Chapter 22

“Why do you want to give up the Only Fans site now? I am doing my best to make this easier on you,” I shrugged.

My mom was confused by my reaction. She asked me to explain what I meant by easy.

“You were the one that TOLD me that you were not used to being limited. You were willing to be limited as a cum dumpster, but I felt like you were giving up so much of who you were to do things that I wanted, that I had no business wanting. I made all these rules and locked up everything, and you were willing to sacrifice your dignity and endure whatever I could come up with, but you kept asking if you had to do it ALL the time, and I wanted you to do it ALL the time and so you would have -for me.”

Mom let me talk this time without any interruptions or snarky comments. I wasn’t good at expressing myself, but I continued to lay out my thoughts and spoke without thinking about the next words. I was wrestling with guilt that things had been escalated to the point now where my mom had to adjust her entire life around a persona I was creating for her to play in videos. It was fun for me – but couldn’t be very fulfilling for her.

“Loretta mode was basically how we started on day one. You were just you, and I was just me, and we were making videos.”

Mom nodded and agreed. That is how it was.

“Then I told Mr. Johnson a lie that you were willing to do whatever I told you, and started to believe my own lie, and I kept prodding you and pushing and adding new rules and requirements, and before you know it, - you were REALLY my cum dumpster. That wasn’t what you signed up for – it was just some mold or vision that I created,” I admitted.

Mom remained silent and did not nod.

“When I tell you that you can have an orgasm, you cheer. When I told you that you could be Loretta for a day, you squealed with delight. I could sense that was what you really wanted to do. I was selfishly keeping you horny so that you would be hungry for cock and do anything for an orgasm.”

Mom half-smiled, the corners of her mouth turned upward as she thought back on it.

“It was also because I liked seeing you like that. I got off on it. I was making you do increasingly humiliating things, but also limiting you, taking away choices and making them for you.”

Mom didn’t talk. She sat and waited for me to finish. I was surprised because by now in any conversation she would have interrupted me usually.

“You asked about six years from now what would I do? The truth was, I had no plan on what to do six years from now before this began and I still didn’t,” I said. Mom looked like she was going to interrupt and say something about her not having a plan either. I stopped her from talking and continued.

“The night you talked about me owning you, the only thing I could think about was how I wouldn’t want to release you. I would want to keep you as my pet and that was not about making money on Only Fans or helping you. That was about me being cruel and selfish. I told you I would create a transition plan if things were going to go back to normal, but the truth was I had no intention. I felt guilty that you’d DO that for me if that was what I wanted to make ME happy, and that night I realized I was not thinking about doing the same thing for YOU.”

My voice cracked a little, and I sniffed to hold back a tear. I don’t normally get emotional, so it was unusual for me. I was a little embarrassed. My mom squeezed my hand supportively. I felt that was really nice.

“I have spent the last three days trying to find a good balance so that you do a little cum dumpster stuff on video like you were doing, but most of the time you can enjoy your life and be happy. The best of both worlds. I am sorry I was so selfish,” I said.

Mom hugged me so hard. She didn’t say a word for a long time. I sobbed a little.

“I don’t know what to say to that,” Mom finally released me from the hug and held both of my arms as she faced me and looked into my eye. “I am going to try, okay? Shit, turn on your camera so that I only have to say this one time, because you are really going to make me say it, aren’t you? Let’s let the Only Fans know.”

I didn’t understand. I had my camera ready, but I didn’t feel like sharing whatever my mom had to say. I was hoping it wasn’t the end of the Only Fans site. If it was, I was good with that too. It would be my mom’s choice to stop filming. I did want to keep doing the videos, but I wasn’t the star of them so it would be up to her.

“Hello Only Fans,” Mom wiped her eyes. “I guess I have more than one now. I can’t use my corny joke any longer about having one only Fan. My son has told me about you. Hello EKG, Ink Drinker, Harold, of course I know you, and Miss Andry. Those are the only names he has told me about, but I want to thank you all for watching my fantastic journey,” mom waved.

“My son just told me that he has had me in what he calls Loretta mode for the last three days, which means I can basically do what I want, when I want, how I want, and I shoot videos where I pretend to be a Cum Dumpster,” she said.

I wanted to say that “pretend” was the wrong word but Mom clearly had the floor and wanted to address the fans and me.

“I wasn’t pretending before that. I spent I guess a week as a Cum Dumpster, and I did a lot of things that I did NOT enjoy and would never have chosen to do by myself. I definitely wouldn’t eat dog food. I fucked a lot of men I had no interest in sexually. I poured their filled condoms on my lunch and lapped it up like a dog. These are things I would never have even imagined I would do, much less chosen to do when I had no limits on my behavior. I had agreed to do what my son tells me to do, and he told me to do those things, but I voluntarily agreed to that – so I guess in that sense, the best way I can describe what I was doing was consensually non-consensual. You LIMITED me to only the choices you made, and I bristled at that. I thought you had some audacity to do that, but at the same time I got off on being limited. I felt like we were sharing an experience and an adventure together and that being limited wasn’t limiting me, because having those limits was what I wanted to do. That probably doesn’t make sense at all, but it does to me. I have never done anything like this – so I had to make up my own word to make sense of it.”

She smiled. “I am not eating farted on pancakes or crawling around like a dog, so I know this video may be boring and I am not even sure what I am trying to say, so I apologize if you are already bored. If you are just go to the next one. This is really for my son to hear,” she suggested.

“I am a fraud,” mom paused and let that sink in. “When my son told me I had to be a cum dumpster, I told him that I didn’t want to do it ALL the time, because, frankly I didn’t know what it really was, and I assumed I’d want some ME time. We made a little game of it to keep our professional and family lives separate. If he calls me Mom while I am in cum dumpster mode, he gives me an hour of ME time. It felt like a victory to win something. It felt like a victory to EARN some Loretta time.”

Mom shifted and looked at the camera.

“It sure would be nice to take a vacation to Hawaii, unless you live there your whole life. Then you probably want to go someplace else, right? Even crusty old South Dakota might seem new and different. After the vacation is over, you gotta go back and even paradise feels old when you lived there your whole life. I guess I felt like while I was a cum dumpster I was on a vacation, and the last three days as Loretta have been B-O-R-I-N-G. Did I spell that right? Boring,” she offered a cute little giggle.

“Gosh, okay, you are going to make me say it,” Mom seemed reluctant to say the rest. “What I am trying to say, and I am not doing a very good job, is that when I said you could be the boss of me, I meant as your cum dumpster. Every day was a new and exciting adventure. Every day I woke up wondering what you had in store for me. I knew it might be the same routines and that discipline sometimes requires repetition but even that you made it interesting. I enjoyed it. You were pushing my comfort zone and made me experience things that I would never have experienced without you. I would never have trusted anyone else to put me in those situations.”

Mom paused so that she could make a confession.

“I felt guilty that I was giving up personal responsibility that I should be doing like managing the bills and making the tough decisions as your mom. I laid it all at your feet and when I came to talk to you tonight, I was convinced that you simply had enough of being the parent, and the responsible one, and the boss. It’s hard – those decisions weigh heavy on you and stress you out. Somehow you got the van repaired faster than I could have even imagined. It must have felt like all this pressure. I wanted to LIFT that pressure off of you and say that I could go back to doing it,” Mom was starting to sob a little.

“I don’t know if the right word is ironic, but I thought I was the selfish one for putting you in this situation, giving you all the responsibility and authority, and telling you to own me fully. I wanted to make YOU happy by relieving you of that burden. At first, I enjoyed Loretta mode. I really did. I played with my pussy and played some more. I eventually got a little bored and worried that maybe you were punishing me. You had so many other ways to punish me though and punishing me by ignoring me isn’t your style. I came to the conclusion that you were going to keep me in Loretta mode, because you had reached the conclusion you wanted to be done with this, but you were simply too nice to tell me, and so I was coming to end it for you and let you off the hook.”

Wow.

“I said all that to say this, would you please train me as a cum dumpster and house pet? And yes, I’d like a LITTLE Loretta time, maybe on Mother’s Day I could even have a whole day, I really don’t want to eat dog food but I would, because I am a dumb sloppy dog cunt.”

“You would be severely limited – as in you won’t even be consulted on financial decisions,” I said.

“Goodie!” mom replied happily.

“You would take most meals without use of your hands, and we’d go back to you squatting backward on the toilet WHEN you are permitted to use the toilet.”

“I understand, Master. I do not like telling you that I want this all the time. It thrilled me earlier to hear you did too. I would like us to have an understanding that at times, I am going to beg for Loretta time, and plead, and jump through hoops to get it, and it will feel like a reward but I need you to know that it would make me happy to continue.”

“Then I need you to know that I love being the boss, and that I will be very strict and harsh on you all the time. You will eventually want some Loretta time,” I said.

“I know Master, but I really can’t stand anymore,” she said.

“Then why are you wearing those clothes! Get them off, tramp! You don’t wear clothes without permission. What the fuck is wrong with you?” I demanded as I pulled off her shirt. “A Bra? What the fuck?” I yanked that off.

My mom quickly undressed. I slapped her pussy hard and felt stubble. “What have you been doing for three days?”

“You didn’t inspect me, and I didn’t shave, Master!”