Chapter 62: You Have Some Thinking To Do

May 18, 1982, Chicago, Illinois

The week since I’d met with Anala had followed the usual pattern — work, class, Bianca and Shelly spending the night, my monthly dinner meeting with Jeri on Friday, and Huifen spending Friday and Saturday nights. As usual, I’d called Bev and had spoken to my mom on Sunday evening, and on Monday, the new week started the pattern over once again.

One thing had happened, though, and that was that Doctor Lochner had called and asked to see me, and I could only guess it had to do with the hug. We arranged to meet on Tuesday evening, an hour after Violet’s usual session, which made it clear that Violet did not know Doctor Lochner had asked to see me. I had been tempted to tell her on Monday, but decided I’d wait to see what Doctor Lochner had to say before broaching it with Violet. It also gave me a chance to get another opinion.

“May I ask a question before you ask anything?” I inquired after I sat down across from Doctor Lochner.

“Yes, of course.”

“Why keep this meeting from Violet?”

“Because I wanted to be able to discuss something with you that if it were broached with Violet could alter her thinking in ways that wouldn’t be appropriate for me to do.”

“You’ve lost me,” I said. “I thought that was the entire point of counseling!”

“Yes, but I have to be very careful about saying anything that might encourage her towards behavior I think would be detrimental. In other words, if I ask about certain things in certain ways, it might influence her to do something she might not otherwise do, or might make her think in ways that she might not otherwise think. In a sense, I’m in a position of extreme power because even a suggestion of something can be taken as an endorsement.”

“That sounds like walking a tightrope.”

“In cases like Violet’s, it is. I can’t control what you say to her, obviously, but consider the ramifications before you decide you have to tell her you were here to discuss the concern I’m about to raise.”

“I promise to think about it, but I can’t promise what I’ll do.”

“So long as you carefully consider your actions, and do your best not to hurt her, that’s all I can ask for.”

“The hug, right?” I asked.

“Yes. She told me about it, and about the birthday gift. That was a very good choice because there was no reasonable way for Violet to misinterpret it. She says she initiated the hug.”

“That’s true, and I saw no harm in allowing her to hug me. I didn’t reciprocate, and it was an extremely chaste hug in response to giving her the gift. I’ve had stronger hugs from Bev’s mom.”

“Are you trying to tweak me?” Doctor Lochner asked with an arched eyebrow.

“No. I have zero interest in Bev’s mom! I was trying to give an example of someone with whom there was no romantic interest or even teasing about the possibility.”

“And how did you feel after the hug?”

“The same as I felt before it. It did not convey anything to me, except friendship. It wasn’t that kind of hug, if you know what I mean.”

“Describe ‘that kind of hug’, if you would.”

“My friend Anala hugs me the way a lover would, even though we’re only friends. Bodies pressed together and arms around each other. When Violet hugged me, she put her arms around me, but leaned in just enough so it was her shoulders and cheek that touched my chest, nothing else. I called it ‘chaste’ in my mind. I guess I don’t see the problem.”

“I don’t know that there is a problem,” Doctor Lochner said. “But, you are the first person, other than her sister, who she’s hugged since she was rescued from her parents.”

“And you’re afraid of what? That it’s the first step to something you don’t think she’s ready for?”

“I have no idea, and my concern with asking her is that it will put an idea into her head, which isn’t there. If she were to ask to talk about it, that would be different, because I could just let her speak. But if I ask if the hug meant anything, well, you get the picture.”

“That sounds like a hall of mirrors,” I said. “Like in a James Bond movie I saw on TV.”

“Actually, you’re not far off in your analogy. That was The Man With the Golden Gun, by the way.”

“What do you want me to do?” I asked.

“Just pay attention, and remember the things we discussed.”

“Did she tell you she met my girlfriend?”

“Yes. And it’s possible that’s what makes her think you’re safe, so to speak. She did before, but if she knows you have a girlfriend, it’s possible that made her believe you were safe to hug.”

“I just fail to see the problem here. It’s like you’re boxing with shadows.”

“Another apt analogy when dealing with mental illness.”

“I’m sorry, you keep using that word, but I’m not sure it’s accurate.”

“She has the equivalent of ‘shell shock’, which is, indeed, a disorder of the mind or psyche, if you will. I suspect you’re thinking of something like schizophrenia as opposed to the emotional and psychological effects of trauma. There’s a distinction, yes, but what affects Violet is a disease or illness no different from something caused by a virus, or an injury caused by an automobile accident.”

“And she appears to be working through it.”

“The key word there is ‘appears’, Jonathan. I know this is confusing because Violet seems normal, but she’s not.”

“I guess I don’t understand because I don’t know how you’ll know when she is OK.”

“And that is the fundamental challenge of my job. I feel as if you’re going to tell Violet you spoke with me.”

“I’m certainly contemplating it, because she trusts me, and if I lie to her or keep things from her, she won’t trust me, and THEN where will she be?”

“That is a valid alternative point of view. Both ways are risky.”

“I’ll think about it. May I ask a totally unrelated question? For myself?”

“Go ahead.”

“I explained my situation growing up, and about my friend in Ohio who is pregnant. I need advice, and obviously, I can’t go to my dad, and I can’t go to Mr. Newton, my friend’s dad, who I went to growing up because the advice I need is about my friend.”

“You don’t feel your mom can give you advice?”

“She can, but it just feels as if I need a male perspective, and there really isn’t anyone.”

“You have relatives here, if I recall correctly.”

“My uncle, but I’m reluctant to develop that kind of relationship with him because of my cousin.”

“Male?”

“Female. A spoiled brat who apparently thinks I’m evil incarnate. She does her best to ruin any interactions I have with my uncle when I’m at his house and does anything she can to disrupt my visits. And he basically lets her get away with it. Her mom has tried to control her, but my uncle basically refuses to discipline her in any way.”

“Making him someone you wouldn’t trust for relationship advice.”

“That, and wanting to avoid my cousin like the plague. I did take my girlfriend to dinner at his house, and Lisa was her usual self.”

“Is there anyone at work?”

“For business and investing? Yes. I’ll get all the career guidance I need from one of the currency traders. The problem with him is, like most of the other brokers, traders, and money managers, he has what I would consider unacceptable views on relationships.”

“You mean he cheats on his wife, right?”

“And hires women for the express purpose of being able to sleep with them. Don’t get me wrong, I have no problem with pre-marital sex, but I believe once I give my word, I have to keep it. And that means no cheating, period. Given that, he’s about the last person I’d go to for relationship advice.”

“There are counselors who provide that kind of advice, though mostly they work with couples who either are married or planning to get married. And that would be something you would have to pay for. Most of the ones I know would also want to meet your friend, even if she didn’t go to counseling. Is there another male relative? Your grandfather, perhaps?”

“I only know my mom’s dad, and given he kicked her out of the house at sixteen because she was pregnant, I’m not sure his advice on how to handle my relationship with my friend who was pregnant at seventeen would be any help. Not to mention the fact that I haven’t seen him in years.”

“And you don’t have a clergyman or spiritual advisor, which would be my other suggestion.”

I shook my head, “No, I don’t. A friend suggested I speak with her yogi or a Buddhist monk, but I’m not interested in Hinduism, and a celibate man doesn’t strike me as being able to give me the kind of advice I need.”

“You might be mistaken there, though I will agree not all of them could.”

“My friend did have one other suggestion, and that’s a Japanese karate instructor who has a dojo on Halsted.”

“Are you interested in karate?”

“I hear it’s good exercise and great for self-discipline, but I can’t see how I have the time with work and school, not to mention I’m moving to Rogers Park in July.”

“I’m not sure how to advise you on this, as forming the kind of relationship we’re discussing isn’t easy, and the usual avenues aren’t available to you. I think the best I could do is suggest a counselor who might be willing to work with you.”

“I think,” I said, “I’m just going to have to work this out for myself. That is pretty much what I’ve always done.”

“I wish I could be of more help,” Doctor Lochner said. “Have you decided what to do about Violet?”

“No. I want to think about it more.”

“All I can do is advise caution.”

May 19, 1982, Chicago, Illinois

On Wednesday, everything went to hell at work — two copiers broke down, a fax machine stopped working, and, worst of all, the computer network suffered some kind of error, meaning the trading terminals on 32 were down for nearly an hour. It was as if a gremlin had decided to cause as much chaos as possible at one time. One of the Suits, a guy from Oslo, had blamed Loki, the Norse god of chaos, which had made me laugh. Nick, Bob, and I were hopping all day, and suffered some ire from the Suits, but most of it was directed at the computer guys who resolved the problem by restarting some kind of unit called a ‘terminal controller’.

Even though I was busy ensuring the copiers were repaired, and doing my usual daily tasks, I had time to think about what to say to Violet, and despite turning it over in my mind all day, I came to the same conclusion — if I didn’t tell Violet about speaking with Doctor Lochner, and she ever found out, it would break trust, and likely ruin our friendship. I didn’t have enough information to decide what the risk of that happening was, but if it did, I didn’t think recovery was possible.

On the other hand, telling her about the meeting had some risk, but I felt it could be managed by Doctor Lochner. I simply didn’t believe Violet had any ulterior motive or had romantic feelings for me. She also knew about Huifen, and had met her, and neither girl had reacted badly; in fact, they’d both reacted positively. To me, that said that the safest course of action to preserve my friendship with Violet was to tell her about the meeting.

At the end of the day, just before quitting time, Debbie came to the mailroom and invited me for drinks with the secretaries and assistants on Friday. I decided it was a good idea to go out with them, though I’d arrange with Huifen to meet me downtown sometime during the evening to give me an excuse to leave, but also to make a point to the girls that I had a girlfriend.

When I arrived at class, Violet was waiting for me with a stick of gum, and a little over an hour later, we were at the coffee shop to work on our assignment.

“Doctor Lochner called me and asked to see me,” I said. “I saw her yesterday.”

“Why?” Violet asked.

“Because you hugged me,” I replied.

Violet nodded, “That doesn’t surprise me. I could tell she was worried, and when she didn’t ask me more about it, I was positive she was going to call you. Did she tell you not to let me hug you?”

“No. I made it clear it was a chaste, friendly hug, and it was for a special occasion.”

“You were OK with it, right?”

“Yes, of course. I only mentioned it because I wanted you to know I spoke to Doctor Lochner. I felt keeping it a secret was a bad idea because we’re friends.”

“Thank you. Shall we work on our assignment?”

Nothing strange or worrying happened after that, and Violet seemed just fine to me. When I walked her home, she said ‘good night’ and went into her house as she usually did. I was fairly certain Doctor Lochner had worried over nothing, and I was sure I’d made the right decision about telling Violet about my visit. I quickly walked back to my apartment, looking forward to several hours of wild sex with Bianca and Shelly. One thing was certain, and that was the Summer was going to be a lot of fun!

May 21, 1982, Chicago, Illinois

On Friday afternoon, after work, I joined a dozen secretaries and eight trading assistants at Bennigan’s for ‘Friday Drinks’. As had happened the previous time, several of the secretaries flirted with me, including Sharon, Debbie, and Lydia. I played along, but carefully rebuffed suggestions that we leave the restaurant because I was meeting Huifen to see Conan the Barbarian. I’d been surprised when she suggested it, because it was anything but a ‘chick flick’, but she said she liked both science fiction and fantasy, and better, she liked action movies as well.

“I hear you’re being promoted,” Haley, a gorgeous blonde who worked for Mrs. Peterson in HR, said.

I didn’t know if that was public knowledge, or if she’d simply seen the memo from Mr. Nelson, but the fact that she said it without whispering told me others knew as well.

“When did that become public?” I asked.

“I saw the memo Mrs. Peterson sent to Mr. Spurgeon today,” she said. “You’ll be the youngest ever supervisor at Spurgeon, according to her. And I hear that Mr. Matheson wants to promote you, so you might be the youngest analyst ever!”

“I didn’t realize that was public, either.”

“Don’t worry,” she said. “Nobody here is going to say anything, right girls?”

Debbie, Lydia, and Sharon all nodded their agreement.

“I thought maybe we could have a party to celebrate in June,” Haley offered.

“And who would be at this party?” I asked, playing along, reasonably certain of what she was going to suggest.

“The four of us, plus Missy, who couldn’t make it tonight! I’m sure it would be a fun celebration!”

“I’m sure it would, but I don’t think my girlfriend would approve!”

“So don’t tell her! Nobody here will rat you out! Right girls?”

“Right!” they all said.

“I bet you’ve never had five girls in the same night,” Haley said sexily.

I was so tempted to say ‘you might be surprised’, but the last thing I wanted to do was say anything that would encourage them. It was one thing to respond to their playful flirting, it was another thing to give away information that would make them think I would actually do it, and I felt revealing that would. Not that it wouldn’t be fun to have all five girls, but, in one sense, I’d been there, done that, and got the t-shirt, and, importantly, with college girls who I didn’t have to work with on a daily basis.

“As tempting as that sounds,” I said, “I wouldn’t do anything that would hurt my girlfriend.”

“All the important people at Spurgeon are players!” Lydia declared. “You should know that!”

“I’ve heard the rumors,” I replied. “And I honestly don’t care what anyone else does, or what relationships they have, but I’m not a ‘player’ in the way you mean.”

Well, I was, but not at work, and that was, indeed, what they meant.

“You have no idea what you’ll be missing out on!” Debbie declared. “Amazing parties, trips, and other fringe benefits!”

I’d heard rumors about trips that the Suits went on each year to one of Mr. Spurgeon’s mansions in Saint Martin or Boca Raton, and his escapades in Monaco, but I’d always taken them with a grain of salt. Now I wasn’t sure that the stories were exaggerations. But I didn’t need any help in that regard, as Allyson’s parties and my Wednesday nights proved, not to mention what I expected to be non-stop sex with Bianca and Shelly over the Summer.

“I’ll worry about it when I move upstairs,” I said, deciding that was the best answer.

“You could have a preview!” Lydia offered sexily.

Fortunately, it was fast approaching the time I was supposed to meet Huifen, which gave me a perfect excuse to end the conversation.

“As exciting as that sounds, I need to head out to meet my girlfriend.”

The girls tried to get me to stay, but I wasn’t about to stand up Huifen, and, honestly, I didn’t need their offer. I could, simply by asking Allyson, likely have an encounter with multiple girls I’d not only enjoy more, but who also didn’t work for Spurgeon. I left Bennigan’s and headed for Water Tower Place, where I arrived about two minutes before Huifen. We embraced, exchanged a quick kiss, then headed to the movie theater.

“How was the work gathering?”

“The girls thought they could entice me into blowing you off by offering a night with the five of them.”

Huifen laughed, “It’s going to take more than five! You’ve had seven!”

“You know my feelings about the parties.”

“Yes, but you don’t regret them. You just felt they were going to get out of control, and then after Paula was murdered, even Allyson decided they weren’t a good idea.”