Chapter 44: Patented Process

December 16, 2001, Greater Chicagoland, Illinois

🎤 Jesse

Being an Orthodox Christian guy, I knew what those words meant, and they were ones which would strike fear into the heart of any mortal man! Macrina asking to stand next to me was her way of making a claim for me. I’d seen it before, and it was a warning shot across the bows of any other wanna-be babushka, that I was off-limits. I was tempted to say ‘no’, but I didn’t want to cause a commotion which would attract any attention with the bishop standing less than ten feet away.

“Yes,” I whispered back.

She smiled and moved close enough for our shoulders to just barely touch, a signal to ME that I was now her property. I reconsidered my answer, realizing I probably should have just made a non-committal shrug. Macrina was pretty, and she was nice enough, but her family, being converts, were some of the most conservative in the church. She even wore a scarf whenever she was in the nave, something most teenage girls in the church didn’t do.

There was nothing to do now except pray, sing, and pay attention to the service during which Bishop ALYPY would consecrate our new building. That added about thirty minutes to the services which meant I needed to leave the church almost immediately when the services ended. I’d have just enough time to be in the parish hall when Bishop ALYPY entered, but then Dad and I would leave. Mom Two had packed lunches for us which were in a cooler in the car.

A little over four hours later everyone lined up to kiss the blessing cross held by the bishop, then we all went to the parish hall.

“I have to leave right away,” I said to Macrina who had stayed right by me when we left the nave. “I have a hockey game and I’m cutting it close staying to sing to the bishop.”

“You’ll be at church next Sunday, right?”

“Yes,” I replied.

We had to stop talking because the bishop came into the parish hall. We sang «Eis polla eti despota», and then Dad and I left and hurried to his car. We got in, buckled up, I got the lunches from the cooler that Mom Two had packed and we got on our way. Dad could drive while he ate, but I couldn’t.

“Something you want to tell me about?” Dad asked as he munched on fresh broccoli.

I laughed and shook my head, “I’m doomed!”

“Doomed? Why?”

“Remember how I told you about Alexi and Michelle standing together in church?”

“Sure.”

“That’s how you show you’re a couple, and it warns off other girls or guys.”

“How long has that girl been standing next to you?”

“This was the first time! I know her from Sunday School, but we’ve just been friendly. I made the mistake of saying ‘yes’ when she asked to stand next to me!”

Dad laughed, “This reminds me of Chelsea and Matthew!”

“You have NO idea!”

“Are you interested in her? She’s cute.”

“Oh, I know. And she’s sweet. But her family is one of the most conservative in the church. They’re converts, and totally fanatical. You saw the scarf, right? Almost none of the other teenage girls wear them.”

“You’ll have to forgive me for not checking out teenage girls in your church!” Dad chuckled.

“I dare you to tell me you didn’t notice Viktoria, the deacon’s daughter! She was in front of us and is as smoking hot as Aunt Kara is!”

Dad laughed, “Glad you approve of my choices! And I might have noticed the teenage girl with the long blonde hair and gorgeous body.”

“EVERY guy notices her. She needs to stand in back so she doesn’t distract us from worshiping!”

“I had no trouble worshiping,” Dad said smugly.

“What? Her butt?”

“Actually, I noticed, but didn’t pay attention.”

“You ARE getting old, Pops!”

“So, what are you going to do about Macrina?”

“Talk to her, obviously. But if I were to even THINK about asking her out, I’d have to break things off with Libby and not see any other girls at all.”

“That sounds like Kara and me,” Dad chuckled. “And you know how THAT worked out!”

“With Aunt Kara seeing a therapist for a year! Mom One said SHE needed therapy and became exclusively lesbian after dating you!”

“Mom One is fucking hilarious,” Dad said sarcastically.

“You love her!”

“Of course I do, and she loves me. That said, I think we both need our heads examined for bringing YOU into the world!”

“Can you imagine a world without me? Talk about depressing!”

“We’re not full of ourselves, are we?” Dad asked.

“Would YOU want to live in a world without me?”

“No.”

“«Quod erat demonstrandum»!”

Dad laughed and then we were quiet so we could eat our lunches. When we arrived at the rink, my moms were there along with Libby and Adi. Dad wished Mom One ‘happy birthday’ and they hugged while I got my gear from the car. I hurried into the rink, as I was literally right on time. I’d told Coach I might be a few minutes late, so there wouldn’t be a problem, but I wanted to get into the locker room right on time.

We dressed and Coach gave his usual pep talk before we hit the ice to warm up. I skated to neutral ice where Mikey and Nicole were waiting. We knocked gloves and they both knocked my leg pads with their sticks.

“Good game!” I said.

“Good game!” they both replied.

“I’m going to own you today!” Nicole said to me.

I laughed, “That’ll be the day!”

We all skated to our ends so we could warm up.

“Fraternizing with the enemy?” Pete, our backup goalie, asked.

“We were on the same team before High School,” I said. “They’re two of my closest friends. Mikey and I are rooming together in Grand Rapids.”

“I was surprised when Coach said I had a different roommate. Goalies usually room together.”

“Sorry. Mikey and I roomed together for every tournament for seven years.”

“No big deal, I just didn’t know.”

“What’s with the chick?” Lee asked.

“Best forward in the city,” I said. “You better watch her or she’ll steal your jockstrap while skating past you!”

“She’s kinda cute...” he grinned.

“See the hulking defensemen warming up who’s built like Brian Erlacher? That’s her boyfriend.”

“I meant that in the most innocent way possible!” Lee declared. “Damn! He’s as tall as you and looks bigger!”

“He can out-bench me by about twenty pounds, but I’m faster.”

“He’s a Sophomore?” Freddy asked in awe.

“Yeah,” I grinned. “We basically grew up together and matched inch for inch.”

“Where it counts?” Kwame asked.

“If YOU want to whip them out...” I smirked.

“Block!” Coach bellowed. “You guys are supposed to be warming up, not holding a sewing circle!”

“Sorry, Coach!” I called back.

We all began our warm-ups and then when the buzzer sounded, skated to the bench. After one last pep talk from Coach, we starters skated to our positions while the rest of the team filed onto the bench.

It was a hard-fought game, and Nicole came close to scoring twice in the first two periods, and finally got one by me late in the 3rd period to make the score 3-2 for us. We held them off, and when the final buzzer sounded, we skated out to shake hands.

“Gotcha!” Nicole smirked.

“I’d hardly call that ‘owning’ me!” I chuckled. “I stopped six other shots from you as well as that lame wrister Mikey tried from the blue line!”

“I was trying for the screen,” he said, “but it was like Moses parted the waters just as I shot!”

“Looked like a beach ball to me!” I grinned. “See you guys on the 30th at the UC?”

“Absolutely!”

December 17, 2001, Chicago, Illinois

🎤 Steve

“Welcome to Chicago!” I said to Aisyah when she came to my office on Monday morning.

“Hi, Steve!” she said excitedly. “I’m ready to work!”

“Noelle is going to take you to both data centers today to get your access set up, and then the two of you need to begin installing the blade chassis and blades, then get Linux installed and configured on each blade.”

“Do you have design documents and an engineering plan?”

“Sam and I put the finishing touches on them on Friday. A copy of each should be in Outlook.”

“Cool. I haven’t gone to my desk yet.”

“Go see Noelle and let me know if you need anything. I’m glad you’re here!”

“Me, too! And thanks for emailing me the information about the Mosque Foundation. I met with the imam yesterday.”

“Great!”

“Have a good day!”

“You, too!”

She left and Kimmy came into the office.

“Interesting,” she smirked.

“What?” I asked innocently.

“Seriously? Her tone of voice and body language were blindingly obvious! I’ll talk to her.”

There really was no use in denying it, and I knew Kimmy was looking out for me.

“Thanks.”

“I’m jealous,” she said quietly.

“I’m no longer involved with anyone at NIKA, Kimmy. And I can’t be. Take two kisses from petty cash.”

“Promise you’ll undress me with your eyes when I turn around?”

I smiled and nodded, “I will.”

She turned and shook her butt, which even covered by her skirt was sexy, and I remembered fondly just what it had looked like when I’d had the privilege of seeing it uncovered. About thirty minutes later, she let me know that Wendy Cobb was on the line. I’d ignored the two messages the previous week, and I was sure that if I ignored this one, she’d come by the office in uniform, so I accepted the call.

“Sorry,” I said. “Last week was hectic with trying to get a new business unit off the ground. This week, too.”

“So when are you free?” Wendy asked.

“It’s going to have to be after the first of the year. With my son’s play, the holidays, a memorial service for a friend who was on one of the September 11 flights, and another son’s hockey tournament in Grand Rapids, I’m booked solid. Call me after the first of the year, please.”

“If this isn’t worth it, I’m going to shove my nightstick someplace you won’t like!”

“Is this where I yell ‘police brutality’?”

“In your dreams! I’ll call you the first week in January!”

I’d only delayed the inevitable. Not the inevitable of sleeping with her, but of finding a way to survive telling her ‘no’. I should have just said ‘no’ outright, but I really hadn’t wanted to get into a debate or argument, OR piss her off. Now I had three weeks to think about it and work out a solution.

It was a busy day, most of which was spent working with Reed and Sam as we prepared to move our corporate website to one of the blade servers once it was ready later in the week. I was happy with the progress we were making and satisfied we’d be ready for January 2nd as promised.

🎤 Jesse

“You do know how to get into trouble!” Libby teased at lunch on Monday. “Now what are you going to do?”

“Talk to Macrina, obviously, but I don’t see it. I think her entire family’s heads would explode if they knew I had two moms and my dad had three wives! Not to mention that she’d basically expect me never to talk to another girl ever again in my life!”

“You can’t be serious?”

“Her older sister, Angelica, broke up with her boyfriend because he sat next to another girl for lunch after services when Macrina’s family was out of town.”

“OK, that’s nuts!”

“Like I said. That’s the LAST thing I need. So I’ll talk to her and explain why it’s a very bad idea. Probably having two moms is enough to send her running away as if I grew horns and a tail!”

“In German, «schwanz» means tail and it’s a euphemism for a penis as well!”

I chuckled, “I’ve seen Young Frankenstein!”

“Yours is enormous!” Libby declared.

“Goofball!”

“So, what about Adi?”

“I’m seeing her today after dinner.”

“I have a date for Friday with Karli Farell.”

“She’s lesbian? She was dating the tight end from the football team.”

“Cover. Both ways.”

“So he really IS a tight end!” I chuckled.

Libby laughed, “You ARE goofy!”

“So this date, does it mean we’re not a couple? Just ‘friends with benefits’?”

“I think that’s where we’ve been headed, don’t you?”

“Yes. And we knew it from the beginning. Well, unless you want to start going to church with me.”

“‘Paris is worth a Mass’?”

“I think that’s a bad idea all around. It’s the exact reason you want to marry someone Jewish and I want to marry an Orthodox Christian.”

“True.”

“Oh,” I smirked, “news flash for you. If you DO want to take my dad for a test drive, your deadline is December 31st!”

“Huh?”

“He and his wives came to some new agreement.”

“That would mean I’d have to stop sleeping with you, and I’m not signing up for that!”

“Didn’t think so,” I said smugly.

Libby laughed and punched me in the shoulder just as the bell rang warning us to get to our next class.

🎤 Steve

“What can I do for you?” I asked Emilee when she sat down in my study on Monday evening.

“I had a written warning from the Chief Resident,” she said. “I decided to get serious about the book. I need your help.”

“I’m happy to mentor you, but I think you need a friend in your same year of medical school.”

“I don’t have any friends.”

That didn’t surprise me, and in keeping with my ‘tough love’ approach for Emilee, I decided more ‘bad cop’ to Jessica’s ‘good cop’.

“Well, if I can be blunt, that doesn’t surprise me. Being a smug, holier-than-thou, know-it-all bitch isn’t exactly going to attract friends.”

Emilee rocked back in her chair and looked shocked.

“It’s the truth,” I continued. “Let me ask you - during first year, did someone approach you to be on their anatomy lab team or study group, or did you look for one that needed a person and ask to join?”

“I asked.”

“Were you the best in your anatomy lab?”

“I think so, yes.”

“Then people should have begged you to join their study group or lab group. The fact that they didn’t had nothing to do with you being the smartest person in the room, and everything to do with ACTING like the smartest person in the room. Do you have a boyfriend?”

“Guys are not worth the time and effort.”

“Sour grapes,” I replied.

“Jesus, you’re a prick.”

“Did you get asked out in High School?”

“No.”

“Were you just as much of a bitch then as you are now?”

“Fuck you!”

“Not what I think you need,” I replied with a grin, “but it might help, so I will, if that’s what you think you need.”

“You want to get into my pants?!” Emilee asked in surprise.

“In case you haven’t noticed, I’m saying exactly the right things to provoke you.”

“Why?”

“To get your attention! Obviously, the Chief Resident got your attention because Jess says you’re paying better attention to her and are more respectful to her. But you’re still an insufferable bitch to your classmates. And guess what? Even if you are a hundred times smarter than they are, they are STILL going to be your colleagues. And unless you want your entire life to suck more than Linda Lovelace, YOU have to change.”

“Who?” she asked.

“Children,” I chuckled, shaking my head. “She was the star of a pornographic movie - Deep Throat. You should be able to work out the basic non-plot of that film from the title alone. I could have said suck more than the Cubs, but you aren’t from Chicago. Here’s the best and most important piece of advice I can give you - to have a friend you have to BE a friend. And being an insufferable bitch isn’t going to work in that regard.

“Now, before you point out that surgeons are insufferable, egotistical bastards, I’ll point out that Attendings can pull that off in certain instances, but only THEY can. You are asking for every Resident and Attending you encounter to land on you with both feet and you have NOBODY to support you. That’s a surefire way to fail. And those Attendings and Residents, and your fellow students, are going to poison the well for anyone who hasn’t met you.”

She sat quietly, just staring at me.

“I’m sure,” I continued, “you’re thinking why I feel I’m ‘entitled’ to speak to you this way, and the answer is, I can do it because, in the end, none of this really affects me. Either you decide to fix yourself or you don’t. I’m going to guess by the fact that you’re here that you want to be a physician badly enough such that you’re willing to basically do anything to get there. That’s fine, but you have to understand that sometimes trying to bulldoze your way through an obstacle is the wrong approach. What you need to realize is that sometimes, if you take a step back, you’ll see that you can simply walk around! So, the question is, do you really want to be a physician?”

“Of course I do!”

“And are you willing to do the work necessary to achieve that? Not the school work, because, obviously, you are doing that. I’m talking about the really hard work - on yourself.”

“I’m here, aren’t I?”

“Yes. But answer the question, please.”

“Yes, I’m willing to do whatever it takes to become a physician. Including listening to a smug asshole lecture me!”

I chuckled, “I do ‘smug asshole’ really well from lots of practice. But I learned how to be successful, mostly by listening to people who were wiser than I was. I may not be smarter than you are, but I’m sure as hell wiser. And in the end, that’s what matters. I take it you found the answer to who the wisest person was?”

“Socrates, because he admitted he knew nothing,” Emilee replied. “But I had to get a copy of Plato’s Apology to discover that. Which was part of your plan, I’m sure.”

“Exactly. My karate instructor thought I was an immature, self-centered, unteachable, insufferable git when I first walked into the dojo. He was right. Until I discovered I didn’t really know anything about anything, that was me. Now I’m a 6th Dan instructor. But that could only happen because I admitted I wasn’t nearly as smart or as wise as I thought I was.”