Chapter 37: I Think You’ve Laid Out a Good Plan

December 2, 2001, Chicago, Illinois

🎤 Steve

“It’s like peeling an onion!” Sarah declared. “Every time I think I’ve figured something out, I realize there’s another layer to peel away. I just get more and more confused!”

“That’s what happens if you implement a philosophy of complete skepticism when you have never examined your own beliefs.”

“I have a question.”

“Just one?” I asked with a slight smile.

“A journey of a thousand Chinese miles starts beneath one’s feet.”

“Most people don’t know the original Chinese phrase. You’ve done some extracurricular reading.”

Sarah nodded, “I bought a copy of the Tao Te Ching.”

“So start there,” I said. “Read with a critical eye, analyze what’s said, and begin to assemble a basic foundation on which you can build.”

“But how do I know I’m right?”

“You don’t. You accept what you discover provisionally, subject to possible future revision. Develop some basic principles of behavior, do your best to be consistent and not to be hypocritical. Or, to follow up on your proverb, set one foot in front of the other and continue on the journey. You are free to be and believe whatever you feel gives you the best chance of success on your journey. Wake up each day resolving to do what you can to move forward. And the most important thing is, that you’re free.”

“Do you realize how frightening that is?”

“Freedom is supposed to be scary. Those of us willing to face it with open eyes, open minds, open hearts, and open arms, are the ones who have a real chance at improving ourselves AND society. Society, as a whole, is unwilling to do that, and we’ve become a nation of wimps afraid of our own shadows. The problem is, that being afraid of everything means you can learn nothing, discover nothing, and experience nothing. You, at least until recently, had solace in your faith. That was, if you will, your trump card, because you were guaranteed a happy eschaton.”

“‘Happy eschaton’?” Sarah inquired.

“Heaven. Probably the most important thing Christianity promises is that death is not something to be feared. Oh Hades where is thy victory, oh Death where is thy sting and, as you might hear if you go to Michelle’s church around Orthodox Easter - Christ is risen from the dead, trampling down death by death, and upon those in the tombs bestowing life. True or not, it holds the fear of death at bay and allows for exploration, risk-taking, and innovation.”

“You’re not a Christian, so what takes away your fear?”

“A sense of awe at the complexity of the universe and the promise of an adventure in ‘the undiscovered country’.”

“OK, I know you aren’t talking about Star Trek.”

“No, they misread it as meaning the future, when in Hamlet, it means death.”

“You seem like you have everything figured out. How?”

“I don’t, I just have a twenty-year head start. At thirty-eight, I’m twenty years further along the journey than you are at eighteen. But you appear to have one major advantage over me.”

“I have you!” Sarah laughed.

“I had my own mentor in college and she tried to teach me what I’m teaching you, only I was too dense to actually internalize it and act on it. It was ten years before I actually understood, internalized, and acted on what she had taught me, and I had to go to Japan for five weeks for that to happen.”

“Why?”

“Because I wasn’t willing to do what you’ve done over the past three months until ten years had passed. There’s a reason so many of the women I’ve known have felt I was a ‘dumb boy’, or, as they often say a «jävla idiot».”

“What language is that?”

“Swedish and it means ‘fucking idiot’.”

“You?”

“Me. So I know whereof I speak!”

Sarah laughed, “And now I understand why you’ve treated me the way you have. And I’ve truly internalized what you’ve said about not knowing being the beginning of wisdom and confusion being the beginning of clarity. And, after the past two weeks, I think there’s only one thing I know for certain.”

“What’s that?”

“I know I want your prick to pound my pussy. I may be confused about everything else, but not that. It’s the one thing I’m absolutely sure of. With no reservations.”

“And your prior concern about adultery?”

Sarah smiled, “I haven’t developed a theory of sexual ethics, so I’m provisionally adopting yours.”

“May I be a bit gauche and inquire as to the young lady’s previous experience in that area?”

“You may. None. I never dated, and the Jesuit school didn’t have dances. I am completely untouched by any man. Except for my doctor, who’s female, you’re the only person on the planet who has seen me naked since before puberty.”

“That was a pretty gutsy move.”

“I think it’s pretty much a prerequisite for sex, right? I mean, I may not have done it, and may only know about it from sex ed, but I’m pretty sure being naked is a key step!”

“That’s true, but nudity doesn’t imply sex. Nudity is our natural state. We have to be taught to be modest and ashamed of our bodies. Think about the creation myth you were taught. Genesis 2:25 says ’And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed’.”

“I hadn’t thought about that.”

“It’s an important point we’ve taught our kids. I’m sure you know about the sauna from Michelle, though I suspect she didn’t tell you everything. Our usual way of using it is naked, and that includes the entire family, and our closest friends, without regard to age or sex.”

“I knew you and Michelle used it together, even before she asked you to make love to her, but I didn’t know about your family. It does fit with the naked rap session she told me about and you mentioned.”

“I’m curious. How did you feel when you were standing over there naked?” I asked, nodding towards the door.

“I’ll trade an answer to that question if you’ll answer as well.”

“Sure.”

“It was exhilarating. I was anticipating what you would look like, and what it would feel like to have you enter me, and that was an exciting thought. Then I was dejected when it didn’t have the effect I’d hoped it would have.”

I smiled, “It did, but you weren’t really ready on any level for what you thought you wanted. To answer your question, I saw a lithe body, gorgeous small breasts, and a tantalizing triangle of black pubic hair. But, as I said, I knew you weren’t ready at that point.”

“But I am now?”

“Are you?” I asked.

“I told you before that the only thing I’m sure of right now is that I want to have sex with you. Ready or not, it’s what I want. And, to answer your next question, I’m prepared to deal with it emotionally, mentally, spiritually, and physically. I don’t know how I’ll react, but I believe I’m able to deal with it.”

“I’ll assume from our conversation you know what will happen if I were to fulfill your request.”

“I’m inexperienced, not ignorant,” Sarah said with a smile. “I had sex ed, read your friend’s book, and obviously seen things in movies and on TV. I’m sure that besides your prick being in my pussy, it’ll be in my mouth, and your mouth will be on my pussy. None of those things frighten me or make me the least bit uncomfortable with the request I made.”

I nodded, “One additional question, and that’s where you think this might lead.”

Sarah laughed softly, “If I knew the answer to THAT question, I’d be slightly less confused than I am. That said, I know where it doesn’t lead - marriage or children. For all I know, you and I will be together once and never again. But no matter what, I’ll want you as a mentor, friend, and karate instructor. I can’t tell you what it will look like in the future because I don’t know. And neither do you. What was it you said? Get up each day resolving to take another step on the path?”

“I think we’ve reached the end of the beginning,” I said.

“Which means?”

“That I agree you’re ready for the next step.”

“Which is?”

“We go somewhere and I fulfill your request.”

“Right now?”

I nodded, “If you want, though there is one other thing we haven’t discussed - birth control.”

“Despite being Catholic, I went on the Pill right before I started at UofC. I was sure enough about what I wanted to do that, and I think you know most Catholics ignore the teaching on birth control.”

I nodded, “I had a vasectomy years ago.”

“Then why bring it up?”

“Think that one through, please.”

Sarah was quiet for a moment, then smiled, “To make sure I’d considered it and to make sure there were no misunderstandings. If you didn’t ask, it might seem as if you were willing to take the risk of getting me pregnant, which actually wouldn’t be beyond the realm of possibility because you have seven kids.”

“What did Michelle tell you about Nathaniel?”

“What do you mean? He’s not yours?”

I groaned, “She told you that he’s mine?”

“No. We all just assumed.”

“OK, I can see that,” I replied. “But once you got to know me, you couldn’t possibly have believed that I’d not be involved in his life if he were my son.”

“I figured it had to do with when you guys broke up and she went to a lawyer. She was always cagey about the situation with Nathaniel.”

“He’s not my biological son,” I replied. “She conceived through artificial insemination. She selected a sperm donor who had the same basic physical characteristics I have, which is why Nathaniel looks as if he could be one of my kids.”

“Oh! That certainly changes the picture!”

As I thought about it, it did, in some ways, make sense for Michelle to have done that, but I would have preferred she’d told me she planned to allow her family to assume Nathaniel was mine. That was how we were going to handle it before we broke up, which is why it made sense she’d simply continued the fiction, I didn’t like it, but it really didn’t matter in the larger scheme of things, at least with regard to Michelle’s family. It did, though, matter to Alexi, and I hoped that Michelle had been truthful with him.

“All things considered, I think you just let that go at this point. The last thing I want to do is create trouble between Michelle and Alexi, doubly so given she’s due in the next week.”

“I think you’re right. Michelle basically doesn’t speak to Mom and Dad, though she does speak to me and one of our sisters.”

“I take it you two are continuing to speak?”

“Yes, but not about you. After you made your point so strongly, I told her that talking about you was off-limits and that I had to figure out what to do on my own.”

“Please keep it that way. She should know nothing about our relationship.”

“I will. Before, when I asked ‘right now?’ you said ‘If I want’ - do you think I changed my mind?”

“Not at all. There could be a million reasons for it not to be ‘right now’. Maybe it’s that time of the month. Maybe you don’t want to flaunt it in front of my children. Maybe you think it’s weird for it to be in my house with my wife here.”

Sarah laughed, “Not that time of the month; I suspect your kids know about your lovers; I know your wife does.”

“We have about four hours before our usual Sunday family dinner. If we do, it’ll be fairly obvious to everyone there, including my sister and my friend Samantha, that we’re lovers.”

“You don’t care, right?”

“I do, but only insofar as that matters to you.”

“Well, if I understand your philosophical approach, my answer should be ‘let me worry about that’. I think it’s too important to delay.”

“Why is that?”

“Opening my mind allowed me to find the starting place for the journey; opening my thighs is the first step. It has to be, logically. Or, to put it in more earthy terms, my mind has been fucked, now my body needs to be fucked as the next logical step!”

“Care to expound on that?” I asked with a grin.

“In the book by your friend, she called it a ‘rite of passage’ and until today, I don’t think I truly understood what that meant. In a sense, it’s a door I need to open to access the future. A door to adulthood. A door to limitless possibilities. Or,” she smirked, “I could just be ridiculously horny!”

I laughed, “I’d say that’s at least part of it; hormones are powerful things.”

“So are we going to sit here, imagining what it will be like, or are we going to go find out?”

It hit me that if we used the guest room with the mirrors, both York girls would lose their virginity in the same room. I debated saying anything about that to Sarah, but I really did want the mirrors, and the room off the kitchen wasn’t available because Natalie was studying there. I doubted that Sarah knew that detail, and it was unlikely she’d find out, so I elected not to say anything.

“There’s a guest room downstairs, right next to the sauna. Shall we?”

“Yes!” Sarah exclaimed, jumping up from the wingback chair where she had been sitting next to me.

I stood, took her hand, and led her from my study. As we made our way to the basement door we passed Birgit who smirked and rolled her eyes, but didn’t say anything. I led Sarah downstairs and into the guest room, then closed and locked the door.

“Your turn!” she declared.

I laughed and nodded, knowing what she meant. I quickly removed my clothes, exposing a raging erection. I stood still as Sarah walked a circle around me, examining me as if I were a prize bull. She made a second circuit, then stopped in front of me and disrobed.

“Tell me what you want,” I said.

“I thought that was obvious!” she smirked.

“Yes, of course, but there are lots of things we can do.”

“True. Kiss me?”

I nodded, but rather than kiss her lips, I quickly knelt and planted a soft kiss on the spot where the lower point of the triangle of pubic hair ended, just above where her labia joined, then stood up. Sarah laughed softly, lowered herself to her knees, and planted a soft kiss on my glans, then stood up.

“A regular kiss?” she asked.

“On the lips?” I asked. “Sorry! I misunderstood!”

“You did not, you goofball!” Sarah protested. “You knew exactly what I meant.”

“Are you objecting?”

“No, of course not! But I kind of figured a normal kiss was the place to begin!”

“And now you have a unique ‘first kiss’ story!”

“True!”

I winked then knelt down and planted another soft kiss on Sarah’s mons, then stood up again. Sarah laughed softly, dropped to her knees, kissed my glans, then surprised me by taking it into her mouth and giving it a quick suck, before standing up. I liked how things were going, so I planted a third kiss on her mons. Sarah went back to her knees, kissed my glans for a third time, then took it into her mouth and sucked gently, this time exploring with the tip of her tongue for a bit before releasing me and standing up.

I had an idea with which I was reasonably certain Sarah would agree.

“If you want a really unique first kiss, keep doing that and kiss me after I cum,” I suggested.

Sarah’s response was to kneel down, kiss my glans, and then take it into her mouth. She experimented a bit, and then began sliding her lips along my shaft, taking me about halfway into her mouth, moving her tongue as she did so. I didn’t want her to have to work too hard, so I allowed my pleasure to build. I could, as my wives and I had proved with occasional quickies, cum very quickly if necessary, and this was a time when I felt that was best, and it being the first blowjob by a virgin was very erotic, which helped me achieve my goal.

I groaned softly, and the first spurt of cum flew into Sarah’s mouth. She didn’t stop moving her lips along my shaft, continuing until my orgasm had passed. She released me, stood, and presented her lips for a kiss. I pressed my lips against hers, then gently pushed my tongue forward. Sarah parted her lips and our tongues met, and I discovered she’d swallowed. Our tongues danced and swirled for a moment before we broke the kiss.

“Your turn!” Sarah declared, licking her lips suggestively.

I smiled, but had something to do before I honored her request. I moved the chair, climbed on it, then slid open the panel which concealed the mirrors.

“Oh my God!” Sarah gasped. “A mirror?”

“So you can watch!” I replied with a grin as I climbed down from the chair and moved it back to the desk. I took Sarah’s hand and helped her into the bed, then got in next to her. We exchanged a few kisses, and then I moved down so I could suckle each of her small breasts before kissing my way down her chest, over her stomach and mons, until my lips touched the place where her labia met.

Sarah spread her legs and I moved between them, lowering my mouth to her pussy and running my tongue up and down along her labia. I licked from bottom to top, then pressed my tongue between Sarah’s labia and flicked her clit, eliciting a soft moan.

“It’s so cool I can watch you doing that!” Sarah gushed, and when I looked up, she said, “Don’t stop!”

I smiled and lowered my mouth to her pussy and pressed my tongue between her labia getting my first taste of her musky juices. I probed Sarah’s tunnel and wasn’t surprised to find a thin ring of flesh which I’d need to push through to fulfill her request. She, like her sister, was virgo intacta. I closed my mouth around Sarah’s clit and sucked gently while I teased it with the tip of my tongue.

Sarah wrapped her legs around me, squeezed her thighs to my cheeks, and pushed her hips up. I understood what she wanted, so I slipped my hands under her butt, pulled her firmly against my mouth, and began lashing her clit with my tongue. Sarah moaned, shuddered, and groaned as she had her first orgasm. I continued pleasuring her, and she had two more orgasms before I felt the first stirrings of my second erection.

As was nearly always the case, the taste and smell of my partner’s juices worked like the best ED pills on the market, making me hard as steel. I lifted my head and Sarah relaxed her legs so that I could move on top of her, my glans resting against her labia, now slick with her juices. I leaned my head down so that we could exchange a soft kiss, then lifted it up again to look into her eyes.