Chapter 61: You’re Wanted in the Office

January 5, 2002, Chicago, Illinois

🎤 Jesse

“Your situation is a bit unusual,” Mr. Kennedy said to my dad after we sat down to eat.

“It’s more than a bit unusual!” Dad replied. “But it works for our family.”

“And Father Basil knows all of this?” Mrs. Kennedy asked.

“I have lunch with him occasionally,” Dad replied. “And before you converted, I did some financial management seminars for the parish, and I also helped manage the building project. All of that happened after he became aware of our unique family situation. We’ve attended services from time to time as well, especially Pascha, though not as often recently.”

“Do any of your other kids attend church?”

Dad shook my head, “Jesse is the only one in the family who attends any kind of religious service. Most of us are agnostic, though there is variation from positive to negative.”

“Positive and negative?” Mr. Kennedy asked.

“Which way our agnosticism leans. For example, the more scientific amongst us would say that the only reason we can’t say is that you can’t logically prove a negative nor can you prove non-existence. Of course, the flip side of that is you can’t prove existence, either, at least philosophically.”

“What do you mean about not being able to prove non-existence?” Macrina asked. “I mean, there are no purple unicorns, for example.”

“That you know of!” Dad replied. “The fact that neither you, nor anyone alive, has seen one, only proves that nobody has seen one, not that they don’t exist.”

“So you don’t believe in God at all?”

“I don’t think there is sufficient evidence for me to say one way or the other,” Dad replied. “But, suffice it to say, I encourage Jesse to follow his spirituality wherever it might lead.”

“Dad brought me to church when I was little,” I said, “and I liked it, so I decided to become Orthodox. Dad was cool about it; my moms took a bit of convincing.”

“What do you do for work, Steve?” Mr. Kennedy asked.

“I’m President and majority stockholder of NIKA Consulting, a company I founded with four friends right after graduation from IIT. We provide software for legal and medical practices, and we provide computer consulting services to a broad range of businesses.”

“How big is your company?”

“We have just under two-hundred-and-fifty employees spread across the country in five main offices - Chicago, which is our headquarters, Pittsburgh, Colorado Springs, Dallas, and Durham, North Carolina.”

“That’s pretty impressive! And the others?”

“Jess is an Attending Physician in trauma surgery at UofC hospital; Kara is a chemistry professor and Assistant Department Chair at UofC, and is a well-known researcher in polymers. Jennifer is an electrical engineer; Josie is a civil engineer; Elyse, who isn’t here, and who is mother to two of my boys, is CFO of my company; Suzanne is a student at UofC. Natalie, who is a close friend of the family, is also a student at UofC. What about you?”

“I work for Motorola as an engineer,” Mr. Kennedy said. “My wife works as a transportation coordinator for a freight company.”

The conversation for the rest of dinner was about everyone’s work, and when we finished dessert, I asked if I could give Macrina a tour of the houses, and both our dads agreed.

“Let’s start in the basement,” I said.

We went downstairs, which put us out of range of anyone hearing us.

“My dad is very uncomfortable with the situation,” Macrina said.

“I noticed. But I suspect my dad will speak privately with your dad and things will be OK. Anyway, down here you can see the pool table, there are also guest rooms, the laundry room, a storage room, a bathroom, and our sauna.”

I led her over to the door to the sauna and opened it.

“I’ve never been in a sauna. What’s it like?”

“Warm!” I chuckled.

“Smart Alec!”

“It’s true! You turn on the heating element, which heats up rocks, then you pour water over them to make steam. It’s really warm and helps you relax. And the whirlpool is nice.”

“Do you wear bathing suits?”

“Usually not. Mostly my family uses it naked, as do our closest friends.”

“Wait! Your sisters have seen you naked? And you have seen them?”

“So?” I asked. “I’ve seen my moms naked, and everyone else, too! Being naked is our natural state, and in Genesis, Adam and Eve were naked and not ashamed.”

“That’s just weird! I’d NEVER let my brother see me naked! Or my dad! Gross!”

I shrugged, “It’s no big deal, really. And it’s up to each person to decide. Some people are comfortable with it, some aren’t.”

“And if I were your girlfriend, you’d be OK with other guys seeing me naked?”

“Why not? Nudity doesn’t imply sex. If you were my steady girlfriend, I’d trust you to be faithful and trust my friends not to do anything wrong. Anyway, let’s finish the tour.”

🎤 Steve

“I have to say this is the strangest situation I’ve ever encountered,” Bill Kennedy said as we sat down in my study, him with brandy, and me with a mug of tea.

“No doubt,” I replied. “But everyone involved consented, and continues to consent, to the relationships. I’m sure you’ll speak to Father Basil about this conversation, and he’ll attest to everything I’ve said, in addition to the fact that Jesse is a fine, well-mannered young man. And despite our rather unusual family configuration, my kids have mostly paired off. Albert has a girlfriend in England, Matthew has a girlfriend from Cincinnati, Stephie and Nicholas are likely to stay a couple for life, even though they’re only eleven.

“And, please do not repeat this, Jesse would have been in a similar situation. There was a girl he met when he was about three months old who very likely would be his girlfriend now, had her mother not moved to Iowa. It was obvious to everyone that eventually they’d be a couple, but her mom was having nothing to do with that and moved away to prevent them from being boyfriend and girlfriend.”

“That seems a bit extreme.”

“To me, too. But I suspect my family configuration had at least something to do with it. The thing is, if you speak to Jesse, you’ll discover he believes in strict monogamy. The same is true for my other kids who have expressed opinions - Stephie and Matthew. I suppose what I’m saying is that my kids have a more conventional view on relationships, despite the exposure.”

“You understand my concern, right?”

I did, though his ‘concern’ wasn’t really his concern, in a matter of speaking. He was concerned about something over which he had no control, neither in the short term nor the long term. In the end, Macrina would make her own decisions about relationships, and barring extreme measures like Carol’s he couldn’t prevent Macrina from expressing her sexuality and creating whatever kind of relationship she felt best met her needs. He could make her life difficult, but he couldn’t control it, at least not once she turned eighteen, and before then, only if he effectively put her under lock and key.

“I do, and I think we both want the same thing for our kids - for them to be healthy, happy, and successful in their pursuits. We differ, I’m sure, in the details, but we have the same goals.

“Safe,” Bill said. “You left off ‘safe’.”

“Because it’s an impossibility. Don’t you think every person who got on planes on September 11th felt safe? And all of the ones who went to work in the World Trade Center and the Pentagon? Safety is an illusion. It’s possible to make things safer, but not safe. May I tell you some personal experiences which might help shed some light on my views?”

“Go ahead.”

“In my own life, a friend of mine was shot while riding in a car on State Street; another friend was killed by a drunk driver while riding in my wife’s car; the wife of my father-in-law died on September 11th on a plane that crashed into the WTC; and my girlfriend in college died of ovarian cancer in her mid-twenties. Safety and security are illusions. All we can do is prepare our kids for the world and provide them with the tools they need to be successful.”

“So you just ignore the whole thing?”

“No, of course not! My kids all carry mobile phones and my daughters, wives, and I all practice karate. I have a firearm permit, and all my kids have been taught to shoot. But all that does is provide them with tools to be safer, it doesn’t make them safe. Do you see the distinction?”

“You’re one of those who insists that no amount of security is worth trading any amount of liberty, right?”

“It’s a bit more nuanced than that, because I’m not an anarchist. But I do believe in the principle of everyone being left alone to live their life as they see fit, so long as what they are doing is consensual.”

“What about protecting your daughters?”

“I think you’ll find Birgit offended by that question,” I chuckled. “She’s a brown belt and is almost ready to earn her black belt.”

“I think you know what I meant,” Bill said firmly, sounding slightly annoyed.

“I do, but me believing that I can control that aspect of her life is even more illusory than what I said about being safe. Unless I were to put her under lock and key, which isn’t really possible, the best I can do is ensure she’s armed with all the information she needs to make an informed decision. Feel free to decline to answer, but could your parents have controlled that aspect of your life when you were a teen or in college?”

“It’s different with girls,” Bill protested.

“Well, unless you were gay, I’d say you had a very different opinion when you were in High School and college.”

Bill shook his head, “No. I have a parent’s perspective now.”

“And Macrina, like my kids, has a teen’s perspective. We need to remember how we thought and felt, and take that into account. Our job is education and guidance. In the end, they make the decisions on how to live their lives, what to study in college, what career they have, who they date, who they marry, when they have kids, and so on. Let’s say you prevent Macrina and Jesse from seeing each other. What will her reaction be? What will she do? And what happens when she starts seeing a boy in secret, one who is not from church?”

“So you’re saying give up?”

“No, I’m saying allow her to see Jesse, despite his family situation. He’s respectful and will treat Macrina properly. That’s about the best you can ask for, and is pretty much what I want to see in a boy who might ask Birgit to go to a school dance or something like that in the next year or two.”

“I think fifteen is too young for them to be a couple.”

“According to Jesse, they’re at the ‘hang out together’ stage. Given the distance, they’ll be able to see each other at church, and then maybe once every few weeks, because Jesse has hockey and other commitments. If they’re here, there will always be an adult around. If they’re at your house, that’s up to you and your wife.”

“That would have to be the case at our house as well. We also don’t allow friends in bedrooms.”

I suppressed a laugh because I had personally had sex in every single room in my house, including the elevator! I was tempted to make my usual observation that one could have sex anywhere and at any time, but I felt that would not go over well.

“My kids have a bit more leeway in that regard,” I replied. “Just make sure Macrina is fully aware of your restrictions, and communicates them to Jesse.”

“You won’t enforce that rule?”

“I can’t enforce that rule,” I replied. “You’ll need to take it up with Jennifer and Josie. What happens in their house is up to them. Our theory is that bedrooms are private spaces, and it’s up to the kids to decide who is allowed in, and that includes their parents. I’d never go into my kids’ rooms without their permission except in a dire emergency.”

“You have an awful lot of faith in your kids.”

“As I should. I respect them as human beings with moral agency. They are neither possessions nor are they subjects. They’re given responsibility for their lives, and I expect them to exercise good judgment. And guess what? That works! Do they make mistakes? Sure, but no more than I do. The secret I learned a long time ago is that if you trust and respect your kids, they’ll trust and respect you. And despite the freedom I give them, they’ve never been in any serious trouble of any kind. In fact, I’d say that’s because of the freedom I give them and the trust I place in them.”

“Your youngest is, what, nine?”

“Yes. And she’s extremely responsible. She’s the one who did most of the work to make tonight’s meal. I supervised until I had to go get Jess at the hospital, and then Birgit supervised. You need to start when they’re very young, but I guarantee you that you’ll have a much better relationship with your kids if you were to do things closer to how I do them than to how society believes they should be done.

“If this is a sore subject, stop me, but I understand from Jesse your eldest son and you are basically no longer on speaking terms because of his choice to stay at your old church. I have to ask, has arguing with him or threatening him done anything, anything at all, to sway his opinion?”

“I’d rather not discuss that.”

“As is your right,” I replied. “All I want to say is that a different approach might be more effective.”

“You have an awful lot of advice for someone who doesn’t know us very well.”

“Perhaps so, but it’s been learned through hard lessons and difficult circumstances. Don’t let the trappings of wealth fool you into thinking any of us have had an easy life. Granted, we’re not at risk of starvation or homelessness, and have all the creature comforts anyone could want, but all of it came after serious personal struggles.

“Nobody has to take any advice anyone gives, though it never hurts to listen to it. That said, tell me not to, and I won’t, but people who do listen to me and take my advice tend to be very successful and often make a lot of money to boot. That’s true of me, too. I have people I listen to for advice, and they’ve been key to my success. And I encourage my kids to find adults who can advise them as well. May I make one suggestion?”

“Can I stop you?”

“Yes.”

“I suppose you can go ahead.”

“Speak with Father Basil before you make any decisions and get his input.”

🎤 Jesse

“How come you live here, and not in the bigger house?”

“Because I live with my moms. They wanted to raise me, and that was the agreement they made with my dad when they made me. It’s like my brothers who live with my Aunt Elyse and her boyfriend out in Aurora. And it’s not like I can’t go into the main house whenever I want. My room is nice, and here I have the basement basically all to myself. Let me show you.”

We went down to the basement.

“This is my rec room, plus there’s a room where I hang all my hockey gear that has a dehumidifier.”

“What’s the screen?”

“For the projection TV,” I replied. “It has a DVD player and my gaming console connected to it. And there’s a stereo.”

“Whoa! And that table, what’s with that?”

“It’s a gaming table. Right now, the top is off because we were playing poker the other night.”

“And this is just for you?”

“Yes. My moms use the living room TV and they pretty much never bother me when I’m down here.”

I showed her the rest of the house, and then we went back to the main house to join the family. About an hour later, the Kennedys left, and Dad and I went to his study.

“What did they say?” I asked.

“Macrina’s dad is worried about the same thing every parent of a teenage girl is worried about.”

“Except you! Well, and some of the cousins’ parents. Will she be able to come here?”

“I’m not sure. He was seriously uncomfortable with our family situation. I suggested he have a word with Father Basil.”

“Macrina is going to be ticked.”

Dad nodded, “Probably so. I obliquely warned him about that, because we’ve seen this movie before.”

I sighed, “I like her, and I thought everything was cool with her parents, but I guess not.”

“Just hang in there,” Dad said. “I think Father Basil will be able to convince them to let you and Macrina go out. You know we don’t have a problem with you taking the train out to Downers Grove. And next month, you’ll get your driving license.”

I had an idea which would get around almost any restrictions that Mr. Kennedy might make, but it was such a ‘dad thing’, I wasn’t sure it was a good idea.

“I see that smirk, Little Duck,” Dad chuckled. “What are you thinking?”

“You’re going to laugh! I was thinking about the apartment Mom One told me you had access to when you were in High School and the NIKA apartment.”

Dad laughed, hard, “So, now that you’ve evicted me from your head, you want to follow in my footsteps?”

“More like adopting a successful strategy from someone who perfected it!”

“I can’t make any promises, and the apartment is being used quite a bit these days. I’d also have to check with Elyse about liability. It’s a good idea, but it probably won’t work out. It would be different if I held the lease. That’s how it was in Milford - my mentor held the lease personally, not a business.”

“It was just a silly idea, really. We’ll work it out. About driving out there, will I be able to use one of the BMWs as we discussed?”

“Yes,” Dad replied. “If there’s a conflict, we’ll work something out. Your birthday is on a Friday. When is hockey practice?”

“Friday is our day off in January, but once the playoffs start in February, things will change based on our schedule, so I’m not sure.”

“Then we’ll plan for Saturday; your license takes precedence.”

“You have your check-up in February, and you’re going to Vermont as usual, right?”

“Yes. Presidents’ Day weekend for Vermont, and then Mayo when we come back. I’ll miss whatever game is the weekend of the 16th and 17th, unfortunately.”

“Those are part of the round-robin, which we should win. The single-elimination games are more exciting.”

“I always like watching you play!”

“And I’m glad you’re there. Speaking of watching, do we have Matthew’s play schedule?”

“No. I should get it from Elyse this coming week. Michael’s robot battle competition is on the 19th.”

“We play that morning.”

“There’s no conflict. The competition starts at 2:00pm. Are you coming with me?”

“Yes! He was telling me about the ‘bot. It’s going to be cool.”

“Agreed!”

January 6, 2002, Carol Stream, Illinois

On Sunday morning, Macrina came and stood next to me, which I thought was a good sign, but we really couldn’t speak until the service was over. Three hours later, we left the nave for the parish hall.

“What did your parents say?”