Chapter 5: Togetherness

Fred, despite all his demands, didn’t look as though he’d enjoyed himself when he brought Billy back to Sarah. Billy didn’t look overjoyed either, but he didn’t sulk about his bath.

Knut called Monday after Billy was in bed. “I didn’t just call to say, ‘I love you,’ even though I do. Is this a good time?”

“It’s always a fine time to talk to you.”

“Not always, and you should tell me when it isn’t.” That led to a thought.

“You never call in the mornings,” she said.

“Should I? I thought getting yourself and Billy ready...”

“No, you shouldn’t. That’s what your comment about bad times brought to mind. If Billy’s having a tantrum or dinner is boiling over on the stove, I can tell you ‘Later’ or simply not answer. The morning is when I get calls from the sub center. I have to answer, and -- if you call, and I say, ‘not now,’ and they don’t call that morning -- then I’ll never know whether they called then and got a busy signal. So, if you want to know a good time not to call -- a bad time to call -- it’s mornings of school days.”

“I’ll remember that. Anyway, aside from saying that you’re beautiful and adorable, which can’t be said too often, I had an actual subject to discuss. Billy will be home next weekend?”

“Yes.”

“So will ‘Becca. What do you think of her inviting the two of you to dinner?”

“Do you need to hide behind her skirts?”

“Her apron. She wants to cook meatloaf again.”

“Sounds delightful.”

“Good. This isn’t the actual invitation; that will come from her. It’s just that I don’t want her to get her expectations up and then not met. And I don’t want her to call when Billy can hear and have him hear you refuse.”

“Sometimes kids have to hear that things are impossible.”

“Oh, yes! And ‘Becca hears that a lot. It’s just that, what you and I see as impossible, the kid might see as an imposition of the parent’s selfish will. Some years ago, I went through that about going to work when ‘Becca was home. You know, I only audit those accounts because it’s so much fun; if I really loved her, I’d stay home and play with her.”

“And you don’t think that auditing is that much fun?”

“I’d rather conduct an audit than undergo a root canal. Most days, I’d rather conduct an audit than undergo a root canal. Dentist’s visits are another thing I impose on her out of sheer sadism. Anyway...” There was a pause.

“Anyway?”

“Anyway, enough about me. How did you feel about my performance?” His performance Saturday night? Then she recognized the punch line from a joke. He went on, “I think we have established several things this conversation. An invitation from ‘Becca would be welcome. Eat at six again? Saturday?”

“Both sound fine.”

“And will Billy come along on the shopping Sunday?”

Which took for granted that Knut and Sarah would be shopping Sunday, but, “Yes. He’s not too bad in stores.”

“And, as we established early in this conversation, you are a delightful person with a personality as beautiful as your body.” Which was nice to hear, if unwise to believe. Technically, of course, he’d only said that her body and her personality were equal, not that either was particularly beautiful. Zero was equal to zero. But that wasn’t what he’d meant, and he was in pursuit of her body.

But was he? Her body had been available Saturday. He might not have guessed how available, although cooperating with his removal of her undergarments was a fairly obvious hint. He just hadn’t tried. Well, he didn’t sound uninterested.

And he’d said he loved her. Did she love him? What did that mean?

She liked being with him, certainly; his conversation, when it wasn’t utterly infuriating, was charming and entertaining. She lusted after him, too; his fingers could evoke feelings from her body that the shower couldn’t. His mouth could evoke even more feelings. If she didn’t know what feelings his phallus could evoke, she was eager to find out. And she was beginning to respect him. He might be a little too controlling as a parent, but the results spoke well of him.

She really didn’t understand what he did for work, but people who presumably did thought well enough of it to pay him highly. He was unfailingly generous. And thoughtful -- the Christmas card had been thoughtful.

But did all of that add up to “love”?

Rebecca called Tuesday. “Could you and Billy come to our house Saturday to eat meatloaf?”

“Why, thank you, Rebecca. It’s kind of you to ask.”

“I was kind of you to teach me. I’m glad you can come. Six o’clock, Saturday.” She sounded excited. It might be her father’s idea to bring the four of them together, but grade-schoolers couldn’t hide their emotions.

Knut called again Thursday. “Nothing new to say. Just thought you might need reminding that you are a lovely woman.”

“Knut! You’re going to give me a head so swelled it won’t fit through the door.”

“I’ll stop when you begin to appreciate your real worth. That looks like it will take a while.” The conversation didn’t get any more serious than that, but it did lighten her mood. She was working every day that week, too. Her savings inched up to cover the problems in the summer.

The dinner Saturday was fine. The meatloaf was slightly overdone, and the peas slightly underdone. Knut cooked (packaged) mashed potatoes and fixed the salad. Afterwards, he set up a video for the kids and went into the kitchen to wash dishes. She joined him. He rinsed everything before putting it in the dishwasher. “Doesn’t that reduce the advantage of having a dishwasher?” she asked.

“Hey! I don’t wear suspenders with my belt. Be grateful for small things.” She laughed. “You have a sexy laugh,” he said.

“You’ll make me self-conscious.”

“Now, that is a problem. Threaten me with your head swelling all you want, it’ll never happen. But I don’t want you to be self-conscious about the sexy things you do. You might stop doing them.”

“Knut!” She glanced towards the living room.

“Lost in ‘Sleeping Beauty’ for the umpteenth time for ‘Becca. But come here and I’ll stop saying things which can be overheard.” She walked into his arms, knowing that it would lead to a kiss. For that matter, she wanted the kiss.

“Listen,” he whispered later, “while they can’t hear. Billy was real nice about this...” She thought their hosts had been nicer. “But, someday soon, he’ll figure out that visiting our place is going to mean that he won’t eat sweet and sour shrimp as often.” Well, she had gotten carry-outs before they’d met Knut. And the support check would be more regular now.

“That shouldn’t be a problem.”

“But it might be an opportunity. What would you think of a restaurant meal for the four of us some weeknight?”

“Knut! You’re impossible.” Was the man made of money?

“After the divorce, I thought things out.” His voice was lower now than it had been before. “‘Becca needs some things -- talking only about what money can buy, now -- and she enjoys other things. I enjoy some things, and -- I suppose -- you could list things which are necessary for me. Why spend money on the rest? I need a car which works. Well, I enjoy a car which works; you seem to get around without one. But I don’t need a car with the latest styling. Why should I buy a new car before this one wears out? Suits from the racks fit me just fine. I’ve lived in a big house in the ‘burbs; thank you very much. My landlord mows the lawn now. One thing I enjoy, we both enjoy, is eating out. Another thing I enjoy, though I didn’t know it then, is your company. Why shouldn’t I have both?”

“You make yourself sound like a sybarite. That’s not what you look like.”

“And you make yourself sound like an English teacher, but you look like a beautiful woman. Well, we have to have a deciding vote, come here.”

After a long hug and a deep kiss, he said, “Look, feel, and taste like a beautiful woman. Three to one.” The kiss took her mind off his contrast between ‘beautiful woman’ and ‘English teacher.’ The kiss, some cuddling, some petting, went on until the dishwasher stopped. Knut went out and paused the film. “Bathroom break,” he told the kids. “Billy goes first, ‘cause he’s a guest.” When Billy came back, Rebecca went into the bathroom. She showed Knut her hands when she came out. “Okay,” said Knut, and started the VCR again. With the reminder, Sarah used the bathroom, too.

A few minutes after the film ended, she and Billy were taking their leave. The next time she spoke to Knut was when he called from his car to say they were on their way. Billy found the shopping trip interesting. Knut checked his seat belt both coming and going, saying “point for Gryffindor,” outside their apartment and “two points” outside the grocery store. He’d checked Rebecca’s, too.

“I’m surprised you don’t trust Rebecca to put on her own seat belt,” she commented.

“It’s not a matter of trust -- it’s a matter of points. Even though I am an auditor.”

Rebecca carried his frozen foods up to their apartment. Billy carried theirs. She could have carried her whole purchase; it was only for one week, after all. On the other hand, she wanted Knut’s company in her kitchen. When Billy left them alone, Knut kissed her. “More fun without all those coats,” he commented as Billy returned. “Love you.”

She didn’t answer as he ran down the back stairs. She’d been in love once, and no good had come of it -- well, no good except Billy. Knut wasn’t Fred, but Sarah was the same Sarah. Did she dare give her heart again? Did she have a choice?

Their dinners at the Chinese Lantern had nearly become rituals. This time, Knut didn’t order the pork and didn’t ‘help’ her with her chopsticks. Even Billy took a fortune cookie -- probably Rebecca’s influence.

Knut called her up on Thursday. “Is your concentrating on Chinese just Billy’s addiction to sweet and sour? Or have you tried Vietnamese and found it didn’t appeal to you?”

“I haven’t really tried Vietnamese. We don’t eat out often; I like Chinese and grew up with occasional visits to Chinese restaurants. When you don’t” -- Knut probably knew that she couldn’t afford it, but she was still a little nervous about confessing that -- “eat out much, why risk one of those few times on something you might not like?”

“Well, I don’t find the cost all that much of a risk. On the other hand, ruining a date with Sarah would be a disaster. On the third hand -- sound like a monkey, don’t I? -- on the third hand, we did eat Chinese on Tuesday. The idea I’m not articulating is how would you like to visit a Vietnamese restaurant on Saturday?”

“Sounds delightful.”

“And did you enjoy ‘Airplane’?”

“Never saw it.” Billy wouldn’t get the jokes, and she hadn’t been in the mood for comedy, then -- especially comedy she’d see by herself.

“Well, would you like to see it now? I have it for my VCR.”

“Sounds delightful.”

Knut was in a flannel shirt and khakis when he picked her up. The man wouldn’t wear a suit to a picnic, after all. The food was a little different, but also quite pleasant. Knut suggested dishes instead of letting each of them order, but he described things thoroughly. The pot of pho -- which turned out to be a delicious soup -- was larger than the one for egg-drop soup they’d shared with Billy long ago.

They returned to his apartment. The place was clean and straightened up, and the tape was already in the VCR. After a kiss, he sat her down on the couch. He turned off the light and sat very close on her right with his arm around her. He operated the remote with his other hand.