Chapter 33

The balance of that Monday was endless. Not a single clock moved. At the office, just after our usual morning meeting, I gasped under my breath while returning to my desk. Nothing buzzed between my legs. Dave hadn’t even bothered to turn on the device. After a quick glance out the door, I reached for my phone.

Perhaps he’d forgotten. The look in his eyes as he rose from the breakfast table flashed into my mind. With a sob, I dropped the phone into my purse.

No, of course, he hadn’t forgotten.

The rest of the day was nothing but a blur of business calls and muffled voices. People spoke at me, and I answered. Allen’s gaze wandered. And I let him. Once finally back home, I put on a quick dinner and dashed upstairs. As the skirt slipped down my legs, I eased the top clear of the shiny clamps. Again and again, the same questions swirled in my skull.

Confess? Should I? What to say? I have a lover; is that even true?

Clearly, Troy and I shared more than simply work.

“But I don’t love him,” I murmured while dragging a brush through my hair. “And Troy doesn’t love me.”

Again, after Derrin had opened the door, he’d been quite happy to watch me leave. Professional or just sated? Perhaps both. In any event, he’d taken a bottle of water from Mia as her hand wandered his dangling cock. Something in his eyes told me the little minx would be gobbling on him soon after I departed.

So, no. Not a lover.

Then there was whether Derrin and Mia knew about it and set us up on purpose?

“Oh, for fuck’s sake, Laura,” I muttered while placing the collar around my neck. “Of course they did.”

So now what? If I say nothing, I’ll be single and can be with Troy. When he calls for me. Is that even good enough?

“And if I confess?” slid from me as I rushed downstairs. “Tell him every-damn-thing.”

After lowering myself to my knees, I grasped my hair and slid forward to lie on the floor. Just as the garage door opener rumbled, I spread my arms and legs so that I lay prostrate on the chilly tile.

My last action as a lying slut was to slide the slender haft of the long leather riding crop into my trembling teeth.

I love Dave. And always will. I lust for Troy and probably always will. But I don’t love him.

At tires squeaking to a halt, a shiver raced along my spine. When the garage door rumbled downward, my pulse skyrocketed. And as the door to the kitchen creaked open, I shivered.

One chance. Only the one.

Heartbeat thumping, driving my clamped nipples and the softly jingling chains into the cold floor, I lay motionless, waiting for him to spot me. Warm saliva dripped over the leather shaft and down my chin to puddle before me.

Although inhaling sharply at my stretched-out form, he said nothing. A muffled thump resounded from the tabletop. Still silent, he strode past me and climbed the stairs. Just then, the air conditioning kicked on. Icy puffs tried their best to chill my trembling frame as he moved around above me.

After returning, he bent and yanked the riding crop from my drooling lips. As I clenched my teeth, he circled me. When the flat leather tip dragged along my spine, I arched upwards, neck taut and clenching my fists.

“One chance,” he said.

Yep, great minds.

A quiet scrape echoed as a chair moved from the table. He slid it before my head. Then, with a heavy sigh, settled into it.

Heartbeat racing and nails clawing deep into my palms, I sucked air in through my parted lips and began to speak. Though my voice cracked at the beginning, and I had to restart several times, I detailed everything Troy and I had done and all that we’d said. Plus, every single thing I’d been thinking.

Every last thought. No secrets. Not one. For good measure, I added the details of my dinner with Rio.

Through it all, he didn’t utter a word. Nor did he move. And once I’d finished, the silence other than my hammering heartbeat and his slow, heavy breathing dragged on forever.

He sniffled.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck,” he muttered as I stared at the floor, tears dripping from my blurry eyes. “Okay—” he started, before falling silent to blow his nose.

All the while, I waited, my breath steaming the tile. When he stood and pushed the chair back into place, my ribs tightened so much, I struggled to breathe. After another long exhale, he walked closer.

“None of this worked. None of it. I tried, sweetheart.” He scoffed. “Humph, sweetheart. How rich?” When his bare feet halted before me, I lifted my head. But through my auburn waves, I couldn’t see his face. Right as I started to move my arms to sweep them aside, he barked, “Don’t bother!” After a loud swallow, he continued in a voice dripping with utter disappointment, “You just aren’t controllable. At least, not by me.

“Maybe that Troy of yours.” His legs quivered. “Fuck, or pretty-boy Derrin. Maybe some other ... I dunno.” His weight shifted from one foot to the other before the robotic tone continued. “It’s obvious this won’t work. We can’t stay together anymore. I don’t trust you, Laura. Sorry, but I just don’t.” He inhaled before adding in an angry roar, “No! Fuck that! I’m not sorry that I don’t trust you.”

A gasp shot from me as my heart slammed into the tile. I’d gotten my muttered wish. The foolish, ember-fueled one I’d murmured into Troy’s neck.

We are done!

Did Dave speak or did I think it? The floor under my chin went out of focus. As my body trembled, my palms flattened to let their nails scratch at the glossy tiles.

“It’s okay. Go to Troy. Or whoever the fuck you want.” He snorted. “That’s funny—fuck. We’ve had a good run. The kids are grown. Like I said before, keep the house and your money. Don’t need either.”

As air caught in his throat while he fought against sobbing, his feet staggered away. Tears dripped from my chin as I shook against the icy floor.

“Nor you anymore, Laura,” my soon-to-be ex-husband added in the coldest tone he’d ever used.

Yes, we’re definitely done. All this time together—over. The boys! Not Troy’s, but my boys. What’ll they think? How will we ... No, how will I, alone, explain?

Oh, I wanted to say something, but what could I say? My once loving hubby was correct. He couldn’t control me. Despite the things we’d bought and everything he’d done to me.

All the things I love him doing to me. Him. Not Troy. Nor Rio. And certainly not Derrin. I trust none of them to bind me. And wield a whip.

“I was a fool, Laura,” he added in the same dead voice, screaming profound heartsickness. “A straight-up fucking idiot. I can’t change you. Besides, why should I? This is your life. You’re a grown ass woman. Can make your own damn decisions. You have already. You did in that apartment.”

After shuffling to the table, he tore open the envelope. At the sound, my heart dropped into my stomach, then plunged further. As I again struggled to look up at him through blinking wet eyes and dangling thick tresses, a groan burst from my lips. His back was to me. It was shaking. After swishing enough hair aside, I could see he was leaning on one trembling palm.

“I will miss you, though, Laura. Want you to know that.” His chin dropped to his chest as his voice lowered. “I’ll tell the boys it was my fault. Perhaps it was. Anyway...”

His hand moved, and a pen scratched on the papers. My forehead crumpled with a thump to the tile. Massive sobs wracking my body, I bucked on the cool floor.

Twenty years. Over. I can’t control myself. Nor can anyone else.

“It is who I am.”

Troy’s smiling face. Rio’s knowing grin. Derrin’s pretty lips. Mia’s impish expression while she’d whispered into her boyfriend’s ear.

Dave’s warm embrace. His loving hugs. His soft hands caressing me as I hurt. All the times he nursed me when I was sick. The long hours he worked to put the boys through college and to pay for my schooling.

None of the others did that.

Not one of them loves me.

None will ever feel the pain as the man about to leave me does right now.

While clawing at the floor with my outstretched nails, I gulped. “No, wait.” I licked salty tears from my lips. “Please, Dave.”

With a grunt, I rolled onto my hip, shivering as the chilly tile contacted warm flesh. After sweeping the hair from my face, I could see his slumped, pale, quivering body. Looking over a shoulder, his gaze, with an unkind grunt, swept my nude frame. His hand, clenching the pen, remained poised above the documents.

“I don’t love anyone but you.” Once more, I tongued at the salty warmth on my lips. His eyes were dark, glittery ice. Duh, he didn’t believe me, but I had to try. “What I said ... My words to Troy. That’s lust. I won’t deny it. If he’d taken me away, I would’ve gone with him.” I swept a strand, wandering in the air conditioning, from my cheek. “It is who I am.”

With a slow exhale, he nodded at hearing his own words. A very tight, very nervous grin crossed my face as my heart drummed against my breastbone.

I want my husband. I love him. Nobody else.

“But Troy didn’t. And even if he had, I would’ve come home to you. Like I always did. And as I’ve always wanted.” His only response was to glide his tongue over dry lips. “If you let me.” He looked down at the papers on the table—the ones he’d just signed. “You’re right. Um, sometimes, you can’t control me. Hell, despite part of me wanting to, I can’t even control myself. But you can love me and care for me as much as I do you.”

Except for the heaving of his back as he wept, he was motionless. What was I trying to accomplish? Save a marriage based on what?

Love, you fucking moron!

At the sudden mental cry, my lips smacked loud enough to draw his gaze. As he cried, the expression of a shattered man met me.

“I love you, Dave. More than anyone.” My vision blurred further as I joined him, sobbing between long sighs.

Rather than respond, he sniffled quietly. His tears spattered onto the papers. Mine splattered onto my chest, then the floor.

“None of the others means as much to me as you.” My watery eyelashes blinked at his silent form. “Please, just try to understand—” I started, but he raised his palm.

After a slow exhale, he turned to inspect me through blinking glossy eyes. “You don’t love Troy?”

“No.” I shook my head. “Is he an amazing lover? Yes.” I paused, debating what or if I should add what I thought, before sighing. “And I’ve never been so fulfilled in my life. Um, sexually.”

At that one solid fact, our gazes locked. Dave gulped. No more secrets. We both understood I’d shared the unvarnished truth. As we stared at each other, the absolute honesty of that statement flew back and forth between us. After a longer sigh, I coughed to clear my throat.