Chapter 1

“Hey, bitch!” The petite bronze-skinned woman in the hat and oversized sunglasses said.

Nikki stood and hugged her friend when she approached the table, and then sat down, gesturing at the margarita already waiting. “Thanks a lot for meeting me, Maya. I really need to vent.”

“Whatever you need - always,” Maya answered. “But if you pause to take a breath, I’m going to tell every bullshit thing I had to put up with today during parent-teacher conferences! Parents are the fucking worst!” She took a sip of her drink. “But first you. What’s up?”

“I swear I almost ripped Alexandria’s hair out - Jerome’s sister?” Nikki vented. “We met at the lawyer’s office to go over his will. You know what she said to me? She asked if, now that he was gone, I was going to sell his business. ’His’ - like I wasn’t right there beside him putting in seventy-hour weeks for twelve years! I mean, yeah, he was the artist: it was his leather designs people were paying for. But it takes a lot more than just art to make a successful business!”

Maya patted her hand. “Did you punch her? I would have punched her.”

Nikki shook her head. “Not in front of the lawyers.”

Maya regarded her friend, wondering if she should say what was on her mind. “You went to the lawyer’s office like that?”

Under normal circumstances, Nikki would never have appeared in public looking like she did. These were her spring cleaning, fix-the-plumbing, grease-the-garage-door clothes: a faded tank-top with writing and a logo that she could neither read nor remember that she had picked up at a trade show ten years ago; the blandest, beigest, most worn-out bra known to man; and denim shorts from high school that these days created a bit of a muffin top. Her normally stylish brown shag hair looked unwashed, and the reddish square outline on her shoulder suggested she’d been hitting nicotine patches hard in recent days.

Nikki shrugged the criticism off. “Believe me, I did Alexandria a favor. Telling all her friends what a train wreck I am will make her month.”

Maya held Nikki’s hand and connected to her with her eyes. “Nikki, you just lost your husband and your son. You’re allowed to be a train wreck.”

Nikki smiled gratefully. Maya was the only person whose sympathy didn’t feel like a kidney punch.

“Today, yeah,” Nikki said, taking a long drink. “Tomorrow I need to figure out how to write a resume for the first time in my life.”

“No,” Maya said.

“No?”

“No,” Maya explained. “You’re not going to do that. You’re not going to rush into a ton of new responsibilities. You’re going to take time off. Just two weeks ago when the boys went on their trip, you were telling me that when you weren’t taking care of your husband, your son, the business, the house, the cats, that you didn’t know what to do with yourself. Now it’s time for you to learn.”

Nikki rolled her eyes. “Maya, I have to work.”

“The fuck you do!” Maya said with enough enthusiasm to draw looks from other tables. “How much is the offer for the shop?”

“We’re still working out the details, but around 13.7,” Nikki said.

“Million?”

“Yeah.”

“And Jerry’s life insurance was another two million?” Maya asked. “Nikki, you’re set for life. You don’t ever have to work again!”

Nikki groaned in frustration. “That’s so not true! Investment portfolios can wither away in the blink of an eye! If the markets go bad for a long stretch, and if the life expectancy of our generation...”

“Shut the fuck up,” Maya told her harshly. “Okay, in six months, if you want a job, you can start looking for a job, but until then you’re not allowed to give it an instant’s thought.”

Nikki began to object but Maya cut her off. “Eh eh eh! I am your unelected, iron-fisted life coach in perpetuity, and you’re going to do what I say. No new responsibilities. Just find ways to be happy taking care of Nikki. And that means spending money on yourself, by the way, you fucking miser.”

“What am I supposed to do with my time, then?” Nikki asked, genuinely perplexed.

“The fact that you even have to ask that question shows how much you need this,” Maya told her. “Find a hobby. Travel. Try everything.”

Nikki followed Maya’s gaze down to the small roll of fat at the top of her shorts. “I guess I have been meaning to get back in shape,” she said, yielding to her friend’s pressure.

Maya nodded. “It’s a start.”

Colin was waiting at her house when she got home from the gym. To her embarrassment, she realized that despite having taken a shower there, she was still sweating. She hoped the acne-pocked teen wouldn’t notice.

“Thanks a lot for your help,” she said preemptively while leading him into the house. “I’d rather that Luca’s things go to his friends rather than the thrift store.”

“I’m glad to help any way I can, Mrs. Quinn,” her son’s best friend answered.

“Just Nikki, okay?” She asked, sounding more like she was asking a favor than offering a courtesy. She poured a glass of water and held it out for Colin, but when he refused she took a long drink herself.

“So you’re going to donate his computer to the school?” Colin asked.

“I think that makes the most sense, don’t you?” Nikki replied.

“Yeah...,” Colin answered cautiously. “But would it be alright if I looked over it first? Just in case some of the files have sensitive information in them?”

Nikki grinned at the teenager. “Is this about his porn collection?” She asked, half-joking. Colin froze, except for his adam’s apple moving up and down as he gulped. She smiled disarmingly. “Relax. All men are into porn. I’ve always known about his collection. It’s no big deal.”

“Well, okay, yeah,” Colin confessed. “But there may be other files too. You can’t be too careful.”

“Yeah, of course,” Nikki said, nodding. She had planned to have the whole disk securely wiped before giving the computer away, but she didn’t say anything. It seemed somehow important to Colin to do this for Luca, and she didn’t want to take that away from him.

Nikki worked in the garage, organizing Luca’s and Jerome’s things, while Colin got started in Luca’s bedroom on his computer. Forty minutes later, Nikki took a break, standing in the doorway with a beer in hand watching Colin work. Luca had always been horribly disorganized. As proof of that, Colin repeatedly opened one file and then another, determining case-by-case whether it belonged in the trash, or on his thumb drive. When the files were porn, he sometimes lingered, viewing them longer than needed.

“Did my son have a giant boob fetish?” Nikki asked casually, followed by a long sip of beer. Colin jumped at the sound of her voice and blushed when he saw her there.

“Um, no, not especially,” Colin answered. “I mean, you’ve seen Tifa.” When Nikki didn’t recognize the name, he added, “Tiffany - his girlfriend.”

Nikki shrugged. “It’s just that all of those cartoon porn girls have ridiculously large chests. High school girls with double-H bras?”

Colin dismissed her criticism. “That’s just the style. It’s hentai. They’re ... idealized.”

“That’s way past ‘ideal’ if you ask me. I’d find them a lot more attractive with more realistic bodies.”

Colin swiveled in his chair to give his friend’s mother his full attention. “You find naked girls attractive?” He asked, unsure what to make of the idea.

“Colin,” Nikki explained, “you’ll learn that one of the differences between men and women is that it’s not complicated for a woman to appreciate another woman’s beauty. Not like guys with other guys.”

“Oh,” he answered.

Nikki grabbed a pad of paper and a pencil from Luca’s desk, sat on his bed, and began to sketch. Colin went back to reviewing files, trying to pretend she wasn’t there.

A little while later, she turned the pad to face Colin. “There!” She said. “That is what an idealized high school girl should look like.” She had drawn a figure of a happy young woman with bows in her hair wearing a school uniform. The size of her chest and waist, and the length of her skirt were a bit exaggerated, but far from extreme.

“Wow,” Colin said, taking the pad from her and looking closely. “I’d d ... I’d date her. I didn’t know you could draw.”

“Yes, you did!” Nikki challenged him. “Remember? I used to draw all of Luca’s birthday party invitations. And when you two put those flyers up at your school for the video game club?”

“Oh yeah!” Colin agreed. “You’re really good - you should do it more.” He added with a grin, “Of course, your argument would be stronger if she were topless.”

Maya came over to watch a movie that night but fell asleep twenty minutes in, leaving Nikki awake, tipsy from wine, and bored. At 10:34 PM she messaged Colin a new picture: the same girl in the same pose, naked from the waist up.

The next day, Nikki bought a low-end graphics tablet and inexpensive illustration software. Within two weeks she had replaced those with top-tier gear. Soon her days largely consisted of going to the gym - including seeing a personal trainer three times a week - art classes, art practice, books, and video games.

The art classes focused on general skills, but she had been intrigued by Luca’s hentai, so much of her independent work involved trying to learn manga-style art. For now, that consisted of just copying professional art, to learn the visual language. Most of what she did was clean, but sometimes she would choose something risque - a panty flash or a wardrobe malfunction. She always shared those with Colin, and he always encouraged her.

After a month, she found her body craving exercise and rewarding her for it, even if it was hard work. It gave her a high - a high that she came to associate with her trainer. Between the physical stimulation and engaging her mind by drawing dirty pictures, she found herself aroused to a degree that she hadn’t felt since her teen years.

She chose to vent her frustration - or maybe stew in it - by creating an original piece of art. It was her, manga-style, lying on her back wearing only a sports bra. Her trainer was kneeling over her, pushing one of her legs toward her head, and sinking a rather large cock into her pussy. Her eyes were rolled back and her tongue was wagging. A speech bubble at her mouth said, “That’s a gooooood stretch!” She went all out on the picture - color, background, the works.

She was proud of the finished picture. She wanted to show it to someone but suddenly realized that she had nobody to share it with. Certainly nobody from class. Definitely not Maya: sex was the one thing she couldn’t talk to her best friend about. It definitely wouldn’t be appropriate to send a naked self-portrait to Colin.

She decided to solve the last problem by changing the picture. She made a version that wasn’t her: she changed the hairstyle and hair color and added a nose piercing. When she sent it to Colin, he texted her back: “Can I come over to talk about this?”

Colin clearly had a swarm of butterflies in his stomach. “I’m really glad you sent that picture,” he told her. “I just want to make sure I understand...”

“Understand what?” Nikki asked.

“Well, I, er...,” Colin stammered. “Are you asking me ... Inviting... ‘Cause I’d really like to!”

Nikki took Colin’s phone from him and looked at her message. She had sent the wrong picture: she had sent the one that looked like her.

“Oh, god, Colin I’m so sorry!” Nikki gushed. “I didn’t mean to send that picture. I wasn’t trying to lead you on! God, I’m being so unfair to you - so selfish. I shouldn’t be talking to you about sex and pornography. I’ll stop.”

“Don’t stop!” Colin rushed to answer. Disappointment seemed to be pressing down on him with a tangible weight. “I got the wrong idea, but that’s cool. You can show me your drawings.”

Nikki smiled gratefully. “Thanks for being so understanding.”

Colin took his phone back and looked at the picture again. “Does this mean that you’re dating someone?”

“No,” Nikki shook her head. “I couldn’t. This is just a fantasy - a daydream.” She pulled up her phone and sent him the proper file. “This is the one I meant to send you.”

Colin reviewed the new picture, unconsciously licking his lips. “What do your friends say about this?” He wondered.

Nikki shrugged. “I really only have one close friend, and I can’t talk to her about sex at all.”

“Why not?”

Nikki frowned. “She lived in an abusive household. We actually met through a school program for pregnant teens. She lost her baby when she attempted suicide.” She sighed. “Maya is, in most ways, the most together person I know. But when it comes to sex and relationships, her soul is covered over with scar tissue. Sometimes I’ve accidentally triggered her. I never want to do that to her again.”

“Well, you can talk to me,” Colin said. “It’s pretty cool.” He looked at her drawing again - the original. “So when you do start dating, is this the kind of sex you’re going to have?” He asked.

Nikki grinned. “Probably not.”

“When I get a girlfriend, this is definitely the sort of sex I want to have,” Colin observed.