Chapter 51: Mind or Body?

December 29, 2001, Chicago, Illinois

🎤 Steve

“How did they do?” Kara asked when Hope and I walked into the house on Saturday afternoon.

“Bronze medal,” I said. “They lost to a Canadian team in the semis, but beat a Canadian team in the first twenty seconds of overtime in the bronze-medal game. Where is my usual welcoming committee?”

Kara pouted, “I’m not good enough for you?”

“You are, but usually I get mobbed when I come home from a trip!”

“Poor baby,” Kara said with faux sympathy. “Albert is at Dave’s, though he’ll be home soon. The girls are out with Kathy and her girls, along with a few friends. Estrella tagged along with them.”

I chuckled, “And Birgit recruits another older girl for her posse! What’s the dinner plan?”

“The girls are having dinner out. There’s a small roast in the oven, which will be ready at 6:30pm, which gives us time to walk to get Jessica.”

“What about Sarah?”

“She called to say she’ll arrive around 9:00pm.”

“OK. I’m going to unpack, get a load of laundry started, check my email, and then we can go get Jess.”

“Is Suzanne home?” Hope asked.

“Yes,” Kara said. “She said it was OK to stay in her room with her, if you like.”

“Is it OK to do laundry after Steve does his?”

“Of course.”

“Thanks.”

We headed upstairs and I went to my room and unpacked, then took the hamper with my laundry to the basement and started the machine. Once it was running, I went to my study and turned on my computer. I checked my personal and work email, and found nothing important, though Samantha had emailed me the itinerary for the flight, which she’d communicated directly to Vanya.

Kara and I left to get Jessica just as Albert arrived home, and as we passed, I asked him to set the table.

“Anything interesting happen in Grand Rapids?” Kara asked as we walked south along Woodlawn Avenue.

“I called to tell you about Anya Voronina, but otherwise, just a relaxing few days. Marissa, Natalie, Hope, and I had a pair of impromptu ‘rap sessions’ partly at a meal, partly in the whirlpool in my suite, and Marissa and I were together. The girls did contemplate some form of threesome, but I more or less talked them out of it.”

“Was there a problem?”

“Just three girls who got to speculating about something and who had a bit of curiosity, but not enough to overcome my natural resistance. None of them were disappointed by that, either. And it was that discussion that led to Marissa and me being together. I think, ultimately, that’s what she wanted, but didn’t want to interfere with Hope and me.”

“Were they talking about sapphic?”

“Only in the sense that none of them were interested in that with each other.”

“With each other?” Kara asked.

“Someone has an interest in experimenting, but with a specific person in mind.”

“But you aren’t going to tell?”

“A confidence I can’t reveal.”

“I don’t like those!” Kara protested.

“Says the woman who, tomorrow, is going to have her fantasy fulfilled in living color!”

“I want it all!” Kara demanded.

I laughed, “Now you sound like Birgit!”

“It seems to work for her!”

“Oh, please!” I protested. “Unless something new happened while I was gone, she is treating you with more respect.”

“That doesn’t make her not annoying!”

“She and Jesse are experts at getting under people’s skin.”

“Not yours!”

I laughed again, “That’s not even remotely true! The key is not to react to them in any way that shows that you’re annoyed or that they bother you. It’s the same thing I told Birgit all along about Jesse. She eventually learned.”

“The wrong lesson!” Kara groused.

“Birgit is never going to be as sweet as Stephie or Ashley. It’s just not her nature. She expects things to be done to her satisfaction and she’s very demanding, as is a certain chemistry professor of my acquaintance, at least with regard to her students.”

“Nice save, Snuggle Bear!”

“And, I’ll point out, that’s also the case for Birgit’s other mother, with regard to HER students.”

“Speaking of being annoying...”

“The two of you need to put the ‘Vermont Incident’ behind you. Both of you are extremely annoyed with each other over that. Both of you are reacting exactly as I would have expected, and exactly in line with your personalities. You both just need to let it go, because as I’ve said, you were both right, and there was no possible compromise in your positions.”

“How could we both be right?”

“Because she didn’t want you to go to Vermont but you were compelled to go to Vermont. I can’t fault either of you, nor object to either feeling. Birgit rightly felt everything was OK because Katy and Sheriff Don were there. You rightly felt, as her mom, that you needed to protect her, even if after the fact. I agree with both of you because, independent of each other, those reactions are logical, acceptable, and correct. It’s when you try to synthesize common ground that the contradictions arise. And that’s why I explained to Birgit that she can’t fault you for reacting like a mom.”

“I’m not trying to start a fight, but I still don’t understand how you can be so calm about the fact that a man tried to abuse your pre-teen daughter.”

“Who says I’m not or wasn’t? Birgit handled herself well, two people I trust implicitly were there to help her, and the young man in question is fortunate that our daughter didn’t do any permanent damage. That kid is also lucky Don didn’t shoot him on general principles. Birgit and I talked it over and I was convinced she was, and is, OK. But I’m not you, Honey, and I completely supported, and still support, you going to Vermont. I don’t see how you could have done otherwise, and that’s what I told Birgit.

“Fundamentally, the two of you need to accept each other’s responses as valid, and move on. If you don’t, the rift is going to grow, and make things worse. Every little thing each of you does will annoy the other, in an endless cycle, until your relationship is badly fractured or even broken. My advice, and I’ll give the same to Birgit, is to sit down and talk about it, and truly listen to each other. I suggest a neutral referee be in attendance.”

“You?”

“Oh, hell no!” I chuckled. “I’m not foolish enough to get in the middle of that! Not to mention you wouldn’t accept me as a neutral referee. Katy or Kathy would be good choices. Both you and Birgit trust both of them.”

“Are you saying you think I don’t trust you?” Kara asked warily.

“No, I’m saying you think I favor Birgit. And, looking at it from your perspective, I understand and accept that. But I think it’s far more nuanced. I support Birgit being an independent young woman, even if I don’t always agree with her decisions and choices. But the one thing I learned growing up was that, in the end, my agreement is completely irrelevant. So I accept what she does, even if I don’t agree.

“In a sense, it’s like my approach to anything with which I disagree. The hot button issue is abortion, and my position is that I accept that it must be legal and readily available, even if I don’t agree with most women’s decisions in that regard. But my agreement, or lack thereof, is completely and totally irrelevant. That’s the fundamental basis for tolerance - accepting the reality of a situation even if you don’t agree. Tolerance doesn’t require agreement nor does it require support. All that’s required is grudging acceptance.

“To quote Thomas Jefferson on another topic, but applicable to this and many others - ’But it does me no injury for my neighbor to say there are twenty gods or no god. It neither picks my pocket nor breaks my leg’. We’ve lost that thread in the US, and that’s sown the seeds of destruction of the basic «kami» of American public life. We’re at a point where too many people believe that their neighbors’ private lives are no longer their private business.

“We barely escaped Soviet-style ‘inform on your neighbor’ with the ‘Red Scare’ and the House Un-American Activities Committee. We’re running headlong down the path again, and the USA Patriot Act, FISA courts, and all the other legislation that amounts to Soviet-style surveillance, are far worse than anything that happened in the McCarthy Era.”

“So, logically, the tiff between Birgit and me is responsible for the destruction of America?”

I laughed, “Sorry, I did go off on a political rant. But think about what’s happening between you and Birgit and multiply it tens-of-millions of times, and think about what happens to society overall.”

“You are the most annoying man I know!” Kara groused.

“Thank you,” I said smugly.

“You and Jesse have that smug act perfected. You’re both little shits!”

“We know,” I chuckled. “But in all seriousness, have a heart-to-heart with our daughter and listen to her. I’ll have a similar conversation with her, and then the two of you sit down with Kathy or Katy and work it out before attitudus teenagicus prevents the conversation.”

“Did you just mindfuck me?”

“Why yes, I do believe I did!”

“Why don’t men seem to have this problem?”

“Fundamentally different approaches to life. If two guys disagree, even to the point of coming to blows, they go have a beer afterwards and don’t let the disagreement wreck the friendship. The one regular exception to that would be if the disagreement is about - and I use this term only for effect - ‘possession’ of a female. Otherwise, even mortal enemies can have a drink.”

“You and Dante?”

“Dante was never my enemy in my mind. Now, if you ask about the Brauns or Brandon Littleton, I might give you a different answer. But even with them, I’d be open to reconciliation and a drink, though obviously, that’s no longer possible with Littleton. It’s not like that with girls, at least from what I’ve seen. When they don’t like each other, or have a serious spat, reconciliation is difficult, if not impossible.

“That said, as with all observations like that, there are exceptions. But overall, we’ve seen that with the kids. A girl on the outs with other girls has almost no chance of being restored, while boys will basically let even their worst enemies into a pickup game of whichever sport is in season. We’ve seen it happen.”

“Margaret Lundgren? Lisa Glass? Your mom?”

“Remember, I worked with Margaret Lundgren at the behest of Jeri, Samantha, and Alec Glass. Once she fired her bolts and was no longer a threat, I set that aside and worked with the Foundation. Lisa Glass, well, she was fake the entire time I knew her, and I’m not sure I’d ever trust anything she said or did, which makes any kind of reconciliation impossible.

“Noel and I figured out a solution, and I respected his business acumen, if not his complete amorality. We agreed on some basic principles of business, but he put profits over everything except following SEC regulation. My views on profit are nuanced - it’s required to stay in business, but it can’t take priority over everything else. That didn’t mean I couldn’t do business with him, or with Dante, who had some of the same basic ideas about business. The two men had a lot in common, though Noel put on the veneer of an aristocrat, while Dante was more vulgar.

“As for my mom, that’s a complex situation which can only ever be resolved if she meets me somewhere along the continuum away from the position she staked out when I was growing up. With the exception of keeping her mouth shut, she hasn’t budged one iota. There is no way to even get close to her position without destroying everything I think is good in my life.”

“But isn’t her silence grudging acceptance?”

“Yes and no. It is, in the sense that she no longer tries to stop what I’m doing. That said, it’s not, really, because if she could put a stop to it, she would. Going back to my point about abortion, even if I had the power to stop it, I wouldn’t, except perhaps by moral suasion combined with excellent sex education and ensuring easy access to effective birth control. But that’s a far cry from unilaterally preventing it.”

“Does anything really bother you? I mean besides the political and social things on your rant list?”

“I think it can all be summed up in one simple statement - what truly bothers me is when people refuse to leave me alone and let me live my life as I see fit. That was the basic founding principle of America, and we’ve lost it.”

We arrived at the hospital and saw Jess waiting with Emilee, and Kara and I kissed and hugged Jess.

“I invited Emilee to dinner,” Jessica said. “I know you were making a roast, so I was sure there would be enough food.”

“There is,” Kara replied and the four of us started walking towards home.

“How are things going, Emilee?” I asked.

“Better. I actually had coffee with a couple of my fellow medical students. They aren’t as dumb as I thought they were.”

“Oh yes, they are!” Jessica exclaimed, but she was laughing.

“Ignore Jess, Emilee,” I advised. “Being an Attending has given her delusions of grandeur! And you know the difference between God and a trauma surgeon, right?”

“God doesn’t think he’s a trauma surgeon!” Emilee replied.

“You know,” Jess replied flatly, “evaluations are due in two weeks.”

“‘Student is honest and forthright, and understands the medical profession’,” I said with a smirk. “Five out of five.”

“Careful, Tiger!” Jessica warned.

“I just call ‘em as I see them! So, Emilee, all kidding aside, what’s up?”

“I hoped that after dinner you’d fuck me for an hour or so.”

“Mind, not body, right?” I said.

“Doctor Adams, does he EVER take the bait?”

“Only when he thinks that would be funnier or allow him to turn the tables on you. Or he really wants whatever it is that’s on offer, and is testing to see if you’re kidding or not.”

“Should I be insulted?”

“No, not really,” Jessica replied. “First, I’m pretty sure Tiger actually does want to fuck you, but he doesn’t think that’s what you need, and it would require setting aside a firm rule about not being involved with anyone from the hospital. That’s possible, obviously, but he’d have to be convinced it was in your best interest.”

“That’s more or less what he said the last time we spoke.”

“Remember your goals,” I said. “You want to join the guild, and everything you do should be towards that end, with the proviso that to get into the guild, you have to convince the other members that you’re truly worthy. And that’s not just about being able to cut along the dotted line and follow the instructions in a textbook to remove a hot appendix. Each step you take has to further the goals, again with the caveat that it’s more than just medical knowledge and being able to do procedures. Mindfucking was a prerequisite; the other kind, not so much. But it’s your call.”

“You are SO weird!” Emilee said, shaking her head.

“Thank you!”

“Why did you call it a guild?” Emilee asked.

“Oh God,” Jessica groaned, “please don’t poke the bear!”

“Steve will tell you the truth,” Kara smirked. “I’m actually a doctor, with a PhD. Jessica has a vocational certificate for medicine, and is called by a title improperly appropriated by the medical community! In England, surgeons are called ‘Mr.’ or ‘Miss’, NOT ‘Doctor’. Ditto for dentists!”

“See?!” Jessica groused. “See what you did?!”

“The truth hurts, Babe,” I chuckled. “But you even have the trappings of a vocational trade - apprentice, journeyman, master! You just call them medical students, Resident Physicians, and Attending Physicians!”

“You’re pulling our legs!” Emilee exclaimed.

“Yes, and no,” I replied. “Everything we said is accurate, but it’s a contrary interpretation of the situation from what most people think. Think about that for a moment.”

“One set of facts, two different interpretations?” Emilee asked.

“Exactly. And both can be logically defended and supported with evidence. Remember, if you survive, you’ll have an MD, not a PhD, which is what Kara was referring to. And you are trained in a pattern that is more similar to the skilled trades than how the usual doctoral candidate is trained.”

“Washing test tubes!” Jessica exclaimed gleefully. “That was fun, wasn’t it Kara?”

“Every training program, bar none, has some kind of scut,” I interjected. “My architecture friends spent years doing what amounted to scut before they had the chance to actually design a building on their own. My lawyer friends spent years doing research and writing briefs before they actually represented a client of their own. The programmers we hire often do code maintenance and bug fixing before they are assigned to new development.”

“I should probably wait until we’re in private to ask, but what’s the point of scut?”

“My view? Or the medical profession’s?”

“Both, actually.”

“As with almost anything else, it depends on the context. I’ll wager anything you care to wager that Jessica used it as punishment for you, which is a way of trying to make a point. I think that’s wrong, but it is what it is, and I can’t change it. It’s also a hazing ritual, another thing which I cannot abide. That said, there is a strong basis for assigning menial tasks to a new person. Care to speculate?”

“If I let you live long enough to hear her answer, Tiger!” Jessica threatened.

“Ignore her,” I said with a wink to Jessica, “at least in this instance. In another context, she’d agree with me, but in front of a student, she can’t, because it would violate the physicians Prime Directive, which is to never let the underlings know that you consider the training system complete and utter bullshit, which Jessica AND her dad both do.”

“Seriously?” Emilee asked incredulously.

“Seriously. I’ve let you in on their dirty little secret, and you have to keep that to yourself. I mean it. If you start fomenting rebellion and claim that Jess and Al Barton back you, the next thing you’ll be saying is ‘Do you want fries with that?’ because there are right ways and wrong ways to do things. Anyway, back to my question - care to speculate about why assigning menial tasks to underlings is a good thing?”

“I’m going to guess you think it builds character, or whatever it is you say to kids when you tell them to do something they don’t like or want to do.”

“I could say that, but I think a better way to say it is that in addition to ensuring you know the entire system, top to bottom, it also helps you understand all the things that have to happen so you are able to get that patient into surgery and remove the hot appendix. Samples have to be collected and delivered. Tests have to be run and the results retrieved. Patients have to be prepped for surgery. Vitals have to be taken. None of that happens magically. Someone has to do it, and you need to understand that without those things being done, medicine is impossible. And it’s key for you to learn one important thing - nothing, and I mean nothing, is beneath you if it ensures a good outcome for the patient.”