Chapter 11: I Hurt

21:00, October 11^th, 3112 (present day)

Field base underground shelter

Near John’s acreage in the northern prairies of the old United States

“ ... so, six of the eight kids died. “ I said softly to Jess.

“And you blame their deaths on the AI?” Jess asked.

“Not all of them. Only the brother and sister. I know the mobile units could have gotten them out in time,” I said.

I was sure of it. The first mobile unit could have pulled out Sol and the second, Tamar. If only they would have listened to me. Not the kids, the damned machines! Reliving the day of the accident after trying to forget it for so long was rough.

“The official account says that you would have died if the mobile units had not shielded you,” Jess said.

“Of course, I would have died! So, what! I had been mind-data scanned just two years earlier. Hell, I have so many copies stored around this system that the loss of one would not have mattered.”

Jess reached over and put his hand on my shoulder. “Let’s take a short break?”

I just stared at him for a moment. “What time is it? Is it near the flyby time?” I asked.

“Not yet. We still have two and a half hours,” he replied after checking with his implant.

My mouth was dry from talking for so long.

“I could use some water,” I said.

“I have to use the can. I’ll bring you a water when I come back,” Jess said as he rose and started to make his way back to the other end of the bunker.

I just sat there rubbing my face. ‘Daddy! Daddy!’

I shook my head, trying to again forget the pleading sounds of Tamar. Sometimes in my nightmares, it was the face of my first daughter Abby who was doing the pleading. Though I shuddered a bit remembering the cries, I did not weep. Lakes of tears had been shed already.

Jess returned with my water, and we got back to the business of tearing apart my soul.

“So, how long were you buried alive?” Jess began again.

“Almost four hours,” I answered.

I then went on to explain how both human and mobile unit rescue teams had been brought in by high-speed transports in less than two hours. They had concentrated their efforts on stabilizing the rock and gravel around the entry area of the collapsed cave with a penetrating foam.

Ohmu was able to keep my air supply intact with the respirator unit and the foam was prevented from hardening around my body by localized injections of a specialized solvent. After they had first uncovered and removed Tamar and Sol’s bodies, they carefully cleared the rubble from Ohmu and the mobile units and then evacuated me to the camp.

“Sol and Tamar went into a portable morgue while I had my head wounds treated,” I explained.

“You refused to let them put you into a full medical crèche, correct?” Jess asked quietly.

“I wanted to be awake and active when they retrieved the other bodies. Also, the parents and guardians of the dead teens were beginning to arrive. I had the medical units just patch me up and put me in a leg brace.”

“The trauma you went through caused you to fully detach yourself from the Naomi AI and the android correct? Did you do this then?” Jess asked.

“No, that came later,” I said. “The first day I was too focused on getting the bodies of my students out of the ground and apologizing to their parents.”

I went on to explain how the mobile units had excavated down into the sinkhole location from above. They had flown in large robotic excavators and quickly began mining the overlaying hill structure above the cave complex. They knew the locations of the kid’s bodies from their last implant transmissions, so the excavators were quickly able to directly reach the areas where they died.

It had been after midnight when the first of the lost bodies was brought back to the camp. Therese was asleep after having been sedated. She had suffered a minor breakdown because she had blamed herself for not preventing the exploring kids from triggering the collapse. Clarke and Amissa were doing better but were both in shock at the loss of their friends.

I had paused in my narration, lost in my memories.

“Tell me about the parent’s arrival, John,” Jess said to keep me talking.

“Fidel’s dad and Darien’s mom showed up in separate high-speed electro-jets even before the bodies of their children had been found. They were confused and grieving but seemed to accept that it had been an accident. The aerial drones had followed the teens’ activities all the while they had been on the surface and had recorded everything.

“The parents had had plenty of time to review the records as they flew to the cave site. It was readily apparent that there had been no indications of any unstable areas where the teens were hiking on the hillside. The collapse happened almost instantly, and it was only blind luck that Theresa had managed to survive.”

I paused for a moment and then continued.

“Dia’s mom and dad arrived in the middle of the night. Dia’s body had been recovered an hour before they landed. They did not wait until daylight and had departed with his casket after only an hour on site. Karima’s mothers arrived last. They seemed to accept what had happened surprisingly well. By then the footage had been analyzed and the accident fully recreated.

“It was clear that the kids on the surface were just having fun and had done nothing stupid or dangerous. The old caves had once had air and light wells to the surface. Most of these had been covered over during the centuries after the reset. One had given way below the teenagers. It was a random fluke although the hillside would now be off limits until deep surveys could be conducted.

“Karima’s mothers stuck around till noon the next day and even helped comfort Fidel’s and Darien’s parents who were not taking it so well. All of them departed with their children’s remains about the same time I had finally been forced to sleep because of exhaustion,” I explained.

“You said that Karima’s parents were the last to arrive. Solomon and Tamar’s parents didn’t come?” Jess asked.

I was silent for a moment before I answered. “No. They apparently had other younger children to take care of. They requested through Naomi that Sol’s and Tamar’s bodies be shipped back to them on a VTOL as quickly as possible. I woke in time to say a goodbye to the two siblings as their caskets were loaded onto the transport.”

“John. That must have been painful. Was this when you separated yourself from the Naomi and Ohmu AI presences,” Jess asked. I could tell he really wanted the details of that event.

“Not yet. Although I was as angry with the AI at that moment as I had ever been angry at anything ever before, I had still not banished it. Ohmu had been damaged and all of its energy reserves had been expended holding the rock back from crushing me. It would be some time before a replacement android frame could be constructed to receive the transfer of its operating system and memories.

“Naomi was busy coordinating the rescue effort and arranging transport for the families, the bodies, and all the other needed equipment. Although I was pissed, I had actually spoken with Naomi a few times during the night and the following day.”

Jess waited for me to continue. I knew what he was after.

“I will get there, Jess. Give me a moment,” I said.

“After the parents had left, Clarke, Amissa, and Therese also departed. They took an electro-jet back to the Eastern Asia Learning Center. Therese had urged me to join them, but I had declined as I wanted to be alone for a while to get my emotions sorted and under control.

“The human rescue personal had also left by that afternoon and the mobile units had begun to repair the damage to the caves and the surface excavation. Because of the noise, I had a mobile unit move one of the tents a few miles upriver and set up a new, smaller campsite. There, I finally had a chance to get some rest.

“Over the next few days, I sat in the camp and tried to understand what had happened. How could the kids die so suddenly? Why had Sol and Tamar died when I had nearly gotten them to safety? Why had Ohmu and Naomi not done as I asked and saved them?

“I had finally calmed down enough to ask Naomi directly. The AI had given me many reasons but nothing that seemed to make sense. None of the reasons seemed to quench the rage that I still felt inside. I finally narrowed it down to the fact that the AIs would have done almost anything to save me, no matter what I told them to do. It was a profound betrayal of my trust.”

“They did act to save your life, John,” Jess argued.

“I know exactly what they did, Jess. As I said, I had backups. The machines should have respected my wishes instead of focusing on me.”

“But the teenagers who died were also backed up, John. Was that not a requirement of your expeditions? That all participants be fully mind-data scanned no more than six months before your classes?” He asked.

“Yes, that was the case,” I said quietly. “At the time, Naomi tried to use that as an excuse to justify its actions. That the total time-loss of uniqueness for me was longer than the combined time-losses of all the students who had died.”

“Then I don’t understand why it devastated you so much, John. Help me out here. The teenagers were soon restored in new shells. I’ve even interviewed two of the casualties recently,” Jess said.

After I did not respond he continued. “I talked to Fidel and Karima just after you were brought here from Mongolia. Both of them had been restored within months of the accident. Although they have no memories of you or of the history expedition, they hold no ill-will about what happened. Both even retook the historical tour later after they were again in suitable shells.”

“Tamar and Solomon did not retake the tour,” I whispered.

“I was not able to reach the Modesto siblings or Darien and Dia. Dia Roshann has since moved off world and is working out in space on Ganasium’s starship project. Darien Tidewatcher was in medical suspension having her shell’s sex adjusted to male. He will be revived in six or seven months,” Jess said.

I was happy to hear about Dia and Darien. Since the teens who had been restored were versions that had been recorded before my expedition, none of them remembered me and this meant that we had not interacted after they had been re-shelled. Of course, I was on my nomadic self-punishment excursion by then, but I had checked my messages in case they had tried to contact me. That they had not didn’t really bother me. I remembered being a teen once and to them, I was not a part of their immediate lives.

Their parents would have moved on as well. Although they had gone through the loss of their children, they had them back again and the loss of two months would be quickly forgotten. The restored kids were post-BM also, so the parents had already adjusted to their kids being off on their own more often than not. I looked at Jess for a moment. This next part would be tough.

“Jess, it was the third day after the accident when the scrutinors had arrived. The first, an android, had been sent by the parents of Solomon and Tamar. The second to arrive was an augmented human. She had been sent by the justice subforum of Conscientia. It was an automatic action that was required in all possible cases of murder or manslaughter.”

“Murder! What the hell? It had been an accident!” Jess interrupted. “How come I have never heard of any of this, John?”

“As I said, it had been an automatically triggered investigation, Jess. Whenever there is a permanent loss of life, an investigation is triggered. Both scrutinors investigated the scene and interviewed me in detail. They both found the deaths to have been accidental in nature. The Modestos’ scrutinor had additional questions on my actions regarding the deaths of Sol and Tamar.

“I was forthright in my belief that the two would be alive if it were not for the actions of Ohmu and Naomi. I also placed much of the blame on myself. I had hesitated a few times as I tried to recover Sol and I had called Tamar back into the collapsing cave to help me save her brother. Either action, or both, probably resulted in the kid’s deaths.”

“Jesus, John! You can’t blame yourself for that,” Jess argued.

“The scrutinors and the Iudex AI apparently agreed with you, Jess. At least on the part of my blame. On the issue of Naomi and Ohmu, it was determined that there were both justifiable reasons for their choice to focus on saving me and insufficient evidence of malpractice on the part of the AI for the deaths of Sol and Tamar,” I explained.

“I don’t understand. Again, I don’t know why I have not heard of any of this until now,” Jess said.

“Sol and Tamar’s parents petitioned that all records of the investigation be suppressed. Iudex considered their petition and after elevating it to Eudaimonia, it was granted on religious grounds,” I explained.

“What the hell! Why?” Jess asked, clearly upset. I wondered if I should ask for a break to let him calm down.

“Jess, before I explain, is our current discussion protected by some form of patient-doctor confidentiality or something?”

The question flustered him a bit. “Well, yes, I am obligated to not disseminate our talk to others, although the AIs will know of our discussion.”

“That’s fine. Personally, I don’t give a shit, but you probably should keep what I am going to tell you confidential. As I said, the investigation was suppressed at the request of the Modestos.”

“Why did they make the request?”

I paused a long time before answering. ‘Daddy! Daddy! Daddy... ‘ again rang through my memories.

Finally, I was able to continue and said quietly, “The Modesto’s were followers of amor fati.”

Jess sat back at my statement. A mix of emotions passed across his face. Confusion, followed by a hint of dismissal or disgust, finally the surprise of realization.

“Solomon and Tamar—”

“Were never revived,” I interrupted and finished for him. “They died a true death. Their pre-expedition mind-data records were purged by order of Iudex because of the petition.”

“What!” Jess exclaimed.

“Yes, Iudex even elevated that part of the petition. Eudaimonia was obligated to adhere to their parent’s beliefs,” I said.

“But they were teenagers! Didn’t they have a choice?” Jess exclaimed with emotion.

“If the kids had had any wishes on the subject, they were ruled irrelevant as neither Solomon nor Tamar had passed their base maturity tests at the time of the recording. Therefore, the authority over their possible revival lay with their guardians. Their parents even refused the confidential appeal from the Conscientia morality subforum before they moved to have the kid’s mind-data records purged,” I explained.

“God, John, I’m so sorry! When did you find out?”

“I learned of this from the first scrutinor. The Modestos had sent it there to investigate if the incident had truly been an ‘act of fate’ as amor fati required. I tried to convince the android scrutinor that the teens’ death had not been fated because of my poor choices and Naomi’s actions.

“The final judgment was that both had been insufficient to alter the fate of the kid’s deaths in the overall accident. As such, the parents’ request to purge the mind-data of their children was allowed to proceed. And thus, the fate of the two children who had died next to me became one of permanent death.”

Jess just shook his head. His expression was angry. I was a bit relieved that he felt some outrage about the travesty which had transpired.