Chapter 11

Bob knew something was up when he answered the door and found Julie and Erica standing there. They never rang his bell.

“Come in,” he said, frowning. “What’s going on?”

“I’m pregnant, Bob,” said Julie, who promptly broke into tears and rushed into his arms.

He looked over her shoulder at Erica, who shrugged, and nodded.

“What will I tell the boys?” groaned Julie. A fresh cup of coffee sat, ignored, in front of her. Erica was pacing.

“I think they’ll know how this happened,” said Bob.

“Of course!” snapped Julie. Her mood had been changing moment by moment. “How will I explain who got me this way?! They know I don’t date!”

Bob didn’t say anything.

“I’m too old to have another baby,” complained Julie.

“You’re thirty-seven,” Bob said. “It’s not like you’re an old crone.”

Julie glared at him.

“You’ve wished this on me for years,” she accused.

“I didn’t exactly wish it on you,” he said.

“Bob, you said you wanted to breed me!” whined Julie. “You said you wanted to breed us both!”

“Now that’s interesting,” said Erica. “Nobody told me anything like that.”

“It was just a little fantasy,” said Bob. “It was something I teased your mother about.”

“It looks like you did a lot more than tease,” said Erica.

“I thought you were taking birth control,” said Bob, carefully.

“I missed two fucking pills somehow,” snapped Julie.

Nobody mentioned the curse jar.

“Okay,” said Bob. “What do you want to do?”

“Do? What can I do, Bob? I’m going to have a baby, Bob!”

“My baby,” he said, softly.

“Of course it’s your baby!” said Julie, sounding upset.

“I wasn’t questioning that,” said Bob. “I’m just trying to get used to the fact that I’m going to be a father.”

“I’m trying to get used to that fact, too,” groaned Julie.

“I can’t believe you two,” said Erica. Both adults looked at her. “You sit here moaning and groaning and the solution is obvious,” she said.

“I will not get an abortion!” yelled Julie.

“I didn’t mean that,” squealed Erica, looking shocked.

“Enlighten us as to what you did mean,” said Bob, keeping his voice calm.

“You get married!” said Erica. “You both love each other. There’s no social reason for you not to declare that love openly. Sure, my brothers will be surprised, but I’ve thought you should get married since this whole thing started!”

“We can’t get married,” said Julie. “People would talk.”

“And you think people won’t talk in three or four months when you have a baby bump?”

Erica looked at her uncle.

“Would you marry her?”

“Of course,” said Bob, instantly.

“Have you thought about marrying her?”

“More than once,” Bob admitted.

“Then why haven’t you asked her?”

“I don’t know,” he admitted. “I guess I was afraid she’d say no.”

Now Erica looked at her mother.

“Would you have said no?”

“I don’t know,” said Julie, who had a strange look on her face.

“Well, maybe you should think about it,” said Erica. She looked at Bob. “And maybe you should grow a set and think about asking her.”

“I have a set,” complained Bob.

“Oh, I’m well aware of that. The problem, as I see it, is that the only thing you’ve used that set for is knocking up my mother!”

“Erica, calm down,” said Julie.

“Oh, I’ll go calm down. I’ll leave you two alone so you can talk about something you should have talked about a year ago!”

Erica turned and stomped to the front door.

She left it open as she left.

Bob looked at Julie.

“You know I love you,” he said.

“I do,” she said. “And I love you, too. But that’s different than talking about getting married.”

“The thought of marrying you doesn’t scare me at all,” he offered.

“Gee, try to tone down the romanticism, okay?” snorted Julie.

“Erica’s right. We should have talked about this already.”

“I never even thought about it,” sighed Julie.

“I was pretty sure that was the situation,” said Bob. “That’s why I didn’t bring it up.”

“You were thinking about Paul,” she said.

“Yeah.”

“Paul loved me,” she said. “He loved you too, long before he even met me. Why would he complain that two people he loved also love each other?”

“I don’t think he would,” said Bob.

“It should be easy,” she groaned, “but it isn’t.”

“I know,” he said.

He opened his arms and she went to him. It was a decidedly platonic hug, but it was comforting to both of them.

“Let’s get married,” he said, softly into her hair.

“Okay,” she sighed.

“Can you try to tone down the romanticism?” he teased.

She dug her knuckle into his side.

But then she kissed him.

“I have some news,” said Julie at supper that night. Neither Robby nor Randy looked up from forking spaghetti into their mouths.

“What’s that, Mom?” asked Erica, who already knew what the news was.

“Well, you know that your Uncle Bob and I have been friends for years, right?”

“Uh huh,” said Erica, helpfully.

“Well, now we’ve become more than just friends.”

Finally the boys looked at her.

“So are you finally going to get married?” asked Robby.

Julie looked shocked. Erica’s facial expression wasn’t much different.

“Um ... yes ... we are,” stammered Julie. “You ... knew?”

It was Randy who spoke next.

“Anybody could have seen you were gaga for each other.”

“Why didn’t you say anything?” asked their mother.

Both shrugged, but it was Robby’s turn to speak again.

“It wasn’t any of our business,” he said.

“Of course it’s your business,” said Julie automatically. She blinked. “Everything that affects this family is something you should be able to weigh in on.”

“Okay,” said Robby. “We don’t object.”

“So you’re really ... okay with this?”

“I won’t call him Dad,” said Randy. “He’ll always be Uncle Bob to me.”

“I wouldn’t ask you to call him that,” said Julie.

“Okay, then. We’re good,” said Robby. “Anything else?”

“I’m also pregnant,” said Julie, weakly. She winced. She hadn’t meant to tell them that.

“Too much information, Mom,” said Randy.

“Yeah. I don’t want to think about Uncle Bob porking my mother,” Robby agreed.

“He doesn’t pork her!” snapped Erica.

Robby’s head turned.

“And you know this how?”

“You are so crude!” growled Erica.

She got up and left the table. Then she turned around and addressed her mother.

“I’m happy for you, Mom.”

“She doesn’t sound all that happy,” commented Randy, after Erica disappeared.

The attitude the twins displayed was similar to what they’d always done, which was ignore most of what was going on around them. The exception to that was the first time Bob came into the house after they learned their mother was going to marry him, and that he’d gotten her pregnant.

“You dog,” said Randy, punching Bob on the shoulder.

“So you’re okay with me marrying her?” asked Bob.

“It would have been nice if you married her before getting her pregnant,” said Robby.

“Yeah, well, the pregnancy wasn’t planned,” said Bob.

“Nice of you to step up,” said Robby.

“I’m happy to step up,” said Bob. “I never thought I’d be a father. I’m kind of excited about it.”

“That might not last a long time,” said Randy. “We were only two when Erica was born, but I still remember her making a ton of noise, crying all the time.”

“You actually remember that?”