Chapter 8

“Paul, wait,” Gina called as I walked through the North Carrick lobby the next morning.

Without turning around, I stopped. I was headed to meet Kendall for breakfast, and a night’s sleep hadn’t improved my disposition a bit. I was still upset with Gina, although my fury had gone from hot to cold.

“Paul, please.”

When I turned around, I got a shock; Gina looked like hell. Her eyes were red, she snuffled miserably, and she still wore her clothes from the day before.

“I tried to call, but your line’s been busy,” she said.

“Yeah, right,” I said. No one had been on the phone since my fight with T.J.

“I did.”

“Whatever. So you thought you’d come stake out my dorm?”

“I know you have breakfast with Kendall every morning,” she said.

“So how long have you been waiting here?” I asked.

“Since four,” she said miserably.

“Four?!”

“I didn’t want to miss you,” she said. Then she looked around. “Is there somewhere we can go? Somewhere private?”

“Why? So you can tell me that you like Regan’s fucking strap-on more than me?”

“Paul, please.”

“Come on, let’s go,” I said. Billy had spent the night with his friend Jamie, so my room was empty.

“Hey!” the RA at the desk called as Gina and I headed for the elevators. “You can’t go up there.”

I gave him a murderous look.

He blanched, but didn’t back down.

“I’ll meet you at the fire exit,” Gina whispered.

I nodded tersely.

She looked like she wanted to give me a kiss, but then she thought better of it.

As Gina and I went our separate ways, I shot the RA an eat-shit-and-die look. He looked like he wanted to make an issue of it, but then I turned to face him and he thought better of it as well.

A few minutes later, after climbing the fire escape stairs, Gina and I entered my suite.

“That little fucking weasel,” I said when I realized that the phone’s receiver was sitting on top of the phone, rather than in the cradle. I looked at T.J. and Glen’s flag-draped door and thought about kicking it, just to be spiteful. Unfortunately, they were both early-risers, and were probably already stirring. So kicking their door would simply buy me more trouble than I already had. Reluctantly, I decided against it.

“What’s the matter?” Gina asked.

“Never mind,” I said as I hung up the phone. Then I picked it up and dialed Kendall’s apartment.

She answered after the second ring.

“Hey,” I said. “It’s me.”

“What’s the matter?” she asked, reading the tension in my voice.

“Gina and I got into this big fight last night,” I said, glancing meaningfully at Gina, who was standing right beside me. “And she met me in the lobby to apologize,” I continued. “Can we do breakfast some other time?”

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine,” I half-lied. “I just wanna hear what Gina has to say for herself.”

For her part, Gina seemed to shrink in upon herself. She even managed to look more miserable than she had in the lobby.

“Do you want me to come over?” Kendall asked.

“No, we’re fine, thanks.”

“Okay,” Kendall said softly. Then, “I love you.”

“I love you too,” I said ostentatiously. I know it was cruel, but I wasn’t in the mood to cut Gina any slack.

“I’m so sorry,” Gina whispered when I hung up the phone. Then she sobbed quietly.

“Come on,” I said angrily. Then I unlocked my door and ushered her inside. When I closed the door and tossed my backpack to the corner, she tried to sidle into my arms, but I pushed her away. “What the fuck do you want from me?” I asked.

“I want to tell you I’m sorry,” she said.

“For what? For choosing Regan over me? For getting me all worked up and then leaving me with blue balls? Or did you want to apologize for being a complete fucking whore?”

Instead of replying heatedly, as I expected, she simply hung her head, her shoulders wracked by silent sobs.

“So ... what? Did you come here to say anything?” I asked.

“Please,” she whispered hoarsely.

She looked so completely wretched that my fury began to cool. I was still monumentally angry with her, but flinging more barbs at her would be like beating a whipped dog. And as angry as I was, I wasn’t a heartless bastard.

“I’m so sorry,” she breathed.

“Yeah, well, so am I.”

“You don’t understand, Paul.”

“Don’t understand?! I don’t understand what?! That you had the chance to come back here with me or to go with Regan?” I asked, my fury returning. “Well, we see how much I understand about that.”

“But I had to, Paul,” she sobbed. “You don’t understand what it’s like for me.”

“Then enlighten me,” I said acidly.

“Regan’s the only friend I have here.”

“What about me?! Or Kendall?”

“I know how you feel about Kendall,” she said, her heartbreak visible in her posture. “And I don’t get to spend any time with you. You’re always with her.”

“No I’m not,” I said, though I knew she was right.

“So what was I supposed to do?” she asked. “If it weren’t for Regan, I’d have no one.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“How do you think I got into Chi Omega?” Gina asked miserably.

“What’s that got to do with anyth—”

“Do you think it’s ‘cause they like me? Ha! Not likely.”

“Then why’d you join?” I asked.

“What else was I supposed to do? I don’t know anyone here, and the only two people I do know spend all their time together, without me.” She took a deep, ragged breath. “So what was I supposed to do? If Regan hadn’t convinced them to give me a bid, what would’ve happened? Huh, what?”

“I dunno. You could’ve been a Tri-Delt.”

“Yeah, right. I’m a charity case for them. Do you really think Bridget was being so nice to me because she likes me? Or was it because she wants to show how big-hearted she is?”

“It’s not like that and you know—”

“What do you know about it?” she asked sullenly. “Sororities aren’t like fraternities.”

“Then why’d you join one?” I repeated.

“What else was I going to do, sit in my room with Faith the Goody Two Shoes? I mean, I never get to see you anymore, I never get to see Kendall, and all I do is go to class and come back to my dingy room with my Bible-thumping roommate. What kind of life is that? If it weren’t for Regan, I wouldn’t know anyone. And if she wanted to, she could have me kicked out of the sorority. They’re the only friends that care about me,” she said. “So what was I supposed to do last night? Huh? What?”

“I didn’t realize,” I said softly. I was still angry about being left high and dry the night before, but I was also beginning to see things from Gina’s perspective. And as angry as I was, I still loved her. What was it Kara had said was the opposite of love? Indifference? Well, I was a long way from indifference as far as Gina was concerned.

“So I came here to apologize,” she said with a ragged sniffle. “To beg you to understand. To do anything to make it up to you. I’m so sorry, Paul. I didn’t think you’d be so angry. I mean, my life here basically sucks,” she added. “I don’t know why I even get up in the morning. I can’t do anything right, and when I try, I just make things worse.”

When I heard her utter dejection, my chest tightened.

“I’d better go,” she whispered. “Maybe you can still make it to breakfast with Kendall.” Then she looked up, her eyes bloodshot and puffy, her dark, exotic, lovely face streaked with tears. “I’m sorry,” she said at last.

“Gina, wait,” I said, my voice husky with emotion.

Without looking up, she stopped.

“Look,” I said, “I ... I didn’t know what it was like for you.”

She shrugged indifferently.

“You don’t have to go if you don’t want to,” I said.

She shrugged again. “It’s okay. You can go meet Kendall. I know that’s what you want to do anyway.”

Emotions warred within me. On one hand, I was still angry about the night before. But on the other hand, seeing Gina’s dejection and absolute misery made my resentment pale in comparison. I loved her, more than I thought possible, and it was tearing me apart to see her in such pain.

“I’d better go,” she said, her head still down.

“No, wait.” Before she could reach the door, I caught her. When I pulled her into my arms, her sobs returned full-force.

“I’m so sorry,” she mumbled as she buried her face in my chest.

“Shhhh,” I breathed, stroking her disheveled hair as I held her close.

“I didn’t know what to do. I wanted to go with you, but Regan...”

“It’s okay,” I said, comforting her as best I could.

“When she said ‘pledge Gina,’ I knew...”

I distractedly shushed her again; as I did, I seethed at what Regan had done. Most of my anger should’ve been directed at her, instead of Gina. True, Gina had still made the choice, but Regan had put her in an untenable position. Worse, I felt like I was part of the problem.

“I’m so sorry, Paul,” Gina whispered in between sobs.

I merely held her as she cried. After several long, heartbreaking minutes, she calmed down.

“Let’s get you cleaned up,” I said softly.

“Do I look that bad?” she asked. “I’m sorry, I guess I should’ve—”

“You’re fine,” I lied. Then, “Do you feel like taking a shower?”

She nodded. “I haven’t even been back to my room. After I left Regan’s, I came over here.”

“Did you really get to the lobby at four this morning?”

Miserably, she nodded.

“Jeez, Gina, I’m so sorry,” I said.

She shrugged.

“C’mon,” I said softly. “Let’s get you cleaned up. C’mon.”

“Do you want to...?” she asked.

“If you want me to.”

She looked up and nodded tiredly. Then she snuffled. Finally, she smiled bleakly.

Once in the shower, I directed her under the steaming spray and gently washed her hair. After I rinsed the shampoo, I worked conditioner into her hair and tried to untangle the snarled mess. As I massaged her scalp, she rewarded me with soft moans of approval. She still wasn’t smiling, but it was a step in the right direction.

After she rinsed her hair, I turned her to face me and tilted her chin up with my finger. I looked into her dark, troubled eyes and held her gaze with my own.

“I love you,” I said. “I always will. I’m sorry I got so angry, but...”

“It’s okay,” she said with a shrug. “I should’ve gone with you.”

“Did you at least have fun with Regan?” I asked.

“It was kinda hard to,” she said. “I mean, I was worried about you the whole time I was with her.”

I wrapped my arms around her and pulled her close. Her water-slick body pressed against mine and she shuddered. Then she began sobbing again.

When I finally got her calmed down, she looked up at me with tired, bloodshot eyes.

“I love you,” she whispered. “I love you so much.”

“I love you too,” I said, hugging her tight.

After a few moments, she pulled back. “Can I borrow your razor?”

“What for?” I asked.

She rolled her eyes, a little of the old Gina shining through.

“Yeah, I guess,” I said. Then I reached into my shower basket and retrieved the razor and my shaving cream.

She squirted a dollop of cream into her palm and then began to lather the tuft of pubic hair on her mons.

“What are you doing?” I asked, even though it was obvious.

“I’m shaving for you,” she said softly. “Don’t you want me to?”

“But I thought you said that Regan—”

“Regan’s not my boyfriend,” she said heatedly. “Besides, I don’t ever want to speak to her again.”

“Hold on a second,” I said. “I thought she was your friend. Yeah, she was a total bitch last night, but you said she was normally pretty cool.” Besides, I thought, if Gina hadn’t made many friends at UT, I didn’t want her ostracizing the friends she did have, even if the “friend” in question was a manipulative bitch.

“I guess,” Gina said after a moment.

“And if you don’t have anything to do with her, she’ll get you kicked out of Chi Omega, right?”

“Probably,” Gina said glumly.

“So don’t do that,” I said. “I mean, you really like most of the other girls, right?”

Tentatively, she nodded.

“And you still like Regan, don’t you?” I asked, reading her conflicting emotions.

When I pressed her, she shrugged and reluctantly nodded.

“Just don’t let her come between us,” I said.

“I won’t, Paul,” she swore. “Never again.”

“Good. Now, you don’t have to shave if you don’t want to. I know you don’t like having to do it every day.”

“Kendall does it, doesn’t she? Besides, I want to remind myself whose girlfriend I am,” she said.

“Thank you,” I said softly. Then I tilted her head up for a kiss. As her mouth opened and the kiss heated up, I felt my dick stiffen. The night before, I’d been too angry to jerk off. As we kissed, however, my lust returned with a vengeance.

When we broke the kiss, Gina looked up at me from under dark lashes. Then she smiled shyly and turned her attention to her pubes. With deliberate strokes, she shaved her mons. Her labia were already smooth, but she ran the razor over them as well. Finally, she looked up at me and smiled.

“Thank you,” I said again.

“Do you want to...? I mean ... my nose is pretty stopped up, but we could ... you know...,” she said apprehensively.

I nodded and then pulled her close. As we kissed, my dick reached full erection, pressing into her soft belly as we ground together. When we broke the kiss, she smiled uncertainly as she caught her breath. I smiled and kissed her again, on the forehead. A moment later, I turned off the shower. Then we dried off and padded back to my room.

I looked at my clock—it wasn’t even eight thirty—and decided to skip my nine o’clock drawing class. I had more important things to do, for Gina’s sake and my own.

“Your air conditioner works,” she said as she shivered.

“Get into bed,” I suggested. “I’ll be in to warm you up in a sec.” Then I shut the blinds and dropped my towel on the floor by my closet. My erection led the way as I walked to the side of the bed.

Gina turned back the covers to reveal her nude body.

I stared at her perfection for a moment, my eyes lingering on her dark nipples. Then my gaze wandered lower, to her clean-shaven pussy.

“Make love to me, Paul,” she whispered.

With a nod, I slid into bed with her. As I held myself above her, she gazed into my eyes. Hers were still puffy and red-rimmed, but they were full of love.

Between her legs, I felt the heat and moisture of her pussy wash over my hard-on. With movements so long-practiced that they were second nature, we moved against each other and I felt my cock enter her. She whimpered as I slid all the way into her. When I bottomed out, she wrapped her arms around me and held me close.

“I’m so sorry,” she whispered again.

“Me too,” I said.

“I love you.”

“I love you too,” I said, gazing into her liquid brown eyes.

Then I began moving within her and we stopped talking. My hips rose and fell with slow, gentle strokes. I took my time, plunging all the way into her before pulling out each time.

I wanted to last longer, but a surge of love overwhelmed me and I simply couldn’t keep going. After several long strokes, I buried my cock deep within her. Then I groaned and released a torrent of white-hot semen.

“Oh, God,” she whispered over and over again, her lips mere inches from my ear.

I was still hard when my orgasm subsided, so after I caught my breath, I started thrusting again. Gina wrapped her legs around my thighs and ran her fingernails over my back. As I gazed down at her, I was struck by the look of tenderness and devotion in her dark eyes.

The second time, I lasted a lot longer. I really don’t know how long, nor do I care. Gina and I were one, our bodies moving in perfect synchronicity. Finally, I buried myself inside her and ground my hips against her pelvis. Then I emptied myself into her, the world going white as ecstasy raced along my nerves.

When the final surge of orgasmic pleasure overwhelmed me, she clutched me tight, her legs along my flanks and her hands on my ass, as if trying to pull me deeper inside her.

Afterward, we lay panting, my slowly softening dick still buried inside her.

“Feel my heart,” she said at last.

I lifted up and put my hand on her chest, over her left breast.

“You still make my heart go pitter-pat. You always will.”

“Um, Paul?” Gina said softly.

“Yeah?” I’d been dozing, and blinked my eyes to clear them.

“Do you want me to quit the sorority?”

“Why would I want that?” I asked. We’d been over this in the shower, but I guess she wanted reassurance.

“Because of Regan,” she said. “I mean, I’ll quit if you want me to. I mean it.”

“I know you would,” I said softly, cupping her face as I did. “But I don’t want you to.”

She tried to hide it, but her relief was almost palpable.

“You have fun with them, right?”

She nodded.

“And you really do like Regan, don’t you?”

After a moment’s hesitation, she nodded.

“So I don’t see why you’d want to quit.”

“But I thought...,” she said. “I mean, you know ... after last night...”

“Just don’t let last night happen again,” I said firmly. When she nodded solemnly, I stroked her cheek and then tucked an errant lock of hair behind her ear. “And I’ll try to spend more time with you,” I continued. “I know we haven’t seen much of each other lately. And it’s a little different, because Kendall and I spend time together, but you’re just as important to me as Kendall. Okay?”

Once again, she nodded silently. Then a dark look crossed her face.

“What is it?” I asked.

“What do you mean?” she asked, feigning innocence.

“You just thought about something,” I said. “Something that bothered you. What was it?”

“You know me too well,” she said, her dark complexion darkening further as she blushed. For a moment, she gathered her courage. Then, “Um ... Susan’s coming tomorrow, right?”

I nodded.

“If I’m not gonna ... um ... you know ... if I’m not gonna quit Chi O ... I mean...”

“Have you got something you need to do with them?”

She looked up, her expression grateful for not having to speak the words herself.

“What is it?” I asked evenly. I don’t know how I felt about her missing dinner with Susan. On one hand, I was a little peeved, because Susan was such an important part of my—our—life. But on the other hand, I could understand things from Gina’s perspective: the sorority was important to her, and it seemed to be an all-or-nothing kind of organization.

“We’ve got a mixer with the Pikes,” she said, interrupting my introspection. “I have to go. It’s some ‘Roast the Eagle’ party or something,” she said. “I wanted to tell you, but...”

“It’s okay.” I shouldn’t beat her up over it after I just told her to stay in the sorority, I thought with a mental sigh.

“So I can’t have dinner with you and Susan. And I probably can’t go to the airport with you either. Is that okay?”

“We’ll miss you,” I said, “but yeah, I guess it’s okay. I mean, I’m not real happy about it, but you’ve got a life too. You know?”

“I’m so sorry, Paul,” she said. “I really wanna go out with you all, but...”

“I understand,” I said, suppressing a pang of remorse as I thought about what I might have been doing if I had pledged Sigma Chi.

“I should be able to go to the game with you all, though. You were gonna hang out with Kendall’s parents, right?”

I nodded.

“Regan might be with me,” she said softly, tentatively. Then she looked up, her eyes pleading with me. “She’s really not so bad most of the time. I’ve never seen her like that. I think it was ‘cause she’d done so much— I mean ... um ... she was just horny and all, and angry with Rod. He’s her ex-boyfriend.”

“I know,” I said. “It’s cool.”

“When’s your next class?” she asked, changing the subject abruptly.

“Twelve fifteen,” I said. “Art history.” At the mention of the class, I thought about the brunette, and the blonde. I felt guilty, but my dick stirred in response.

“Mine’s a chemistry lab,” Gina said. “At twelve.” Then she looked at my alarm clock. A moment later, she reached for my stiffening penis. “We’ve got some time before then. Do you want me to...? I mean, now that I can breathe, I want to suck you.”

“That sounds like a great idea,” I said, trying to banish visions of the Art History girls from my imagination.

As Gina slid lower and captured my semi-hard dick, I ran my fingers through her hair and focused on the sensations she created with her lips and tongue.

She sucked me for five or ten minutes and then straddled my hips. I watched, captivated, as her labia parted when she lowered herself onto my cock. I loved the contrast between my lightly tanned dick and her dark lips.

She had just begun moving atop me—her back arched and her breasts pointed skyward—when I heard the foyer door open. A moment later, I heard the snick of a key in the lock. Time seemed to stand still as I watched the door swing open.

“Ohmygod,” Billy blurted.

In a flash, time resumed and I blinked in shock.

“I’m so sorry,” Billy said.

Gina tried to cover herself as I sat up at the same time, almost dumping her from my lap. Before either of us could speak, Billy bolted from the room, the door slamming shut behind him.

In spite of the tension, Gina giggled.

“Billy, wait,” I called.

My life had just gotten quite a bit more complicated. Forget that my roommate had just caught me in flagrante delicto; Billy knew Kendall as my girlfriend, but he’d just caught Gina and me. That was bound to cause some questions, if not outright problems.

“Go,” Gina said, as if reading my mind.

My pussy-slick cock flopped against my stomach when she threw her leg over mine. With a guilty smile of thanks, I rolled out of bed. A moment later, a towel wrapped around my waist, I pounded down the hallway. I caught Billy as he nervously waited for the elevator.

“Billy, wait,” I said again. “I can explain.”

“Sorry, man,” he said. “I had no idea...”

“I should’ve left you a note or something,” I said lamely.

We were each still apologizing profusely when the elevator arrived.

“Come on back to the room,” I said.

He shook his head. “I was just coming to pick up a book for class,” he said, glancing away nervously. “I don’t really need it, though.”

“Are you sure?”

He nodded. “I’ve gotta get to class. Bye.”

With that, he got on the elevator and the doors closed.

After staring at the silent metal of the elevator doors for a moment, I looked down at myself. Then I felt my face heat with a mixture of amusement and embarrassment; I was still hard, and the towel barely disguised the fact.

“What happened?” Gina asked when I returned to the room. After I explained, she chuckled at my predicament. Then she let her own towel drop. A moment later, she glided toward me and sank to her knees. “If your roommate’s not coming back, let’s see if we can make your swelling go down,” she said, her eyes aglow.

I was still worried about Billy and what he must have been thinking, but I quickly forgot about him as Gina started working her magic on my dick. Soon enough, I rewarded her efforts.

Once again, I barely made it to Art History class on time. I was just about to open the auditorium’s door when the brunette and the blonde dashed up the stairs. As soon as they saw me, they stopped giggling and composed themselves.

I opened the door and held it for them with a flourish. The brunette winked at me as she walked through the doorway. The blonde merely smiled and gave me a little wave. I tossed my head in reply and then followed her into the classroom.

Because the brunette sat down first, I ended up sitting next to the blonde. She smiled at me as I stuffed my backpack under my seat and took out my notebook.

When Professor Dubois’s monotone lecture threatened to put me to sleep, I pulled out my sketchpad. I closed my eyes and imagined a walled villa that I’d seen during my summer trip to Europe. Then I started drawing, the lines flowing effortlessly.

A couple of times, I caught the blonde stealing glimpses at my drawing, but I pretended not to notice. In reality, I was proud of my ability to draw any building that I’d seen, and I guess I was showing off a little.

When the bell rang at the end of class, the blonde turned and pointed at my drawing.

“Where is that?” she asked.

Instead of being tongue-tied—as I invariably was with the brunette—I answered without a stutter. “Rome,” I said.

“Have you ever been there?”

I nodded.

“So you drew that from memory?”

“I’ve got a good memory,” I said.

At that point, the brunette looked past her friend.

“So you’re tall, dark, mysterious, and artistic?” she asked me, her eyebrow arched in challenge.

Instead of answering, I choked. Jeez!

“And still tongue-tied, I see,” she added.

While the brunette smirked, the blonde merely smiled apologetically, her blue eyes dancing with a mixture of compassion and laughter.

As I stepped aside to let them out of the row, the blonde smiled again.

“It’s a very nice drawing,” she said.

“Bye, Mysterious,” the brunette said, her eyes flashing with mirth.

Once again, I was reduced to a simple wave.

“I have got to get a grip,” I muttered to myself when they had gone.

After class, I walked to the Andy Holt Apartments to meet Kendall. As I did, I mulled over the events of the past twenty-four hours. Unfortunately, my thoughts turned maudlin.

“How’d it go this morning?” Kendall asked as she ushered me into the apartment.

“Actually, it started last night,” I said. “This morning was just the final act.”

She arched an eyebrow.

We moved to the couch and I started to tell her the whole story. As I talked about the trip to the sex shop, she was quiet. When I mentioned Regan, however, Kendall stiffened. Then I told her about how angry I was when Gina went home with the blonde girl instead of me.

“Why were you so upset?” Kendall asked, her voice deceptively calm.

“What do you mean ‘why?’ I was upset because Gina and Regan got me all worked up and then left me to fend for myself. And then, to put the cherry on top of my really-shitty-day sundae, I got in a fight with my suitemate last night, but that’s another story entirely.”

Instead of replying, Kendall grew quiet.

“What?” I asked.

“Nothing,” she said, affecting a neutral expression.

“No, not ‘nothing.’ I may not know people as well as you do, but I know when you’re holding something back.”

“It’s nothing. Really.”

“Tell me,” I pressed.

After a drawn-out moment, she turned to face me, her expression serious. “Why were you so upset that Gina went with Regan instead of you?”

“Because I wanted Gina to go with me.”

“Because you were horny?”

“Yeah, I guess,” I said. “So?”

“So you just expected Gina to have sex with you?”

“Well ... yeah. She’s my girlfriend.”

“I’m your girlfriend,” Kendall said. “Do you expect me to have sex with you whenever you want?”

“That’s not what I meant.”

“Then what did you mean?”

“Well,” I said. “I mean, Gina and Regan got me all worked up, and I thought—”

“You thought what?” she asked, the first flash of genuine anger that I’d seen from her. “You thought that since they got you worked up that they were somehow obligated to have sex with you. Is that how it works?”

“That’s not what I meant and you know it,” I said. The discussion was going to hell in a handbasket, and I felt like a helpless spectator.

“Then what did you mean?” she repeated. She seemed to be asking that a lot.

“I mean I kinda expected Gina and Regan to—”

“So you thought you were going to get lucky with Regan too?”

My guilty silence was answer enough.

“And when were you going to ask me what I thought about that?” she asked, her eyes welling with tears of frustration.

“Kendall, I—”

“Don’t ‘Kendall’ me. I want to know. I thought we were supposed to talk about it if we ever wanted to have sex with someone else. Or am I not included in that since I’m your second girlfriend?”

Fuck! I thought. Not her too. God, I want the last two days of my fucking life back!

“Well?” she asked.

“What do you want me to say?” I asked, my hands spread in supplication.

That took her by surprise.

“Do you want me to say I’m sorry? Well, I am. Do you want me to say I screwed up? Okay, I screwed up. Big time. Do you want me to say I’m a male chauvinist pig? Okay, I’m a male chauvinist pig.”