Chapter 14

After another long day in the office, I returned home to an empty house. But a smile crept across my face. Dave had mentioned soon transferring back to the daylight shift. Nope, hadn’t asked the old man for that. So, bonus. While I sat on the couch, my eyes kept flicking to the phone.

“It is who you are.”

Was Dave right? My hair waved as I shook my head. I mean, I’d put Allen in his place. Yeah, he’d never ask me to dress “nice” for him again. I nodded. But then why had I always done it before? My chest tightened at the memory of the disappointment in his expression; I chewed on my lips.

Oh, God. Sadness? For my boss being disappointed?

That asshole? The way he begged and begged for that first holiday blowjob years ago. My eyes widened. And how I dutifully went to him every year since. Kneeled before him. His fingers in my hair. His smile. My heart raced. The way I’d recently added a little lick of his balls. His eyes flat-out sparkled. It made him so happy. Sure, the kids and Dave received better gifts, but...

But I enjoy it.

Oh, fuck! I enjoy putting on a show for Allen as well.

Dave is right.

Of course I’d always complained, but his expression and those of the others...

“Oh!”

Now thousands saw me every hour of every day. They might have known me as “Rochelle,” but it was Laura. It was always about me. My desires. My needs. Just had a larger—much larger—audience.

“Goddamit.”

Pretty magician, Derrin, had sensed that from the very beginning. He ensured Dave, the hunky one, was present on purpose. When I’d seen him there, I even thought about leaving, but I hadn’t. Neither time.

Shit! Now what?

My eyes flicked to the phone. Rio had not pushed me. In fact, that boundless anger had been raging within me because he hadn’t pushed. That was why I was furious. Not because he’d walked away to give me a chance to admit what I was. But because he’d not taken me right there, like the slut I was. To be controlled. Just as I needed. Craved.

“It is who you are.”

But I had a choice. I could decide to stop. Wiping tears from my cheeks, I gulped.

No! I have a choice. Really, I do.

“Okay, Laura,” I muttered. “You can do this.”

At the sound of a car passing the house, I wiped clammy palms along my bare thighs and glanced at the clock.

Shit, it’s late already.

How long had I been sitting and thinking? I’d tell Dave tonight about my decision.

It would not be Rio. I could control myself. I could.

Since my flight to another trade show departed early in the morning, I’d need to explain right away. Nervous as if I was on our first date once again, I prepared dinner and then myself. Though I never dressed for dinner, Dave would be proud of me.

Yes, he’d said my going to Rio was fine, but ... My heart skipped a beat. But that glint in his eyes. There was something I’d missed, and I was playing with it, like a toddler with a smoldering flame. As I finished my makeup, I couldn’t help thinking I should ask Dave to his face.

“I don’t think he’ll tell me,” I whispered before puckering my waxy lips. Bright red again.

What?

He told me ... Wait, Dave never told me anything. It was always me approaching him.

What is HE hiding?

As I twirled in the mirror, I shrugged. One battle—or confession—at a time.

That’s for a future discussion.

In my reflection, a smile crossed my face. Proving a point, the same tiny red dress I’d worn to meet Rio clung to my curves. The smile widened. Just as my heels clacked downstairs, the garage door rumbled open. Heart racing and heels clicking, I zipped around the kitchen, making final preparations. At soft footfalls, I turned.

A wave of emotions swept across him as he scanned me, then the dining table decorated with lit candles. His gaze locked onto an expensive bottle of wine we’d been saving for a special occasion.

“Welcome home, dear.” Forcing the largest smile I could muster, as nerves jangled within me, I gestured to his chair.

This is gonna be alright. I’ve made up my mind. I can control myself just fine.

I can.

Really.

His eyes softened, and he gave me a tired half-grin before sitting. After serving us, I sat, noting his repeated glances at my scantily covered frame. Like the rippling ocean surf, shivers ran through me. The faintest calls of distant birds sounded from somewhere. Or at least, I thought they did.

“I’m not going to Rio.” When I spoke, he stopped filling our glasses and looked at me. “I know what you said. And I know what I’ve done. But I have choices. The other, uh, stuff, I did for us.”

But even as the words left me, my resolve dissipated. He remained silent. Because, of course, that was what he always did. While gritting my teeth, I let him finish pouring.

It wasn’t just the money, Laura. It never was.

I nodded.

He looked at me, his eyebrow raised.

“Oh,” I muttered. He hadn’t spoken. A lead weight dropped onto my chest.

“Okay,” he said. This time I was sure of it. He’d spoken. His lips had moved.

Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! What the hell is going on?

We ate in silence until he told me of his phone call with the boys earlier. A smile slipped across my taut face. We discussed their latest plans, and it took my mind off the thumping in my core and the strange glint in his eyes. Okay, it didn’t, but at least I wasn’t thinking about Rio. Wherever he was. With whomever pleased him. Whomever else wanted to be controlled by him.

Else?

Fuck!

Thank God, I was leaving for another boring business trip. Time was what I needed to mull this over. It was not simply fading away.

It is who you are.

As Dave smiled, recounting our sons’ upcoming semester schedules, my fists balled. His eyes flicked to my clenching hands, then to my heating face. As blood roared in my head, I muttered some words. He became quiet as we finished. While he reclined, drinking the last of his coffee, I gathered the dishes and click-clacked across the kitchen tile to wash them at the sink.

The ancient dishwasher had failed. After slipping on long yellow rubber gloves, I glanced over at my husband. Head tilted and brow furled, he stared at me. Through me? He didn’t react to my smile, just sat motionless, wearing a distant expression. A little later, I turned around once more, but there was no sign of him.

With a shrug and a soft sigh, I scrubbed the dishes. I’d told him my decision: No Rio.

Once finished, I walked across the dark ground floor, then upstairs and into the bedroom. From the bed, he flashed me a quick glance over a book, but said nothing as I slipped from the tiny red dress and finished packing for the trip.

It’s my choice. And my image.

The vision of Allen’s disappointed face exploded into my mind. When I jerked in surprise, Dave looked up.

I can wear whatever I wish. What image did I want to own?

A sharp inhale came from my husband when I pulled out several of the more revealing dresses. The ones Allen preferred. But that time it would be for me.

It would be.

It’s nothing to do with what my lecherous boss wants.

While I packed some lacy underwear under my husband’s wide-eyed gaze, I chewed on my lower lip.

Nothing at all.

After returning from the show, I still had a long day at the office. But my heart raced when I slid into the torn driver seat cushion for the drive home. Even as the car door rattled shut, I smiled at the memory of Allen’s grinning face. I’d stepped onto the auditorium floor in a tight black dress. It was short, hemline far up my thighs, and low-cut like he preferred. In fact, it was the one he’d commented on several years ago. It’d gotten us a large investor.

You’re damn right I owned my image.

Allen was happy. He’d beamed at me all day at the event and then again once back in the office. When I told Dave over the phone how well I’d done, his voice, though guarded as it usually was those days, sounded at least content. Plus, he was on his normal shift and getting paid what he deserved.

My world had righted itself.

Then it slapped me down.

When I tried to leave a green light, my engine sputtered to a grinding halt. Fuck! Life had been flying. After yanking the phone out and calling a tow truck, I clenched my teeth. As I waited under a blinding sun, my chest grew ever tighter.

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Owning My Image

INtrinSicliValud

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