome young man next to me would follow in my grandfather’s footsteps.

I gave his thigh a gentle squeeze. A first date wasn’t the time or place to talk about any of this. I didn’t want to pressure him to be more forthright with me, and I quickly changed the subject so he didn’t have to. “Do you enjoy being a police officer?”

He smiled. “I love it. I grew up here, and now I can serve the community and try to keep everyone safe,” he said passionately.

It was obvious that he’d found his calling and he knew his place in life, which brought up another disconcerting thought. Already, I sensed that he was interested in me. Like I’d suspected earlier, this wasn’t just a casual dinner with a friend; we were on a date. I was already more than just a little apprehensive about his career choice, and I knew from the outset that if I chose to move forward with him I’d have to somehow reconcile my uneasy feelings about what he did for a living. I was also thankful that, unlike his military service, his career seemed to be something that he was more than willing to talk about.

“What do you like best about it?”

He thought for a moment. “There’s a camaraderie in the force that’s similar to the Marines. The men I work with are my brothers, and we all watch each other’s back, and they’re my best friends.”

“You really love it, huh?” I said while he confirmed every one of my earlier suspicions.

“I do, and I can’t see myself doing anything else.”

I took another bite of my delicious sandwich and he cut off a small portion of his slab of ribs. When he took a bite, barbecue sauce covered his lips and he quickly used his napkin to try to clean some of it up. He was being careful and I could tell that he was trying to put on a good show for me, but I was almost certain he was regretting his choice of entrees now. He’d wiped most of the messy sauce from his face, but there was still just a little on the corner of his mouth.

“You have a little right here,” I said while pointing at his face.

“Where?” he asked questioningly.

I grabbed my cloth napkin, dipped the corner of it in my ice-water, and dabbed his face. “I got it.”

He blushed. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome,” I said shyly.

He had such a rugged, boyishly-handsome face. He had deep brown eyes, and it felt like he was peering into my soul when we spoke. He had a thick head of dark hair that was styled in a classic short military-style cut. As I watched him try to carefully eat his food, I felt a little wetness begin to build between my legs. He had such sexy, pouty lips, and they actually looked especially good covered in that thick barbecue sauce. Almost subconsciously, I fantasized about what those lips would feel like as they kissed me or pleasured me. Quickly, I pulled myself back. It was way too early to be having those types of thoughts about someone I’d just met. Fortunately, he engaged me in conversation, which got my mind off of those very sensual musings.

“So where did you grow up?” he asked.

“In Southern California, Glendale, actually.”

“And you moved here?”

“Yes, to go to UNLV.”

We each took another bite of our food. “Do you have siblings?” he inquired.

“Yes, three older brothers.”

He smiled. “What was that like?”

“It was ... ummm ... difficult.” I thought for a moment. “They were very protective of me; between them and my father, it felt like I was under constant surveillance.”

“So you didn’t get away with much?”

I grinned. “I always seemed to manage to do whatever I wanted.”

“Oh, you’re a bad girl, then?” he quipped.

Now he’s being flirty; he’s definitely interested. “Maybe,” I said slyly. We took a sip of our drinks. “Do you have siblings?” I asked.

“A younger sister who got married last month.”

“That’s great.”

“He’s a nice guy and I really get along with him.”

He’s exactly like my brothers. “You’re protective of her.”

“Of course, but she has a good man now, and I worry about her less than I used to.”

Then Rachel broke into our conversation. “Mel, I need to use the restroom; come with me, okay?”

I looked over at Vince, “Duty calls.” When I slid my chair back, he immediately rose to his feet and assisted me. “I’ll be right back.”

“Okay.”

I followed Rachel into the restroom. Once the door shut, the interrogation began. “So, what do you think, any sparks?”

She thought she was being the perfect match-maker; so of course I had to mess with her a bit. “He’s an asshole, Rachel, what the hell were you thinking bringing me here?” I said sternly.

Her face broke into a look of utter shock. “I’ve met him several times and I thought he was a nice guy. What did he say to you? It looked like you were having a fun time with him.”

I burst out laughing and she shot me a dirty look. Then I admitted, “He’s ... you know ... a nice guy.”

She smiled. “You like him.”

“He’s okay.”

“He’s more than okay, isn’t he?”

“Maybe.”

“Awww ... you do like him.”

“I don’t even know him.”

“But you’re willing to give him a chance; that’s more than I’d hoped for.”

“I thought this was supposed to be a friendly night out.”

“Girl, you should know me better than that by now,” she teased back. “C’mon, let’s get back out there so I can watch the sparks fly between you.”

“I thought you had to use the bathroom.”

“You don’t know me at all, do you?” We both giggled.

For the first time in a month I was beginning to feel like myself again. My world hadn’t ended and I was stronger than I’d thought. Vince had issues, lots of issues, but after being with James for a year and a half, so did I. I still wasn’t sure about his time in the military or his career as a police officer, but I felt willing to give him a chance and see where this might go.

She took my hand and we made our way through the restaurant and returned to our table. Again Vince stood up; he slid my chair out and helped me settle back in, and I took a sip of my iced tea.

“So, what kind of hobbies do you like?” he asked after taking his seat beside me.

“I study, mostly, but I also like to run and work out.”

“Ahhh, a gym rat.”

“Yes,” I said shyly. “What about you?”

“I work a lot, but I also like to work out and play golf, and a few of my friends and I are getting into restoring old cars.”

“What are you restoring?”

“We just began working on a blue 1974 four-door Nova. It’s pretty beat up right now, but I think it will look great after we’re done with it.”

“It sounds like a nice car.”

“It will be after we’re done with it,” he said confidently.

He picked up his drink and turned slightly. When he did, his sport coat slipped open a bit and I saw that he was wearing a shoulder holster with a concealed pistol inside it.

“Whatcha packin there, cowboy?”

He blushed slightly. “It’s a nine-millimeter Sig Sauer P320.”

“Oh, okay.”

“Do you know about firearms?”

“Only that they scare me.”

My father loved guns and he took my brothers to a local shooting range about once a month so he could teach them how to be proficient with firearms. It never bothered me that I wasn’t included in their little weekend outings.

“They shouldn’t, it’s people who scare me, not handguns.”

I smiled. “And you felt the need to bring one here tonight?” I gently bantered.

“Because of my job, it’s almost like an extension of me now, and it’s better to have one and not need it than need it and not have it.”

I figured Steve was probably carrying too, and maybe I should have been put off by these new revelations, but I wasn’t. He made me feel safe, and slowly I was becoming even more attracted to him. “I like that you have it,” I shyly admitted.

I took another sip of my drink and looked at Rachel and Steve. They were deep in conversation and looked totally enamored with each other, probably by my best friend’s design. I knew she wanted to give me privacy with Vince and I guessed her little plan was working.

“So you study, you run, and you like to work out; anything else?” he asked.

I quickly turned my attention back to him. “I also like hiking, I love going to Red Rock and the Valley of Fire, have you ever hiked there?”

“I’ve hiked at Red Rock, but it’s been a while, back when I was still in high school.”

“When I have time, I enjoy it, it’s good exercise.”

“You don’t look like you need to exercise,” he joked.

I smiled at his little compliment. “I don’t look like I need to exercise because I do.”

He laughed and we took another bite of our food. “So, Rachel tells me that you’re not seeing anyone.”

“No, I got out of a long relationship about a month ago.” Just like his military service, my chaotic relationship with James wasn’t going to be something that I was willing to talk about on a first date. To change the subject, I directed the same question at him even though I was fairly certain I knew the answer. “What about you?”

“I’ve been concentrating on my career; I haven’t really dated since I separated from the Marines.”

“Yet you found the time to go out tonight?”

“Rachel twisted my arm pretty hard.”

Of course she did, I thought sarcastically.

“But now I’m happy I listened to her,” he said.

A little blush broke over my face. “I’m glad I listened to her too,” I said shyly.

Vince and I were done with our meals, and when I looked over at Rachel I saw they’d finished eating too. I looked at her expectantly, as if to ask, what next? Of course, she was more than happy to take the lead.

“So, the night is still young, what do you two feel like doing?” she asked. “We can catch a movie or—”

“Melanie wants me to take her shooting,” Vince said.

My jaw dropped open and a stunned look broke across Rachel’s face. “She does?” my best friend said incredulously.

“Yes, I do,” I said saucily. “I told Vince I can shoot better than he can and he doesn’t believe me. So of course, I have to prove him wrong.”

Rachel’s lips split into a little smile. “Well, that sounds like you two will have a fun time, then.”

It wasn’t difficult for her to see through Vince’s subterfuge. She knew I didn’t like guns and they’d always scared me. However, she also knew that we wanted to be alone.

“So you’ll take her home, then?” she asked.

“Yes, I will.”

The guys settled the bill and I gave Rachel a little hug once we got outside. “Text me when you get home, okay?” she said.

“I will, Mother.”

She grinned. “Well, if you want me to act like your mother, I will. Remember that it’s a first date and try to act like a lady.”

I stuck my tongue out at her and we both giggled. “I’ll try to keep that in mind.” I thought for a moment. “Thank you ... for this ... for introducing me to him, I owe you,” I said sincerely.

“Yes, you do; lunch next week is on you.”

“That sounds like a plan, girl.” We exchanged a tight hug. Just as I was pulling away from her, I felt Vince take my hand.

“Are you ready?” he asked.

“Yes, I am.”

We walked over to his truck. “Just how am I supposed to get up into this thing?” I teased.

“I’ll help you.”

He unlocked the door, opened it up, and then hoisted me up into the cab. Because of my short jean skirt, I wondered if I’d given him a little show as he lifted me in. To be honest, I didn’t really care. Once he got in he started up the vehicle and looked over at me.

“We don’t have to go to the range and shoot, I know you don’t like guns,” he said.

“No, I want to learn how to shoot and you’re going to teach me,” I said playfully.

“Really ... guys take you shooting on all your first dates?” he teased.

“It’s been a long time since I’ve been out on an actual date, and I’ve never even held a gun,” I admitted.

“How is that possible?”

I knew what he was talking about, but already I loved messing with him. “I told you, guns scare me.”

“No, I mean ... ummm ... I know you don’t like guns, but how is it possible that every guy you meet doesn’t try to take you out?”

I smiled. “Maybe they do and I just feel charitable tonight.”

He laughed. “You like ribbing me, don’t you?”

“Yeah, I do.”

He told me more about his parents and sister as we got onto the freeway heading north. He took the Tropicana exit and we drove for about a mile or so until we reached The Gun Store. Once he found a parking spot, he helped me down out of the truck; then he took my hand and we went inside. He purchased a box of ammunition from the clerk and showed him his badge. Normally you had to pay to use the range, but because he was a police officer they didn’t charge him, and he told me it was a courtesy they extended to law enforcement.

After we put on ear protection, we walked to the back of the store and went inside a large room that had partition dividers that separated the shooters. I was still a little nervous, but I felt better knowing that we were alone in the room. Then he opened up his sport coat and pulled the gun from the holster.