Chapter 15: I Actually See His Point

October 7, 2001, Chicago, Illinois

🎤 Birgit

When I got up on Sunday morning, Dad was already in the sunroom, reading his newspaper. I walked over, climbed into the chaise, and snuggled close. He put the newspaper down and put his arm around me. I sighed deeply and put my head on his chest.

“What’s your plan for the day, Pumpkin?” Dad asked.

“We’re going to Libby’s to have our first discussion group. We don’t have a name for it yet.”

“Who’s participating?”

“Jesse, me, Rachel, Libby, Charlotte, Tiffany, Naomi, Kwame, Lee, and Freddy. We might invite other people once we figure things out.”

“Will Libby’s parents be home?”

“Yes, but they have a basement like the one at the coach house, though bigger. Why does it matter if they’re home?”

“Rachel,” Dad said flatly.

“Ugh!” I groaned. “Her mom needs to get a grip! I think she’s actually worse than the Khans! At least THEY have a good reason for the way they live!”

“I see you’ve come around to my point of view,” Dad chuckled.

“I would never live that way, but their faith says that’s how to live, so they get to decide.”

“What happened to your objection about Fatimah?”

“The problem is she doesn’t really get to decide,” I declared, “even when she turns eighteen! You would never force us to do that.”

“No, I wouldn’t.”

“I wish there was some way I could help Fatimah!”

There had to be SOME way to help her, but nothing I could think of would work. I’d chatted with Katy and she’d agreed with Dad, though she’d also agreed with me that it was a bad situation for Fatimah. I’d searched the internet and discovered that even getting married wouldn’t work, just as Dad had said. It sucked.

“You are,” Dad said, obviously trying to soothe my anger at the situation, “by being her friend and talking to her, and being a friend like she’s never had before.”

“But Saudi Arabia is totally messed up! Did you know that they executed a princess for adultery?”

“Yes. They take that pretty seriously, but then again, Christians used to as well.”

“You’d be in HUGE trouble, Dad! Or, the ‘dalliance’ and ‘random deflowering’ girls would, because, like ALL systems run by men, the women are the ones who are controlled and punished!”

“And systems run by women?” Dad asked.

I giggled, “Well, you behave pretty well and do what the girls want, so YOU are safe!”

“Gee, thanks ... I think.”

“I told Jesse that you agreed that your sister was the boss of you, and he just laughed and said ‘Fat chance, Sis!’.”

“It’s not quite like that, Pumpkin,” Dad said. “Remember, I still own the company.”

“Yes, but even a ‘dumb boy’ can be smart - you let the girls run everything! And that happens at home, too! Suzanne runs the finances, and you listen to my moms.”

“True.”

“Sometimes you listen to them too much!” I declared.

“You’re still upset about the candy bars?” Dad asked, chuckling.

“They got two each!” I protested.

“They’re my wives! Everyone else just received one, including Suzanne. And you have an allowance if you want to blow it on candy!”

“It’s not the same if I buy it myself!”

“Poor baby,” Dad said, obviously being sarcastic.

“I prefer how you handle things, Dad. You never get angry or upset, you just talk things over with us and expect us to learn our lessons.”

“Yes, but there are good reasons for having two parents, or in your case, three.”

“So I can be annoyed?” I asked.

“I know you mean with your mom, but may I point out you were annoyed with me last night and again this morning? Over a candy bar, no less!”

“I’m thirteen! I’m allowed!”

Dad laughed, “Teenagers do have a knack for annoying adults, and being annoyed with them, but that’s part of growing up. Even with the amount of responsibility and freedom we give you, you chafe at the limits; limits I’ll remind you that ALL your friends would kill to have.”

“True,” I agreed grudgingly.

“May I suggest a course of action?”

“What?” I asked, knowing almost for sure what he was going to say.

“Cut your moms a bit of slack, especially your birth mom. Think about how Jesse deals with Jennifer and Josie, compared to how Albert, Nicholas, Matthew, and Michael all deal with their moms.”

“Oh, right,” I giggled. “Have you SEEN his face when he hugs them and someone else is in his line of sight? He rolls his eyes and makes faces!”

“Yes, he does, but he does hug them. And don’t you think they know he’s making those faces?”

“Maybe,” I replied skeptically.

“They do,” Dad said firmly. “Jesse made an accommodation for them. I think you should make one for your moms. It’ll reduce the tension and friction.”

As if I wanted to do that! My moms were controlling! Well, only a little bit, if I was honest. But I was thirteen, and a woman, and I could manage my life without ANY help from them! But it would make Dad happy, and THAT was super-important, because the happier he was, the more likely it was that he’d at least consider what I wanted. The real question was when to ask, and I knew it wasn’t time.

“But why do they have to be like that?”

“Compared to Carla? Nada? Carol? Or, and they aren’t nearly like that, Dave and Julia?

“Ugh! Stop making sense!”

Dad laughed, “I’ll say it again - poor baby!”

I decided not to keep complaining and just snuggled close. I really liked Sunday mornings because everyone else slept in and Dad and I could cuddle and talk for a long time. I dreamed of a day when instead of the chaise, we could be in my room ... but it was only a dream which might never come true.

Eventually, my moms came downstairs for breakfast, and I reluctantly got up so we could go to the kitchen.

🎤 Steve

On Sunday morning, I was up early, as usual, and read the news before Birgit came down to cuddle. There was a report that US experts were suggesting that the Siberia Airlines flight had been accidentally shot down by the Ukrainians. Details were thin, and there was no admission from the government of the Ukraine nor their military, so I wasn’t quite sure what to make of the report. Birgit and I cuddled and talked until Kara and Jessica came downstairs, and much to Birgit’s regret, we got up from the chaise and went to the kitchen so I could prepare breakfast.

Kara, Jessica, and our daughters spent a leisurely morning in the sunroom, and, as was the norm for days with a Philosophy Club meeting, I had lunch with Jackson, Suzanne, Leigh, and Natalie. Leigh and I no longer had our regular Sunday morning tryst, finding other times, both during the week and on the weekends, to spend a few hours in bed together. Suzanne continued to have her Sunday nights, and Natalie her Friday nights, though both occasionally gave up their nights for sharing a bed, finding other times to express our physical love for each other. And Jackson, of course, came to Guys’ Night. I did need to find more private time with him, but as always, time was the most precious commodity I had.

“I hear through the grapevine Jesse and Birgit have their own gathering today,” Jackson said as the five of us sat down to lunch.

“Yes,” I replied. “They’re meeting at a friend’s house today to figure out how they’re going to run their group.”

“Wouldn’t you like to be a fly on THAT wall?” Natalie asked.

“Why?” Suzanne countered. “You know full well that Birgit will tell Steve everything. And that includes play-by-play of her first love-making!”

“As Håkan Sundström, Katt’s dad, said, there are some things a father just doesn’t need to know!”

“Same context?” Natalie asked.

“That was in response to her telling him I made her toes curl!”

“I think your daughter has more Swedish sensibilities,” Jackson said. “I suppose being a namesake for a Swedish girl had some influence.”

“I think all the kids do, if I understand Sweden,” Natalie said. “When I eventually have my kids, I think that’s how I’m going to raise them, and instill in them those values.”

“What Steve calls ‘free-range’ kids?” Jackson asked.

“Exactly,” Natalie agreed. “When are you and Holly planning?”

“We figure three years is about right. We both graduate in May, and Samantha confirmed for Holly that she has a job. I spoke with Kurt and Jennifer, and both of them were very encouraging about possible jobs at Abbott or M&M. According to Jennifer, your endorsement of me to Melissa would be tantamount to a lock.”

“So long as you don’t screw up the interview, I’d say Jennifer’s assessment is accurate.”

“With jobs like those, having a kid in about two years after graduation is the right time. Her grandmother is itching for a great-grandchild, and she’s not in the best of health. That’s not enough to make me want to accelerate the timeline, but Holly would prefer not to push it out further.”

“With the benefits the two firms offer, you’ll have no trouble at all.”

Jackson laughed, “With what I understand about the pay scales at Spurgeon, I could spend the rest of my life working on my golf game and have no trouble at all.”

“You play?” Suzanne asked.

“Kurt, Karl, and Dave roped me into joining their group. It’s certainly challenging.”

“Those are good guys to get to know well,” I said.

“What’s today’s topic, if I can switch the conversation?”

“Moral panic. We’ve talked about the topic before, but given what’s likely to happen in the next day or so, and what’s happened since the hijackings, I think it’s time to talk about it again. And we have new people who didn’t participate in the discussion the last time.”

“You think the war is going to start in a day or two?” Jackson asked.

“All the pieces are in place, from what I can tell, and given the assignments my friends have been given, AND my conversations with Katya, Mary at the State Department, and Aimee, I’d be shocked if combat operations don’t start by, say, Tuesday.”

As if summoned by that thought, Kara rushed into the kitchen.

“The President is on TV announcing that we’ve started bombing Afghanistan with a mix of airstrikes and sea-launched cruise missiles. The scroll at the bottom of the TV says Prime Minister Blair is making the same announcement to Parliament.”

“Thanks, Kara,” I said. “Let me know if they give any details.”

She left to go back to the great room.

“You called it,” Suzanne said.

“It was inevitable,” I replied. “Now all we can do is keep our friends in our thoughts and hope to hell they survive this madness.”

We finished our lunch, cleaned up, and then went to the great room to watch the news for a bit. President Bush has said that in addition to the bombing, special forces were active in Afghanistan, and that food and medical supplies were being airdropped to the Afghani people. Beyond that, there wasn’t much detail, except that the strikes were focused on Kabul, Jalalabad, and Kandahar.

In addition, the updated count of bodies found at the site of the World Trade Center was given as 393, with 353 of those identified. The total number of potential victims, most of whom were missing, was fluctuating, but stood at about 5000. Al had not received any word about Belinda, but given the circumstances, it might be months, or even years, before every bit of remains were found in the rubble.

Precisely at 1:00pm, the doorbell rang and I went to answer it, expecting it to be Sarah. I was right and ushered her to my study, shut the door, and then sat down in the chair behind my desk while she sat in one of the leather wingback chairs.

🎤 Jesse

“So, how is this going to work?” Lee asked.

“That’s actually what we’re going to talk about today,” I replied. “I had a talk with my dad, and he usually comes up with some kind of topic, but then the discussion is allowed to just go wherever the group takes it.”

“Is anything off-limits?” Rachel asked.

“I don’t think so, and Libby’s parents promised not to bother us, so long as we behave.”

“Well, the orgy is out, then!” Libby giggled.

“You do realize my sister is here, right?” I asked.

Birgit and I were close, but there was no way on this, or any other, planet I’d have sex in front of her, let alone WITH her! The very thought gave me what Mom Two called the heebie-jeebies!

“Like I said, out!” Libby teased.

“So OTHER than my girlfriend’s crazy idea, I think we can talk about anything.”

“The war that just started?” Kwame asked. “Like I’m afraid my older brother will be drafted.”

“I am SO glad we’re all under eighteen,” Lee declared. “It’s scary.”

“I talked to some of my Navy friends,” I said. “And mostly this will be airstrikes and Special Forces to start with. And then likely the Marines and some Army troops. It’s not like World War II, Korea, or Vietnam.”

“Dad says that’s how Vietnam started,” Kwame said. “He was there in ‘67 in the Army. And he said Russia made the same stupid mistake in Afghanistan that we did in ‘Nam.”

“My dad said the same thing,” Birgit added. “War is dumb and it’s always BOYS who start it!”

“I think you might want to read about Golda Meir, Sis! Or Margaret Thatcher!”

“They didn’t start those wars!” Birgit giggled. “But they sure ended them!”

“You might have a point that’s not at the top of your head!”

Everyone laughed.

“What would you do, Jesse?” Charlotte asked.

“What my dad said - use our military intelligence resources to find the assholes, then send in the SEALs, Green Berets, and Rangers to terminate them with extreme prejudice!”

“My dad said just nuke Afghanistan and be done with it,” Naomi said. “And then Iran.”

“You do realize that nearly all the actual hijackers, and bin Laden himself, were Saudis, right?” I asked.

“Them, too!”

“He sounds like Samantha!” Birgit declared.

“Nobody should ever use nuclear weapons,” Freddy said. “Dad says they’re terror weapons because the only real use for them is to destroy cities and kill civilians.”

“I think your dad has a point,” Tiffany said. “We studied what happened to the people in Japan after the bombs were dropped on Hiroshima and Nagasaki, and it’s just terrible! And most of the people were civilians.”

“Dresden,” I said, “was done with incendiary bombs, and was evil as well.”

“Total war,” Lee said. “Like Sherman against the Confederacy.”

“Don’t EVEN get me started on that!” I declared. “I could write books about the wrong things said about the causes of the Civil War and the conduct of Lincoln!”

“Careful!” Charlotte declared. “He’s ‘Saint Abraham’ here in Illinois!”

“I got the same propaganda in Illinois History that you did,” I agreed. “I borrowed some books from my dad which made Mrs. Tester lose her mind! She called them a ‘perverse’ take on the Civil War. She basically rejected the facts about the Tariff of Abominations, the Nullification Crisis, and State’s Rights. All of which were before ‘Free Soil’ and abolition became major concerns.”

“That sounds like my conversation with Mrs. C,” Birgit said. “But after she talked to Dad, she changed some of the stuff she teaches.”

“Can we all just agree war is bad?” Kwame asked.

There were nods of assent, and we spent the rest of the two hours talking about politics and war.

🎤 Steve

“It’s your dime,” I said.

“That’s something my dad would say!” Sarah replied.

“Given I’m in your dad’s generation, that shouldn’t surprise you.”

“You don’t seem as old as he is. He’s fifty-one.”

“So about fourteen years older than I am, but we’d have had many of the same experiences growing up...”

I could rap, even if I couldn’t sing very well.

“That’s Billy Joel, right?” Sarah asked.

“Yes, you were about six when it was released, I’d guess.”

“1989?”

“Yes, but all of those things are our cultural context. He’d go a bit further back in the song with things like Rock Around the Clock and Sputnik, but those were part of my world, even if they occurred before I was born. My question, and I think this will be instructive, is whether you can identify all of the events and people Joel sings about.”

“No, I can’t. Is that important?”

“I think so, yes. My other students would be able to do that.”

“Because you asked them to?”

“No. Mostly they would already have known, but having conversations with me is difficult without at least some ‘Darmok’.”

“Some what?”

“It’s from a Star Trek: The Next Generation episode where they encounter a planet which speaks only in metaphor or simile. It was, in my mind, to prove a point about how we communicate. For example, if I said ‘Armstrong at Tranquility Base’ what would that make you think about?”

“That’s the first Moon landing, right?”

“Yes.”

“I suppose about exploration, right?”

“Yes, that’s one thing it would convey. What if I said ‘FDR at Yalta’?”

“I have no idea. I mean, I know FDR was a US President.”

And I knew her education was sorely lacking. I’d learned about the Yalta Conference in High School history - both American history and world history. But, it hadn’t been covered in the world history courses my kids had taken so far, which was a major problem.

“That conference is what set the world up for the Iron Curtain and the Cold War. Yalta is in the Crimea, which was then the Soviet Union. Roosevelt and Churchill both traveled there, despite the ongoing war with Germany, to meet with Stalin and divide Europe. Sadly, FDR sold out Eastern Europe. You missed the Cold War, because it effectively ended when you were six. Your dad and I lived through it.”