Chapter 55: You’re Not Going to Believe This One

December 31, 2001, Chicago, Illinois

🎤 Steve

“That was fun!” I smirked when we left the bedroom to return to the ‘Indian’ room.

“He’s SO annoying!” Kara faux whined. “Maybe a naval cat o’ nine tails? With the knots at the end? Or maybe shards of glass?”

“We’re looking for discipline, not corporal punishment!” Jessica objected. “Though at times like this, I wonder!”

“I obeyed every command!” I declared. “And neither of you are complaining about orgasms from my tongue!”

“He might have a point,” Kara said. “But those five little girls wore you out!”

“Don’t forget Sarah!” I added. “Six!”

“So, if the pizza party had gone for about fourteen hours, you COULD have had all twelve!” Kara exclaimed.

“So it wouldn’t be pure fiction if I were to write it!” I declared.

My wives both laughed.

“On a more pressing topic, do we have everything for the party?” Jessica asked.

“Yes. Also, I’m not sure if they told you, but Suzanne and Natalie invited friends from UofC who live in the area, a mix of guys and girls. And Mike let me know that there will be a few new Navy men here tonight.”

“College girls and Navy men seem to mix well!” Kara observed. “Jess, did you invite Emilee?”

“Steve did. She’ll be here, along with Myles, and one other Resident, Ricky.”

“My grad student Latricia will be here as well,” Kara said. “I’m pretty sure she’s bringing her boyfriend.”

“Sounds good,” I replied. “I know a few of the parents who’ll have kids next door will be here, and we want to discourage them from ‘just checking up’ on the kids. MC and Mike will have it under control, and Jerry and Mia are responsible adults, even if other parents don’t see it that way. Terry will make one trip over to check on things, but Amber tolerates him doing that because she accepts the cover of making sure they have all the food and drinks they need.”

“But if Penny did the same thing, Amber would lose it,” Kara groused. “Just like YOUR daughter if I went over!”

“I thought we agreed to put that behind us and that the armistice was holding.”

“Sorry,” Kara said meekly. “Old habits.”

“Birgit is trying. The larger issue at the moment is her increased nosiness.”

Jessica laughed, “The hormones are strong with that one!”

“Is it really a problem?” Kara asked.

“She’s started fishing for details,” I replied, “which, at her age, and given the environment, isn’t really a surprise. There’s a difference between knowing the basic mechanics and understanding how a sexual encounter unfolds. And you both know that there is huge variation. Our daughter is trying to gather information, and I actually believe that’s healthy, to a point.”

“You’re worried about her most important question, right?” Jessica asked.

“Yes, of course. And that makes me wary of how I answer her questions about sex. I don’t want to say anything that seems like encouragement, if you get my drift.”

“Oh, I do. She’s going to have the mother-of-all snits and Dad is going to be on her shit list, at least for a short time.”

“Probably,” I agreed. “And I think it’s important for the two of you to try to guide her so she doesn’t do anything foolish. Don’t get me wrong, if my daughter wants to fuck, that’s her business, but doing it simply because I firmly refuse her request is a recipe for disaster.”

“You think she’d run off and fuck the first available man without any concern about the consequences?”

“I think that’s entirely possible. She’ll be emotional AND horny, and that, beautiful wives, is a dangerous combination!”

“Why do I think he’s referring to us?”

“Our lovemaking at Christmas after our ‘Year in the Wilderness’ was dangerous for both of us,” Kara said. “I wasn’t emotionally stable, even though I pretended to be. Steve wasn’t, either, though he didn’t pretend.”

“And don’t forget Penny when she was a teenager - she was mad at Alice for something or another and her immediate response was to want to fuck.”

“I thought that was Penny’s basic response to ANY external stimuli!” Kara said, causing both Jessica and me to laugh.

“You might have a point,” I chuckled, “but that was before her fifteenth birthday. And she’s not the only one who’s had that response.”

“I know this goes against what I said the other day, but I’d suggest sending her to Katy,” Kara said. “I suspect Katy already knows about Birgit’s heart’s desire.”

“She does,” I said. “But Birgit doesn’t know I know, and we should keep it that way.”

“I agree,” Kara said.

🎤 Jesse

“OK, seriously, how much crazier can Rachel’s mom get?” Libby asked.

“Don’t ask!” I replied quickly. “Between her and Francesca’s mom, they seem to want to outdo each other!”

“I think we’re lucky Rachel is even allowed to be around us at Libby’s or Tiffany’s houses,” Birgit said.

“Her mom hasn’t reached ‘crazy town’ just yet,” I said, “she’s in the outskirts, though! You were Rachel’s only friend for a long time and even her mom isn’t crazy enough to try to stop that. Yet.”

“If her mom wants to ensure Rachel fucks the entire hockey team, that would do it!” Amber declared.

“Not happening,” I chuckled, then raised my voice just a bit. “I have enough crazy moms to deal with in this house alone!”

“I HEARD that!” Mom One called out from the kitchen.

“You were supposed to!” I called back.

Libby, Amber, and Birgit all laughed.

“I came over to say that Dad said it was OK to start setting up,” Amber said. “I have the crystal meth and Everclear hidden in my room, along with the Viagra and a case of rubbers.”

“Don’t say that too loud,” Libby said, giggling, “some of the overprotective parents might actually believe you!”

“I think your mom’s dog got into the meth,” I teased.

“Mom’s dog doesn’t need meth!” Amber giggled. “Dad says her first dog was just as crazy! And your dad always says he’s one bark away from a stroke!”

“Meth might calm him down,” Libby smirked. “You know, the way Ritalin does for kids who have ADHD!”

“That’s just so much bullshit because the schools have decided that little kids shouldn’t act the way little kids have always acted!” I declared. “And they don’t get enough exercise at recess and the teachers don’t want to be bothered, so they drug them! Can you imagine ME without hockey?”

“Poster child for ADHD!” Libby said. “Though I think you might find other ways to work off all that energy!”

“Not THAT much! Even I can’t do it THAT much!”

“Wanna test that theory?” Amber asked, licking her lips.

“You’re twelve-and-a-half!” I protested. “That’s just too young.”

“Says YOU!” Amber retorted. “I get to decide!”

“Yes, you do. For you. And so do I. For me.”

She pouted, but there was just no way it was going to happen, and I wasn’t at all interested in her. And if I were going to even think about a girl under fourteen, it was Lara, who was thirteen-and-a-half and looked more and more like her mom every day. And General Dmitry’s wife Tanya was the most beautiful woman I knew besides Aunt Kara.

“Let’s go,” I said. “We need to grab the coolers from the basement for the pop.”

Libby and I went to the basement, then the four of us went to Amber’s house where Andy helped us get everything ready. I got one of the bags of ice Uncle Terry and I had bought from the freezer and put it in the cooler, then Amber and Andy filled it with seven different kinds of pop while I went to the main house to get some mix CDs that Dad had copied for us. I saw Uncle Kurt and Aunt Kathy come into Dad’s house, and they said that their kids had gone straight to Amber’s house.

🎤 Steve

“The girls will come over for a dance before midnight,” Kathy said.

“I let Birgit know that was OK,” I said. “I’m sure she’ll come over for her ‘Daddy/daughter’ dance as well.”

“I think she’d have to be in a coma in the ICU for that not to happen!”

“They’re all getting awfully independent,” Kurt observed.

“As it should be,” I replied. “But María Cristina and Mike will be there to make sure that independence doesn’t lead to anything which might cause us trouble with other parents.”

“And those two are acceptable to the Queen of the Universe,” Kathy declared. “My daughters would say the same thing, though. They don’t have the same use for Mom as they did when they were younger.”

“TELL me about it!” Kara groused.

“Boys are worse!” Jessica complained. “Albert was barely six when Mom became a nuisance.”

“I think Keith felt that way the minute he was weaned!” Kathy said lightly. “Once he could move around and Dad could feed him, the testosterone took over!”

“As much as you all grouse about it,” I said, “this is what we all want. That doesn’t make it any easier, but it is the right way to raise kids.”

“You just seem to take it all in stride,” Kurt said.

“Blame or credit his mom,” Kathy replied. “He’s done everything possible to not be her, and this is the end result, though he did finally get the monkey off his back about ten years ago.”

“True,” Kara agreed.

“What can we do to help?” Kurt asked.

“Nearly everything is ready. The girls helped Kara and Jess this morning. So come in and relax.”

“Who from Cincinnati will be here?” Kathy asked as we moved to the sunroom.

“Jake, Joyce, and the kids are still in town. Deborah, Krissy, and the kids will be here anytime now. Josh and Mary should have arrived this morning, so I expect them shortly.”

“So, basically the whole gang. Will Trudy Spencer be here?”

“Yes, with a new paramour,” I chuckled. “Melanie is a little freaked out, which has Pete amused.”

“You have to admit, your mom dating when you’re in your late thirties is a bit disconcerting!” Kathy observed. “I thought it was weird when my mom was dating while I was in college!”

“I never felt that way,” Kara said. “I just wanted Mom to be happy. And Paul has made her very happy.”

“I didn’t say I didn’t want my mom to be happy, I just don’t want to know she’s dating!”

We all laughed.

“You still have that hang-up?” I asked.

“Says the man who is still hung up on teenage Kathy’s pubic hair!” Kurt declared, causing everyone to laugh again.

“We all have our quirks!” I replied, mentally cursing the travesty Kurt had committed.

“Says the quirkiest man I know!” Kathy declared, causing everyone to laugh again.

[Cincinnati, Ohio] 🎤 Matthew

“Hi, Brenda!” Chelsea exclaimed when Brenda arrived at Chelsea’s house before the party.

“Hi, Chelsea; hi, Matt!”

“Hi,” I replied.

“You aren’t going to believe this,” Brenda said. “Staci is preggers!”

“Zach?!” Chelsea gasped.

“Yes. She’s only fifteen and I heard her dad was going to talk to the cops because Zach is eighteen.”

“Seriously?” I asked. “I mean, I know Ohio’s age of consent is sixteen, and that Zach is a two-timing low-life, but that’s pretty harsh.”

“Four-timing,” Brenda said flatly.

“Yeah, sorry, but you know what I meant.”

“You lucked out there!” Chelsea said. “You have to be glad you didn’t let him have what he wanted!”

“TMI,” I said. “Not for my ears.”

Brenda and Chelsea both laughed.

“He’s so cute!” Brenda declared. “If he doesn’t want to hear ‘girl talk’ he should scram!”

“It’s just that stuff like that should be private,” I said.

“You’re worried because Chelsea is going to be eighteen in May, right?”

“No comment.”

“If there was something more obvious in the world than you two sleeping together, I don’t know what it might be!”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” I said.

“Uhm, me neither,” Chelsea quickly added.

I wondered who else Chelsea had told, and who might blab in the future. That could cause problems if the wrong person found out about it. If she were my age, nobody would care, but she was more than three years older than I was, and that made people care, even if it really was none of their business. Violent revolution was looking more and more like the only solution.

“What’s the problem?” Brenda asked.

“You just said it!” Chelsea replied. “Let’s drop it, please.”

“Sorry,” Brenda said.

“So what’s Staci going to do?” Chelsea asked.

“They’re really strict Catholic, so I can’t imagine she’ll have an abortion. That means Zach will have to pay child support if Staci keeps the baby and doesn’t give him or her up for adoption.”

“That’s going to wreck Zach’s scholarship, I bet.”

“Maybe,” Brenda replied. “I’m not sure it matters.”

“If he has to work to pay child support, he’s going to have a heck of a challenge playing football.”

“Oh, I see what you mean. No idea.”

“And a perfect example of why you need to use reliable birth control every single time,” I said.

“So, Zach is a two-timing low-life AND an idiot!” Chelsea declared. “I know it sucks, but you’re better off without someone like that.”

“I know,” Brenda replied.

“And Marcie invited Kevin. He’s awesome and not a jock. And not seeing anyone! Let’s head over to Marcie’s!”

[Chicago, Illinois] 🎤 Birgit

“We’ll take them!” I exclaimed when Dad’s friends Deborah and Krissy arrived with John and James.

“Who’s in charge?” Krissy asked.

“We are,” María Cristina said. “Mike and I will be here all evening. Mia and Jerry are here, too - they’re college students. And there’s a designated babysitter to keep an eye on the littlest ones. Her name is Lisa, and she’s a Junior at Mount Carmel, a Catholic High School.”

“I told you Steve would have everything set up!” Deborah said. “Let’s go party!”

Right after they left, Joseph and Amelia arrived, which meant that Aunt Joyce and Uncle Jake had arrived, and a few minutes later, Uncle Josh brought Sandra in. The surprise was when General Dmitry brought Lara into the house and had a quiet conversation with MC. I was SURE that was about Jesse, because he liked Lara a lot. Other friends started showing up, even though the party wouldn’t really start for another hour. We had lots of snacks out, including some pizzas, so all the kids were eating and talking.

I was bummed that Rachel couldn’t be at the party, and even though she’d thought about sneaking out, she decided against it because we all agreed her mom was just crazy enough to call the police even though there was literally nothing bad going on in the house. Amber had joked about it, but Jesse, Amber, and I all agreed on no drugs and no alcohol. As for sex, except for Jesse and his friends, nobody was really old enough, despite Amber’s offer to Jesse earlier in the day.

“Where’s your brother?” Adi asked when she came into the house.

“He and Libby are downstairs with their friends from school,” I said. “Are you able to stay until midnight?”

“Yes. Mom and Dad are staying at your dad’s house until after midnight and I’ll go home with them.”

“Cool! At least your parents are sane!”

“Libby and Jesse told me about Rachel’s mom! What a loon!”

“So true!” I agreed.

🎤 Steve

“So, about that favor you owe me!” Mary Harrison teased when she and Josh came into the house.

“What did your husband say?”

Mary laughed, “What he always says! You have ‘special privileges’ and he doesn’t object. And I don’t mean that as ‘acquiescence’!”

“You know my price,” I chuckled.

“Bastard!” Mary growled.

“I am nothing if not consistent!”

“Or maybe calling you an ‘asshole’ is more fitting!”

I shrugged, “Your call!”

“You set that price because you know I’m not interested!”

“Not interested enough,” I teased.

“Oh, poo! But hold on now, if you owe ME a favor, you don’t get to set the conditions!”

“I most certainly do! I won’t commit a murder, though I might rough someone up!”

“OK, Don Stephano! But this is something you WOULD do! And you’ve used that demand to avoid having to pay up other times, too!”

“You do realize his entire goal is to frustrate you, right?” Josh said coming up behind her.

We shook hands.

“And he’s very good at it!” Mary complained. “In any event, I understand from Samantha that the Voronins are checked into the hotel in Rochester and that Anya will check in tomorrow so they can do preliminary tests.”

I nodded, “Yes, that’s what Samantha said when I spoke to her earlier. She’ll be here any minute now. Tanya and Larisa flew down from Rochester this afternoon and she and Dmitry are in the sunroom, and imagine my surprise when Katya showed up earlier.”

“I’m going to go talk to her about KGB methods!”

“Good luck!” I smirked.

“He dated Tanya Voronin and survived,” Josh observed.

“You are NO help,” Mary complained. “Go get a drink!”

“Yes, Dear,” Josh deadpanned.

[Cincinnati, Ohio] 🎤 Matthew

“What are the rules?” I asked.

“You have him well trained!” Marcie declared.

Chelsea laughed softly, “It’s OK to dance with anyone here, Matt. Everyone knows we’re a couple so nobody will try anything.”

“Now that those bitch cheerleaders are on our shit list!” Marcie declared. “And to think I thought they were cool! Anyway, Matt, there’s a ping-pong table and a bumper pool table in the basement, and my brother said we can use his Nintendo 64 - that’s on the 35” TV in the family room. Food is in the kitchen, and it’s OK to take it anywhere on this floor or the basement, except the living room, which mom locked. And nobody is supposed to be upstairs except to use the bathroom in the hallway.”

“Got it,” I said. “Chelsea, do you want something to drink?”

“Sprite, please.”

“Like I said, well trained!” Marcie declared causing a few other kids around us to laugh.

As I got a Coke for myself and Chelsea’s Sprite, I thought that it had nothing to do with being ‘trained’, but with being polite and respectful. Even if you didn’t really mean it, doing those things made adults much more comfortable and that led to freedom, which was the most important thing. I got cans from the ice chest, opened them, and then went back to where Chelsea was standing with Marcie, Brenda, and Camille, plus Alex and another guy I didn’t know.