Chapter 41: Sex Education

December 10, 2001, Chicago, Illinois

🎤 Birgit

I wanted to smack my head on my desk repeatedly, but I knew if I did that, or said a word, there would be ‘hell to pay’ as Aunt Josie liked to say. It was Monday morning, and Mrs. Nance was teaching the sex ed unit of our health class. I had known more about sex at age five than she was teaching the class, which was all girls, because, Loki forbid boys and girls sit together to learn about sex! What was even dumber was I knew two of the boys in my class were gay, and there were two girls who were lesbian, so they had the class together, but couples who were straight didn’t!

Mrs. Nance said a lot of things which were halfway true, but she left out most of the important details. And her biggest focus was on not doing it. I SO wanted to object and set things straight, but I knew that would involve calls to the house, meetings, and become a royal pain in the butt for everyone.

I wished it were May instead of December, because then it wouldn’t matter if I made people at the school upset or uncomfortable, or if parents had conniption fits because I told the truth about sex, birth control, STIs, and other stuff. I wondered if the Lab School had dumb sex ed the way ours did. When the bell rang, I basically ran from the room before I said something I would regret.

“Was that lame or what?” Tiffany asked when she came out of the classroom.

“‘Or what!’,” I said. “Lame doesn’t even begin to describe it! And I swear, she blushed every time she said ‘vagina’ or ‘penis’!”

“She got it wrong, too!” Tiffany exclaimed. “She needed to use the right words - vulva, labia, mons venus, and so on!”

“I know! She didn’t even mention the clitoris! And I thought she was going to die when she explained boys’ anatomy! Think she’s ever had good sex?”

“No way!” Tiffany giggled. “Lights off, under the covers, it takes thirty seconds, and there is no WAY she’s ever had a dick in her mouth, let alone let a guy cum in her mouth! Ms. C. should teach the class!”

I laughed, “She’d get in serious trouble if she taught the class the way we think it should be taught. Mrs. Nance was teaching from the curriculum guide. You know, I should ask Dad if I can bring copies of Aunt Bethany’s book for all the girls. He has a case of them at home so any of his friends can get one to give to their kids.”

“Forget the book! I’ll have your dad give me a complete personal demonstration!”

That was what I wanted, too, though Tiffany had a really good chance of getting that if she was patient and played her cards right. The warning bell rang and we had to stop talking and hurry to algebra class so that we were in our seats by the time the tardy bell rang, and we just made it.

🎤 Jesse

I had just finished drying the dishes on Monday evening when there was a knock at the door. I was the only one home, so I hung the dishrag over the back of one of the kitchen chairs and went to the front door.

“Hi!” Adi exclaimed. “Can I talk to you?”

“Sure. Just so you know, my moms aren’t home. Do you want to come in?”

“Yes, if it’s OK.”

“It is. I just wanted to make sure you knew in case your parents would have a problem with it.”

“They might, but Dad is out of town until Wednesday, and Mom is at a friend’s house in River Grove, so don’t worry about it.”

“Then come in. Can I get you something to drink?”

“Whisky, neat?” she giggled.

“Believe it or not I could do that, but it’s a bad idea.”

“I know! I was teasing.”

“Cokes it is, then!” I declared. “You’re Muslim, so no alcohol, right?”

“I think Dad has had drinks in the past, at least when he’s traveling. We’re not that serious about it, as I told you.”

I retrieved two cans of Coke from the fridge and opened them. I decided the best thing to do was sit at the kitchen table, which wouldn’t send any wrong messages or create any awkward situations. I sat down and Adi sat across from me.

“What’s up?” I asked.

“I suspect you know Libby talked to me last week.”

I nodded, “She told me.”

“I talked to her again today, and she said I should talk to you.”

“About?”

Adi smiled, “I like you. Libby told me you guys really were just close friends. I asked her today to make sure she wouldn’t be upset if I talked to you.”

“I think you’re sweet and very pretty,” I said. “But I’m Russian Orthodox and you’re Muslim, and that kind of makes things impossible in the long run. I want to raise my kids Russian Orthodox, which means my wife has to be Russian Orthodox.”

“You’re thinking about that already? At fifteen?”

I was, but it wasn’t that simple. I had to balance my relationship with Libby against any girl I might want to date. It just didn’t make sense to me to break things off with Libby in favor of a girl who had zero prospects for the future. Libby and I both technically had freedom, as she’d mentioned with reference to my trip to Sweden, but that was something I’d only take advantage of on rare occasions because I did not need the drama or craziness that went with my dad’s approach to life. Libby was fun, interesting, sexy, and the sex was great, and messing that up would be dumb.

“In a sense, yes,” I replied. “I mean, dating is supposed to be about finding someone with whom you’re compatible and exploring a relationship. I don’t have any illusions that a girlfriend would be my wife, but if there’s no chance, then why do something that might lead them on?”

Of course, if it hadn’t been for Carol, Francesca and I would probably have exchanged promise rings already with a plan to marry when we could. Carol had fucked that up and now I held out no hope that anything would happen. The only communication I’d had with Francesca had been a postcard her friend had mailed. And I could tell from what she wrote that Francesca was frustrated, too. And with two-and-half years before we had any chance of seeing each other, I wasn’t holding out much hope nor waiting for her.

Adi nodded, “I see your point, I guess. And religion is that important?”

“I believe and I go to church, and I want to keep doing that. Hypothetically speaking, how would you see that working?”

“Back home it’s illegal to change your religion from Muslim to any other religion, but it’s not enforced outside the country. But I probably couldn’t go home if I did that, hypothetically speaking. But wouldn’t that be a question for the future?”

“Would it?” I asked. “I mean, if it were an open question, I’d be wondering if it was going to happen, and thinking about what I’d do if it didn’t. And that seems like a recipe for disaster in a relationship.”

“I suppose that’s true. But would it hurt to go on a date?”

She was trying awfully hard, and she was really nice, and there was nothing in the way of me asking her out, except my own ideas, which Mom Two had called ‘stubborn objection’ to my dad. I almost laughed when I thought about that, because if Libby and I did stop being a couple, she was going to go to my dad and do some ‘comparison shopping’. That could turn out hilarious if she thought I was better than dad in bed!

It was a serious struggle to keep from laughing, but I managed. In all seriousness, I told myself, that was unlikely to happen. The real question was whether I should stay with Libby or keep her as my best friend and date, though not the way my dad had. It might be ‘stubborn objection’ but I was OK with serial monogamy, and not OK with what amounted to a harem with scores of other girls.

“No, it wouldn’t hurt,” I replied. “Are you allowed to go on a date?”

“Mom and Dad already thought we were dating because we study together, I’ve been to a hockey game, and we’ve gone to dinner and the movies. Mom actually asked me if we were a couple yet.”

“And they’re OK with it?”

“Me going on dates? Being a couple?”

“Both, I guess.”

“Dad will want to talk to you if you ask me to be your girlfriend, but a date is OK.”

“If he asks about religion it could be a big problem,” I said.

“He won’t.”

“Then would you like to go out on Friday?”

“Just you and me?”

“Yes. I’ll make sure Libby knows.”

“Then yes!”

We finished our Cokes and I walked Adi to the front door and opened it. She turned and gave me a quick peck on the lips, then quickly went down the steps. Once she was out of sight, I closed the door then went to the kitchen to call Libby.

“Did you know Adi was coming over to talk to me?” I asked.

“Yes. I told her it was cool, and I didn’t object, but I wasn’t sure what you would say.”

“I debated with myself, but in the end, I agreed to ask her on a date on Friday.”

“Are you using a ‘free pass’ or are we not a couple?”

“I’d never decide we weren’t a couple without talking to you first!” I protested. “I’ll use a ‘free pass’.”

“But not like the ‘free pass’ you have for Sweden!”

I laughed, “I love you, Libby.”

“I love you, too, Jesse. And I really am OK with you going out with her. I know that no matter what, I’ll be special to you! And it’s not like I can’t get laid if I want to!”

“Somebody you want to name?”

Libby laughed, “I know at least three guys and one girl who would be more than happy to sample my charms!”

I laughed, hard, “Including my dad?”

“I’d need your express permission to do that, and I don’t think you’re OK with it.”

“If you and I aren’t a couple, then it’s up to you, but you know what that would mean for the future.”

“No sex between us. I totally get that, and there is no way I’m going to risk that. The only way would be if we were sure we’d never want to be together again, and I sure don’t want that at this point!”

“Me, either!”

“If you aren’t busy, I could come over.”

“Run!” I exclaimed.

December 13, 2001, Chicago, Illinois

🎤 Steve

I arrived at Star of Siam on Thursday at exactly the same time as Achara, and we were quickly seated in a booth which afforded some privacy. We both perused the menu, then ordered.

“So, where would you like to start?” I asked.

Achara smiled, “Different answer this time! My parents refuse to see me as an adult, something I’ve heard a number of times from people in the Philosophy Club. When I’m here, I’m fine, but when I go to my parents’ house in New York, it’s like I’m suddenly twelve again.”

“As you say, a common complaint. Is it your dad or mom or both?”

“Mostly my mom. My dad always deferred to her about me, while he made decisions for my brother.”

“She was young when she had you, right?”

“It’s a tradition on my mother’s side, I think! My great-grandmother was sixteen when she became pregnant with my grandmother, my grandmother was seventeen when she became pregnant with my mother, and my mother was eighteen when she became pregnant with me.”

“Do you think she’s concerned about the pattern? Sixteen ... seventeen ... eighteen?”

“She was very concerned about whether I was interested in boys when I was a teenager, and did her best to discourage me from dating. She always wanted to do things with me, instead of having me spend time with friends. And my dad always treated me like I was a little princess.”

“Have you sat down to talk with your mom, woman to woman?”

“When I try, she always changes the subject to avoid talking about anything adult with me.”

“You have a good relationship with your dad, right?”

“Yes.”

“Then my first suggestion is you speak with him without your mom around. I’d approach him with a discussion of graduate school options, and take it from there. It gives you a safe way to ask an adult question without causing him concern.”

“I’ve never had a talk like that with my dad.”

“Which is why you start with a subject which is benign. Even if you’ve decided to do your Master’s at IIT, it’s a conversation worth having. What does he do for IBM?”

“He’s a senior design engineer in what they now call the pSeries.”

“The old RS/6000 line. My company supports several companies which use them. Speak to him as an engineer, not your dad. Maybe how you spoke to your physics teacher who encouraged you to be a nuclear engineer. And try to keep the discussion on engineering. If he sees you as an engineer, even one in training, that will change your relationship from a young daughter and her dad to two engineers. Once that happens, you can slowly work other topics into the conversation. Get your dad on board, and I suspect things will change with your mom.”

“That’s ingenious!”

“Long experience with my parents, though with no success with my mom. I’ve also helped others with their parents, including teenagers at my dojo. It’s all about finding a way to start communications and then slowly moving the parent to see the teen or twenty-something as an adult.”

“I’ll give it a try!”

December 14, 2001, Chicago, Illinois

“Brown Construction did a great job with the modifications,” I said to Eve on Friday morning.

We’d needed a spot for Roberta ‘Bobby’ Ellsworth, the new administrative assistant who was starting on Monday. Brown Construction had managed to remodel a storage closet, the hallway, and part of both Stephanie’s and Eve’s offices to create a position for Bobby to sit outside Stephanie’s office.

“I agree,” Stephanie said.

“Noelle will get a computer and phone on the desk this afternoon,” Eve said. “Kimmy will take care of filling the desk with supplies.”

“Thanks,” Stephanie said. “First thing after her orientation, Kimmy will start training her, so she’ll sit with Kimmy for the first week or so. After that, we’ll work out her division of labor between Liz, you, and me. Did you decide on your assistant office manager?”

“Yes. Hillary Holmes. I turned the form into Bob late yesterday. She’ll start on January 2nd, though we’re making January 1 her date of employment so she doesn’t go without insurance coverage for that day. If we don’t do that, she has to pay for a month of COBRA to get guaranteed coverage on NIKA’s plan.”

“You do realize that is one of the stupidest things I’ve ever heard?” I asked.

“She wouldn’t be denied coverage, but she’d have to have a medical exam and there would be limitations on pre-existing conditions for the first year.”

“For twenty-four hours? That’s nuts.”

“I don’t disagree,” Eve said. “But those are the rules. And it’s easy enough to handle. Usually, it’s not a problem because coverage usually extends to the end of the current month, and it really only creates a problem in a situation where a holiday falls on the first day of the month, which is only New Year’s Day. College students are almost always on either their parents’ plan or a university plan.”

“Or if someone is out of work,” I said.

“Yes, of course. But I think you can see the problem with lapses in coverage. Think about auto insurance or liability insurance.”

“Those are a bit different from health insurance.”

“You’ve seen the premium increases,” Stephanie said. “There are limits to what even we can do. You could go for nationalized healthcare!”

“Trading one set of problems for another, and losing complete control. But we’ve discussed this to death!”

“I’ll be in my office,” Eve said, turning and leaving us.

“Steve?” Kimmy called out just then, “Wendy Cobb is on the phone for you.”

And if I were a betting man, which I was, I’d say that meant she’d had an STI test and was calling so we could ‘have a beer’. Given I’d had my suspicions confirmed by Jasmine, I really didn’t need to see Wendy Cobb.

“Take a message, please,” I requested.

“Will do!” Kimmy declared.

“The cop from a year ago?” Stephanie asked.

“Yes. A bit of recon, but I found my information another way.”

“About what happened at Union Station?”

“Yes. I had another resource, which I should have actually tried first.”

“So you dangled the hook and now that she’s biting, you’re yanking it away?”

“Could you work any more innuendo into that sentence?”

“I’m sure I could! But if you piss her off, you might be back in the same boat.”

“I know. But I can put her off a bit until I figure out how to break it off without upsetting her or having a cop in my life.”

Stephanie leaned close, “You might have to fuck her to make her go away!”

“I’m going to try to avoid that outcome.”

“Good luck!”

I nodded then started back to my office, stopping to talk to Eve.

“All set for Aisyah?”

“Yes. She’ll be picked up at O’Hare tomorrow afternoon, and I have her in the NIKA apartment through the end of January, though sooner if she likes any of the three sublets we found with January 1st move-in dates. Her things are being picked up today, and they’ll be here on Friday. The boxes with her clothes and other things will go to the apartment, and her bed, desk, and chair will be in storage until she needs them.”

“What about her car?”

“Friday as well. I arranged for a rental for her for the week so she can get around.”

“Good work, as always!”

“Thanks!”

I went back to my office and saw the phone message in my email, but I ignored it and began working on code to give users a way to modify SpamAssassin whitelist and blacklist files, as well as a way to add junk mail to the spam database without the user having to do anything other than move it into a ‘Junk’ folder. None of it was overly difficult, but it had to be bulletproof.