Chapter 40: Attitudus Teenagicus

December 7, 2001, Chicago, Illinois

🎤 Steve

“This is a co-ed floor,” Achara said after our third round. “I can give you a towel. Just let me check the hallway.”

She put on a silk robe with a floral design then went to the door and peeked out. The coast was clear, so I went to the men’s showers and quickly rinsed off. I didn’t have soap or shampoo, but hot water took care of rinsing away sweat and Achara’s juices. When I finished, I went back to her room, making sure nobody was in the hallway before I went in. I dried off, and as I began dressing, Achara returned, freshly showered. We both dressed and she poured us each tea. We sat on the bed, avoiding the wet spot, to drink it.

“You know this won’t ever happen again, right?” she asked.

I nodded, “I fully understood that from the beginning. And nobody save Kara and Jessica will even know I was here. And unless you bring it up, I won’t say anything about it, even to you.”

“I’m not ashamed or embarrassed,” Achara said. “It’s just a very, very private thing, especially when it’s with someone who is not your spouse. Before I marry, it’s nobody’s business at all, though once I marry it’ll be obvious to everyone, as that’s what married couples do.”

“Your secret is safe with me.”

“You’re wondering if I’ve had a lover or lovers before you.”

“That’s absolutely none of my business,” I replied.

“No, but you’re wondering, nonetheless. You’re too polite to ask, and you also respect my privacy. But every Western man wants to know if he’s the first.”

“All of that is true,” I replied. “I do respect your privacy and it would be impolite to ask.”

Achara smiled, “I want you to know the answer - you were the first.”

I was both surprised and not surprised. Sakurako had learned the ‘art of love’ in advance of our first coupling, and so had Anala before her first coupling, though that hadn’t been with me.

“Thank you for the wonderful gift,” I replied.

Achara laughed softly, “You Westerners are SO funny about virginity! I’m sure you know the Buddhist view.”

“Yes, of course. But I didn’t mean it in any negative way.”

“I know, but thanking me for a gift seems a bit strange. Virginity is simply a state of being, not a thing in and of itself. There are many things we do for the first time, and they are not special because they are the first time, or the tenth time, or the hundredth time, but because they are special things to do. If we were to have sex tomorrow, it would be equally special.”

“That actually makes perfect sense.”

“Of course it does! You yourself said that Buddhist thinking is superior.”

“I didn’t say it quite that way, but I do find it has more value than most other systems. We can continue the debate at our mentoring sessions. I’d invite you to my office, but Claire works for NIKA, so she’d know. Here on campus, we’d risk running into Holly, Jackson, or one of the other IIT students. What about meeting for lunch at Star of Siam?”

“That would be fine. Thursdays are best for me.”

“Then let’s agree to meet there on Thursday. What time?”

“Make it 12:30pm so I don’t have to rush after my lab on Thursday mornings.

“Then I’ll see you on Sunday.”

We hugged, but didn’t kiss, and she walked me to the elevators, then rode down with me and signed me out, then waved, and I left for home as she went back to the elevators. Fifteen minutes later I arrived home, and found Natalie waiting for me.

“Your wives went upstairs about fifteen minutes ago,” she said. “They said it was OK to just come to bed with me, and they’d see you in the morning. Jess said she assumed you would get up to walk her to work no matter what time you got home.”

“She’s correct. Shall we go to bed?”

“Make love to me once and cuddle me all night while we sleep as usual?”

“Absolutely!”

December 8, 2001, Chicago, Illinois

On Saturday morning I got up to walk Jessica to the hospital with Kara.

“What time did you get home last night?” Jessica asked.

“About fifteen minutes after you went to bed, according to Natalie.”

“What did you do besides dinner?” Kara asked.

“Jackson and Holly were headed to her parents’ house in Waukegan, so I offered to take Achara back to IIT for them. She invited me in for tea.”

“ANNNNND?” Kara asked impishly.

“Yes, but she asked for complete and total privacy. I let her know the rules about telling you, and she reluctantly agreed that I could. Had she not, nothing would have happened. As for what happened, no details at all, and no mention of it to anyone. She’ll go in my journal with an assumed name to ensure anonymity.”

“Wow, Tiger! That’s even more severe than Tanya!”

“She wants nobody to know. I’m going to mentor her, but she wants that kept completely private because the implication of being my mentee is that we’ve had, or are having, sex. That’s not always true, but enough such that Achara doesn’t even want a hint of it.”

“What about wifely privilege?” Kara asked.

“That’s limited to knowing that I was with her, and that it won’t happen again.”

Kara pouted, “No f ... un!”

Both Jessica and I laughed at Kara’s intentional almost-error and self-correction.

“On our anniversary you’ll get to watch Tiger be with Suzanne!”

“Been there, done that,” Kara replied feigning a lack of interest.

“I don’t see Tiger having much luck asking girls if it’s OK if his wife watches him deflower them!”

“I know,” Kara agreed. “My serious kink is one that is seriously difficult to fulfill.”

“Honey, I promise that if you bring me a virgin who is willing to be watched, I’ll deflower her before your eyes.”

“What about the ‘no irrevocable commitments to sex’ rule?” Jessica asked.

“Then I promise to give it serious consideration and only say ‘no’ with very good reason.”

“I’m not sure that helps,” Kara sighed. “Suzanne really was a one-in-a-million find.”

“Well, there are eleven cheerleaders to go...” I chuckled.

“Did you decide about the other one who asked?” Jessica asked.

“I haven’t really thought about it because I’ve had so many other things going on at work and at home. Not to mention that the recent ‘body count’ as Jennifer used to refer to seems a bit high.”

“We talked about that and I thought we agreed that it wasn’t quite as bad as you thought.”

“True,” I admitted.

“And you’re taking your prescription, right?”

“Yes. Exactly as directed. Last night I had a splash of wine - not even a real swallow, so I could toast Achara’s birthday. And I saved my entire carb budget for the gelato we had for dessert.”

“No manic feelings? No compulsion?”

“No. I had a slight twinge, comparable to the saying ‘hairs on the back of your neck standing up’ when Achara surprised me, but it was really no different from the feelings I get at the poker table. Fortunately, the propranolol doesn’t seem to have messed that up.”

“And this was another one of those ‘out of the blue’ requests which you didn’t seek out.”

“True.”

“I don’t think it’s a problem, per se,” Jessica said. “You’ve had times like this which weren’t related to your mania, and you haven’t made any poor decisions.”

“Except agreeing to not tell ME anything other than it happened!” Kara groused.

“Another thing, and Steve has probably noticed, is that I need cuddling and snuggling more than I need over-the-top sex. Don’t get me wrong, I love making love with you two, but, honestly, making love a couple of times a week is enough to keep me happy.”

I had noticed, but I’d chalked it up to work, the stress about the kids’ schooling, Al losing Belinda, and the general chaos since the September 11 attacks.

“Is there something specific, Jess?” Kara asked, sounding concerned.

“No. I really do like making love with the two of you, as I said. And I’m not saying I won’t want over-the-top sex, but what I need is closeness with the two of you. Don’t get me wrong, the sexual odyssey you two took me on was amazing, but, honestly, what I need more are love and support.”

“Which you have, Jess,” I replied.

I could tell Kara was a bit unnerved by the conversation because she was the one who craved almost constant over-the-top sex, and this was going to create a major change in our physical relationship. We reached the hospital, and Jessica had to go in, so Kara and I kissed and hugged her.

“We’ll discuss this further tonight,” I said.

“Sorry to dump that on you and basically disappear,” Jessica said. “But it just seemed the right time to say it.”

“Everything will be fine,” I soothed. “We love you.”

“We love you, Jess,” Kara agreed.

We kissed Jessica again and she went into the ER.

“That was out of the blue,” Kara said, as we began walking home.

“Not really,” I replied. “Jess is really good at hiding her emotions, and always has been, except when she was with Jorge. But I noticed the little things, and especially the other night when she was exhausted after the long trauma surgery. She let her guard down a bit and I got a glimpse of the truth. Since we reconciled, Jess has always conformed to what we want her to be, and now, at age forty, that doesn’t work for her. I’m sure you remember what it was she wanted from me when we first met.”

“I do,” Kara sighed. “A husband who wouldn’t interfere with her career, who would take care of the kids, and help her achieve her goals. Someone she could show off, who looked good in a tux when necessary, who was smart enough to not make her look bad, and who was skilled enough in bed to keep her happy. A trophy husband.”

“And, in the end, that’s where we are. Jess is, as she once said, married to her job. She always has been and always will be. In that sense, we’re secondary and we’ve known that for a long, long time. It’s one of the reasons you’re the Senior Wife. Jess loves us in her own way, but it’s very different from how we love her. But we three love each other, and that’s the key. Notice that for the first time, she felt comfortable telling us what it was she really wanted and didn’t make it all dramatic.”

“But she could talk to us about anything!” Kara protested.

“From our perspective, yes. But Jess is a trauma surgeon, through and through, and nuances and niceties are a luxury for her. Do you believe that last Saturday, when she had her finger plugging a hole in an aorta that she had even a stray thought about us or about being home late?”

Kara shook her head, and answered, sounding sad, “No, I don’t. It’s just, well, no ... I just feel like I’d be hypercritical if I said what I’m thinking.”

“Say it to me,” I replied. “It’s important to make sure we all get onto the same page.”

“I feel like everything was just turned upside down. Like suddenly, we’re no longer compatible!”

“Our trio has always been about compromise and finding a way forward that suits all of us. And despite what I said about her marriage to her job, she will work with us to find a solution that fulfills all our needs as a trio.”

“What about you and what Jessica called ‘over-the-top’ sex?”

“You know that I truly get off on pleasing you, so I do those things because you want me to. That’s not a complaint or me saying I don’t like doing them, but you know my preferences with regard to sex.”

“What Jess just asked for, though with a much higher frequency, which is why she was OK with your dalliances at the start, isn’t it?”

“Yes. Even though she was a virgin, she knew what her sex drive was like, though like we all did, she went through the ‘new toy’ phase. You never got out of it!”

Kara laughed softly, “And that is YOUR fault, Snuggle Bear!”

“Yes, and no. I helped you come to terms with your sexuality, and discover who you are. You are a sexual being, with a libido that matches mine. The difference is our kinks, really. My kink is simple to fulfill; yours is much more difficult. Besides the kinks, you like making love just as much as I do, it’s just a matter of preferred positions and ancillary activities.

Kara laughed softly again, “‘Ancillary activities’?”

“I couldn’t think of a better phrase off the top of my head! And Jess didn’t say she didn’t want to make love with us, just that she wanted the frequency to change. I guarantee she won’t object to you and me having sex as often as we like.”

“You’re OK with everything?”

“I am.”

“I was thinking back to when Jess was with Jorge, and the fact that there was no sex, just cuddling.”

“Intimacy at the deepest level, which we know transcends sex.”

“If he hadn’t died, she’d have continued to get that from him, not us.”

“Probably,” I admitted. “But that’s not what happened, and we need to deal with what is, not what might have been. And, Kara, despite Jessica pointing out a violation of my ‘irrevocable commitment’ rule, if you do find a virgin who is willing to let you watch, I will fulfill your fantasy, no questions asked, no temporizing, and no excuses.”

Kara giggled, something she rarely did, “Such a sacrifice! Deflowering a willing virgin!”

I chuckled, “What can I say? That’s part of my kink.”

“Are there any limits?”

“Use your discretion, but no, there are none. I’d suggest avoiding any of your current students, but I’ll leave that up to you. Otherwise? No.”

“I love you!” Kara gushed.

“And you’re OK?” I asked.

“Yes,” Kara replied. “It was just a surprise. It’s something we have to adapt to, and so long as you’re with me, I can adapt to anything!”

“I’m curious, and this is just a curiosity question, but given Suzanne is more than willing to engage in threesomes, are you wedded to the idea of only ever being with Jess?”

Kara was quiet for a minute, “Well, you know I was with Joyce, and what happened there, though, obviously, my view on that is VERY different from what it was during our ‘Year in the Wilderness’. I guess I’d still feel like I was cheating on Jessica.”

“Then forget I mentioned it,” I replied. “The LAST thing I’m going to do is something which might drive a wedge between us.”

“But you think Jessica would be OK with it, don’t you? In fact, she might actually be happy.”

I took a deep breath and let it out, “It’s possible, yes. Sexuality is a funny thing, in that it’s very, very malleable, though within a range. Some ranges are smaller than others, but they do change.”

“So you ARE thinking of mutual blowjobs with Kurt!” Kara giggled.

“As I said,” I chuckled, “within a range, and that is decidedly out of the range, and so far out, that the boundary line could never get close!”

“I guess we need to talk to Jess and figure out the best way forward.”

“That’s always the best course of action.”

We arrived home to a daughter waiting for Dad cuddles, so I took her to the sunroom while Kara prepared breakfast for her and the kids, as I was joining the men at Bucktown Bistro for our regular Men’s Breakfast. When Kara called Birgit for breakfast, I joined them, though I just had a cup of tea, then helped clean up before leaving the house.

Breakfast was enjoyable as always, and the morning and afternoon karate sessions were typical, and afterwards, I had my usual Saturday mentoring session with Hope.

“Finals are in a week,” she said. “We have a pair of reading days this week on Thursday and Friday. I plan to hang out here to study, if that’s OK.”

“It’s always OK. I’ll get you a spare key so you can come and go as you please.”

“Thanks!”

“Did you decide what to do about Christmas?”

“I talked to Mom and I’ll fly down on the 22nd and come back on the 26th, which works out OK for the hockey tournament, right?”

“Yes. Jesse and his moms are going up late on the 26th so he can have a good night’s sleep and not worry about traveling and playing the same day. I plan to leave here at 4:00am on the 27th which gets us to Grand Rapids an hour before Jesse’s first game. The former nanny room will be available because Nicole will be at her parents’ house for most of break.”

“Cool. Rides to and from the airport?”

“We’ll work that out, but yes. Did you have coffee with Parker?”

“Yes. He asked me out, and I suggested we just have coffee again. I used the excuse that I’d never dated nor had a boyfriend, and just wanted to keep things simple for now.”

“So what do you think?”

Hope laughed softly, “Well, given I’ve never dated nor had a boyfriend, I think he’s nice enough that I want to get to know him better.”

“That sounds like a very good plan.”

“I have a question for you.”

“Go ahead.”

“Given I’ve told him I never dated nor had a boyfriend, how do I explain being a sex goddess?”

I laughed, “SOMEBODY has a high opinion of themselves!”

“Oh, right, because you don’t think I’m very good for a neophyte!”

“Oh, you are!” I agreed. “I was just surprised by the declaration!”

“Tell me it’s not true!”

“I can’t,” I replied.

“So, how do I explain being a sex goddess?”

“You don’t. Granted, he’s going to assume you’re a virgin, but at your age, lack of a hymen isn’t an indication of anything, and most people know that. If you do want to let him know, or he asks and you feel it’s right to answer, just say that you’ve experimented with a friend.”

“A true statement.”

“Given we aren’t dating and I’m not your boyfriend, yes, it is. If he doesn’t ask, then you can either play the shy, innocent type, or just blow his mind.”

“And something else!” Hope smirked.

“And the same thing afterwards - if he asks, you experimented with a very experienced friend. I’m going to guess he’s not religious?”