Lisa said she knew a shortcut through the woods, but after walking a mile or so she admitted they might have made a wrong turn. “Should we go back?” she asked Auguste.

“I vote we keep going,” Auguste answered, and Lisa agreed, so they continued along the path, which not long later entered an area that had been decimated by a forest fire a decade or two ago and now contained many saplings and small trees but nothing of substantial size.

Then, around the next bend, they came upon something huge, and stark, charred black and weathered smooth. It blocked the path.

“How strange,” Lisa said. “I suppose we could go around it, whatever it is.”

“I believe it’s a totem tree,” Auguste said, “and before we pass it by we should pay our respects.”

“I’ve heard of a totem pole, but what’s a totem tree?” Lisa asked.

“A totem is a sacred spirit, or the emblem of one,” Auguste informed her. “This one may have been abused. It has a rather fierce look.”

“Okay, stand next to it and I’ll take your picture, unless you think the totem tree would find that offensive.”

Auguste stood next to the tree.

“Something’s wrong,” Lisa said. “I’m not sure, but I think it’s your bark.”

“My bark?”

“Yes, it doesn’t go with the tree’s.”

“How so?”

“Basically the tree is bare.”

“So you’re saying I should...?”

“Strip,” Lisa said. “It would be the respectful thing to do.”

“Fine,” said Auguste, and he removed his clothing, then resumed his pose.

Lisa aimed her camera. “Hmm,” she hummed.

“What now? I see this tree is leafless, but I’m not about to cut off my hair.”

“It’s not that,” Lisa said. “It’s the dangle.”

Auguste gave her a questioning look.

Lisa said, “What’s left of the totem tree’s branches jut strong and proud to the sky, whereas you...”

“Dangle,” Auguste supplied.

Lisa nodded. “Or maybe ‘droop’ better expresses it.”

“So you want me to...?”

“Boner up,” Lisa said.

“Bare-handed?”

“Possibly I could assist,” Lisa offered.

“That would be very kind of you. And to be respectful...”

“I should strip?”

“You should,” Auguste agreed.

Lisa wasted no time getting naked. She wasted no time helping Auguste boner up, in a most respectful manner. And Auguste bonered up most magnificently. The process went on for a respectful length of time.

“Whew, that was totemesque,” Lisa said, after she’d swallowed Auguste’s seed. “Spiritual and more.”

Once Auguste regained his breath, he concurred.

It was only as they were about to dress themselves that they noted the totem tree was no longer there. The path was clear.

“What happened?” Lisa asked.

“Not sure,” Auguste said.

“Do you think we offended it? Or maybe the totem tree decided you were a suitable replacement, and it evaporated into the great beyond. Maybe you’re going to have to stick around. It wouldn’t do for you to leave the path bare, as it were.”

Auguste’s mouth opened and closed, but no words came out.

“Okay, we’ll go on, after I get a picture of you.”

“I might need some rejuvenating first,” Auguste suggested.

Lisa was up for that.

The rejuvenation was successful and successfully celebrated.